Transcript/409: The Lionel Countdown
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CODESTRO
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Radio Radio Radio Radio Radio Radio Radio Radio Radio Radio
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Nah nah nah nah nah nah knowledge fight
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Eeeugh
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Eeeuuh
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Eeeuuh
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Eeeuuh
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Eeeuuh
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Eeeuuh
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Damn and, Jordan, I am sweating
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Eeeuh
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Eeeuh
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Eeeuuh
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knowledgefight.com
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It's time to pray
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I have great respect for knowledge fight
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knowledge fight
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I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys
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Saying, we are the bad guys
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Knowledge Fight.
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Dan and Jordan.
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Knowledge Fight.
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Riddle her.
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Riddle her.
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Riddle her.
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Need I.
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Need money.
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Riddle her.
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Riddle her.
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Riddle her.
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Andy and Kansas.
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Andy and Kansas.
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Stop it.
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Andy and Kansas.
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Andy and Kansas.
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Andy and Kansas.
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It's time to pray.
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Andy and Kansas.
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You're on the air.
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Thanks for holding.
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Hello Alex.
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I'm a first time caller.
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I'm a huge fan.
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I love your work.
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Knowledge Fight.
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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Knowledgefight.com.
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I love you.
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Hey everybody.
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Welcome back to Knowledge Fight.
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I'm Dan.
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I'm Jordan.
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We're a couple dudes.
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We like to sit around, drink novelty beverages, and talk a little bit about Alex Jones.
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Indeed we are, Dan.
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Jordan.
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Dan.
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Jordan.
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We're all having a rough go, so let me ask you a question.
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Is it about the Witcher?
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No.
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No, good God, no.
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I've started to play the card game.
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Oh, have you?
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Gwent is amazing.
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It's so good.
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I love Gwent.
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I do like the diversity of things to do in the game, especially that that is such an extreme example.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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There's just a whole different game inside the game.
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It's really good.
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Anyway, I'm sorry to derail your question.
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I was just saying, let's have a happy thought.
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What was your happiest St. Patrick's Day?
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Because here we are recording on St. Patrick's Day.
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Huh, that's an interesting question.
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I don't know.
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I don't really know.
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Remember St. Patrick's Day is fondly?
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I don't know.
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I mean, I think during my younger childhood years, it was just like a thing that, you know, maybe you'd-
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Yeah, you wore green.
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Draw a little four-leaf clover at school or something.
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Sure, sure, sure.
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And then as I got older, it was just an excuse to drink, and so I'd just get fucking drunk.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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But at the same time, I was doing that almost every other day, too.
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So it wasn't like, you know, by my early 20s and late teens, it wasn't like a- you didn't need a reason.
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It reminds me of Paul F. Tompkins' bit where he's like,
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I don't remember that it's St. Patrick's Day mainly because, for me, any old day could be St. Patrick's Day.
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Yeah, yeah.
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It's noon.
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I could crank out a beer.
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Yeah, sure.
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Especially whenever I've driven out a snake.
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Yeah.
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It wasn't something that, you know, I'm not- I think I might be a little bit Irish at some point.
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At least one of my grandparents is adopted, and we don't really know a whole lot of, like, family lineage and stuff.
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But I understand there may be a little bit, but I'm not- I can't really claim that as being something really important to me.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I guess the best, like, specific St. Patrick's memory was back when I worked at Groupon.
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My office was right over the river, downtown Chicago.
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Oh, that's great.
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And so we had just an amazing view of them dying the river green.
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Yeah, that's so cool.
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And so you could just see it dispersing and, like, you could see it becoming the celebration of St. Patrick's Day.
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I thought that was pretty cool.
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Yeah, the becoming is very interesting.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I like that.
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And then a couple days later, you know, walking around, like, in Wrigleyville and just seeing the trash.
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Oh, this is the other side of that.
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Great.
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Yes, absolutely.
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Yeah, this is a podcast where I don't know too much about St. Patrick's Day, but I know a lot about Alex Jones.
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And I don't know much about either, Dan.
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Right.
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So, Jordan, today we have an interesting episode to go over.
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But before we get down to that, we got to take a moment to say thank you to some folks who have signed up and are supporting the show.
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Thank you.
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So, first of all, Michael, thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thank you, Michael.
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Thank you, Michael.
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Next, 281-330-8004.
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Thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Normally, I would-
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Thank you?
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Normally, I would have said-
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Did you try calling it?
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No, it's a reference to a Mike Jones song.
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Okay, okay.
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Otherwise, I would not have said a phone number on the show.
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All right.
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It's a rap song.
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Is that, Larry Nichols, is that you?
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It's not.
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Next, Matthias, thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thank you, Matthias.
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Thank you, Matthias.
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Straight out of Redwall right there.
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Next, Tag, thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thank you, Tag.
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Thank you.
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Next, Chris, thank you so much.
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The conspiracy grows.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thank you.
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Thank you, Chris.
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Next, Rosemary, thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thank you very much, Rosemary, as well as Parsley Sage and Time.
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Aha.
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And finally, I'd like to say thank you to a couple of people who donated on an elevated level.
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We appreciate that very much.
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So, first of all, Kelly, thank you so much.
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You are now a technocrat.
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And Vidya, thank you so much.
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You are now a technocrat.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Crikey, mate.
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That's fantastic.
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Have yourself a brew.
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How's your 401k doing, bro?
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All right, we gotta go full tilt boogie on this, Watson, all right?
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Let's just get down to business.
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We ain't making that money off that heroin.
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Why you pimps so good?
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My neck is freakishly large.
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I declare info war on you.
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Thank you so much, Kelly.
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And thank you so much, Vidya.
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Yes, thank you very much, Kelly and Vidya.
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If you're out there listening and you're thinking, hey, I enjoyed this show, I'd like to support
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these gents too, you can do that by going to our website, knowledgefight.com, clicking
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the button to support the show.
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We would appreciate it.
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Yes, thank you very much.
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So, Jordan, today we're in a situation where, I mean, the world is going a little bit out
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of control.
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There's a lot of various ways you could describe it.
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I think tensions are incredibly high.
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I think that there's a lot of trouble afoot.
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I don't know how to put this well.
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It's the most uncertain I think I've ever felt in my entire life.
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I think so, too, for me.
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Unprecedented on many levels.
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The uncertainty surrounding the health situation in the country and all over the world.
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The whole fucking world.
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And in a situation like this, I don't want to talk about Alex Jones.
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No.
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I don't really want to.
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We did our episode on Monday.
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They covered a lot of the solidification of his conspiracies around the virus and the
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outbreak.
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And I don't really have a whole lot of faith that it's going to grow much from there.
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Yeah, it's doubtful.
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And simultaneously, you see his own personal struggles bleeding into his show in a way
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that makes him incapable of covering it.
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I don't know.
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I haven't actually listened to Monday's episode of Alex's show.
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I don't really have a whole lot of faith that it's going to be anything really all that
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interesting to cover.
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And I worry that we would be spinning our wheels.
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And I don't know if that's necessarily a great thing to do.
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And I feel like in this climate, there's a lot of information.
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And I think that people should be getting that information from better sources than
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us.
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In terms of health information, what you should do, what's best practices.
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I think that there are tons of other outlets.
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And I don't think that we can fill that hole.
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Absolutely not.
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Whereas I would love to be able to be the show that does literally everything.
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That's just not possible.
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That's not what we can do.
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Also, Jordan, I find myself in a situation where I -
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Also, it's just a real bummer.
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It's just a real bummer.
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It is.
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Yeah.
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It is.
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I don't know exactly what to do.
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There's a lot going on.
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And it's a scary time for a lot of people.
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We're going through this unprecedented health crisis.
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And the question of what's going to happen is it's impossible for us to answer.
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No clue.
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I feel like in times like this, listening to Alex and talking about his bullshit isn't
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the highest priority.
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He's going to do what he does.
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And on our next episode, we can get back to paying attention to that.
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But in this time, I think a lot of people, you know, they're self-quarantining.
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And stress is really high.
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So maybe the best thing we can do is provide an escape.
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An amusing escape from the present day.
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In order to do this, though, I'm going to need to perform a magical ritual.
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I need everyone to close their eyes.
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All of you listening, Jordan, you included.
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Okay.
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Unless you're driving.
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Don't do that then.
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But close your eyes and take a deep breath.
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Breathe in.
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Breathe out.
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Breathe in.
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Breathe out.
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Feel your breath taking you to a simpler time, a simpler place.
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What's that sound you hear?
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Is that a breeze rustling a palm tree?
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Is that a songbird fluttering right outside the window?
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It feels so familiar.
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Kill it.
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What is that sound?
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Kill it.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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All right.
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Let's do this.
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Let's hear some cranky bullshit.
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I felt like maybe the best use of our time would be to do another episode about Lionel.
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If he gets into the fucking subway now, he's still going to be bitching about people's
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fucking backpacks on the goddamn subway train.
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I will say that I was going through a lot of his back catalog and I found that there's
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a lot more episodes about backpacks.
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I believe that.
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I believe that.
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I believe that.
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I believe that.
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Yeah.
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He's a man who's very mad at people having backpacks on the subway.
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Oh, Lionel.
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In case anybody out there have not heard the other Lionel episodes, Lionel is a gentleman
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who used to be a pretty regular guest on Alex's show.
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He is a former lawyer.
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Maybe he's still a practicing lawyer.
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I'm not entirely sure what his life is all about, but he would come on Alex's show and
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be really dishy about stuff and then it stopped because he went real far into QAnon.
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He loves QAnon.
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He now currently does three live streams a day.
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That can't be real.
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Three.
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Three live streams a day.
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Eight a.m., two p.m., and eight p.m., I believe.
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That is a working man.
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You got to give it to him for the work ethic.
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That's tough.
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That's what Geddy Lee calls him.
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Absolutely.
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It's a rough song called Working Man.
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He's super into QAnon now, but even before he would go on Alex's show, in the earlier
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days, 2010, 2011, 2012, back in those days, he was a commentator on a TV station in New
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York and he would complain about the most trivial bullshit like people having backpacks
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on the subway is a real picadillo of his.
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He also is mad at how words are pronounced.
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They're terrible.
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He owns a thesaurus.
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Absolutely.
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Now you're up to speed.
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A very dog-eared, crumpled thesaurus that has been rifled through several hundred times
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a day.
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In order to help get us through this, I've got us this spiteful brewery, Miss O'Leary's
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Chocolate Milk Stout.
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Love it.
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The Illinois product helping out these Illinois companies.
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Hell yeah.
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Let's take some novelty beverage drinks.
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Cheers to you, to the end of the world, my friend.
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Drink or smoke them if you got them.
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Yes.
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Eat, drink, and be merry.
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That's pretty good.
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That's not bad.
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To start off, there's been some trouble with this public health emergency that we're in
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with cruise ships.
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Are we in the present day?
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No.
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Okay, good.
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This is all in 2011, 2012.
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Okay.
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All right.
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Okay.
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I was thinking about getting some of his current day stuff about the QAnon and all
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that.
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I'm like, why ruin a good time?
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There's a lot of trouble about the cruise ships.
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There have been the Diamond Princess situation.
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People are saying, hey, don't go on cruises.
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Yeah.
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It turns out Lionel was way ahead of the curve.
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Of course.
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He really did not like cruise ships way before anybody with the exception of maybe David
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Foster Wallace.
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I was going to say, people needed to listen to David Foster Wallace.
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We wouldn't be in this situation.
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Lionel had a supposedly fun thing and he's never going to do it again, and here is Lionel
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complaining about cruise ships.
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Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel,
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Lionel.
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The story about the tragedy involving the stricken Italian cruise liner reminded me
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of something I'd like to forget.
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Let me see if I can get through this without becoming a medic.
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That means throwing up for visitors and visitors.
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I'd rather drink bleach than go on another cruise.
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You will, my friend.
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You will.
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I will live to be a thousand, I will never understand what the attraction is to cruises.
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My wife and I have been on our share radio and work-related paid promotional deals, and
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the only thing worse than going on a cruise is not being able to hide because you're obligated
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to a meet and greet, and you can't escape.
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You're on a prison scowl confined to quarters, either referred to as cabins or staterooms.
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The height of duplicitous labeling.
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You got him.
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Your mind immediately shuts down through a cruel and systematic sensory deprivation.
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So starved of you for stimulation that you'll see anything vaguely labeled as entertainment.
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Bingo on the lido deck, bad mimacs, ventriloquist, Broadway cavalcades, karaoke, charades, staring
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at your hand in the crow's nest lounge, anything, you'll do anything.
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Look I need to, I need to pause here.
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I can't tell if this is self-deprecating.
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I have no idea.
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Because Lionel already established that he's been on these cruises as a media thing.
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He's on there and has to do meet and greets.
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He is the entertainment on the cruise ship.
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And he hates meet and greets.
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Like how could you, how could you be on this?
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Oh, what an asshole.
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He's complaining about how anything appears to be entertainment on a cruise ship when
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he is entertainment on a cruise ship.
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Yeah.
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They will do anything, including listening to Lionel talk.
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Talk to Lionel.
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Yes.
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I don't understand.
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I really can't figure out if that's trying to be self-effacing or not.
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Who wants to meet and greet Lionel?
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Hey.
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All right.
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Because you're stuck.
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I have an idea for a great reality show.
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How about entertainment acts, not good enough for cruises.
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Imagine the horror of that.
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I do imagine that.
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I'm walking around and around in a catatonic fog in a seemingly endless death maze like
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a rat sentenced to spend the rest of his miserable life in his god-awful mind of a paralyzing
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boredom mill and the food.
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Non-descript and amazingly similar cuisine motifs with exotic names.
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Oh, but the quantity, oh, the quantity, look how much you can have as much as you want.
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Multiple servings of gustatory mediocrity, yum.
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I'd rather suck a hospital mop than go on another cruise.
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You will.
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Anywhere.
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Period.
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And you can see the gradual destruction of your mind and will to live in the series of
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pictures on sale, no less, that chronicle your maritime equivalent of Gitmo.
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The first day, a thousand-yard stare.
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Day three, facial paralysis and the stultifying expression of someone just condemned to death
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at a Turkish prison.
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Day five, Edvard Munch's The Scream and your tablemates, the people you're born to hate
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with nightly, the people that have been and I'm sure personally selected through some
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CIA rendition torture algorithm to annoy the living out of you.
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I'd rather lick a bar rag than go on another cruise.
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Can't do two licks.
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I swear, I'd rather squat over a bear trap than get near anything, anything even resembling
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a cruise.
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Have I made myself clear?
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Comment as you see fit.
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I love the guy saying no.
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No.
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That's great.
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Also, what kind of a niche complaint is this?
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He's getting on the news and doing a piece about how much it sucks to be entertainment
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on a cruise now.
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Oh.
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Very relatable.
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Millennials are so terrible.
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They're the worst people.
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They complain about the smallest shit.
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Anyways, I'm rich enough and popular enough to go on cruise lines and I hate them.
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People pay me to go on.
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I hate them.
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It sucks.
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The food's bad.
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The food's bad.
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And all the dumb people on the cruise ship want to talk to you and you're stuck.
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Oh my God.
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I'm so frustrated.
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We've all been there.
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I'm so frustrated by the people laughing at his... I don't know where the bit is.
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Well, because I think that some of that is uncomfortable laughing.
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A lot of the laughter was at the, I'd rather suck a hospital mop.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And also that's one of Lionel's sort of go-to lines.
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He says that a lot.
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He says he'd rather suck a lot of things.
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But mostly hospital mops.
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I'd rather lick a bar rag.
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The problem with that from a structural standpoint, if you're writing a bit, is that licking a
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bar rag is less disgusting than sucking a hospital mop.
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Exactly.
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You have to flip those two if you want this to work.
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At least the bar rag has a little alcohol on it.
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The squatting over a bear trap is a good third one because that causes bodily harm and what
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have you.
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Escalation.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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But you're going backwards then forwards in terms of the rule of threes there at the end
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and that's a failure of a bit.
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Absolutely.
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So even if you're trying to do this hacky nonsense, at least do it with a little bit
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of joke structure.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Anyway, that's my notes for you there, Lionel.
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You said comment as you see fit.
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I'm commenting.
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I've been with enough road hacks to know that if you just get the rule of threes right,
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you can do fine.
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Yeah, it's less disorienting when you at least have the progression correct.
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Absolutely.
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So Lionel, in this next piece, has found some news that he...
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In this next piece.
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I like that.
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Well, I think this is a little bit different from a structural perspective even from our
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show because these are a little bit longer than most of the clips of Alex.
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And there's someone trying to be funny a lot of the time.
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Whereas a lot of Alex is just discomforting, very upsetting.
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Dispatches from the lower upper class.
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That's what this is called.
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So Lionel here has found some news stories that he thinks are funny.
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And so he's going to cover these stories that are funny.
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Let's see what petty bullshit this is.
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I think this might be the opposite.
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This might be like, this is...
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These are not funny stories.
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Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel.
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Just the headlines.
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Just the headlines, ma'am.
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Watch it, Sparky.
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The subject of tonight's piece, news stories that are so great just in terms of their fact
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structure and premise.
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That's what tonight's piece is about.
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I don't trust you with that.
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And my dear friend Lewis in graphics, thank you because as titles go, this one really
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sucks.
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Now let me explain.
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Scouring the internet as I do daily, I come across stories that are just great.
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And I've got three for you tonight.
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Now first, please, these stories are not funny.
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I in no way want to create the impression that I'm mocking anyway, okay?
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Then don't do this.
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The category of interesting stories, this one comes out of New Orleans.
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All right, already you've given the point where this is flawed in conception.
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You're talking about funny headlines and you're like, I'm not trying to make fun of these
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stories.
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Okay.
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See if you can thread that in here.
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All right.
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So no new burger had her four monkeys seized by state wildlife officials.
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New burger who, I'm not, I don't think it's as funny, new burger claim has a form of autism
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claims that chimps are service monkeys.
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Now here's where it gets interesting.
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It seems that said state officials were suspected for claims as to the chimp status as service
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monkeys because they were dressed in pirate costumes.
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She was also decked out in buccaneer tongs and charged two bucks for a picture with her
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and her swashbuckler primates.
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They're service monkeys.
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No, they're not.
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But you charge $2.
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So what?
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They want to take a picture.
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What can I do?
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I can't stop them.
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This is what I might go for the usual pirate pun.
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Okay.
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But I'm not, or maybe, you know, that just, just the facts now.
