Transcript/1102: The 5-Star Poetry Slam
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["Ridder, Riddler, Riddler, Riddler, Riddler, Riddler, Riddler, Riddler"]
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N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-knowledge fight.
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Ehh, bleh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh.
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Dan and Jordan, I am sweating.
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Ehh, bleh, ehh, ehh, ehh.
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Knowledgefight.com, it's time to pray.
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I have great respect for knowledge fight.
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Knowledge fight.
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I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys, saying we are the bad guys.
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Knowledge fight.
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Dan and Jordan, knowledge fight.
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I love you.
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Hey everybody, welcome back to knowledge fight.
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I'm Dan.
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I'm Jordan.
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We're a couple dudes, like to sit around and worship at the altar of Selene and talk a
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little bit about Alex Jones.
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Oh, indeed we are, Dan.
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Jordan.
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Dan.
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Jordan.
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Quick question for you, buddy.
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What's up?
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Which bright spot today?
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Why don't you go first, because it's December and you always go first in December.
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That's our new rule, that's just how it works.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So, the bright spot today is the end of the year, December of course.
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Yeah.
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And this is when people start putting out all their best of the year music lists and
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movie lists and all that shit.
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It'd be weird if they did that at a different time of year.
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It would be strange.
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And so, this year I have been more disconnected from the internet and like the music and all
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of that than I ever have before.
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So I was listening to some of those and I realized that there's a new open mic eagle
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album for 2025 and it's fantastic.
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I feel like I've heard you talking about that on this show.
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I think I know about this.
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How do you not know?
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No, no, no, no.
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That was the last one.
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That was the last one that I had found.
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He puts out an album every year or so, I think.
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Something like that.
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Sure, sure.
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But yeah, it's really good.
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There's a song about Superman.
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Pro or anti?
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It's very...
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How about...
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Let's put it this way.
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Everybody at the Daily Planet, you know that's fucking Superman, right?
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Why are you gaslighting me?
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Why are y'all gaslighting me?
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You're journalists.
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Right.
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Absolutely.
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You're trained to ask the five questions.
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You're looking at this guy.
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Nope.
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No questions here.
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Nope.
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Yeah.
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No, and it's a really great album because that is kind of emblematic of the whole way
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that he manages to take these very small, mundane pop culture things and pull really,
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really solid found metaphors out of them.
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It's just a great album.
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It's a great album.
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Right.
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Was it any discussion of crypto?
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The dog?
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Crypto the dog.
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Oh, I was going to say.
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I was like, does he have a crypto reference?
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I know he has a crypto reference.
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No, the dog.
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The cool ass flying dog in the new Superman.
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No, unfortunately we don't.
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I believe he was pulling more from the old Daily Planet days for comic strip days.
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Fair enough.
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All right.
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What's your bright spot?
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At least one of those people, Jimmy Olsen is just a liar.
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He knows.
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Sure.
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Oh, that is true.
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He knows who Superman is.
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Well, Lois Lane knows.
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Right.
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Right.
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And she works there.
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So the two of them both work there.
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Yeah.
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They're liars.
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They're probably gossip.
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There's a lot of people that go out for dinner and stuff like that.
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Everybody does know.
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They drink, man.
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They drink.
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Absolutely.
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There's no way that she hasn't let slip that she's fucked Superman.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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That's that.
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I mean, status.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Yeah.
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Even if you don't say it's Clark, you're just like, hey, you know, a Super Bowl.
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OK.
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That from the song?
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Yep.
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So my bright spot, Jordan, is that it is the 15th.
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It is December 15th.
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And as is tradition through December, it is time for some cheese.
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It's time for cheese.
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It's time for cheese.
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Dan's Cheese Advent Calendar.
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As long as Jordan doesn't ruin it with shitty vamping.
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Thank you.
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Thank you so much, Nick.
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God.
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Dang.
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What a winner.
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Got a little gig in on Jordan.
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I like a good stab through the back.
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That's not bad.
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I like the idea, too, that these stings and jingles are evolving as we go along to reflect
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what the segment has become.
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So it is the 15th, more than halfway through this Advent Calendar.
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And I've got to chew on Aldi's ear a little bit here.
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I got a problem.
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I got a dark spot here.
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And that is, they advertise that there's 24 cheeses.
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And we've already repeated cheeses.
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Wow.
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I mean, technically we have yet to really repeat a cheese.
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That's not true.
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I got a mature Gouda again.
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Oh, never mind.
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They repeated a cheese.
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In terms of what we've done in the cheese jingle show, no, there's not been any repeats.
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But in my personal life, I have opened up one of these boxes and seen like, oh, this
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is just the same thing again.
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And that I think is a cop out.
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I think that's cheap.
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There's 24 possible cheeses.
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Get it together.
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Yes.
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But maybe Aldi knows that you have a personal cheese and a professional cheese life that
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needs to be shared.
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So they're like, eh, maybe he would like another mature Gouda in his personal life.
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No.
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And if I did, I would go get it.
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I would take that matter into my own hands.
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That does seem available to you.
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If I'm opening up, creak, opening up these little boxes on the advent calendar, I'm like,
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oh, I fucking love this one.
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Guess what?
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Uh, it exists.
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I can go find it.
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You're just, you just don't believe that Aldi knows what's best for you.
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And I think that you have made a grave mistake when you don't trust them.
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I definitely agree that I don't think they know what's best for me.
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But today we have a new one, a new, a new, a new little cheese.
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And it might be, it might be a little bit appropriate.
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Okay.
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Might be a little bit appropriate because this is cheddar with whiskey.
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Okay.
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All right.
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Yeah.
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It might be, it might get wasted on this cheese.
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And now we come to the part where Jordan vamps and I eat this cheese.
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Right.
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I think whiskey at this time of the year is fantastic.
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Especially today.
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I don't know if, uh, uh, uh, it will be clear from the like description later on, but we
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are recording this remotely.
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Uh, it is roughly zero degrees outside in Chicago.
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And it's the type of temperature that where people add the feels like to it.
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Nobody ever adds a temperature like feels like 55.
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Nope.
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It's, it's zero degrees and it feels like you're gonna die or it's 105 degrees and it
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feels like 130.
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There's never a good, it feels like when it comes to temperature.
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Uh, so that is kind of how it is outside right now.
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It never feels like nicer.
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Feels like better than you would have expected.
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Not going to happen.
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So a cheddar on whiskey is mighty risky.
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You got him wasted.
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I'm fucking wasted.
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Took a bite of this cheese I fucked up.
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Open Mike Eagle lyric or a space ghost episode.
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Yeah.
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Oh yeah.
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Shark on beer is a beer engineer.
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That is old Kentucky cheese and it has been there.
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Yeah.
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Um, you know what?
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I don't really taste whiskey at all.
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And that this just tastes like a cheddar and it tastes like a fine cheddar.
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I'm not mad at it, but, um, yeah, it could have, this could have a little more whiskey
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in it.
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How do you infuse the taste of cheese with whiskey?
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Do you know what I mean?
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I imagine as it's aging, you maybe like barrel soak it or something like that.
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I don't know.
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I know that you infuse things by soaking them.
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Okay.
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Cause there are some cheeses that are like soaked in espresso or whatever and then it
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gets in the rind.
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That's more information than I had.
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So it's see like if you would just come up to me and said, Oh, they soak this cheese
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in a barrel.
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I would have been very surprised and laughed at you probably because that doesn't sound
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real, but I guess they might, I guess they might just soak cheese in barrels these days.
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Yeah.
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Put it in a barrel.
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You're fine.
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I'm wasted.
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I mean you had, you had a little bit of chewing in there and that definitely, that's a little
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life's very fragile.
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What are we doing Jordan?
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Why are we here?
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We are recording an episode of the podcast.
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That's right.
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We're doing it remotely cause it's cold outside and I didn't want you to have to come over
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here.
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Feels like cold outside.
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It's so damn cold.
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And unfortunately because we're doing this remotely, I don't have the wonk sound effect.
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So I can't give a shout out to any wonks.
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But in place of that, something that I would like to do is discuss, maybe not an, maybe
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not, I don't know if it's a bright spot, but it's something that happened last night, Jordan.
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Okay.