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So this first story here is about a woman having some monkeys that you dressed up like
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pirates.
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Yes.
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There's no fucking Lionel segment about this.
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He just thinks the very existence of this story is enough to be fucking hilarious.
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So there's no need to do any more work.
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No, no, no, no, no.
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Just say monkey pirates.
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It's time to go to lunch and then don't even bother with the slightest of puns to kind
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of accentuate.
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Right.
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Right.
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You do the joke where it's like, I would do this joke and that's supposed to be the joke.
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That's terrible.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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No.
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So you're not Todd glass.
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There is an explanation for this story.
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The monkeys were dressed like pirates because it was new Orleans during Mardi Gras.
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So there's much more to this story that Lionel could have riffed on if he cared at all.
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So this is a piece from 2011, but if Lionel did any work past just letting a headline
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be a joke, he could have found that this woman had one of her monkeys stolen in 2007 years
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prior.
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That's great.
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Yeah.
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It turns out that she works for an exotic pet store and four men allegedly came into
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the store and stole her monkey friend that was named destiny.
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The explanation for them being service monkeys is spelled out in an article from news for
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Jacksonville about this theft, where she says that she has seizures and the monkeys are
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trained to help her in that situation.
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Whether or not that's true, that is the explanation for that.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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An article in the Florida times union points out that the store was the victim of a number
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of pet thefts in a short span of time, a police major told them quote, it was the second time
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in six months that this type of monkey was stolen from that business.
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The store owners also found a leopard gecko, King snake and ball Python missing around
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the same time, presumably stolen.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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That's how we're doing this.
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People are stealing monkeys.
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Snakes.
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All right.
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Okay.
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So on the one hand, you have a clearly struggling older woman who has some monkeys who may or
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may not be trained to help her in the event of a seizure.
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One of her monkeys was stolen a few years prior.
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So having them taken in 2011 is probably re-traumatizing for her.
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Yeah.
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That's fucked up.
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But then on the other side of this, which is, you know, that in this situation is the
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double edged sword.
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Yeah.
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In 2011, this woman was convicted of cruelty to monkeys over this whole thing.
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All right.
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Well, that's trouble.
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She didn't have permits to have the monkeys.
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They were being used as street performers and a department of wildlife and fisheries
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spokesman said, quote, the monkeys were in poor health overall with a diaper rash, dehydration
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and piercings.
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Jesus Christ.
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There's a larger story here because they're pirates.
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I get it.
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What?
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The diaper rash?
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No, the piercings.
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Yeah.
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So there's a larger story that on the one side deals with an unwell person who has a
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connection with these monkeys and on some emotional level, probably does need them as
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support animals.
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Absolutely.
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On the other side, it also is a story that clearly deals with animal abuse.
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Both of these are serious issues, but to Lionel, there's a funny headline about a crazy lady
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dressing monkeys up like pirates.
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That's wild.
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This is a disservice to the story.
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There was a rash of exotic animal thefts.
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Yeah.
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But again, that's years prior, that was in 2007.
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Whatever happened to Destiny?
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Did they find her?
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I couldn't tell from the news reporting.
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I think that they moved to Atlanta and you know where she's working.
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She was a big fan of two chains.
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All right.
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Uh, it's at the, uh, the magic city.
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Yeah, exactly.
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I don't know.
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I couldn't tell from the, uh, the stories, the, what happened, what became of destiny.
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But, uh, I mean, it appears that maybe she got another monkey friend.
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All right.
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Anyway, he's not done with his headlines, but the premise of the story marinate with
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you.
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Next.
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This is just a great headline from the center of daily news in Pennsylvania.
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And I hope you can read this, butts waves, hearing in boob murder case.
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That's it.
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That one involves Kermit butts and Miranda boob.
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I'd love to hear our own Marvin Scott, the great Marvin Scott announced live from the
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courthouse butts waves, hearing in boob murder case Marvin's got picks 11 news.
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He doesn't sound anything like that, but then again, neither do I, so that's what he's got.
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Yeah.
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This is just about people with funny names.
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That's it.
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Butts at boob.
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So this is a story about a man named Ronald Heichel who has romantically involved with
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a woman named Miranda boob.
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Problem was Miranda was married to Samuel boob.
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And in order to take care of that inconvenience, Miranda and Ronald decided to murder Samuel
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and then Ronald paid Kermit butts $5,000 to help him dispose of the body.
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This is a pretty fucking serious story.
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What was the murder and all, but these people's names are funny.
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This is so fascinating to me because on the one hand, Lionel tries to play this game where
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he has a hundred synonyms for every word he uses and tries to sound like the smartest
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fucking dude in the world, but he also seems to have the humor of a fucking third grader.
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His name's butts.
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This is great.
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All I need to do is read this headline and people are going to go ape shit.
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Yeah.
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Love it.
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Great.
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And finally, please, I'm not making this up and I even got an okay ahead of time.
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So don't email me about this one.
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This is true.
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From the global times out of China, the headline reads, I swear to God, a happy ending to farmer's
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anus woes.
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Let me just read part of the first sentence from the story.
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Okay.
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Quote, a farmer from Jia Yu County of Hubei province has lived 55 years without an anus.
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Now, for some reason, G comes to mind.
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Now knows now what you think.
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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, dogs.
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No, sir.
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That's a fucked up medical.
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You know what?
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He talks about the week.
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Imagine G Natalie attires saying, do you know what he wanted in Jia Yu County, a special
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hello and a howdy do and a get well soon to my favorite farmer with the, um, you know,
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hope you get better.
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So there you have it.
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Thank God for the internet.
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And I have these stories linked in their entirety on my pixel of in blog comment, if you're
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bored out of your mind, comment.
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Ooh, that took a dark time to be clear.
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Also when he says G he's referring to the weather man at the station, he's not talking
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about president G that's confusing now.
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Yes, it is confusing now.
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So that story is fucking horrifying.
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Yeah.
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That's not funny talking about.
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So there was a 55 year old Chinese farmer who was born with a congenital condition that
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left him without an anal opening without getting too graphic.
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Prior to 2011, he had a surgical hole that he could use to shit, but he also had to extrude
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it manually.
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According to an article in pediatric clinical advisor there, uh, there's some degree of
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imperforate anus in approximately one in 5,000 live births.
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But you can imagine this is usually not too big of a deal for people with better health
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coverage.
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They can take care of it pretty immediately upon birth, but it can be horrible for someone
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like a farmer living in China.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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This story is just, ha ha.
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This guy didn't have a butthole to Lionel.
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I can't believe that he probably thinks it's like really edgy comedy stuff.
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Like he's out there working blue man, but like this is, this is, I never imagined missing
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Jay Leno.
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If you're going to read headlines, at least he has some competence.
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I think that he thinks that he's kind of like a hipper edgy or Andy Rooney.
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I believe that.
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I believe that.
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That's what I think.
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But this shit's just funny to kids, man, guy doesn't have a butthole.
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That is a tragic reality that that guy lives with.
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Yeah.
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This is just Lionel mocking people with shittier lives than him.
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The headline really should be like awareness that this congenital condition exists.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And we should be donating to his medical bills.
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Yeah.
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What an asshole.
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Yeah.
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I choose your words better.
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Oh, God damn it.
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So that really was unintended.
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Lionel is a mess.
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Yes, but it would be wrong of me to sit here and say that he is wrong about everything
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or doesn't have some good takes.
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For instance, he seems generally be to be very in supportive of LGBTQ rights.
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That is one thing that he is.
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I did watch a video where he was very in favor of legalizing sex work.
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He has some pretty decent cosmopolitan ideas, let's say, and this next clip, I got to say,
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I find no fault in this take that he has.
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Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel,
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Lionel.
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Why do we have presidential debates?
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Seriously.
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Have you ever heard some candidates say something about anything that made you say, hey, I think
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I'll vote for that guy or gal.
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I never once considered this idiot for a second, not once, but that answer just now, well,
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that changes everything.
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I'll save you the time.
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No.
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If you like a candidate, you'll love her debate performance.
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If you hate someone short of them announcing the cure for cancer, it doesn't make a bit
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of difference.
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Real quick, this isn't the part I agree with.
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No.
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I think that's a bad take.
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Yeah, that's a bad take.
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I think a lot of people are swayed by it.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I think that's kind of how it works.
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Yeah.
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That's the whole point.
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It's all, well, I can't say what it is, but I can think it.
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Now, if I had my druthers and I'm not so sure what druthers even are, whom am I kidding?
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Have you ever heard me before?
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Of course I know what druthers are.
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What?
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Okay.
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That was great stuff.
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If I had my druthers, here's how I do debates.
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Take the GOP snoozefest for one solid hour before the actual debate.
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Everybody commences drinking.
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I mean hardcore power slap.
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All right.
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He's swaying me with this one.
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Whacked.
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Then let about it.
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Ties at half mast, hair messed up, a cigarette dangling from their lips, maybe an eyelid
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grooves, words are slurred, but the truth pours out and exudes like a septic tank hit
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by Irene.
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Okay.
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Michelle Bachman says, Hey, look, I'm hot.
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And you know it.
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I was a front runner.
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Really?
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What, for an hour?
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That's what Michelle Bachman's got to say.
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I look like an Avon lady on soapers.
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By the way, four guys in Brooklyn just got that joke.
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Romney, hey, you think I like being me?
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I know.
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I know I'm boring and I'm sick of the Romney jokes.
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Even I'm sick of me.
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Perry.
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You ever try playing cowpoke 24 seven, this twine business.
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It's hard.
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Ron Paul.
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Look at me.
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Secretly.
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Look at me.
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And they keep calling me a nut.
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I want to follow the constitution.
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And they call me a nut.
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Wait, that's what we've got.
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That's what we've got.
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They call me a nut.
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We're all going to get drunk and start yelling about blacks need to get out of the country
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and suspend foreign aid.
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He's just doing frontier psychiatrist.
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No, I'm a nut.
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I'm crazy in the coconuts.
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What does that be?
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Unbelievable.
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But that's your image of what Ron Paul would be like drunk.
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We're talking about how he tried to invade that island.
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It would start like this.
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All right.
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Let's get real.
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And then he would go real bad.
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Yeah.
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Let me tell you about my problem with OSHA.
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Yeah, exactly.
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Well, maybe I am.
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I'm not running with these bunch of losers and thinking the media will cut me some slack.
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Kayden Huntsman.
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Oh, you don't think you've got a bad Herman's adding the initial wide it was named.
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Yep.
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Herman.
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Why came?
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Why?
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Why?
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Because of all the times people ask Herman.
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Why?
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No.
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Oh, got him.
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You've got problems.
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I nailed him.
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I'm old.
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I look like Chucky.
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And my wife's run up a half a million dollar tab at Tiffany's.
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So quit your belly aching.
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And finally, Santorum.
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Why am I running again?
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Anybody help me now that bigotry I'd like to see comment as you see fit.
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I like the idea of coming onto your platform and being like presidential debates should
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they should be fucking wasted.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I think that that's an interesting take.
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I'm fine with that.
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The public conversation I think is as room for that.
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Like that, that being floated.
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However, as a comedy bit, those are bad examples of what these candidates would say when they're
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drunk.
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Oh yeah.
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He needed to take another pass at that.
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Extreme.
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Newt Gingrich is just saying he's fat.
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Yeah.
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Exactly.
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No, no, no.
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I'm trying to get another wife right now.
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Yeah.
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Michelle Bachman is like, I'm hot.
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You can do better than Michelle Bachman is like, I can see on either side of my head,
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but not straight ahead.
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Lionel to, to, to go with your drunk thing like that.
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You know what they say?
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They say, right.
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Drunk at it.
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So take a night, take a night, get tanked, try and embody these presidential candidates
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and see what they would say if they were in your position.
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Cause you're wasted.
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See you now.
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I'm going to, I'm going to take his wake up in the morning, polish it up a little bit.
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Yeah.
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Get on TV.
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Get the language better.
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Remove some prepositions.
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Sure.
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I'm going to some slurs for Ron Paul's section.
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Do I go with the hard R?
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Also cut that section about druthers.
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It was pointless.
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Made no sense.
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Get that out of there.
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Okay.
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So I'll take this idea.
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I'll improve it.
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Do you, did you ever do a, there was a show out in the Northwest suburbs where they would
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get you a hotel and you would do the first, uh, the first show and the second show completely
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drunk.
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Uh, in the meantime, I'd heard of that, but I've not, I didn't do that.
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I'm going to go with that is the perfect format for a debate.
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That would be interesting.
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I really, I think those kinds of shows are really irresponsible.
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Yeah.
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I really, I, I, I probably, while I was doing standup would have done it if asked, but I'm
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glad I didn't.
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Yeah.
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And I think it sends a pretty fucked up message.
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Hey, I'm gonna people enjoy it.
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And I can't lie and say that I was sober every time I did stand up, so absolutely not.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:22.240)
Um, yeah, I don't know.
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I th this is as close to like, all right, yeah, all right, Lionel, but again, as a comedy
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piece doesn't work.
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I say we give it a shot, but, uh, yeah, you should, uh, head back to the editing room.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:36.359)
So I'll say this for Lionel and that last clip, he had a point and he made it concisely.
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And that is that these, these debates would be better if everyone was drunk.
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That is the point of it.
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The message is gotten across.
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Yeah.
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Now I think that I thought I stumbled into a couple of these, these missives of his,
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these letters, these, uh, dispatches from the lower upper class.
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I need a source.
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Can't think of any more fucking synonyms.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:59.480)
Um, that these couples.
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Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:02.559)
Yeah.
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That's not bad.
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I like it.
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These next couple are muddy.
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I don't know what the point of them are.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:08.000)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:09.000)
I want you to, okay.
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Before we start these, I want you to try and guess what they're going to be about.
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Okay.
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Uh, let's see this one.
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We're talking 2011.
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Almost all of this is from the 2011 2012 window.
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Okay.
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Uh, he was gone from this station by about 2014.
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I think that's when he started doing like overly long, boring vlogs and I'm not going
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to cover those.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:32.400)
No, no, no.
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Pass.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:34.400)
Uh, wait, I mean 2011 we got to go with Obama.
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This one's gotta be Obama, right?
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It's not my friends.
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I'd like to discuss something with you.
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One of the best of human endeavors.
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In fact, it's what, it's what makes us different and separate and distinct from the other animals.
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The pyramids, our ability to hope and wish and pray and dream of winning, winning the
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big one, the pot of gold, the brass ring.
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Did you know what provides that vehicle of hope lottery mega millions lotto, take five,
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take a chance, take a hike, scratch and sniff, whatever.
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So if you're listening at this point, you're thinking, Oh, he's going to take the piss
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out of the lottery.
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Of course.
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He's going to go after these either, either the exploitative nature of the lottery you
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would think, uh, or the dumb dumbs who buy lottery tickets.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:29.159)
Of course.
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It could go either way.
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Absolutely.
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Cause it's Lionel.
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Who knows?
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He likes to punch down.
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So scratch and sniff is his best job at this point.
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No idea where this is going, but you think it's going to be about the lottery.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:41.760)
It's going to go back to cruises.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:42.760)
Nope.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:43.760)
Okay.
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It's your ticket to a dream and nothing better exemplifies this and the office pool.
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You see, it works like the dreamer and chief fanciful of the group, perhaps a tad daft
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and dreamy decides that for reasons that I can't quite wreck it or fathom a given lottery
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jackpot is significant enough to warrant pulling his coworkers, hard earned shekels to buy
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a series of tickets in a mutual fund of sorts.
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So he's mad about office pools for lotteries, which seems borderline antisocial on a certain
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level, but also he seems to be like, actually like this is, he's saying it's kind of dumb.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:23.659)
Yeah.
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Nothing exemplifies this.
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This dumbness.
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I mean, I guess it feels like a negative.
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I'm waiting, how does he feel about March Madness brackets?
Unknown Speaker (00:36:32.579)
He doesn't bring it up.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:33.579)
He doesn't bring those up.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:34.579)
No, but he will like point to like this, this fool, the simpleton who believes in has all
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this hope.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:40.300)
He's constantly pointing to the guy working the board behind him.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:43.539)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:44.539)
So he's like somebody personal when you see, like when you hear laughter, it's often because
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he's gesturing to the, uh, the room.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:51.340)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:52.340)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:53.340)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:54.340)
It can't be just like a, Hey guys, let's just do a fun thing together and we'll all just,
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nobody wants to win, but it'll be fun pimping out like a technical, uh, employee of the
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station, a mutual fund and index fund or derivative of hope and fantasy.
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So this wide eye delusional and frankly insane alpha member of the site ward collects everyone's
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dollar and buys a series of tickets.
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He photocopies them, serializes them somehow and provides weird notation as events by an
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almost childish psychotic scrawl that an FBI profiler would look at and say, aha, serial
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killer.
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And then he and his dream mates, wait, dream and hope and pray and wish to win to say they
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won stuff.
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The money is the chance to say I'm a winner.
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And you look at this poor example of genetics run amuck who has a slightest idea of math
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probability or anything approximating rudimentary elementary cognition and you know, you know
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in your heart, should this man child ever win, he certainly would be that lottery victim,
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that pathetic urchin who blows it all on on mountain bikes, fast times, mountain bikes
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in German porn.
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But I say, I say, let a man dream, but I'm gravel and delusion.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:11.340)
So what?
Unknown Speaker (00:38:12.340)
Wait, I don't pull off this and deliberately cobbled image of cool collected and together
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that the man dream that noted that noted philosopher Charles Manson once noted as follows.
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Look down at me and you see a fool.
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Look up and you see a God look straight at me and you see yourself.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:31.460)
What does that have to do with anything?
Unknown Speaker (00:38:32.900)
Nothing.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:33.900)
I haven't the foggiest idea of what that has to do with entity.
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But this is the point of life, the sacred dance, the ritual of aspiration and reverie
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to dream per chance to dream of winning, of being something just once for one moment.
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Let the man dream comment as you say fit.
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This is a kind of like incoherent, you know, like the from a from a standpoint of like,
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what is he saying?
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It's like he's abusing this guy as being crazy at the beginning.
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And like, this is the like, he called him genetically inferior for doing this.
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Then the point turns into let the man dream, let the genetically inferior just hope.
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It's very strange.
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I'm not quite sure how to decipher it.
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Is he pro or against hope?
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I can't tell really.
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I mean, I guess at the end he's definitely for it, but at the beginning he thinks it's
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stupid.
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Right.
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So maybe it's just sort of a thing where it's like, ah, the dumb raffle, the crowd, the
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rabble.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:33.420)
Yes.