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Are you going to talk about somebody who in particular who might, uh, yoked, very ripped,
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maybe an honorary wonk of some sort.
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Yeah.
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Oh, I like that.
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Last night we witnessed John Cena's last match in the WWE.
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He is gone.
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The last time is past.
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And um, I, I almost, I almost cried.
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I was close.
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I was close.
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I got sentimental.
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Yeah.
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For sure.
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I have.
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So this is, this is something that I do want you to talk about because we have had many
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conversations about John Cena over the years based upon your whimsical nature of liking
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and disliking him.
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And I think that has been the wrestling fans entire, uh, experience.
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Right.
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Isn't that what I'm hearing?
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I've always liked him, but I, there, I think some stretches of his career are pretty boring.
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I think that, uh, sometimes things weren't going that great.
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And I think some booking decisions were obviously like wrong, but I've always thought like he
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has something going for himself.
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He he's a cut above, uh, the norm and he seems like a great guy.
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Like in terms of he has a really good public image of like, I spend all my time doing all
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this make a wish shit.
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I'm, I have a good sense of humor about myself.
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I'll let myself be the butt of jokes and movies and you know, late night appearances.
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I don't care.
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I don't take myself too seriously.
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Actual scar.
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Yeah.
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And I, I think that that charm has always been there and, and uh, yeah, I, I, I like
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the guy.
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I think, you know, some, some, sometimes it's boring, but sure.
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I just think that he's kind of from what I've read because I should have won.
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Yes.
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Okay.
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That's fine.
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No, but from what I've read about Cena's, uh, uh, current retirement and eventual unretirement,
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uh, is that his relationship with the fans has been like, they have either liked or disliked
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him and sometimes on the same show, you know, like it's just a very random feeling kind
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of relationship in terms of liking and disliking.
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He won all the time and for like, no one beat him for you had like Hulk Hogan level, no
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one can beat him.
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And so people did a turn on his super Cena-ness.
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And so like there was a stretch of time where people would have like signs that say, if
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Cena wins, we riot.
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It would become a thing where people would chant, uh, let's go see now.
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See now sucks.
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Let's go see now.
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Like dueling chants would break out pretty regularly.
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Right.
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Right.
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And that explains America right now.
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That explains it all.
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Doesn't it?
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Well, and, and the fact that that is like a sustainable thing that someone can do is
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such a testament to how like good they are as a performer that like you're getting these
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reactions out of people.
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And you know, I think, I think in this last stretch him, like, uh, the, the going bad
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heel turn stuff didn't work.
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But that was the rock's fault.
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I think that I would a hundred percent think that's the rock's fault.
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Um, but yeah, the last match, obviously he had to lose.
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It was, it was destined to lose and he was, uh, he went out, he was against Gunter, the,
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uh, the Nazi, uh, fella, the giant Nazi fella on the lineup.
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I'm sorry.
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So the American hero lost to the Nazi.
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Yeah.
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And he, he, uh, John Cena, his whole thing is a hustle, loyalty, respect, never give
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up.
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And he tapped out and he tapped out.
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That is a metaphor.
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That is dark.
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That is a dark metaphor.
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It is especially considering like, uh, he, he, after the match, you know, like there's
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this big ceremony, everybody comes out to the ring and is standing around.
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He kisses the mat, but also the mat, uh, is it says Riyadh season on it.
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It's just dark.
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It's just dark.
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This is a dark timeline, man.
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Really normal stuff.
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Like he's got to lose to a heel in his last match.
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He's got to kiss the mat, show the respect for wrestling.
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He's got to do all these things.
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But because of the world we live in, it's all like, just, it's just reflected in a
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crazy house mirror slightly.
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Right, right, right.
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So he has to lose to the heel.
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So the story going in is avenging Cena just immediately right out the gate, taking it
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away from the bad guy.
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No, no.
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You have to go out on your back if you're a, like a big guy, cause you got to put over
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the next generation, you know, like winning doesn't do anything except for your ego is
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stroked by you won the last match.
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Whereas if you're someone like Cena, someone retiring you and beating you in your last
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match can be really good for them going forward.
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So he has to do that.