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Let them eat cake.
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Let them have their.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:36.639)
Yeah, exactly.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:37.639)
I get paid to be on cruise ships and I hate it.
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Let them have their stupid dreams of office pools.
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I think he's just mad that no one invited him to the office pool.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:46.460)
That might be, I think that there's something behind this, quite frankly, this is one of
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those that I'm like, there's a personal story.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:51.940)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:52.940)
Oh, absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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He's mad at a guy in the office, generally speaking, his topics might as well be like,
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he looks over his balcony and is like, what's a billboard say?
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I'll be bitchy about that.
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But this, this does feel like there's a guy involved.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:06.659)
Yeah.
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Two important points.
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One, the German pornography thing is a running gag is that's why everyone laughed at that.
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Gotcha.
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He always, whenever he brings up pornography, he references German pornography.
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Right.
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Right.
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Right.
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Right.
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And then the second thing, the Germans, the second thing is that Charles Manson thing
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I think is actually the closest he gets to like being pretty absurdist funny.
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Yeah.
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Like the, it has nothing to do with what he's talking about and the way he calls himself
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out for like, what does that have to do with anything?
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Nothing.
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Yeah.
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Like it's, it's close to working, but because of the surrounding confusion about what the
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joke is, I think that it fails.
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I think maybe my biggest issue here is his complete and utter lack of timing when he
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slows down.
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Yeah.
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Like he can get the rant timing pretty well, but once he starts trying to hit the punchline,
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he winds up fucking up completely.
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That is a problem.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:57.920)
You know, that, that just like, uh, Charles Manson noted philosopher, Charles Manson once
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noted and then, uh, he's terrible to go do some reps at an open mic.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:07.860)
Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:08.860)
Get some of this worked out.
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Most people work out their five at a, at some shows long before they show up on the tonight
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show or anything like that.
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Come on man.
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Work out your workout, your five minute missives.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:19.219)
My friend, this is not the tonight show.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:21.099)
That's fair.
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So that I thought was a little bit confusing, a little bit muddy.
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What his actual point is, I think his next one is another example of that.
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What do you think this is about?
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Let's see.
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Well, we just had a office pools.
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You bet.
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The scourge, the genetically inferior, getting everybody in the office to give them $1.
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Very important pressing issue in American culture.
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Office pools.
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Uh, Oh man, it's gotta be backpacks again.
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It's gotta be backpacks again.
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That's a good guess, but I will say that I didn't include any further, no backpacks.
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Although I could have.
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This week, a friend of mine was showing a young lady in her twenties snapshots from
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about oh 40 years ago and he handed her the yellowed photos and she held them like you'd
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handle bones from an extinct mammal and it hit me.
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She never held snapshots before photos ever, never before.
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I mean she's got a smartphone and iPhone, but all her pictures are on a screen and may
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maybe printed for a special occasion, but that's rare.
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She knew nothing of Polaroid, Kodak, Kodachrome, one hour photo shops, and we're not even talking
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home movies.
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So right now you can tell that the setup is kids these days.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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This is the genre of these kids don't know anything about a X, Y, or Z thing.
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They don't know about chasing a hoop down the road with a stick.
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I was going to say, what are we doing?
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These kids have never worked in the coal mines.
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Right, right.
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That's the feel of it.
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Look, I'm not harkening back to those days.
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No way.
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But what really got me was when she asked, when were these photos taken?
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How old were they?
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And I said, we'll turn the photo over and there was a printed month and year.
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She never seen a snapshot.
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Remember when you'd get your photos back and every now and then through some snafu you
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get the wrong batch and just for a moment, just for a moment, you thought, who are these
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people?
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I don't remember taking these photos, who are they?
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Remember before when photo books came with the clear plastic sleeve, remember that before
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that you had these little black, almost construction paper albums and you glue in these little
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triangles to hold the pictures in place.
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I'd spend hours looking at the same pictures.
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And now that I can see theoretically the pictures on a phone or computer or screen, it's just,
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it's just not the same.
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Why?
Unknown Speaker (00:43:55.900)
Because it's better today.
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That's why.
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Comment as you see fit.
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I don't know what the point of this is.
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Wait.
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Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:05.260)
Okay.
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All right.
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So his point is, uh, look at these dumb, dumb young kids who don't know what a snapshot
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is.
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Don't have a Polaroid in their, in their bones.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:17.099)
And cool.
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Well, that's great.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:19.659)
It's kind of, it's kind of set up as this like, uh, Hey, these kids don't know from
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photographs kids.
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Right.
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But then at the end it's like, because it's better now.
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Yeah.
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I, I mean, this is, I mean, yeah.
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This is maybe a trite observation.
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That's just an observation.
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Yeah.
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That's these kids don't know anything about photographs and good.
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Good.
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Okay.
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All right.
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All right.
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Thanks for signing off on iPhone.
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These kids don't know anything.
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The TV used to turn off at 9 PM and there was nothing until 6 AM the next morning.
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And that's bad.
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It's like, now I appreciate late night infomercials.
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It's like the whole message is, uh, you know, having people remember and having evoking
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images of this bygone time and being like, that sucked.
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I spent hours putting, looking at the same photograph, wondering who are these people?
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And now I don't have to do that.
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It's really, it's a, it's a lot better.
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It's weird.
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Pretty good.
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But on a certain sense, I think maybe that's an example of Lionel subverting the form.
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I guess.
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And I think that might be like, I think it's poorly done.
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I think there's that you can't just throw the twist there in the last second of the,
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of the rice.
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You kind of need to earn it a little more, but overall, I just think it was poor construction.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:48.619)
Anyway, this next clip, Jordan, next, uh, missive, a piss hole letter post report.
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I'm out.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:56.900)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:57.900)
Um, this next one, what do you think it's going to be about?
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Okay.
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Let's see.
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I'm going to go with young people again.
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What are young people destroying?
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Uh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh.
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This is about IPAs.
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The beer?
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Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:14.500)
No, it's not.
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It's actually about, uh, why doesn't anybody drink lagers anymore?
Unknown Speaker (00:46:19.000)
It's about how there's a rash of stupidity that is, uh, going around the country.
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I'd like to address a topic that isn't ever discussed.
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It's a condition that someone, you know, suffers from there's no cure and the diagnosis can
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be tricky.
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It's called stupid.
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Now no one talks about stupid.
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I mean, it's not that we don't have a long standing, uh, series of, uh, aphorisms about
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how stupid people cannot be cured.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:59.460)
Well, and like, uh, he seems to be like, uh, trying to set this up with a, uh, like, Hey,
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no one talks about how some people are dumb.
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This is the quiet problem.
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Again, I would say go to an open mic.
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You'll disabuse yourself of that notion pretty quickly.
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What we do.
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The heartbreak, the pain of stupid is responsible for more lost jobs and lost opportunities
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than you can imagine.
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It's wrecked political careers, marriages, relationships.
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It costs this country billions of dollars in lost productivity, more than any other
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individual pathology factor.
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There isn't a person or family today who hasn't been personally touched by stupid.
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For years, medical science has both failed and refused to address and quantify this sometimes
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deadly diagnosis.
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The stupid I refer to is uncontaminated by either a substance abuse or a sexual component.
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Take Brett Farve's pension for obscene sexting and the like, is he stupid?
Unknown Speaker (00:47:53.900)
Yes, but there's a sexual component involved, which renders many a man completely devoid
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of any rational thought.
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In fact, it could even potentiate stupid.
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Like for example, how alcohol potentiates certain medication.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:06.340)
Brett Farve was motivated by, you know, so that's weird.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:11.139)
Okay.
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He's not responsible.
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If there's a boner aspect to it, then it's not stupid.
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You're not stupid.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:17.780)
Well, he is saying that it is stupid, but it's not the stupid that he's talking about.
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So he's made that clarification.
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He missed the easiest joke.
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He missed the easiest joke that everybody has had a family member who does it.
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And then the obvious joke there is if you don't know who it is, it's you.
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That's the oldest style.
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Lionel does not do low-income fruit, man.
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Oh, it's right there.
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Lionel doesn't take the easy road.
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But no, pure and authentic stupid is different.
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Stupid enjoys a singularity on the boneheaded spectrum that is untouched and uncontaminated
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by any other factor, chemical, emotional, or hormonal.
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Case in point, Navy captain Owen P. Honors, who enjoys the honor of losing command of
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the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise because of a series of profanity-laced sexually explicit
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homophobic and inappropriate videos when he was the ship's executive officer, translation,
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he was stupid.
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He wasn't drunk, high or aroused, he did it for the heck of it on his own.
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In a strict military regime that doesn't brook any of this nonsense, a man who clawed his
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way up the career ladder whose wartime command is pure gold, he gave it up for no reason
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whatsoever at what makes him stupid.
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Subtext here, he was drawn by the lure of the camera, even an in-house closed-circuit
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camera.
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There's also the similarity of the case of General Stanley McChrystal, who on his own,
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for no particular reason, disparages commander-in-chief in, of all places, a Rolling Stone interview.
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Stupid, stupid, stupid, profoundly, inordinately, magnificently stupid, colossal, enormous,
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BRUMDING NAGGY IN STUPIDITY, stupid is dangerous, you can't throw grub from it, medication won't
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help, and it can strike anyone at any time.
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If you or someone you love suffers from the heartbreak of stupid, there's no known cure,
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no medication, no treatment, and don't be misled by milder forms of the disease, foolish,
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idiotic, and the seemingly ubiquitous damn fool.
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No, paraphrasing Justice Potter Stewart, who quipped in the seminal 1964 Jacob Ellis case
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with stupid, you know it when you see it, comment accordingly.
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So I don't understand this, because the parameters as they were set up is that Brett Favre's
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stupidity doesn't count because he was horny, right, so horny, stupid doesn't exist in this
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piece.
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It's just about stupid, stupid.
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So that first example that he used, Owen Honors, that guy was a Navy captain until he got in
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trouble for those offensive videos he was filming while he was on board his ship.
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The reason this shouldn't qualify as pure stupidity is because Honors wasn't just making
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those videos for fun, he was screening them on Saturday nights for the crew.
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In the same way that Favre had a secondary motivation to his actions, namely being horny,
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so did Honors.
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He was driven by a desire for attention and some form of localized celebrity on the ship.
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This obviously doesn't meet the standards Lionel has established for the sort of stupidity
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that this report's supposed to be about.
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The situation with General McChrystal was a Rolling Stone piece by Michael Hastings,
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where McChrystal and his staff talked a bunch of shit.
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Maybe this is closer to an example of just regular stupid, but I don't know if I would
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say that speaking to a journalist critically is necessarily stupid.
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This seems like, you know, the problem isn't what McChrystal said, it's that he was doing
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so while being the commander of the International Security Assistance Force in Afghanistan.
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Given that these are the only two examples Lionel gives about this rash of stupidity
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he's worried about, it seems like maybe he was trying to talk about a lack of discipline
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in the military.
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That seems to be more, what connects these two examples is military people who got out
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of pocket.
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It boggles my mind just because his problem with Honors seems less about the massive homophobia
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and more about that he recorded it.
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Or with McChrystal.
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I agree with you that you might be splitting hairs.
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With McChrystal, it's like, oh, the issue isn't that his criticism were correct or incorrect,
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it's that he told somebody about it.
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Military discipline.
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It's just like, hey, keep your house in order.
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Otherwise you're stupid.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:27.900)
You might want to consult that thesaurus because I don't think that military discipline is
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stupid.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:32.400)
I don't think there's synonyms.
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No, I don't think so.
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Because I think he's trying to trojan horse a complaint about military people not following
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orders and being like really regimented and all that, but he's trying to say everyone's
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so stupid.
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The problem with the world today is stupid and I have two examples, both of them exactly
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the same.
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Yeah, it's weird.
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That's bad.
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But that report is really weird to hear, particularly after you hear this next one.
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If you think for a minute that Rick Perry's disastrous performance Wednesday night is
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going to affect his chances of cinching the GOP nomination, you're out of your mind.
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This H2O.
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If anything, it will endear him more to Republicans.
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Look, let me be brutal.
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The GOP and Republicans have some kind of immunity against stupid.
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Now, before you think of being partisan, perish the thought and let me remind you that the
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Democrats were nuts over the prompter dependent Obama, whose campaign transmission never got
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out of hope and change.
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They love what they perceive as smart, though messageless, but Republicans love anything
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any Republican says, no matter how he says it, so long as he mentions lowering taxes
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and bats his eyes lovingly over the image and myth of Reagan.
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He can dispute evolution, Darwinian mechanics, gravity.
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He can believe in intelligent design and that the earth is 6000 years old.
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No problemo.
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And the more the supposed left wing media laugh and chortle over Perry's incredible
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inability to remember the three agencies whose removal represents the sole basis of his campaign.
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No big whoop.
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Republicans since W have repackaged, monitoring, confused, logo, Layla and grammatically get
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the fuck out of bladder as somehow charming.
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Oh, these guys are good.
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They've immunized their verbally and intellectually ambiguous candidates and politicians from
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any critical analysis by rebranding them as a new and improved departure from the intellectual
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elite.
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So you see, you have a pretty good diagnosis of the situation.
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You have like a take where it's like Republicans have immunized themselves against being seen
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as stupid because it's in opposition to some kind of idea of the intellectual elite.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:59.260)
He's talking about anti-intellectualism in the right wing.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:02.619)
Yeah, aside from his useless thesaurus, this is a fairly accurate take, I would say.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:09.139)
This is middle of the road shit.
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Let's see where it goes.
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OK.
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They embrace the incurious and laud the functionally illiterate, stupid, uninformed and grossly
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underqualified, no, no inclusion in their political lexicon.
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But I must say something about all Rick Perry.
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I'd get this guy checked out immediately.
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I'm not sure if he's got a drinking problem, a drug problem or a combination thereof, but
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something's wrong with this dude.
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If your parent or kid acted as goofy as he does, you'd rush them to a neurologist right
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away.
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And just think what old Mitt's thinking, what the hell do I have to do to get ahead in this
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town?
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Herman Cain's allegedly assaulting women.
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OK, 14 years ago, Perry's yelling, what about me?
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I love Reagan.
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I'll lower taxes.
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Hey, I can play Wall Street sell out.
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Come on, people, please.
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But remember, when it comes to Republican candidates from Bush to Bachman to Palin to
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Perry to Cain, it's nice to know that there exists not anything that they can say that
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would be considered so stupid that it would disqualify them.
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And in a way, that's it's kind of nice, isn't it?
Unknown Speaker (00:56:17.699)
What comment?
Unknown Speaker (00:56:18.699)
As you say, so it's a good I don't understand.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:27.500)
There's something wrong with Rick Perry.
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And I think that's a good thing.
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He should be president.
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I could be president.
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I don't know what he's trying to say to me.
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I'm not sure either.
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He's like a toothless Joe Pesci, like you're just confused, but you're not afraid of him.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:42.860)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:43.860)
There's a complicated sort of point he's trying to make, I guess.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:47.219)
Well, I don't think it's complicated.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:48.719)
The point I think now it's it's the follow through comprehensible.
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The follow through is my issue, right?
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I mean, he does a whole piece about how there's a rash of stupidity going around the country
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as evidenced by two military guys.
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And he also has a thing where it's like, hey, all these Republican candidates are allowed
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to be as stupid as they want.
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And that's great.
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Isn't that isn't that lovely?
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Don't you don't you want to live in the world where one half of the political system is
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completely stupid?
Unknown Speaker (00:57:14.780)
Seems that those two things are a little bit contradictory.
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Strange.
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That's strange.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:19.920)
So we're going to get to this next report.
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What do you think it's about?
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Back to our game.
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I'm over already.
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I'm over.
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Well, yeah.
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But he's so out of left field.
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It's true.
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Fuck it.
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Let's go with left field.
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He's going to he's going to talk about Sammy Sosa.
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That's that's what's going to have left field.
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So he's going to talk about Barry Bonds.
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I should tell you this.
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In terms of sports references he makes, it's almost always pro wrestling.
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It's always pro wrestling.
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He's an old school pro wrestling guy.
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Of course he is.
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Of course he is.
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That's the only thing that makes sense.
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I'm not sure if there's a baseball references as much as there is talking about like Gorgeous
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George.
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Shoot promos, essentially.
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Yeah.
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You could say that.
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Yeah.
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But heavily scripted.
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So maybe not.
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You're wrong.
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It's not about sports at all.
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OK.
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As you listen more to me, you'll know that I believe that looking at the UK to see where
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global insanity is heading.
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No disrespect to the Britons, but it's true.
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Seems disrespectful.
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Hell, let's be fair and just just call it Europe.
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Fine.
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But to be honest, the Brits are simply the best laboratory to see what insanity is cooking
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up.
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Now, I'm sure by now you've heard of schools in our country prohibiting dodgeball, tag
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hugging, name it because of fears of whatever.
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That's why they all started in the UK first.
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I'm telling you, if it's nuts, it's in the UK, you know, that would make a good tourism
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slogan.
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Anywho, here's the latest that you won't believe.
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Some primary schools in the UK are banning school kids from, are you sitting down, having
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best friends.
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That's right.
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Swear to God, they're banning kids from having best friends.
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Why, you ask?
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Good question.
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The first reason is because they want to encourage kids to play in large groups versus focusing
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on one on one individualized amicability and socialization.
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There's a weird socialist message there, I guess.
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And the main reason is, I don't think so.
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They're doing it to save the child from the pain of splitting up from their best friend.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:22.300)
Well, I guess the friendship ends, the kid moves, gives you the heave-ho or predeceases
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you, I suppose.
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Kind of novel, don't you think?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:29.940)
I guess along that line, kids and adults should not have pets because they'll die.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:34.300)
They shouldn't grow too attached to grandparents or their own parents because, let's face it,
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they're old and bigger than a kid.
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Perhaps self-loathing might be a theme as well because you're going to die, so don't
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get too attached to yourself.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:45.900)
And for that matter- Yeah, there's a philosophy based on it.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:49.539)
You laugh, huh?
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If you say there's any teaching tool, it'll be here before you know it.
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Now what's the real reason for all this?
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Simple, learned helplessness.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, you got it.
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When you're subjected to overwhelming, unrelenting, negative stimuli without surcease, you learn
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to accept it and become helpless, to give up, to just stop.
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It's the guiding principle behind the abuse spouse syndrome, and in our world, you are
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overcome, overwhelmed, and oversaturated with law after law, limitation after law.
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Too many laws.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:20.219)
You can't even keep them straight, and now we're habituating kids to becoming habituated
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from crap to shame.
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Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:27.260)
All right.
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To make it clear, you can do nothing.
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We control what you eat, smoke, wear, read, and eventually think.
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You'll become habituated and conditioned, and when the feeling of helplessness completely
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sets in, they will have won, they will have captured your will to resist.
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Gotcha.
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Comment as you see fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:48.780)
So this is a story that Lionel's reporting on out of the sun.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:51.739)
Sure.
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Which I might say has thin sourcing.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:54.699)
Oh, the sun?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:56.099)
No, that rag is right on it every time.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:59.019)
There are no specific schools or educators who are said to be banning kids from having
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best friends in that piece.
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The entire article is based on two secondhand comments saying that some schools are doing
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this.
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The rationale provided is basically close to what Lionel's talking about, avoiding the
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pain of losing your best friend as you move.
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But it's also supposed to be like the emphasis largely is on encouraging group play instead
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of children excluding each other.
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Sure.
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I have no idea if anyone is actually doing that from this article though, because no
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one who's enacting this policy is mentioned or quoted in the article.
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What's super weird is that this article was published in March, 2012.
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Then in March, 2013, there's an article on Fox news, quote, several schools in the UK
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issue best friends band.
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God damn it.
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These people are all stupid.
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Weirdly.
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This is just Fox news reporting on the story in the sun from a year prior.
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Fox news is great.
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Yeah.
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They've always been tip top.
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Then in September, 2017, there's an article on business insider quote, schools are banning
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best friends to protect students feelings.
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This article is implying that UK schools are banning best friends, but the only source
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it has is a Mary Claire article about a school that Prince George attends, which might be
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a skewed sample set.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:12.579)
Yeah.
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That might be an issue.
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Then in January, 2018, there's an article on Fox with the headline, quote, British school
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bans best friends, which is just about the business insider story, which itself was just
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about the Mary Claire story about the school that Prince George goes to.
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God.
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This is that no, there can't be more in September, 2019, there was an article in the sun about
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how princess Charlotte is going to a school where she can't have a best friend came full
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circle, which happens to be the same school that Prince George goes to God, these people
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just want something so bad, but it's, there seems to be a singular obsession on the idea
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that Britain or the UK won't allow you to have friends.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:53.780)
This is, this is such that like that rainbow lipstick party thing all over again.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:58.840)
Do you remember the blowjob party?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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The blowjob parties.
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What are you doing?
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Yeah.
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What are you guys doing?
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It's, this seems a little bit more damaging though as an urban myth.
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Yeah.
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It does seem to have gone on for a long time because I, you know, like Lionel gets the
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message of what these stories are supposed to evoke in you.
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Yeah.
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It's like the socialist social planners making me not have friends, create learned helplessness
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in the kids.
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So they can't do anything.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:27.460)
Nothing's more in 1984 than a unsourced report about some Britain's maybe not wanting to
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have best friends anymore.
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The royals?
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Yeah.
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I don't think the royals are allowed to have best friends, period.
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I don't know if there is a movement in schools entirely in the United States or in the UK
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about not letting kids have best friends, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were
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some schools that tried to emphasize communal group playing.
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Yeah.
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It's healthier that way.
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Yeah.
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It's fine.
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Yeah.
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Exclusionary behaviors are generally things you want to discourage in children.
Unknown Speaker (01:04:02.739)
I don't think, even if this is 100% accurate, the place behind all of this shit is coming
Unknown Speaker (01:04:10.019)
from is just like, hey, don't exclude people.
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That's a good idea.
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Social planning.
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Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:04:16.659)
Why do we have to turn this into a fucking, the government is monitoring you.
Unknown Speaker (01:04:20.539)
What I think is so fascinating is like for, I don't know, the span of seven years, there's
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all of these articles about the UK banning best friends.
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It doesn't.
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It's catnip to right-wing media sources.
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It is.
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It really is.
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It's wild.
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It's just that thing.
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They're just like, ah, I want to yell about something, but there's nothing really big
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going on in the news today.
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I think I remember that story from like 10 years ago where best friends were maybe banned.
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It's always presented as like this new thing.
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Yeah.
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In 2012, it was this new thing based on its own article.
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Absolutely.
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The next year in Fox News, it was being presented as a new thing.
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Brand new thing.
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Even though it was a year old article, there was the source.
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God, these people.
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Yeah, it's wild.
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This is out of control.
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So in this next clip, Lionel-
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I think stupid might be an issue for America.
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Maybe.
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So, Lionel talks in this next clip about the collapse that's coming in the world.
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Summer of Rage.
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What do you think is going to precipitate this collapse?
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Some petty bullshit.
Unknown Speaker (01:05:16.659)
It's got to be some petty bullshit.
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I'm going to go with pet ownership.
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Oh, interesting.
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Incorrect.
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Damn.
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This New Year's weekend was television heaven for me, luxuriating before the flat screen
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and scunced on the couch with the wife watching TV marathons and marveling at how great those
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classic shows were.
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We gave you The Honeymooners, the gold standard.
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I watched Dallas-
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The Honeymooners is the gold standard.
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The incredibly brilliant Larry Sanders show, the writing was incredible, the acting superb,
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the show's timeless and classic, and then whilst flipping through the hundreds of channels,
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I came across the most frightening television show that I have ever seen.
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What do you think it's going to be?
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Oh my God.
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What do you think it's going to be?
Unknown Speaker (01:06:12.099)
I just, I mean, New Year's, well, it's not The Twilight Zone.
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It's not Doctor Who.
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No.
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Let's go with The Bachelor?
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No.
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The show whose impact and import are beyond anything you could imagine, a television show
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that will be looked at by civilizations who sift through the rubble of our once proud
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culture at the beginning of the end.
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While many factors cause Rome to fall, our fall will be because of this program.
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The show is called My Strange Addiction On, and this is the saddest of ironies, The Learning
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Channel.
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The same learning channel that has yet to apologize for toddlers and tiaras, but wait,
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I know what you're thinking.
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Why do you want to sit in line and look at it so bad?
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Why?
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Because it's my job.
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That's why I, I want it for you.
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I've got to.
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That's a cop out.
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Although I'm in favor of teaching the public about the problems associated with mental
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illness in an effort to demystify and destigmatize the subject.
Unknown Speaker (01:07:09.420)
You heard that laugh there.
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It's because he pointed at the employee again.
Unknown Speaker (01:07:12.340)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:07:13.340)
That's sort of also a running gag.
Unknown Speaker (01:07:14.340)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:07:15.340)
Selling out the board.
Unknown Speaker (01:07:16.340)
I mean, you know, you watched the problems of OCD from hoarding, buried alive, not to
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be confused with the animal planets, confessions, animal hoarding, but this show, My Strange
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Addiction.
Unknown Speaker (01:07:29.059)
Well, let me just tell you about a few of its episodes in no particular order.
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There's the woman who has Pica syndrome and is addicted to eating household cleansers.
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You know, like Ajax, since she was 12, she's addicted to eating Ajax.
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You're going to drink bleach, buddy.
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She's confused with a teen who needs to turn up to seven times a day.
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Another woman eats toilet paper.
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Clean, of course.
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Come on, G.
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Come on.
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Clean, of course.
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They've got standards.
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Then there's the gal who's addicted to sleeping with her hairdryer turned on right next to
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her all night.
Unknown Speaker (01:08:03.059)
That doesn't seem that crazy.
Unknown Speaker (01:08:04.780)
They also highlight more ordinary addictions like the ventriloquist who can't leave home,
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you know, without her puppets and won't stop talking to them.
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That's the one who tans up to three times a day, tanorexia, but wake up.
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You see what's happening?
Unknown Speaker (01:08:18.819)
We're devolving, dematerializing as a creative culture, the honey motors, Dick Van Dyke,
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MASH, even Seinfeld slowly giving way to the reality show.
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And now this, My Strange Addiction, and there's no end in sight to the pathetic and pitiful
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who'll bear all, not to share or teach, but for that chance to stand before a camera and
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be noticed.
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Look at me, they scream.
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Look at me.
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I'm as helpless as, sorry, comment as you see fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:08:48.859)
That got really cruel at the end.
Unknown Speaker (01:08:51.699)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:08:52.699)
Like that, that like, it seemed to be that he was sort of dancing around a commentary
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about what our tastes in media were.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:00.659)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:01.659)
And like, I think that there's a fair point to be made that the way, uh, the exploitative
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way people engage with media, like let's say celebrity rehab or My Strange Addiction.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:09.460)
It does seem like the modern version of the freak show.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:12.260)
And those things would not exist on television if people didn't want them.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:16.260)
If there wasn't a demand, the supply probably wouldn't be there.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:19.140)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:20.140)
Or it would be like one season and then, uh, there wasn't a another season of who wants
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to marry a millionaire.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:25.699)
No, that one was done.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:27.060)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:28.060)
We went too far.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:29.060)
Somehow Undercover Boss had two seasons or whatever, which is bananas.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:31.979)
That one was interesting.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:32.979)
Yeah, sure.
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Sociological.
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There was, is there another Joe millionaire?
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That one was mean.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:36.979)
That one was mean.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:37.979)
So the, um, if that were the critique he was making, I guess that's fine.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:45.399)
But then I don't know why you have to point fingers at the people with Pica.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:48.380)
Like that's a real condition.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:49.619)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:50.619)
I, that's not, that's not like some thing that people are just making up for attention
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or something.
Unknown Speaker (01:09:55.859)
And it just gets like cruel at the end when he's like these desperate people.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:00.220)
Yeah.
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And then the problem that I have is that because he's really bad at this, I don't know if that
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part at the end is supposed to be self-effacing like he's shitting on these people on my strange
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addiction for their desperation to be in front of a camera.
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But meanwhile he's so desperate to be in front of a camera that he thinks insulting them
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counts as worthwhile commentary.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:18.420)
Like I don't know, I really don't know if that was meant to be a winking jab at himself
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at the end or if it was just a cruel outro punching these people who he is only heard
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about because of their openness about their struggle.
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And because of that, because I can't tell it's a bad bit.
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I think what, I think what, what really undercuts him here, his biggest, his biggest problem
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is I think in most of these clips he has kind of gotten the point at in each one.
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He's also kind of given a nod to that idea of like, well, these are about de-stigmatizing
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mental illness and getting people more comfortable with it.
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And then incredibly obtusely goes as hard against that as humanly possible.
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Like almost deliberately.
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Like he's, he's literally like, these are people who deal with strange addictions and
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we're watching this out of fascination, but also it does help us kind of get more comfortable
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with the eye of the idea of addiction being a mental illness.
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And Hey, look at how dumb those dumb dumbs are for going on TV for attention.
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It's very weird.
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It's a, and if he'd made it more clear, like at the end, if that was supposed to be like
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a winking, like, uh, I am, I am desperate for attention too.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:33.979)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:34.979)
He should have laid that the, the setup for that punchline throughout the rest of the,
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right.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:40.340)
There should have been some hints along the way.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:41.539)
Sure.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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As it stands now, it really just feels mean.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:46.539)
It does.
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It feels like pointlessly mean.
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Not least of which, because buddy, you're talking about one, you're living through the
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fucking golden age of television, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:11:54.699)
With the mad men and Breaking Bad and so many at the Sopranos, like this is the golden age.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:59.779)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:00.779)
You've just had the wire.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:01.779)
Yeah, exactly.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:03.180)
And then not only that, but he's not going after a reality TV shows that are based entirely
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around gathering attention, like fucking, uh, the bachelor or Jersey shore or any number
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of these.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:14.140)
He's going around reality TV shows based around people who are struggling as being, this is
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a mean man.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:19.340)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:20.340)
There's a mean, there's a more, um, full criticism that could be made.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:24.659)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:25.659)
Of the exploitativeness of, of, uh, like that genre of television.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:30.340)
I just think Lionel is incapable of it certainly within two minutes.
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So he just goes this route of kicking people who are in trouble, people who are dealing
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with stuff.
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People going on the real world are looking for attention.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:41.579)
People who are going on My Strange Addiction are sometimes people who just cannot afford
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to get counseling any other way.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:47.460)
Yeah, sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:48.460)
And those types of shows, they do deal with like things that will be a problem.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:53.140)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:54.140)
Um, like there was a situation on the real world road rules challenge where a couple
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of dudes sexually assaulted a female contestant and like, of course they were never on the
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show again.
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Like they got sued and like that altered the programming because of obvious, like there's
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an issue here.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:09.939)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:10.939)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:11.939)
There, there is like the demand would be a problem if not, if they didn't address this
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thing.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:17.380)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:18.380)
Same thing with, um, I can't remember what it was.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:20.060)
There was that VH1 when they were trying to do all their, their reality show stuff.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:24.340)
There's a show called Megan wants a millionaire and there was a contestant that, um, she was
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like a gold digger lady and what have you, and then there was also the, their version
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of real world road rules challenge.
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It was called, I love money.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:38.180)
And so it'd be like the people competing for money.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:40.539)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:41.539)
And there was a contestant who was on Megan wants a millionaire who then ended up on the
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I love money and that guy after they had filmed the season of I love money, he murdered his
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wife.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:55.539)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:56.539)
Well that's not good.
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And it was a grizzly murder.
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Yeah.
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He dismembered her and like, like put her in a suitcase.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:01.880)
They were only able to determine it was her because of the serial number on her breast
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implant.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:06.420)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:07.420)
The only way that Lionel would know about that is if her last name was butts true.
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So the, uh, what ended up happening was, uh, they just canceled that season had already
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been made.
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It never came out.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:19.899)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:20.899)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:21.899)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:22.899)
A lot of people believe it's because he won the show and like, you can't just get rid
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of the first couple episodes or re edit it.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:28.699)
He won the fucking show.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:32.020)
What I'm saying is tragic at the point that I'm trying to get around to is that there
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is a, whether it's an actual demand or an implied demand element that will alter content
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that is supplied.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:43.579)
Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:44.579)
So if people started engaging with content like these rehab shows or, um, my strange
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addiction in ways that weren't freak showish, the treatment of it wasn't as freak showish.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:57.020)
Then there would be, wouldn't it be less incentive for the shows to be created in that vein?
Unknown Speaker (01:15:01.979)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:02.979)
And the way Lionel's behaving is actually part of the problem.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:05.899)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:06.899)
Oh, 100%.
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So absolutely.
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Because he's there for the exploitative nature of these programs.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:12.140)
Right.
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That's what he's there for.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:14.140)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:15.140)
That's that's, he's the demand, but it's his job.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:17.020)
Yeah, sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:18.020)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:19.020)
Buddy.
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Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:21.020)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:22.020)
So, uh, this next one, uh, what do you think?
Unknown Speaker (01:15:23.020)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:24.020)
Um, um, all right.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:25.020)
I want to try and ask, I want to try and lead you towards, yeah, give me a, give me a direction.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:29.479)
It's hard.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:30.479)
Um, ah, it's a social criticism.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:34.500)
It's don't know if that helps.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:39.859)
You got me.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:40.859)
Uh, I'm going to go with, well, okay, okay, okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:44.619)
Some people are saying consumerism, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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Here we go.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:48.720)
I'll try and give you like a fill in the blanks, Madeline.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:51.420)
Some people are saying X or Y, wait.
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Some people are saying X, X, Y, X people are Y adjective.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:01.859)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:02.859)
That's not.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:03.859)
As good of a template as I can give you.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:05.180)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:06.180)
And you are never going to get it.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:07.180)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:08.180)
Uh, I'm going to go with, well, obviously if I'm never going to get it, I'm going to
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say young people are out.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:12.460)
Uh, I'm going to go with, I'm not sure that Lionel complains about the youth as much as
Unknown Speaker (01:16:17.300)
a, it seems, yeah, it seems, it seems like Kita and maybe he does.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:21.859)
Uh, I'm going to go with some people think women are capable of holding public office.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:26.979)
No, it's a, some people think women be shopping.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:29.579)
Yeah.
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Damn it.
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I knew it.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:32.579)
The word hero might be the most overused word of our lexicon next to genius and love.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:46.539)
Look, we all are thankful that nothing happened in Times Square and more thankful that the
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mad bomber turned out not to know diddly squat about car bombs.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:54.619)
Okay.
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Here we go.
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Relieved that nothing happened.
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This is going to be a take.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:58.619)
Let's not refer to everyone who was vigilant and alerted the cops as a hero.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:03.000)
Let's thank them, laud them, appreciate them, congratulate them, but not automatically bespoke
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bestow the hallowed title of hero.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:11.340)
So Lionel gets a certain amount of time on air, uh, for these reports and he sat down
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and was like, you know what?
Unknown Speaker (01:17:17.199)
I'm pissed off that people reporting terrorist attacks are being called heroes.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:20.380)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:21.380)
You know what?
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I'm going to say overt tragedy called heroes and I was sick of it.
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I'm going to say that this take is heroic.
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Heroism involves an act of bravery doing the right thing.
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Calling nine one one calling the cops is what's to be expected.
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It's what civilized people do to suggest that it's heroic to alert the cops that something's
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wrong means that getting involved is not the norm.
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We want to thank folks for being alert, for doing the right thing.
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We've seen the video of that poor man left to bleed to death alone on the sidewalk.
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A man who really was a hero.
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He showed bravery and stopped the woman from being mugged.
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How about Wesley Autry who in 2007 lay on top of a complete stranger who had fallen
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on subway tracks as the train passed over him.
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Psychologists now refer to the bystander effect where people see something and do nothing.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:13.479)
It conjures up kitty Genovese.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:15.579)
So we appreciate anyone who alerts the cops, but yes, but did that involve bravery?
Unknown Speaker (01:18:23.859)
Hero overuse is a verbal version of grade inflation.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:27.539)
It's becoming major, an automatic reflex response that's really meant to show thanks and well
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deserve thanks at that.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:34.500)
Do you know how many police dogs, what's your fucking point of duty have received heroes
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tributes?
Unknown Speaker (01:18:40.819)
Fuck those dogs.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:41.819)
And as wonderful and great and fantastic as they are, they're not heroes, they're dogs.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:47.340)
Herald them fine, but a hero is special and human.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:51.220)
Take the congressional medal of honor, which isn't even given to everyone actually demonstrating
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bravery.
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It's given to Rush Limbaugh.