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If he wins his last match, he's an asshole.
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That's basically the understanding that everybody has.
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And it's better if it's a real heel who beats him because then they can be, he can be like,
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I fucking beat your hero.
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You a piece of shit.
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You all suck.
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You can't compare to me, the Nazi ring general.
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Right, right, right.
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He wasn't even going to retire that, that show.
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He was going to retire the next show, but I kicked his ass too hard.
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He had to retire.
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Well, I don't know if you could pull that off.
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Cause the whole thing was kept talking about how this is his last night.
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It did feel very obvious.
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Yeah.
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It was fun though.
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Like the, you know, walk down memory lane of stuff and like they had a lot of great
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video packages of his career and like past opponents and stuff.
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That was really sweet.
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Like CM Punk's interview, like when they were talking to him, he was like crying.
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Like he had tears in his eyes talking about how like everybody thought I hated you, but
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in reality I've always just been following your lead.
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And that was beautiful.
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But then there was also the rock and the rock made Cena's retirement all about him.
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What?
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I can't believe that.
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Yeah.
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You were, you earned a great retirement and we did some great matches together.
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It was, I'm going to see my upcoming movie, black Adam to get some Tara, mana tequila.
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Do you know what you remind me a lot of the smashing machine out last summer?
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Yeah.
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No one can make me watch that movie is, is you have to, you'll have to, uh, clockwork
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orange me in order to see that.
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Um, but anyway, it was a nice time.
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I had a, I had a, I had a, I had a blast, I guess.
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I guess.
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I don't know.
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I mean, you know, it was a moment in your life and those are sometimes tough to come
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by.
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Right.
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It's weird too, to have somebody who's like, you know, he is a star now.
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He doesn't have to do this.
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He's in movies and he's in movies with Idris Elba as the prime minister and he's the president
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of the United States.
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I would say he's like, for wrestlers, that's huge.
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That's fair.
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That's fair.
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That's fair to the movies.
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Hulk Hogan was doing like, and John Cena's in the fast and furious franchise.
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Like he's, you know, he's doing things.
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You're right.
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You're right.
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And also he didn't hurt himself in some terrible way.
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So he's retiring in a way that's not like, sorry, this sucks.
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Yeah.
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It's, it's, it's strange.
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You rarely get to get to see these weird moments like this.
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People in that industry either usually die or it's really sad.
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And so like, this was weird.
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Yeah.
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Anyway, Vaya Condeos, John Cena.
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Is she all the best?
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Until we see you again.
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Stay in shape, buddy.
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But, but, but Bray should have won.
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So Jordan, today we have an episode we're going to be doing here.
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And I knew that we were going to be recording remotely.
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And so I wanted to do something that wasn't going to be too, too difficult, too hard,
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too straining on our, on our emotions.
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And then also I had a, I had a feeling that this last couple of months, I've been trying
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real hard to give you superpowers.
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I've put you through a real gauntlet of shit and maybe that's not fair.
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Maybe, maybe you deserve a break.
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Maybe, maybe we shouldn't just be trying to push your buttons all the time.
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Maybe maybe we should do something nice.
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Two Brits, two Brits who talk too much and are awful people.
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That's two.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And, and even beyond that, you know, there's the Elijah Shafer and a possible Elijah Shafer
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full episode that still could be coming.
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There's other things that I'm going to do in the future that this is sort of an apology
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in advance for.
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Gotcha.
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Gotcha.
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Well, thanks.
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That's pleasant.
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So what I thought I would do is I would put together, uh, just a nice walk through the
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park of times that Marty Shachter, Alex's soap sponsor has been on the show and done
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limericks.
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Oh God, this might be the happiest day of the year.
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So we can, yeah.
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And I think that this like really leans into some of your skills as a English major, as
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a, as someone who likes literature, as somebody who ruins things with bad vaping.
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Yeah.
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Ooh, vamping and vaping.
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That's the, is that our new after show about when we talk about knowledge fight on Hulu?
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So yeah, I, I, I, I just, I have a collection of a Marty Shachter, some limericks, some
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not some very much not.
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I'm in, I couldn't be more in, I just want to hear limericks for the rest of the day.