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Only some bravery is recognized for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of one's
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life above and beyond the call of duty.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:06.920)
The word hero is almost holy and recognizes quintessential valor and it's been used for
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everything.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:14.699)
Heroes, sandwiches, guitar hero, and the worst sports heroes.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:19.100)
You know how Xerox became the word for photocopying and scratch tape for all adhesive tape?
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Don't let that happen to hero.
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Remember, the first amendment doesn't protect someone from yelling fire in a crowded theater
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if and only if there's really no fire, because if there is, it's your duty.
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Write me, read me and comment as you see fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:41.060)
So if I understand correctly, it's your duty to yell fire if there is a fire.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:45.659)
So if you don't, you're going to be arrested for not yelling fire?
Unknown Speaker (01:19:51.500)
I guess?
Unknown Speaker (01:19:52.500)
It's against the first amendment to not yell fire?
Unknown Speaker (01:19:56.020)
This is a weird point.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:59.579)
Not that part of it, but this whole idea is very weird.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:03.460)
So there was people who, they reported a suspected car bomb and the police came and a crisis
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was averted.
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Everything worked out okay.
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And an act of heroism, if you will.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:14.819)
Lionel is fucking bent out of shape about this.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:19.300)
For a guy like Lionel to argue about the sanctity of words and their definitions, while at the
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same time tossing out as many $10 words as he possibly can in places that do not need
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them.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:34.100)
The only reason you would use those words is if you need to be incredibly and very specific,
Unknown Speaker (01:20:39.420)
not if you wanted to show off your fucking vocabulary.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:41.420)
Yeah, you're just being a dick.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:42.420)
Take your hero word and shut the fuck up.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:45.220)
That's a really good point.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:46.220)
It kind of is an invalidation of his thesaurus use.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:49.300)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:50.300)
I think, I mean, my response to this, if I were just like, what I like to do is I like
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to imagine that every single thing I hear from Lionel is somebody saying this to me
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at a dinner party.
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I'm hanging out with a cocktail.
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Dinner for schmucks kind of situation.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:04.699)
I'm hanging out with the cocktail and this guy is telling me that people aren't heroes.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:08.819)
I think my response would just be, relax, calm down, no people overuse the word hero
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too much.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:19.979)
Uh, okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:20.979)
And I honestly, I honestly think this is sort of a position that I've turned the corner
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on.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:25.899)
I might've agreed with him in my younger years.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:27.420)
You think so?
Unknown Speaker (01:21:28.420)
Well, cause I used to work at a movie theater and the movie coach Carter came out and the
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movie was all about Samuel L. Jackson played this coach who, uh, he closed the gym.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:37.819)
He locked the gym because his students, uh, they were on the team were failing and unless
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they got their grades up, they couldn't play sports.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:44.340)
For some reason I recently watched coach Carter.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:47.260)
Really?
Unknown Speaker (01:21:48.260)
I'm not joking with you.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:49.260)
I think it's, I think it's the, uh, I can't remember.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:51.899)
I think I wound up watching it on Netflix with my partner there and I don't, I don't
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remember if it's a good movie or not.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:58.260)
You just saw it.
Unknown Speaker (01:21:59.260)
So you might be able to have more insight on it.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:01.500)
You know what?
Unknown Speaker (01:22:02.500)
It's very paternalistic.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:04.380)
It gives a bad-ish.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:05.380)
Yeah, it gives that idea of the hard nosed coach who really teaches people a lesson about
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ownership.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:11.819)
I mean that's the genre it was.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:12.819)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:13.819)
It's very, it's very non white people version of the blind side.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:17.500)
Like it's.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:18.500)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:19.500)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:20.500)
I mean, saying nothing about the movie cause I don't remember it well enough to have a
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critique.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:25.060)
Um, my position on it back then, and I remember telling a lot of people this, was that he's
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supposed to do that.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:33.000)
These kids are failing.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:34.340)
He's supposed to not let them play sports if they're failing.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:37.539)
That's part of the rules.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:38.539)
Why is he being considered a hero for this?
Unknown Speaker (01:22:40.779)
Why is there a movie?
Unknown Speaker (01:22:42.739)
And I think that now as a 35 year old man, looking back on that position I had, I think
Unknown Speaker (01:22:47.579)
it's a little assholish because the, it's not so much doing what you're supposed to
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do that is considered the heroic thing.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:56.119)
It's the result that comes from it that you're celebrating.
Unknown Speaker (01:22:59.800)
So the act, even a trivial trite act can be heroic in the, in the right circumstances.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:06.819)
And I believe that Lionel's missing that forest for the trees.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:09.340)
Well, and not just that, but there's a certain amount of what do you have to overcome in
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order to do what you're expected to do.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:17.300)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:18.300)
You know, it would be legitimately heroic if somebody actually took control of a, our
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current situation and was like, let's fucking do some shit about this.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:27.979)
And to, you know, like they're fucking supposed to do.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:31.659)
But it would be because the, the insurmountable odds are there.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:36.819)
Just doing your job is sometimes heroic.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:40.699)
And taking it, taking it outside of that context.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:43.659)
I mean, like if you're thinking about what you have, sorry for putting it in that context.
Unknown Speaker (01:23:46.939)
It's just on the head, you know, even, even when you're talking about like, what do you
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have to overcome?
Unknown Speaker (01:23:51.380)
Lionel makes that clear.
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The psychological bystander effect.
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Exactly.
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Is almost something built into your human brain, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:23:59.979)
Yeah.
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There wouldn't be a name for it if it wasn't something that was studied and is a shortcoming
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of human reason.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:06.380)
Yeah, absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:07.380)
You see something happening and you assume someone will take care of that.
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And so no one does anything right.
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So overcoming that to the point where like, I got to do something right.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:16.779)
It is, it is abnormal.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:19.220)
You should celebrate it.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:20.659)
Call it hero.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:21.659)
Call it a, the getter done guy, whatever you call it, whatever you fucking want.
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It doesn't matter.
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It like this is pedantic nonsense.
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I worry that Lionel likes the movie boondock saints too much.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:32.979)
You think he's a boondock?
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I think he's a boondock saint.
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I think that's what's going on there.
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Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:38.020)
I think he's been fighting Willem Dafoe for years now.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:40.619)
Let me ask you this.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:41.619)
I haven't seen coach Carter in a long time, but I also haven't seen boondock saints in
Unknown Speaker (01:24:44.380)
a long time.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:45.380)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:46.380)
I haven't seen boondock saints in a long time.
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I did not happen upon that black face in it in boondock saints.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:52.260)
No, but there is a lot of racism.
Unknown Speaker (01:24:55.140)
Well, it's interesting.
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I, I, there was a load.
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How is he about to defend blackface?
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Your face does not say the good answer here.
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Here's where it's at.
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Here's where things are.
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Oh no.
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Oh no.
Unknown Speaker (01:25:08.920)
I don't know if I would say that Lionel's defending blackface.
Unknown Speaker (01:25:12.460)
There's a quick answer.
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I will say that this next, uh, missive of his, uh, does seem to imply that everyone
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is too worked up about it.
Unknown Speaker (01:25:23.979)
This week, I read the umpteenth story about blackface.
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It seems an Australian cosmetics makeup brand was running an ad that appeared as though
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the woman depicted was in blackface.
Unknown Speaker (01:25:40.220)
I mean, she had a black face, but I'm not sure it was black face as in Jolson or minstrel
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show or the, you know, the cakewalk look, it featured a woman dressed in black dark
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complected at the caption read, not dreaming of a white Christmas.
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I don't even know why I'm describing it.
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It's right here.
Unknown Speaker (01:25:56.779)
Uh, to, to, to clarify, it is up on screen and it is, it is blackface on the right.
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Hello.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:04.739)
Take note of this.
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There was a very simple rule that you must learn, especially if you're in the communications
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world.
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Blackface is never without objection.
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No one will ever ask you why they won't ask you its basis, the message, the theme, the
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direction, whether it's instructional, historic, this is all good, nothing.
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We care.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:23.340)
Not what your intent was.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:24.340)
Correct.
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You're nothing of your goal or aim or messaging strategy.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:27.260)
It's very simple.
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You're nailing it.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:29.500)
Blackface inspires immediate objection in time and without fail.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:32.260)
It's almost, it's almost Pavlovian.
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I don't like that there's a but coming, even if it looks like blackface or minstrel show
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or Jolson-esque.
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I honestly don't think that's totally true.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:41.939)
Like I, on it, I really don't think that that's true.
Unknown Speaker (01:26:44.380)
I think there may be a conversation that comes up around artistic uses of black or parody
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uses.
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Like, but I don't think it has the negative social stigma that Lionel is trying to paint
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it to be when it's used in a context that is kind of like, okay, whatever.
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Like Robert Downey Jr.
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Didn't suffer any consequences for doing it in tropic, tropic thunder because of the,
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because of the parody satirical context within the movie.
Unknown Speaker (01:27:12.300)
Somehow that is allowed in ways that let's say this Australian ad clearly is, you know,
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not, or let's say, Ralph Northam's, right, right, right.
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Or our, our, our, our dear Canadian prime minister, Justin Trudeau.
Unknown Speaker (01:27:29.819)
I should also say that this is not the only video of his that's about black face would
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not be one of the other ones he tried to point out that like, Hey, with the Wayans brothers
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made white chicks. Oh man.
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Oh boy.
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That is a man deliberately trying not to get to the point and pretending that people didn't
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say like, yeah, it's fucked up about the movie.
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Right.
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Right.
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Right.
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But anyway, he goes on.
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I remember there are scores of people who thrive on being offended.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:00.060)
Oh, they pour over the news.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:01.699)
That's you trying in vain, perhaps to find anything to be offended by and over those
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jobs watching.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:07.439)
I got you a musical in 2010, the Scottsboro boys.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:10.779)
I remember in November of that year, my wife and I saw the production at the Lyceum theater
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and there was a protest.
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Guess what was important to know about this incident?
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Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:20.420)
I'll save you the time.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:21.420)
The protesters who heard about the black face part, hadn't seen the musical.
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They heard about it.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:27.739)
The black actress who performed brilliantly in the production didn't seem to take offense
Unknown Speaker (01:28:32.100)
probably because of two major points.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:33.939)
First, they needed a musical as they were in it and two, they understood the message.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:38.819)
You might recall it was 1999, the Brooklyn museum of art and mayor Rudy Giuliani took
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offense to the painting, the Holy Virgin Mary.
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It contained interalia, pudenda references and elephant dung as a theme.
Unknown Speaker (01:28:52.739)
Now let me remind you first, it was Rudy and the story got a lot of traction.
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Second, he was offended, offended and cared not about the symbolism or imagery and he
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loved the warm glow of being offended.
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We all do to be miffed and violated, our senses and sensibilities under attack and throw in
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blasphemy and you are ready for Freddie.
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We love to be offended.
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I'm offended, therefore I am.
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And the audacity that cannot be missed is that because I am unable to appreciate your
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message and because I'm unwilling or incapable of appreciating or grasping your message,
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too bad for you.
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I'm offended, you lose and that's it.
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No important thought or idea is not capable of not offending or insulting or angering
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someone.
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If an idea or messaging is so vapid and insipid and anodyne, it's not worth even having much
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less say.
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The marketplace of free speech involves the marketplace of controversy.
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I thrive on controversy.
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America thrives on it.
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It's who we are, comment as you see fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:29:52.880)
This is also this weird contradictory thing where it seems to be the entire report is
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about people are too offended by blackface, but then by the end he's talking about how
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great it is that people are offended because people thrive on controversy, so it's actually
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a good thing, but I don't get what's going on.
Unknown Speaker (01:30:14.600)
He's shitting on people who are offended by blackface and saying that's stupid, you're
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way too sensitive, you shouldn't be offended by this, but then at the end it's like, ah,
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we all love controversy, we all love to be offended, but it's not presented as that being
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a bad thing.
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Being into being offended, he seems to be like, eh, it's all good.
Unknown Speaker (01:30:33.899)
Trying to parse this, I think what's going on is he's fine with his own version of taking
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offense, which is performative and full of bullshit.
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But I think he feels it.
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But he's against people taking actual offense when something offensive is going on.
Unknown Speaker (01:30:51.220)
You're supposed to just perform it, you can't actually mean it.
Unknown Speaker (01:30:54.060)
He doesn't like valid criticism.
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He hates valid anything.
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He just enjoys two and a half minute pieces of trite bullshit.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:03.939)
He's like that guy who just likes to argue.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:06.260)
And you're like, fucking, I don't have, not today, man, not today.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:10.180)
So people are mad sometimes about blackface.
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Rightfully.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:15.100)
Well, not according to Lionel.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:16.380)
No, let's just call it rightfully.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:17.699)
Well, according to Lionel, it is overblown.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:19.779)
Okay, fair enough.
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They're too sensitive.
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Fair enough.
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Too sensitive.
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Can't even look through it and see what's going on.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:25.979)
White people really don't like talking about how racist white people are.
Unknown Speaker (01:31:29.819)
Hey man, blackface is totally cool, according to Lionel.
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But something else is not.
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Oh my god.
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Whiteface is not, oh.
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I'm going to try and make it through this commentary without soiling myself.
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I tend to lose certain bodily functions when some subject matter invades my soul and I
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speak of it.
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Well, I have to actually put into words and explain and explicate and limb the bases of
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my contempt.
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I feel a rage that may be hard for you to understand.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:06.180)
What am I talking about?
Unknown Speaker (01:32:07.180)
First?
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I hate hate.
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I hate the word hate.
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I'd rather be bathed in an ocean of F-bombs.
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Someone spouting that he hates something.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:16.779)
There are a bunch of videos on Lionel's YouTube page about how much hate crimes are bullshit.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:22.539)
So I think he's sort of hearkening to those.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:24.899)
He thinks that hate crime designations are stupid.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:27.619)
Right, right.
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Just like heroes.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:29.619)
But look, dude, he's mad.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:30.720)
He's mad about something.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:31.979)
He's about to own the load.
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You can say he hates it.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:33.979)
Yeah.
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Yeah.
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But I will make an exception for no word or concept comes close to even describing the
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vast and incomprehensible disgust that pathological rage that is inspired by these people.
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This one group of people that I will tell you I hate.
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Who are they?
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It's those sick, selfish, egocentric, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-absorbed.
Unknown Speaker (01:32:59.460)
Look at me, rude and boorish Starbucks leiterers.
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Get to the fucking point.
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Those vagrants who take over tables for hours and hours with their newspapers and laptops,
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their Starbucks squatters, their vile and disgusting, churlish, despicable wastes of
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human flesh.
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Has anybody talked to you?
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Psychotic hominids that I am rumored to share DNA with.
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People who claim our phylogenetic tree.
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Now it's reported that some Starbucks may be covering AC outlets with blank faceplates
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to force these sick people to leave once their laptop batteries wear down.
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And you see these degenerates, some of these psychopaths sit in the store in excess of
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eight hours a day.
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By the way, I would assume that the Starbucks, if they are putting plates on there, it's
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more to like not allow, let's say people who are experiencing homelessness to charge their
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phones.
Unknown Speaker (01:33:51.859)
So it's more that than the guy writing a screenplay and sitting there buying a croissant.
Unknown Speaker (01:33:56.180)
Yeah, I think they're fine with the guy writing a screenplay.
Unknown Speaker (01:33:58.979)
Putting all their, I can't say it, but I can think it, you know, all their ejusta on a
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table and using a separate chair for their laptop case or files.
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Some of these animals ask for free water all day and think that their coffee is somehow
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rent.
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And do you know whom I blame?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:14.539)
Huh?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:15.539)
Starbucks.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:16.539)
You sick idiot.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:17.539)
It's Starbucks as well?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:18.539)
Why?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:19.539)
What were you thinking?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:20.539)
Why did you report that cool Seattle spirit?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:22.619)
Is that it?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:23.619)
Does he think that this is unique to Starbucks?
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I guess.
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Has he ever been to any other coffee shop?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:28.220)
No other coffee shops have these people.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:30.899)
Other coffee shops have the fucking moral fortitude necessary to keep these loiterers
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from just sitting there and working.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:40.380)
This is the whole thing with a coffee shop.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:44.340)
What is he?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:45.340)
That's the idea.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:46.340)
How long is he spending in the coffee shop to know how long they're spending in the coffee
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shop?
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Just sit down, get your coffee and go.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:51.939)
No.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:52.939)
Nobody's bothering you.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:53.939)
No.
Unknown Speaker (01:34:54.939)
Nobody's walking over being like, hey, have you read my screenplay lately?
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Why is this a problem?
Unknown Speaker (01:34:58.939)
It's a huge problem, dad.
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I hate these people.
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Their arrogance, their attitude as though they are the epicenter of the human race.
Unknown Speaker (01:35:05.939)
They haven't spoken to you.
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They're being sick, demented, heartless, mindless zeros.
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And before laptops, they sat with their journals thinking and musing and recording their deep
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innermost thoughts if there was a God.
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And if she answered my prayers just once, I pray I could walk into a Starbucks, survey
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the room and snap my fingers and produce a flame thrower, a blowtorch, or a water cannon
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and let these sick loiterers have it.
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Take that, you Starbucks squatters.
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Top of the world, ma.
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And what I would give to walk over to one of those journalists that are writing her
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deep thoughts for the past 10 hours and pull out a gallon of unleaded and a Zippo and scream
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with a blood curdling delight, I am the God of hell fire and take that heavy weight.
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Well then, yes has feared, I just soiled myself.
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Comment as you see fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:00.380)
So Lionel wants to murder people who loiter at Starbucks.
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I will kill all poets.
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John Keats, I saw you at a cafe in the early, I will kill Rainier Maria Rilke for going
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out to a park and sitting there and thinking, look, I understand, I understand that he's
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trying to be funny.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:21.699)
You know, like it's an attempt at a bit, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:36:24.220)
But the bit is I want to murder all of these people who loiter at Starbucks.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:28.340)
Now you compare that to his other material, which is people are too offended about blackface.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:34.300)
It kind of looks weird.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:36.340)
I don't think his priorities are in the right areas.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:40.020)
Oh, people sit somewhere too long.
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People are offended by referencing the absolute exploitation and murder and enslavement of
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an entire race.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:52.699)
But let me tell you something, if they were sitting in a Starbucks, then I would be angry.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:58.020)
That is weird.
Unknown Speaker (01:36:59.819)
So Lionel wants to ban something.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:01.500)
What do you think it is?
Unknown Speaker (01:37:03.460)
I'm guessing cosmopolitan white men isn't the situation.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:06.619)
I need a serious answer before I can hit play on this.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:09.619)
OK.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:10.619)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:11.619)
What does he want to ban?
Unknown Speaker (01:37:12.619)
OK, this is the point where Lionel is a rational, reasonable person, where I think you're fucking
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with me and it's going to be backpacks.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:20.020)
No, no, no, no.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:21.020)
OK.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:22.020)
I would never do that to you.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:23.020)
And I apologize if I've lived in such a way as to make you think I set you up.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:26.859)
You haven't.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:27.859)
But this would be a good time to set me up, should you?
Unknown Speaker (01:37:29.539)
We all know he wants to ban backpacks.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:32.020)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:33.020)
This is something you don't know.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:34.020)
OK.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:35.020)
He wants to ban.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:36.020)
I think he's going to want to ban to play toilet paper.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:40.619)
No, incorrect.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:41.619)
Damn it.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:42.619)
I won't dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:43.619)
I don't ask me.
Unknown Speaker (01:37:44.619)
Did you see the story about the couple who was arrested for allegedly dancing on a New
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York subway platform?
Unknown Speaker (01:38:00.020)
Well after they were pinched for impeding something or other.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:02.939)
Oh, John.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:03.939)
And now they're suing.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:05.340)
I wish them well, but I absolutely advocate the prohibition of all dancing.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:10.539)
I mean, criminal, incarcerative sanctions.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:13.739)
As Cicero said, no sane man will dance ballroom dancing, square dancing polka.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:18.979)
I don't care.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:19.979)
I am without that part of the brain or nervous system that craves silly movement, ostensibly
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set to a perceived rhythm structure.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:27.699)
No, you old fucking white dude talking about wine as a musician.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:35.020)
And let's play stump the neurologist.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:37.220)
But there exists throughout our history, ordinance after ordinance, that limited public dancing
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altogether, or without first obtaining a permit.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:44.060)
Why?
Unknown Speaker (01:38:45.060)
Because dancing is unnatural and un-American.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:47.699)
It's counter evolutionary.
Unknown Speaker (01:38:49.539)
Here's the old joke.
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Why do some strict, and you can fill in the blank with your particular favorite conservative
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faith system, but why do they never make love standing up?
Unknown Speaker (01:38:57.819)
Because it looks too much like dancing.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:00.159)
I'm being very serious here.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:01.859)
There's some atavistic primordial reason why we loathe dancing, because remember, no sane
Unknown Speaker (01:39:06.739)
man will dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:08.220)
Why we, we is doing a lot of work there, buddy.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:11.020)
Evolutionary antecedents that are again, atavistic and vestigial.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:14.739)
Why do we nod our heads to indicate affirmation?
Unknown Speaker (01:39:17.939)
Because it mimics the suckling our mother's breast.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:20.479)
Why do we shake our head no, to mimic the action of spitting out something bitter?
Unknown Speaker (01:39:24.779)
And why do we dance?
Unknown Speaker (01:39:26.060)
Well, the reasons are basic.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:27.699)
First, to attract mating partners, to define and mark territory, to evince dominance, and
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for the most part in human cases, to create the illusion of hot, sexy, and attractive.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:38.420)
Dancing indicates a breakdown of structure and control.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:41.020)
It precedes riot, societal coming, and a complete and total breakdown of civilization.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:46.340)
Dance has nothing to do with ceremony or the rhythm of life.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:49.340)
It is about exhibitionism and the devolution of societal order.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:53.220)
And besides, no sane man will dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:56.340)
Connect as you see fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:39:59.060)
I mean, that's all good fun and all that.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:01.420)
I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:02.420)
Like, obviously he doesn't want the government to ban dancing, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:40:06.020)
I mean, like, obviously this works as if Kevin Bacon shows up and gives him the people's
Unknown Speaker (01:40:11.180)
elbow.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:12.180)
Like there's no other way that this function, he doesn't reference Footloose at all.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:15.140)
I know.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:16.140)
How do you know reference Footloose?
Unknown Speaker (01:40:18.140)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:19.140)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:20.140)
So here's the thing.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:21.140)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:22.140)
Based on his political set, he can't possibly want dancing band.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:25.819)
No.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:26.819)
He can't possibly want that.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:27.819)
That's free speech.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:28.819)
So the only way...
Unknown Speaker (01:40:29.819)
Unless you're dancing fire in a crowded theater.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:32.060)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:33.060)
When there is no fire.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:34.060)
Exactly.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:35.060)
If there is a fire, it's your duty.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:36.060)
It's your duty.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:37.060)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:38.060)
Fire dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:39.060)
But you're still not a hero.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:40.060)
You have to firewalk with me out of the theater.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:41.060)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:42.060)
So the point that he has to be making, since he obviously doesn't want dancing band, is
Unknown Speaker (01:40:46.340)
that dancing's great.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:47.779)
And that's clearly not the point he's making.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:50.260)
The satire element of it doesn't make sense.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:53.020)
But it's all good fun.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:54.260)
Look, whatever.
Unknown Speaker (01:40:55.260)
The problem though is that Cicero quote that he bases this whole thing on, no sane man
Unknown Speaker (01:40:59.060)
will dance, is actually a mistranslation of the actual quote.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:03.979)
Dancing is fucking dope, bros.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:05.819)
It's not quite that.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:06.819)
Quote Cicero.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:07.819)
The quote is taken from Pro Morena, which is...
Unknown Speaker (01:41:10.979)
It's in the context of Cato accusing a dude of being a dancer, which apparently back then
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was a serious accusation.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:17.140)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:18.140)
That's like a man who doesn't wear a hat in the 1930s.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:22.420)
You have to duel at that point.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:23.420)
Something's got, somebody's got to die.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:25.659)
So in response to this, Cicero says, quote, no man, one may almost say, ever dances when
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sober, unless perhaps he be a mad man, nor in solitude, nor in moderate or sober party.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:38.500)
Dancing is the last companion of prolonged feasting, of luxurious situation, and many
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refinements.
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The basic argument he was making against this accusation was that no one other than a mad
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man dance sober, and he wasn't being accused of being drunk.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:53.439)
So the accusation of being a dancer must be an accusation of being mad.
Unknown Speaker (01:41:57.859)
Paraphrasing the quote as no sane man will dance is fine, I guess, but then attributing
Unknown Speaker (01:42:02.579)
that quote to Cicero is really unfair.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:04.979)
It essentially is putting words in Cicero's mouth, or more accurately, taking context
Unknown Speaker (01:42:08.939)
away from what he was actually saying.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:11.220)
Cicero wasn't saying only insane people dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:14.020)
Drunk people dance too.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:15.020)
He was saying no sober man will dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:16.939)
No sober, not sane, insane person will dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:20.460)
Dude, these guys got, I dance at home all the time by myself.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:24.020)
Are you drunk?
Unknown Speaker (01:42:25.020)
Dancing is great.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:26.020)
No.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:27.020)
Well, sometimes.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:28.020)
Wow, you're crazy.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:29.020)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:30.020)
Anyway, I have a singular obsession with how all these people who end up becoming fascist,
Unknown Speaker (01:42:33.340)
boot-licking cheerleaders, seem to have a common inability to understand quotations.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:38.520)
No idea.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:39.520)
I'm really getting to the point where I'm starting to wonder if that commonality is
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significant among them.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:44.260)
Like if there's actually a legitimate piece of what informs their ability to deal with
Unknown Speaker (01:42:49.180)
the world, that they can't understand quotes within their proper context.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:52.979)
Right, right, right, right.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:54.060)
Like is it a chicken and the egg situation?
Unknown Speaker (01:42:57.579)
Like that kind of thing?
Unknown Speaker (01:42:58.579)
I'm not sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:42:59.579)
But the thought that I'm having is whether or not it would be predictive.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:02.539)
Like you see somebody who is unable to wrestle with what a quote really means, where it comes
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from, if that makes them more likely.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:09.939)
Is that a high correlation to being a right-wing?
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Maybe even not right-wing.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:13.699)
It could break either direction, but certainly you see it a lot in these right-wing big dongs.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:19.220)
But that might also be partially because how ascendant that is in the conspiracy world
Unknown Speaker (01:43:24.460)
over the last decade or so.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:26.460)
The left-wing conspiracy world has not been nearly as fertile of a ground, particularly
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as a place you can make money, as the right-wing world, so you would obviously see the results
Unknown Speaker (01:43:36.659)
skew in that direction.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:37.659)
Yeah, of course.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:38.659)
Of course.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:39.659)
I wonder about that.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:40.659)
That is interesting.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:41.659)
Is there a high correlation?
Unknown Speaker (01:43:42.659)
In high school, I might make it my thesis.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:44.140)
That wouldn't be a bad poll idea.
Unknown Speaker (01:43:46.619)
Just give somebody, like, what do you think this quote from Thomas Jefferson means?
Unknown Speaker (01:43:51.460)
And then in small parentheses, are you sure it's from Thomas Jefferson?
Unknown Speaker (01:43:54.739)
I'll give you two hours, determine if this is real, and tell me what it means.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:00.100)
Perfect.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:01.100)
Perfect.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:02.100)
But then that also is going to skew the results because it wouldn't have the knee-jerk element
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to it.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:06.100)
Yeah, that's true.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:07.100)
That's true.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:08.100)
I'll do their own accord.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:09.100)
They'll never figure out what these quotes mean.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:11.100)
No.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:12.100)
But No Sane Man Will Dance is the formulation of it that is thrown around in memes and stuff
Unknown Speaker (01:44:17.819)
like that.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:18.819)
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:19.819)
Using that is not a fair description of... But you apply it to Cicero because it's better
Unknown Speaker (01:44:24.420)
than just saying No Sane Man Will Dance.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:27.260)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:28.260)
I would say at the same time, though, it's very much like that controlled media environment
Unknown Speaker (01:44:34.739)
that they take in because they don't want to expand beyond that if a source they trust
Unknown Speaker (01:44:39.819)
gives them a quote about some bullshit that reinforces their beliefs.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:44.039)
That's just a true quote.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:45.619)
You don't have to look into it.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:47.180)
It reinforces what I already believe.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:49.640)
So for a lot of people, maybe one of the issues is that real quotes reinforce what the left
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tends to believe and fake quotes reinforce what the right tends to believe.
Unknown Speaker (01:44:59.300)
I think this one's politically neutral, though.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:01.579)
Yeah, that's true.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:02.720)
That's true.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:03.720)
That's what makes it almost more interesting to me.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:04.720)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:05.720)
Like when you have the Thomas Jefferson ones, it's like obviously these are weaponized by
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propaganda outlets that are all the fringe militia weirdos and stuff.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:14.159)
This one is really just a trite.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:17.619)
I want to complain about dancing.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:19.100)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:20.100)
But the behavior is similar.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:21.579)
Right, right, right.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:22.979)
Well, I have old white man prejudices, so I'm looking for a quote that reinforces my
Unknown Speaker (01:45:27.180)
old white man prejudices.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:28.579)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:29.579)
Which include dancing.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:30.579)
Yeah, you can draw that parallel there.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:32.640)
So I should tell you, I go through Lionel's YouTube page.
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Scroll through it, try to find, yes, anything good.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:40.500)
Maybe watched a hundred other videos that we're not talking about because they're so
Unknown Speaker (01:45:43.539)
goddamn boring.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:44.859)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:45.859)
I should tell you this.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:48.300)
Almost all of these have like 300 views.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:50.300)
These are old videos that no one has ever watched.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:52.539)
So we're getting to a popular one.
Unknown Speaker (01:45:53.979)
Some of them only have 10 like these are long dormant, no one watches those.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:02.159)
You're spelunking for bullshit.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:04.100)
This next one out of nowhere has a hundred thousand views.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:10.140)
What could this possibly be?
Unknown Speaker (01:46:11.659)
That's what you have to guess.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:12.659)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:13.659)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:14.659)
What could it be about?
Unknown Speaker (01:46:15.659)
What could Lionel penetrate the consciousness with?
Unknown Speaker (01:46:16.659)
This video right before it, 200 views.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:19.220)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:20.220)
Video after it, 15.
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This one, a hundred thousand.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:24.619)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:25.699)
This is going to be Colin Kaepernick.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:28.140)
No, this is before.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:29.140)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:30.140)
That's too early.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:31.140)
Damn it.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:32.140)
This is too early for that.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:33.140)
It's got to be something like that, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:46:34.739)
It's got to be something that captured the zeitgeist in 2012, early 2012.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:39.340)
Around that frame.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:40.340)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:41.340)
This might be a live on.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:42.340)
I'm not entirely sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:43.340)
Damn it.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:44.340)
I'll tell you this.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:45.340)
It has nothing to do with politics.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:46.340)
Nothing to do with politics.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:47.340)
Nothing to do with like the 2012 election or anything.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:50.060)
Get that out of your mind.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:51.060)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:52.060)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:53.060)
I'm going to tell you this right now.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:54.060)
There's no way you'll ever guess this.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:55.060)
I'm going to go with like an American Idol or a singing TV show.
Unknown Speaker (01:46:57.380)
Oh, you think it's like a pop culture TV show related?
Unknown Speaker (01:46:59.819)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:00.819)
That's a good guess.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:01.819)
You're wrong.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:02.819)
Who are we or anyone to say what is, and isn't a legitimate religion?
Unknown Speaker (01:47:15.779)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:16.779)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:17.779)
With that clue, with that clue.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:18.779)
No idea where this is going.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:19.779)
No idea.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:20.779)
Why would I know where the, I mean, this has to be Islamophobia, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:47:25.380)
That's an interesting way.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:26.380)
Do you think?
Unknown Speaker (01:47:27.380)
No, you're wrong.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:28.380)
And what business is it of a secular government to pass judgment on the theological authenticity
Unknown Speaker (01:47:34.180)
of one's faith?
Unknown Speaker (01:47:35.180)
Scientology.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:36.180)
Well, that's precisely what this intrepid young man wanted to know.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:39.859)
His name, Nico Alm, Lionel's hero of the week.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:44.300)
Mr. Alm, an Austrian atheist seen here in these photos applied three years ago for an
Unknown Speaker (01:47:49.359)
Austrian driver's license.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:51.340)
Please inspect these photographs carefully.
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Pastafarianism.
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Notice anything?
Unknown Speaker (01:47:55.220)
There it is.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:56.220)
Got it.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:57.220)
I remember the story.
Unknown Speaker (01:47:58.220)
I remember the discussion over a provision of the European unions and Austria's recognition
Unknown Speaker (01:48:03.239)
of quote, confessional headgear and official photographs.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:07.159)
You know, we'll even have the perennial case where a Muslim woman wants to appear in a
Unknown Speaker (01:48:11.020)
driver's license photo or official ID wearing a hijab or other various types of Muslim headgear
Unknown Speaker (01:48:16.899)
and veil.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:17.899)
Don't let her dance!
Unknown Speaker (01:48:18.899)
... erroneously by Americans as a burqa.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:21.340)
You responded with a gasp, like a mocking Lionel, and I should be clear.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:25.859)
At this point in his career, he does not seem to have, like, a negative opinion.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:29.979)
I'm not saying he does, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:31.579)
Just in case any of the audience gets that impression.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:35.340)
At this period.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:36.340)
So what Nico Alm did was to announce to Austrian motor vehicle authorities that he was a pastafarian
Unknown Speaker (01:48:42.340)
and a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, as depicted here in this holy painting.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:49.220)
Its website states that the only dogma allowed in the church is the rejection of dogma.
Unknown Speaker (01:48:54.979)
They also list in part as articles of faith that they believe that pirates, the original
Unknown Speaker (01:48:59.659)
pastafarians, were peaceful explorers, and it was due to Christian misinformation that
Unknown Speaker (01:49:04.420)
they have an image of outcast criminals today.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:06.380)
What about monkeys, Chris?
Unknown Speaker (01:49:07.380)
I was going to say, they're actually all monkeys.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:09.619)
As such, Mr. Alm explained that pursuant to his faith, he had to wear a plastic pasta
Unknown Speaker (01:49:14.180)
strainer as religious headgear, placed sideways, of course, in the photo's display.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:19.619)
Needless to say, the Austrian officials were not amused by the pastafarian Mr. Alm, so
Unknown Speaker (01:49:24.659)
to make him prove his bona fides and eligibility to tool about, Nico had to undergo a psychiatric
Unknown Speaker (01:49:31.340)
evaluation to establish his mental fitness to drive.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:34.579)
Now stop.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:35.579)
Wouldn't that be great here?
Unknown Speaker (01:49:36.579)
Hammer time.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:37.579)
A psyche valve to get a driver's license.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:39.619)
Think about it.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:40.619)
This city would look like a ghost town.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:42.260)
I'm guessing that it wasn't a psyche evaluation to see if he could drive, and it was more
Unknown Speaker (01:49:46.340)
like this guy says he worships a flying spaghetti monster.
Unknown Speaker (01:49:50.220)
Let's make sure, because that sounds, outside of the context of what pastafarianism is,
Unknown Speaker (01:49:56.819)
not knowing any context, that might be something that's like, oh, we might need to check in
Unknown Speaker (01:50:00.819)
on this person.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:01.819)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:02.819)
If you weren't familiar with the internet, you'd be like, uh.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:04.819)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:05.819)
It has nothing to do with the driving.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:07.619)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:08.619)
Well, this month, three years later, I'm happy to announce that Mr. Nico Alm, pastafarian
Unknown Speaker (01:50:12.979)
and member in good standing of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, finally
Unknown Speaker (01:50:17.899)
received his laminated official driver's license, seen here with his pasta strainer colander
Unknown Speaker (01:50:24.020)
chapeau firmly and conspicuously affixed to the devout Mr. Alm's noggin, placed sideways,
Unknown Speaker (01:50:30.060)
of course.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:31.060)
Austrian officials, certainly not to be accused of being antipasti, remarked that as long
Unknown Speaker (01:50:36.739)
as his face could be made out clearly, he could pretty much wear whatever he wanted,
Unknown Speaker (01:50:41.779)
and that this was not an official acknowledgment of pastafarianism or the Church of the Flying
Unknown Speaker (01:50:46.619)
Spaghetti Monster.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:47.619)
To which I'm coyly announced.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:50.659)
That's next comment as you see fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:53.939)
So I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:54.939)
I don't.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:55.939)
So what's his point?
Unknown Speaker (01:50:56.939)
Is it good?
Unknown Speaker (01:50:57.939)
I mean, he seems supportive.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:58.939)
He seems like you shouldn't.