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So these are all in chronological order.
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These are like in terms of his first appearance as things go on, as he gets a little bit more
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comfortable with being on the show and maybe pushes things too far.
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Are you saying that we are doing an evolution of Shachter episode?
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Yeah, yeah.
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This is a deep dive on, on the soap man.
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I love it.
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So here is the first time that Marty was on the show and goes for, goes for a limerick
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and it's a real simple one.
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This is, this is, this is just a nice old man.
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Again, the globalist Shachter.
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So see, they set up the system again.
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It's always the same to do this.
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Whereas we have made in America, high quality systems that just use plant matter, just use
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vegetable oils to, to truly clean the good old fashioned way.
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Folks, give him a call.
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800-340-7091.
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God bless you and good to have you on Marty.
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Thank you very much.
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Can I close with a palm?
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Sure.
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You little soul, he has no time for birth control.
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That is why in times like these, we have so many sons of bees.
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You're funny.
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Take care.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:30.180)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:31.180)
You bet.
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He's a real character folks.
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You can hear the phones ringing.
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Yeah, there's a real, there's a real character right there.
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Sons of bees.
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I like that.
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I like that for a couple of reasons.
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If this is his first time and he's thrown out, can I close with a poem?
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Alex does not actually know what is about to happen.
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Right?
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I think not.
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I would assume not.
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I mean like who knows what goes on in contracts, you know, like there could have been a deep
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negotiation that went on, but I will say at this point, I, I, I, I do have some context
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like Marty Schachter was only a sponsor with Genesis Communications and Alex wanted him
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to be a like direct sponsor for Alex as opposed to sponsoring Alex through GCN.
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And so at this point he is like hooked up with Ted Anderson and the GCN folks.
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So Alex isn't, he's not directly sponsored by him yet at the point when he's doing this
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bee limerick, this bee poem.
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That's more of a couple, that's a couplet.
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There's a, there's two lines, two rhymes.
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I like that.
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That's a little four spot.
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Yeah.
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These bees, they're busy souls.
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They don't have time for birth controls.
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Do you think he wrote that on his own or do you think he grabbed that from somewhere?
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Tough to say.
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Also the bee population is dropping.
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There are not enough sons of bees, frankly, at this point in time.
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That's what it feels like.
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Yeah.
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So he's totally wrong.
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Somehow even when they're just doing borderline innocuous poems, they're wrong about something.
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Horrible.
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Yeah.
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But I mean, bees should wrap it up.
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Sure.
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Cool.
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So a little bit later, Marty is back on the show and Alex has him, has him bring on a
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little limerick.
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We sold a factory direct and it was, we still got people after all these years buying our
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products for themselves, their new families or whatever.
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All right.
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Marty, let me give people the number 800-340-791.
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God bless you, my friend.
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We'll talk to you again soon.
Unknown Speaker (00:23:48.740)
Alex, thank you.
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Let me close with a little tiny poem.
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A bee's a busy little soul.
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He has no time for birth control.
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That is why in times like these, we have so many sons of bees.
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Take care of my friend.
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Thank you, Alex.
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There goes Marty.
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What a character.
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Yeah, what a character.
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Did the same fucking poem.
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That was the second time and he did the same poem.
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All right.
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He did the same poem.
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All right.
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So let's have a post this one conversation between Alex and Marty right here, because
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to me, I'm hearing this and I'm going, well, this man's going to try and pick this the
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same bit every single time that we see each other.
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So I need to nip this in the bud right now.
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I need you to never do a poem again, Marty.
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I need you to either never do a poem or you need some, you need a new bit, man.
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You can't be coming to my show and doing the same material.
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The audience is, they're not responding anymore.
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The bee stuff is dead.
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You burned it.
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This is not eighties comedy.
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You can't be touring the same hour, buddy.
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You got to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite.
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You got to go.
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I know the bee bit is good.
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It's strong.
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I understand that.
Unknown Speaker (00:25:00.460)
Um, but yeah, you gotta keep moving.
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You gotta keep moving.
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Cause you're on, you're on the right path.
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We love being mean about birth control here.
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That's what we're here to do.
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So add more lines, write new poems about birth control, but do not do the same poem ever
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again.