Unknown Speaker (01:50:59.939)
You shouldn't.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:00.939)
He's open to religious freedom at this point in his career.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:05.039)
It's weird because he becomes a giant QAnon guy, which is essentially masking of a cultish
Unknown Speaker (01:51:12.500)
yeah, it's strange, but I think that's about as middle of the road of a report as you can
Unknown Speaker (01:51:21.340)
do.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:22.340)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:23.340)
It's just about this guy.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:24.340)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:25.340)
Isn't it cool that he did this thing?
Unknown Speaker (01:51:26.859)
It's cool, but also a little silly.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:28.739)
And so let's just kind of like, hey, let's reflect on this being cool and silly.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:32.939)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:33.939)
There's a, there's a like quirky interest to it.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:36.079)
There's not like that's as close to a fine Lionel report.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:40.859)
There's no real analysis or anything that goes along with it.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:43.659)
There's no like he's, he's pointing out kind of the absurdity of religion as a whole.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:49.439)
And this whole thing is kind of threatening.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:51.739)
I would imagine that the flying spaghetti monster doesn't want you to band dancing.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:55.260)
I doubt it.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:56.260)
I doubt it.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:57.260)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:51:58.260)
And it's so weird to me that, I mean, I guess it would be interesting if it turned out that
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John Lithgow was the flying spaghetti monster.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:04.899)
That would be weird.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:05.899)
That would be wild.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:06.899)
I just think it's strange that this got so many more views than any of these old, I guess,
Unknown Speaker (01:52:12.939)
I guess probably the pasta Fari in a online community centered around.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:16.939)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:17.939)
Maybe there wasn't a ton of coverage of this story.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:20.460)
Maybe.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:21.460)
Maybe it was early coverage.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:22.460)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:52:23.460)
Who knows?
Unknown Speaker (01:52:24.460)
I mean like it's gotta be something like that.
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Like he probably just got memed.
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I didn't realize that there was that robust of a pasta Fari in community or, or maybe
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this was picked up by the reactionary right wing kind of people who are like, oh, we got
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to talk about this.
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I doubt it.
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I doubt it.
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I think it was, I think if I would assume my assumption would be, it was more just these
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people who are into those sort of meme-y worlds, putting it out.
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So a hundred thousand views.
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Yeah.
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Which is shockingly more, like the ceiling.
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That's a thousand times.
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The ceiling for a lot of these videos, like being very generous is like 1,500.
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Yeah.
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Like these are not, no one watches these videos and they're a decade old, basically.
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They've been online for nine, eight years.
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So yeah.
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Oh man.
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Weird.
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All right.
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All right.
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Well, he knows, I'm surprised he didn't lean into the zeitgeist then I would make more
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stories, more stories about get rid of this Q bullshit.
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Go pasta Fari in.
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That's what almost makes me think that possibly these views all came like later.
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Yeah.
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They came like two years after he posted this video.
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That goes a resurgence of interest.
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Right.
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Right.
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Right.
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It's like, Oh, look at this.
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A fucking news guy covered the spaghetti monster.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I like your voice for a news guy covered the spaghetti monster.
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It's how mean guys talk.
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That's my meme impression.
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All right.
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So let's see.
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It's really hard for me to try and lead you down the roads where you have a chance.
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How are you going to lead me down pasta Farianism without giving up the game?
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Oh, totally.
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Yeah.
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But like, I mean, even for this next one, Lionel thinks a president did something.
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What do you think it is and who's the president?
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Um, okay.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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God.
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There's think project Camelot.
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Think project Camelot.
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Okay.
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I'm going to go with Eisenhower met aliens.
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Bingo.
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Look at it like the 30th POTUS and supreme commander of the United for consummate bad
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ass.
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I think how cool he was.
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Notice the debate of his fruit salad and campaign ribbons understated.
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He didn't have to impress you.
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He wouldn't think of going all portray us on us.
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Wait out, Dave.
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We now general, but like with general, the army, most misunderstood man with a tremendous
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legacy.
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But what sets double D apart is that he thrice met in secret meetings with aliens dig.
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According to author of Timothy good, I can the FBI scheduled sit downs by sending out
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telepathic messages.
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They met at various installations, including Holloman air force base in New Mexico.
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In fact, I can Winston Churchill had discussed UFO sightings on many occasions.
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Remember during world war II, allied pilots reported seeing balls of fire, mysterious
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glowing spheres that followed.
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I tried not to speaking of balls of fire that I ever tell you when I was attacked by red
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bugs on a camping trip.
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What are we doing now?
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What's happening?
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Remind me later.
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Where did this go?
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Let's be serious.
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Tell that story.
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I know that there's something out there that always has been, and they've been here plenty
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of times.
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UFOs, extraterrestrials, aliens, whatever you want to call them are the, the most protected
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secrets that your government holds the idea of our being the lone planet supporting life
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is beyond absurd.
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The age of our planet is four and a half billion years old.
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That's 4,500 million years.
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If another planet was just 4,501 million years old, it will be a million years more advanced
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than us.
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Focal, fossil, or Focal.
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That makes zero sense.
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I could do a Bermuda dance, but fossil records show modern man first appearing just a couple
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of hundred thousand years ago, there have been thousands and thousands of contacts throughout
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time all over the world by reputable, lucid, professional witnesses.
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And non-lucid.
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That is replete with references.
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The French Comida report in Turalia, when you bring this up, invariably someone will
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say, but why don't they want to make contact with us?
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First, they have and do.
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And second, why would anyone want to speak with us?
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Have you ever gotten down on the ground face to face with ants?
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So real quick, it's, it's really weird to me because this isn't a bit.
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This is clearly, he thinks for sure that first of all, aliens are coming down and talking
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to us about, and like, it's not a joke.
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He believes that with aliens contacted telepathically, he does seem to believe there is no joke here.
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It doesn't seem like there's a joke.
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Now at the end here, he's talking about the like, why haven't they contacted us yet?
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Two answers to that.
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One is they have, and then his second one is why would they want to, those seem contradictory.
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Those do seem contradictory.
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Yes, it would be like you talking to an ant, but then the first answer was they have and
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they are.
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Yeah.
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It would be like, it would be like me talking to an ant, which I do.
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Yeah.
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Talk to them.
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Why not?
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Why don't you want to communicate with them?
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Maybe because they're beneath us.
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Maybe because we're, they're beneath us.
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Maybe because we just rather observe them and not disturb them.
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You get the picture and look at me.
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You know, I'm right comment.
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As you see fit.
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Okay.
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I will.
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I like her.
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I like her.
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Lionel is an alien supremacist.
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Okay.
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I will.
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You dumb bastard.
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Yeah.
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Wow.
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Lionel likes aliens more than humans.
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I do.
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I do like the rudimentary logic that he applies of like, well, if our earth is four and a
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half billion years old and we're here, then that means that if there is a planet that's
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4.6 billion years old, then they have a 4.6 billion year olds mathematically, mathematically.
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He's right that there is a million year, but that has nothing to do with when life might've
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been seeded or the progress or any pressures that might've come that it would lead towards
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species branching or you don't have a million year headstart just because of this thing
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is older.
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Lionel's dumb.
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Lionel is very dumb.
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This next clip, I think he is right.
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We have talked to aliens though.
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And double D Eisenhower.
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He thought he was, he, he, I swear to God, when he wrote that down, he was like, I might
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be the smartest, funniest man alive.
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And he probably thought like, this is ribald because that would be a word he would use.
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This next clip, I'm not even going to ask you what you think it's about because I just
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need to tell you that I think the only reason I kept this clip or I took it at all is because
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Lionel uses the word sneaky snake is a fear of snakes is unique in that the fear component
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is in part rational as some snakes are venomous bullshit, man.
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There's so many fears that are rational.
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Fear of heights could be rational to a twist.
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It's crazy.
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God damn it.
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Anybody who's, anybody who's afraid of heights is crazy.
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What, what, what's next?
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A fear of dancing.
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Well, I wish I knew the name of it.
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There's gotta be a name for it.
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It's not logo layer.
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Yeah.
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That's no, that's certainly true.
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There are a lot of fears that are completely rational if you're allowing that snake fear
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is rational.
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I don't understand how a fear of cars isn't rational.
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Yeah.
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Probably kill more people than snakes.
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Real behavioral experts believe that the fear of snakes expressed this hyperdeveloped and
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exaggerated and that it originated to accompany man's walking upright.
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You see, it's believed that since he was now farther away from the ground where snakes
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hid, he was more prone and likely to stumble upon our more venomous serpentine brethren.
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The hyperdeveloped fear of stakes was preferred through natural selection and evolution mechanics.
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Now wouldn't that be the same with all sorts of predator, uh, uh, things that you're afraid
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of?
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No, no, no, no.
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It's completely irrational to be afraid of tigers.
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Armchair Freudian folks love to see the hidden subliminal representations, but I let others
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play with that one.
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I get it.
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Now this Bronx zoo Cobra story, the BCC escape is the dream story for the criminally unimaginative
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and culturally shunted world of the dreaded mainstream media.
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Not them.
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Alex will complain that they're the main snake media, Dan Alex will complain that they're
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all mockingbirds.
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CIA cover his DWI.
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Lionel will tell you that no, they all want to talk about a snake escaping from the zoo.
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Intellectual junk food quickly digested with a high glycemic distraction level.
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The Cobra story wasn't maybe like my strange mainstream media, not, not here, mind you,
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but there the first wake up the dude in the video library and have him dig up and dust
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off every conceivable pop culture reference to snakes.
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Jake, the snake Roberts, Harrison Ford, and he's a wrestling guy.
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Snakes on a plate.
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Alice Cooper's snake YouTube features of some weird guy saying he's a snake, an ouroboros
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of bullshit like you criminally vapid weather casters screaming nonsensical nothings only
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to capture that YouTube moment, anything, and gee, I'm proud to say you're off the hook
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on that one, my friend.
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Now punsters and piranha maniacs alike using every conceivable play on serpentine imagery
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history, the missing Cobra, Islamophobia meets Ophidiophobia.
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It was an Egyptian Cobra, Egypt home of the Muslim brotherhood.
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Donald Trump weighs in and demands to see the Cobra's birth certificate.
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It's a Muslim snake as alleged by the comb over quaffed bombast whose mane is dyed the
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color of Tang.
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News accounts report that the escapee snake broke out of the Bronx zoo, thus conjuring
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up the image of this menacing serpent and messenger of death marching down Broadway
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while frightened New Yorkers run for their lives.
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It wasn't an escape.
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They found it in the reptile house outside of her cage, which would have been my first
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place to look.
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I'm just saying.
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Look, if Charles Manson fails to show up for two, they don't announce the escape from the
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Corcoran State Prison.
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Even Bindi Arwin, the late croc hunter's 12-year-old daughter said, you know, he's probably right
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by the cage.
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And meanwhile, in Libya, oof, anyway, comment and you see fit.
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So here's what's great about this.
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First of all, I mean, the trite issue of a snake escape that even within the report,
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you're like, it wasn't a big deal.
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I don't know why we're doing this.
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I don't know at all, but he does reference sneaky snakes.
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That's good.
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That's worth it.
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Most important thing, though, is that Lionel is on a New York TV show.
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He hates Trump.
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He hates Trump back in like 2011 because Trump is a dick.
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That's because he hadn't unsealed the indictments yet, Dan.
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There were thousands of secret indictments.
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Lionel very regularly will make jabs at Trump for the birth certificate stuff, for him being
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a birther guy.
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And one of the things that I wanted to actually do was I wanted to trace Lionel's path towards
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supporting Trump because I think it follows a very similar path as the people we've seen
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like Alex and Nick Fuentes, but actually his path is a little bit different.
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He's super against Trump as the campaign begins.
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And then he gets to a point where he's like, all right, you had your fun, cut it out.
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You either need to stop what you're doing or just get out.
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He tells him to drop out in September 2015.
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He's just not into this anything at all.
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Then once Trump becomes really likely to be the candidate on the GOP side, he endorses
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him.
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And the reason is just anti-Hillary.
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When he endorses Trump, it's a dual endorsement of Trump and Sanders because it is a specifically
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anti-Hillary.
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Right.
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Anybody but Hillary.
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He is not super interesting to me in terms of the right wing path towards Trump thing.
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Like the Nick Fuentes and Alex Jones seem to follow a very similar trajectory of real
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negative, horrible things about Trump when Trump shouldn't be in their orbit or they
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shouldn't care about him all that much.
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And then right around very similar times, they end up supporting him.
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With Lionel, he's a New York media guy.
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So obviously he's been aware of Trump for a really long time and it doesn't like him
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thinks he's a piece of shit.
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Yeah.
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Like all of New York.
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And then when he starts running for office, like, all right, we're tired of this act,
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whatever.
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And then as soon as he realizes the devastating damage potential Trump has of like destroying
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the GOP, um, uh, these, uh, uh, the rhinos or whatever, he's into that in the same way
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that he's into what Bernie Sanders could do to the democratic, right.
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He wants a certain amount of, uh, just disruption of, uh, and so he supports both of them.
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The system doesn't work.
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So he's going for either candidate that is not the system.
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Yeah, I get that.
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But also primarily, I listened to a bunch of the clips, primarily it is surrounding
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like abject hatred of Hillary Clinton, right, right, right, right.
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So his path is not that interesting.
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Although it is interesting to hear this next, uh, this next report that he has, Lionel talks
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about what sort of president he would vote for in the context of the 2012 election.
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It's interesting to hear this with the awareness that later he would end up supporting Trump.
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Of course.
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Don't ask me whom I would endorse or vote for in the 2012 presidential elections because
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I'm neither endorsing nor voting for either mittens or Hopi, but, but if I had to craft
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the ideal hypothetical candidate that I might even consider as maybe earning my vote, they
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must have one characteristic.
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They must be crazy.
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Let me explain.
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You see what I would insist upon in a presidential candidate would necessarily mean they'd never
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have a chance to win.
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The platforms that I would insist upon are so out of sync with the candidates, the left
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and right paradigm offers so antithetical to the status quo, so polar and antipodal
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to most of the brain dead and brainwashed electorate that the only candidate who'd even
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come close to passing my electoral muster would be the candidate everyone would call
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crazy, just say you like Ron Paul over this dumb dumb.
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You know who you like.
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Chance and hell candidate people who want to revolutionize and undo the expected status
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quo and the usual, those who would retool revamp, but reconstitute the business secretly
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invade countries, but Torpin sluggish and brain dead Washington.
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That's my guy or gal.
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And for anyone to even think they had a chance at that, that would by definition, make them
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crazy.
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I would never vote for a candidate for the left or right side of the identical coin.
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The greatest and grandest of deceptions ever pulled in this country.
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Next to the neck tattoo is the myth of true and actual political duality.
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The fiction you don't like democratic and Republican policies are substantially and
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significantly too much dance similar.
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The delusion that will and shall always keep this great and grand country from extricating
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itself from the death grip of the globalist internationalist bankster cartels and only
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someone crazy would dare to go after them.
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The Democrats again have Barack Obama as his candidate and the GOP as Mitt Romney is there.
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The debates are a waste or as someone said, they're like watching McDonald's debate, Burger
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King.
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Get them drunk.
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I call them the identical duality of left and right.
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Someone crazy.
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Give me a candidate who would demand that the Fed be at least audited, that drug laws
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would be repealed, that no further wars or kinetic military actions, NATO offensive,
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nothing will be done without an explicit confirmation of war and that hocus pocus and illusory virtual
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and reserve currencies and SDRs be renewed immediately just to name a few.
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In other words, I want a candidate who's crazy and doesn't have a chance of winning.
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Someone who would be best described as that great liar on TV.
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Sure he's crazy, but what if he's right comment as you see fit?
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You're quoting a comedy show.
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Yep.
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Also, what if he's not right?
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Yeah, that's real fucked up to hear years prior to supporting Trump and becoming a Q
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and on guy.
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Yeah.
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Like, yeah, you know what?
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I want somebody who's crazy.
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And what do you really know?
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What else?
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Only three people pass the law to create the federal reserve.
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That's right.
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Comment as use.
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That's what a crazy person's brother would say.
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What's really fascinating to me about this is like that there is that essay that Webster
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Tarpley wrote about when Trump started to become ascendant within the GOP.
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That essay that he wrote about how the failures of the Ron Paul libertarianism and the implied
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cruelty of that worldview that went unexamined was a opening into the vestibule that is fascism
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and authoritarianism.
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I don't have any respect for Webster Tarpley's appearances on the Obama deception or on Alex's
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show.
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That essay was incredibly prescient about the ways in which like just sort of this fanatical
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support for Ron Paul and the deterioration of it because Ron Paul had no fucking chance
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of now the whole time.
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And then once Ron Paul stopped running, Rand Paul comes in, he's a more disappointing option.
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It's absolutely not going to do it.
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It leaves this vacuum where people are primed to go in that direction.
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And when I hear Lionel talking about what I want is a crazy person, obviously he's talking
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about Ron Paul in 2012.
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He's talking about the disappointment that Ron Paul didn't make it through the primaries.
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That's the subtext of what he's getting at.
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And when you hear that and you know how things went, it's really easy to see on a certain
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level emotionally that that is the path that Lionel walked on.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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It's disappointing.
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It is.
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It is very much like...
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Now it may manifest, sorry, it may manifest publicly a lot of times as like, everything
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is...
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Whiny bullshit.
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And defending anything but Hillary.
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The status quo and yeah, yeah, yeah.
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It is hard to...
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It's hard to read that Webster Tarpley essay and not be like, oh, I get it.
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It takes one to know one, you know, that kind of thing.
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Like the only voice that was really putting that together in that world at the time was
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unfortunately a bunch of dum-dums like Webster Tarpley.
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You know your own community better than its total ones and sometimes you can have a more
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critical eye on it.
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Sure, sure, sure, sure.
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And then, you know, it's not like Ron Paul's policy set was all bad.
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There are a lot of reasons why you might support him that aren't involved in the rank cruelty
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and awful things that you believe in.
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Things like getting out of foreign entanglements and wars is a positive thing.
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That is something that you could gravitate towards in the same way that Tulsi Gabbard
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talks about wanting to not be in wars and it makes sense to gravitate towards her for
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that.
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Same way with Ron Paul and his insistence on drug legalization.
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Those are things that you can really get on board with.
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The flip side of the coin with people like Ron Paul is all the stripping away protections
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for vulnerable communities in the United States, getting rid of all foreign aid, essentially
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committing a genocide of people throughout the world who rely on our efforts, our humanitarian
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efforts.
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No, it is, and I specifically remember around this time, because I was...
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I'm sorry, the point I was trying to make is that someone, I'm not saying this is true
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of Webster Tarpley, but it is possible that someone of his order could be like into the
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good stuff, recognize as it goes along, oh no, this is metastasizing.
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The negative things are the things that are the focus now and they can call it out.
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That might be why what you were saying is the case.
Unknown Speaker (02:14:12.340)
Yeah, no, I remember this time period, I had just been maybe a year or two into standup
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at the time and there were plenty of comedians I remember talking about how much they supported
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Ron Paul.
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In retrospect, you look back and you're like, you had no idea about the other shit.
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You only knew about the, because I've known these people for 10 years now and it's like
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they would never support destroying the fucking protections for disenfranchising.
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All regulations.
Unknown Speaker (02:14:42.460)
Yeah, exactly, but so much of the bullshit was Ron Paul cut through it and that was very
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appetizing and just like, yes, somebody's finally saying this obvious thing.
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And it galvanized a lot of the like populist feeling of suspicion about what are these
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financial institutions doing, which is also another reasonable thing to have concerns
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about.
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Right, right, right, absolutely.
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But it just always gets, like with Ron Paul, it almost always gets funneled into a hard
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right conspiratorial version of it.
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Yeah, it's the inverse of the coalition that supported Obama in 2008, of that like we're
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here because we don't trust any of these people.
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We've been fucked over for 10 years.
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You have run on a campaign of we need to take care of all of this shit and then instead
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of funneling us into the hard right, you funnel us into the center and that's just not going
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to last.
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That's what, that's where we fucked up if Obama had, man, it's hard not to look at 2008
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to 2010 and think those were the two years where we could have done it and averted all
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of this disaster.
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It's hard not to look at that.
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Yeah, it really is.
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Wow.
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Save that for a book.
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I can't do it.
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That's an angry screen.
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Someone can write that book.
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That's the Unabomber's book.
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So I think, I think that Lionel being like, I'll only vote for a crazy person is a representation
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of like the kind of mentality that went wrong in the 2016 election because what he's talking
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about is this candidate that fulfills these requirements that I want that Ron Paul fills
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because what he's saying isn't necessarily all like destructive, horrible things.
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You know, like auditing the Fed.
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Obviously there are audits that are done.
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You just don't, you pretend there aren't, but that like demanding that be done.
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All right.
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I'm not really mad about that.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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Legalizing drugs.
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Absolutely.
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Great.
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It's obvious.
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Great.
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It's too obvious.
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Those sorts of like things that would be deemed crazy by people.
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Right.
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That's what he wants in a candidate.
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Right.
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Fine.
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But where it gets murky is when a real crazy person comes around and you're like, Oh, everyone's
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calling him crazy.
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That must mean that he's as sane.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And then everything gets twisted.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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So we have one last Lionel report.
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And I'll just set this up.
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I'm not going to ask you.
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I'm not going to quiz you.
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I'm just going to go with bees.
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No, I wish.
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Because he and I might find common ground.
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I think we could.
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Suspicion of bees.
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I think we could all find common ground.
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We all saw My Girl.
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They're up to something.
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It'll kill you.
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So this last one is a real misogynist opus.
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It's real bad.
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You always close strong.
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It's real bad.
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He takes pot shots at Gloria Allred.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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Oh, yeah.
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Really hard.
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Like she does nothing.
Unknown Speaker (02:17:49.459)
Well, it's mostly about this woman who was working at a bank camera with the bank, but
Unknown Speaker (02:17:55.700)
she was fired and then she claimed that she was fired because she was too attractive.
Unknown Speaker (02:18:02.260)
It's like a media interest story, but what's behind it isn't really like a potential sexual
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harassment situation.
Unknown Speaker (02:18:08.260)
Yeah, absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (02:18:09.659)
Lionel minimizes that, and I don't want to get too bogged down into it because the way
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this ends is gorgeous.
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This is Lionel maybe getting his comeuppance a little bit for really trying to be a misogynist
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asshole.
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A work is a pro wrestling term that denotes putting something over on the audience who
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believes it's all true.
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Who loves wrestling.
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It's an illusion.
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Now, the biggest work is that of this genius, Debra Lee Lorenzana, whose name has more alternate
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spellings than Gaddafi.
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Now, here's the story.
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Debra Lee worked for Citibank and is now suing them because she says they fired her because
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she was so darn sexy.
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Can you believe this?
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I swear to God.
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Now, here's the storyline.
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Debra Lee alleges that, I can't help it if I'm a seductress, a latter day siren, distracting
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men who layer at me a living testament to the beauteous excrement zone.
Unknown Speaker (02:19:12.299)
Her allegation was actually that her boss said that she was too attractive and too distracting
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and that's why she was fired.
Unknown Speaker (02:19:18.620)
Yeah, that actually sounds...
Unknown Speaker (02:19:19.979)
Not her saying, I'm too hot to work.
Unknown Speaker (02:19:22.379)
It's kind of putting the onus on the wrong party.
Unknown Speaker (02:19:24.780)
It does seem like...
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Beauty incarnate, a ravishing voluptuous curvilinear goddess of self, a libidinous and lascivious
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lass dripping with a concupis and sensuality that renders men speechless and women jealous
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of my colossal punkretude.
Unknown Speaker (02:19:40.020)
I'm going to say libidinous is used wrong here.
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Thank you, please.
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It's a gift.
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But wait, there's more.
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Enter legal gadfly, Gloria Allred, whose name should be Gloria Allright for the times it
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causes people to say, all right, Gloria, all right.
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Woof.
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All right, Lionel.
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Woof.
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And nobody knows a word better than Gloria.
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Seen here in a defense lawyer's erotic dream in the midst of auto asphyxiation.
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Now, nobody knows exactly what Gloria Allred does.
Unknown Speaker (02:20:03.739)
I mean, she's a lawyer, but she represents people who don't need representing.
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Like Amber Fry.
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Remember her?
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The one that Scott Peterson was with?
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Okay.
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She was injured?
Unknown Speaker (02:20:13.620)
No.
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Was she beaten?
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No.
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What?
Unknown Speaker (02:20:17.620)
Nothing.
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Those are the only reasons to get a lawyer.
Unknown Speaker (02:20:20.500)
Were you injured?
Unknown Speaker (02:20:21.500)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (02:20:22.500)
Cool.
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Scott Peterson murdered his wife and Amber was his mistress, someone who she was seeing.
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You should...
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That's his representation, so bad.
Unknown Speaker (02:20:31.059)
Yeah.
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The way that you're going to be characterized in the media, you do need somebody.
Unknown Speaker (02:20:36.260)
So Gloria is not representing one of Tiger Woods' she-males that he allegedly...
Unknown Speaker (02:20:40.739)
Whoa.
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Why?
Unknown Speaker (02:20:42.739)
For what?
Unknown Speaker (02:20:43.739)
Was she hurt?
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Injured?
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What?
Unknown Speaker (02:20:46.739)
Who knows?
Unknown Speaker (02:20:47.739)
Again, it's the same situation.
Unknown Speaker (02:20:48.739)
You're somebody who's being brought into a story that you don't have the ability to handle.
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Gloria Allred is there to be a guide or to help you with the...
Unknown Speaker (02:20:58.860)
And by the way, that term, the S there, that is out of character for Lionel.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:03.860)
Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:04.860)
Yeah.
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He is generally super...
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I'm really kind of confused by this.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:08.180)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:09.180)
And it's not that this person was trans or anything like that.
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Yeah.
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The cis woman that...
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Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:14.379)
I don't know what that is.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:15.379)
That is just an insult being applied inaccurately and inappropriately.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:18.659)
Yeah.
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I thought that was shocking from Lionel.
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This is weird.
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This is weird.
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That's Gloria.
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I'd love to see an ad for her.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:25.100)
I would watch that show.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:26.100)
Hello, I'm Gloria Allred.
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Have you been injured?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:28.100)
Well, has your modeling career fallen flat?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:30.059)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:31.059)
No problem.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:32.059)
I'll represent you.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:33.059)
For what?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:34.059)
I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:35.059)
But if you want to jumpstart that career...
Unknown Speaker (02:21:36.059)
What if it was sexual harassment?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:37.059)
Call me at 1-800-555.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:38.059)
I'm a publicity star of nobody who's 15, but this was over an hour ago.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:41.100)
Or what if you're the family of Nicole Brown?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:44.899)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:45.899)
I know.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:46.899)
Right?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:47.899)
What are you doing?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:48.899)
Technically in the discrimination suit.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:49.899)
Oh, come on, please.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:50.899)
You think this latter day, Mr. Drysdale wants the bank gig back?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:54.079)
Are you kidding me?
Unknown Speaker (02:21:55.079)
Keep your job, honey.
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I love the nightlife, I love the boogie.
Unknown Speaker (02:21:59.420)
Now, maybe I'm acting a bit too harsh.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:02.700)
Maybe Sara Lee or whatever her name is.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:04.379)
It's just a regular gal.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:05.379)
Sara Lee?
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A single mom who just wants the normal life.
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The ordinary life.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:09.100)
Maybe we're jumping the gun.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:10.780)
Let's hear from this victim of corporate terrorism in her own words.
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Crickets.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:17.100)
How we doing?
Unknown Speaker (02:22:20.899)
Still going?
Unknown Speaker (02:22:23.059)
Are you guys going to play the clip?
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Oh, there she is.
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No sound.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:29.059)
It was that funny.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:30.979)
Far too risque for this show.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:31.979)
It was censored.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:32.979)
It was censored.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:33.979)
Well, let me tell you what she would have said, but I can't.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:35.780)
If you'd like to find out what she said, call me after the show.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:38.219)
But in any event, she stands to a secret dress in a court in the tribunal as every citizen
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is, Jim.
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Absolutely.
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The best laid plans of mice and men.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:51.059)
Oh, what a bit this was.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:53.219)
She is good-looking.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:54.219)
Anyway, thank you.
Unknown Speaker (02:22:55.219)
You ever had those days, Jim, where you said, this is the award show.
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This is the one who's going to put me up on the top.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:02.700)
You should know, G.
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All the time.
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That does it for the Fix News at 6.30.
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That's what we call a big finish.
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See you back here tonight at 10.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:12.379)
Oh, man.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:14.260)
That's a bit deflating.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:15.260)
That's a gut punch.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:16.260)
That is a gut punch.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:18.260)
He had built up all this like misogynist bullshit and like, oh, fuck this dumb bitch.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:23.899)
She's all like trying to get this bank job back.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:26.299)
She doesn't want it.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:27.299)
And then the bid doesn't, the clip doesn't play.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:30.500)
And then when he asked to actually just talk, he doesn't know what she says in that clip.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:34.899)
He can't carry it on his own.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:37.420)
And he has to be like, she deserves legal redress.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:40.719)
Like every other citizen kind of invalidates your entire premise and the entire misogynist
Unknown Speaker (02:23:45.860)
bullshit that you're, you're doing.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:47.340)
God damn it.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:48.340)
I love it when somebody has the, the, the, the, the, the confidence of Icarus.
Unknown Speaker (02:23:53.020)
No, this is Casey at the bat, man.
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This is brutal.
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Just going for it.
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This will be insurmountable.
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I will stand at top Mount Everest and I will scream from the heavens.
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It's okay to hate women.
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Again, this is the thing where like a little bit of chops would help because I've been
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in a number of situations where things have gone very poorly in a live comedy setting.
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And you know, you kind of got to just be able to roll with it.
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And I see that and I see guy who cannot roll with it.
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That is not, that is not an ability to go, the clip doesn't play.
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Why are you letting, I don't know, 10 seconds of dead air happen and then, well, she should
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go to court.
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I mean, yeah, glory, all red does have a point within two seconds of there being dead air.
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You should be figuring out what's up.
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Yep.
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You're on live TV, baby.
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Oh yeah.
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You have the opportunity to be in this.
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This is the whole thing.
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This is my big argument.
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Lionel had a great, um, good privilege.
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He had a great opportunity afforded to him and that was, he had a like a column on a
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TV show, right?
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He had three minutes where he could do clearly anything, whatever he wants to do because
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he's like David Brooks.
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If there was any goddamn editor there, they'd be like this, this, this like banning dancing
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bit does not make sense.
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It does not like David Brooks.
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Fine.
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Yes.
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If David Brooks was trying to be funny and it was audio, we would cover it more.
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Oh, absolutely.
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God.
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If Connor Friedersdorf has a podcast, I'm going to, and it was short and trying to be
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funny or destroy him this, like he has this opportunity in front of him and he just fails
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constantly.
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Yeah.
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Like there's points that he's trying to make.
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They're confusing.
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There's a murky line of like, is this supposed to be a joke or are you sincerely making this
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argument?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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There's unhinged nonsense and then most of it's just a waste of time.
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Absolutely.
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It's amazing.
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I kind of love it because it's exactly the thing you would expect for like the previous
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career of a QAnon.
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It's the kind of trivial, trite, marginally reactionary bullshit, but they let him do
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it for a while.
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That's what's crazy.
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It's just, it is one of those examples of first a white dude can fail up so easily and
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just second, like when the stakes are this low, when the stakes are, I don't like backpacks
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in the train.
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It's like, what are we going to, why stop?
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Why stop?
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The guy just doesn't like backpacks.
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Well, we'll give him his three minutes.
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Eventually he'll go out to pasture and drink bleach.
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We'll call it a day.
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We don't know if he drinks bleach.
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It's just part of the thing that's associated with QAnon.
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I've not heard Lionel actually say, I'm not saying that he drinks bleach.
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I'm saying that as a synecdoche for the entirety of QAnon.
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That's fair.
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That's right.
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I'm tossing in synecdoche now.
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That's what I'm doing.
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That's right.
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I'll do it.
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How about an astrophy?
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You want some of that shit up in here?
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Now you're just trying to flex.
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Literary terms all day.
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So we reached the end and Lionel has knocked it out of the park as always.
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I was going to say worn out as welcome.
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Okay.
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There was that.
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That's one way of putting it.
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I think a lot of people have... I get this a lot from listeners.
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They want more Lionel and they question why has there not been a third Lionel installment,
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which now there is.
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One of the reasons is I can't stress this enough, it's hard to get decent content out
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of him.
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Even though he has a ton of videos, there are these little three minute bursts and you've
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got to go through tons of them to find anything interesting.
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Here's what I think.
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I think people want the correct amount of Lionel and that needs to be carefully curated.
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Nobody wants too much.
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Too much Lionel is a line that has a very steep drop to it.
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It's much like nitric oxide and Alex's beet pills.
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Too much.
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Dangerous.
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CPAs, man.
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CPAs.
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Yeah.
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And so, I mean, it's not something that there is an unlimited... It's not an unlimited
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resource.
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You have to use it sparingly.
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Absolutely.
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But I think these sorts of circumstances are exactly the times when you need a goddamn
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little burst of Lionel.
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So we come to the end and I guess- I think we learned a lot.
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Yeah.
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I think we've grown as people.
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Lionel wants to murder people at Starbucks.
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Very much.
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You should chill out the fuck about blackface.
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What is it?
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Okay.
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So no nuance?
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And if you report something that ends up stopping a bombing, you will be an asshole if you call
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yourself a hero.
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You think you're a hero?
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You think you're great?
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Oh, come on.
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Get the fuck out of here.
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Aliens talk to Ike.
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Of course.
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Well, yeah, but that's just common knowledge.
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And you're a dick, but also, hey, good for you if you like office, please.
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I'm really confused about that one still.
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I'm not sure what his point on snakes was.
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Sneaky.
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That was the point.
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Fair.
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Fair enough.
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I accept that.
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Yeah.
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So everyone out there, hope you're doing all right in the circumstances that you're in.
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Absolutely.
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Let's all do as best we can to help each other and listen to the advice of the people who
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are in much better positions to provide that advice for you.
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Yeah.
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And just so everybody knows, we're very, very grateful to you for listening to the show.
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Yeah.
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And those of you who donate, we're incredibly grateful.
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It's insane.
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You wouldn't be able to survive without that.
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I mean, especially now, like all of this stuff is entirely because people care and it feels
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amazing.
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Yeah.
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It's overwhelming.
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It feels amazing.
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It really does.
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To the point where I want you to shut up about it.
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I know.
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It's uncomfortable.
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It's not good for us.
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I appreciate it as well.
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And I was actually reminiscing about this.
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Not reminiscing.
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I have to say it by yourself.
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I was cogitating on it as a cogiter, as Alex would put it.
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You dancing motherfucker.
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I see you.
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I was thinking about this maybe the other night about how I left my job working at a
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coffee distribution company to do this show at a time when no one, not no one, but almost
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nobody was listening.
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No one supported the show.
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It was really tough.
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I did a lot of the very bad work from home type work and sold my blood in order to keep
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up with this.
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And you were very supportive as well.
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We were able to make it work.
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It was a huge gamble and a stupid risk that I wouldn't advise anybody to do in any circumstance.
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But we did that and it ended up leading to where we are now.
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And it's overwhelming to think about like, well, if I still worked at that coffee distribution
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place, there's a real decent chance I would be out of a job.
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It's surreal.
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It's surreal to be in that sort of a position.
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Yeah.
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It is amazing that we get to do what we do, especially now, and I understand how difficult
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it is for everyone.
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And I just, well, let's stick together, man.
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I hope to be able to, as best we can, pay back a little bit through whatever avenues
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we can.
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And on the most basic Lionel-esque trivial level, do an episode about Lionel for you
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all to enjoy.
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And we'll be back.
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We may be back on Friday.
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We might be back on Monday.
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It's not entirely sure as we are recording this, but take care of yourselves and each
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other.
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And we have a website.
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Worst.
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Worst.
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Worst.
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We love you so much.
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Thank you so much for visiting knowledgefight.com.
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We're also on Twitter.
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We are on Twitter.
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It's at, we love you so much.
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Thank you very much for following at knowledge underscore fight and I go to bed Jordan.
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We're also on Facebook.
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We are on Facebook.
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We're on iTunes.
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You can download the show.
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We love you very much.
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And thank you so much for downloading knowledge fight and, you know, leave a review.
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Thank you very much.
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We're back.
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But until then, I'm Neo.
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I'm Leo.
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I'm DZX Clark.
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I'm the guy standing at a table that Lionel wants at Starbucks.
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Andy in Kansas.
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You're on the air.
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Hello Alex.
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I'm a first time caller.
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I'm a huge fan.
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I love your work.
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I love you.