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I cannot fake laugh anymore.
Unknown Speaker (00:25:19.500)
Now you've touched on something interesting because I think that Marty's folksiness and
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what the implication of the limerick is, is, is supporting of birth control.
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I think that this is actually counter to the beliefs that Alex would want.
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Like there would be less sons of bees out there if people were using birth control.
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But they don't want people to use birth control because then there won't be enough white people.
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That's the next part of these poems.
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It needs to be more about white people.
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This is in like the 2006, 2007 periods.
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That might've been too strong for the time.
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Right, right, right, right.
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It was different.
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Yeah, that's fair.
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Compassionate conservatism.
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I'm not sure if Marty got a note from Alex that like what you're saying of like, you
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gotta get some new bits, uh, stop it with a bee thing.
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But he does branch out for his next appearance.
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And instead of having a poem, he has a life philosophy.
Unknown Speaker (00:26:19.059)
Okay.
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Marty, thank you for being one of the few companies, I guess, left in this country.
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And thank you for your amazing product.
Unknown Speaker (00:26:26.420)
We've got to get it in whole foods grocery stores.
Unknown Speaker (00:26:28.259)
Have you tried that yet?
Unknown Speaker (00:26:29.420)
Because I've been for years buying organic subs there and a lot of them are really harsh,
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super expensive, even more than the normal toxic stuff at the regular grocery store.
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Have you tried to get your story about that on our next visit?
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I'd like to end with a little, uh, just a little philosophy.
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Yesterday is history.
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Tomorrow is a mystery.
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And today is a gift.
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That's why they call it the present.
Unknown Speaker (00:26:57.140)
Ha ha ha.
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Marty, take care.
Unknown Speaker (00:26:59.259)
Thank you, Alex.
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He is something else.
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He sure is.
Unknown Speaker (00:27:02.819)
This makes me think he did not, he did not write the previous poem.
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No, he fucking saw them on a Hallmark card.
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Also Marty Shachter fought in World War II.
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Do you know what's crazy?
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Do you know what he said on VJ Day?
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Let me close with a poem.
Unknown Speaker (00:27:29.619)
Yeah.
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Every single time there's a D-Day memorial, he comes up with a limerick that there once
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was a man from Normandy.
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I have a question.
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His wife thought he was a Bormandy.
Unknown Speaker (00:27:47.339)
I believe you said you had a question.
Unknown Speaker (00:27:55.180)
Sorry.
Unknown Speaker (00:27:56.180)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (00:27:59.019)
So once we've established that this man likes to close things out with his own little sign
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off, right?
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Do you think this extends to other places in his life or do you think this is just like,
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I'm on the radio.
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I have to have a sign off.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:14.859)
I see.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:17.579)
No, it's not just the radio, I assume.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:22.380)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:23.380)
I think when Alex says he's a character, I think that's true.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:28.200)
I think he's probably a fucking character.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:32.259)
He's a lot to deal with.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:35.380)
You don't say it literally every time, unless there's something about it.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:39.420)
That Barney, he's a real character, isn't he?
Unknown Speaker (00:28:41.680)
But I also think that's a pleasant character for the most part.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:46.740)
He's an old man who's a little bit annoying, who likes to tell little poems.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:53.359)
Yeah, I've met that guy so many times, fairly benign.
Unknown Speaker (00:28:58.359)
Sure, there's an annoyance there, but you know what?
Unknown Speaker (00:29:01.240)
Sometimes it hits the spot.
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It's almost like a little nostalgia burst.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:04.599)
You're like, you do it old man.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:06.740)
You fucking keep it going.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:08.319)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:09.319)
And he fought in World War II.
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He's still got a little spark of life in him that he wants to entertain people.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:14.140)
Come on.
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Let the man be.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:19.259)
That should be our only true law in this country.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:23.559)
I'm against all laws except for one.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:26.119)
If you fought in a war, you get to do limericks.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:29.359)
No, no.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:30.900)
It's got to be a specific kind of war.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:35.359)
World War II is a war that I think we can all look back on as like, it's defensible.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:41.299)
The last good limerick war.
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The last war that justifies limericks.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:47.299)
Right, gotcha.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:48.980)
You can't do limericks if you went to Vietnam.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:50.859)
Let's just get that out of the way.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:52.140)
Nobody can do limericks for Vietnam.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:53.940)
No, and if you're about to go to Venezuela, you can't do limericks.
Unknown Speaker (00:29:59.180)
Not anymore.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:00.180)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:01.180)
So, Marty comes back with the heat.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:07.339)
Actually, I found this one a little confusing.
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I was really excited to hear that your phones melted off the walls for three days last time
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we had you on.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:17.660)
I wish we had that type of response here with my videos.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:19.619)
We were going crazy here.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:21.720)
People kept calling.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:22.960)
They want soap.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:24.019)
They don't want detergents.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:25.019)
They don't want to be ripped off in the marketplace with all these poisons.
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And this is what we're there to help you.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:31.660)
There's nothing, nothing, but we offer any marketplace anywhere.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:36.779)
This is something we are proud of.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:38.220)
I'd like to close with a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:40.660)
Sure, go ahead.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:42.339)
There was a young monk from Siberia whose life grew drearier and drearier.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:49.420)
So a knight with a yell, he escaped from his cell and eloped with a Mother Superior.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:58.700)
Thank you, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:30:59.700)
Always good to talk to you.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:00.700)
Thank you, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:01.700)
Talk to you soon.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:02.700)
You bet.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:03.700)
Take care.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:04.700)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:05.700)
So a monk whose life sucks.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:07.819)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:08.819)
And Siberia.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:09.819)
He runs away with Mother Superior.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:13.700)
I think there's a lot of problems I have.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:17.059)
First off, I am strongly against slant rhymes.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:19.819)
I don't know if this has been made clear in our 1100 odd episodes, but slant rhymes are,
Unknown Speaker (00:31:26.579)
I think, a cruel joke that terrible writers play on the rest of us.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:32.819)
And two, what kind of monastery is he at?
Unknown Speaker (00:31:38.220)
That's what I was struggling with because I feel like we hear monk in Siberia.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:43.700)
I'm thinking a Buddhist monk, maybe.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:45.779)
I'm thinking maybe in the mountains.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:48.539)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:49.539)
Possible?
Unknown Speaker (00:31:50.539)
I'm definitely not thinking somewhere close to a nunnery or where Mother Superior would
Unknown Speaker (00:31:56.980)
be.
Unknown Speaker (00:31:57.980)
Well, I mean, you could go with a Russian Orthodox monk.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:02.380)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:03.380)
But is a monastery connected to a nunnery?
Unknown Speaker (00:32:07.519)
Not that I'm aware of, but who knows?
Unknown Speaker (00:32:11.900)
Some people have little separate areas.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:16.339)
I have no idea.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:17.660)
Yeah, maybe.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:18.779)
Maybe there's a wisdom to this limerick that's beyond the credit that we're giving it.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:24.740)
Maybe there's something deeper here within this limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:27.700)
Actually, this was said by a man who is trying to escape from Siberia.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:33.420)
Maybe it's Marty taking the piss out of religion.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:39.500)
That's possible.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:40.579)
You commit yourself to religion and you're a monk.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:43.339)
Oh God, your life sucks.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:45.079)
It's awful.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:46.079)
But you know what?
Unknown Speaker (00:32:47.160)
Go run away with this lady.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:50.500)
I posit this to you.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:51.920)
I posit this to you.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:53.180)
This man is the least interesting character in this entire story.
Unknown Speaker (00:32:57.640)
What is the Mother Superior's internal life like?
Unknown Speaker (00:33:01.119)
Where she has made it all the way up to Mother Superior at a monastery, clearly male controlled,
Unknown Speaker (00:33:07.640)
and then she has been seduced?
Unknown Speaker (00:33:09.539)
Or did she seduce this man who is lazy and bored?
Unknown Speaker (00:33:13.180)
It's hard to say, but the implication I think from listening to it is clearly she wasn't
Unknown Speaker (00:33:17.359)
kidnapped.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:18.359)
No, she was not.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:19.359)
Yeah, they looked.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:20.359)
There was a choice that she made to go away with the monk.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:24.380)
We can assume there was a loving relationship at the end of this limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:27.319)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:28.319)
And his life was less drearier once he left Siberia.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:32.799)
Do you know what's crazy?
Unknown Speaker (00:33:35.519)
I was vibing with Schachter's belief in soap.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:38.680)
I felt that.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:40.559)
That was a true man who was proud of his goddamn soap.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:44.359)
The people, they want soap.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:46.000)
They don't want detergent.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:47.880)
That was heartfelt.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:49.200)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:50.200)
You'll hear that a lot from him if you listen to his interviews.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:53.039)
He is deeply passionate about, well first of all hating detergent, and then just like,
Unknown Speaker (00:34:00.119)
he is a fucking soap guy.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:03.240)
He's not trying to branch out into other things.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:06.220)
It's kind of refreshing in some way.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:08.440)
He's a soap man through and through.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:12.280)
So this next one is the first time we get a little bit of a little cheeky.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:17.679)
A little saucy limerick?
Unknown Speaker (00:34:18.920)
Uh huh.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:19.920)
And we've been doing this and this is our year, the 60th year of getting soap back into
Unknown Speaker (00:34:25.800)
the home again and saying to Proctor, Lever and Colgate, I don't need you anymore.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:31.920)
That's right.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:32.920)
You guys started in 1947 so you're now celebrating your 60th year.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:36.920)
And our slogan here is, our business is going down the drain.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:42.519)
Alright Marty, CalvinPierceSoup.com or 5StarSoup.com or 1-800-340-791.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:49.000)
Thanks for coming on Marty and we'll talk to you again.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:51.119)
I'd like to leave a thought for today.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:53.719)
The thought for today is, sex on television is not harmful unless you fall off.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:00.719)
Haha, take care my friend.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:03.519)
Thank you Alex.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:04.519)
Alright, good to talk to Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:06.119)
What a character.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:07.119)
What a character.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:08.119)
Isn't that a Woody Allen joke?
Unknown Speaker (00:35:09.679)
Yeah, probably.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:10.679)
I think, I want to say that's a Woody Allen joke.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:13.199)
Seriously.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:14.679)
That was in his like, sex between two people is amazing, provided it's the right two people.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:20.440)
Yeah, I'm sure it's in a hundred books of jokes.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:24.639)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:25.639)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:26.639)
Oh no.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:27.639)
Oh no, Marty Shachter's a hack.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:28.639)
I want to be clear that Marty Shachter supports Woody Allen.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:32.599)
That's what I want to be clear on this.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:34.880)
This is my in now.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:36.039)
This is why I don't like him because his folksy attitude and his love of soap win me over
Unknown Speaker (00:35:40.760)
very quickly.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:42.800)
His ripping off of Woody Allen makes you suspicious.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:46.280)
Of course, of course.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:47.920)
Please don't tell me he's adopted anything.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:50.599)
This is 2007, 2008, it was a different time.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:53.159)
People didn't know about Woody Allen's stuff.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:58.159)
But like, I think that's a little rippled.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:01.599)
I think that's a little, Alex is probably feeling a little bit, uh oh, the homeschooled
Unknown Speaker (00:36:07.880)
kids listening, oh there they go.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:11.559)
I hope his next joke isn't from Roman Polanski.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:14.360)
It is not, but it is from a famous figure.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:20.039)
This is attributed to Abraham Lincoln.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:23.960)
I don't think Abraham Lincoln said this.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:27.159)
Okay, Marty, we'll talk to you soon and give us your limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:30.239)
This is from 1870, attributed to Abraham Lincoln.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:36.639)
I'm not sure if it's soap, but some say it is attributed.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:40.360)
It goes like this, drinking beer from a tomato can will never kill a man.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:47.039)
Drinking beer won't kill a man when an old tomato can.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:52.360)
Take care, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:53.360)
Thank you, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:54.360)
You bet, what a character, folks.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:56.000)
Oh, you take care, what a character.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:58.159)
What a character.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:01.000)
When would Lincoln have said this?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:03.559)
Uh, Gettysburg?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:05.559)
Hey guys, hey, real quick, before I start the main speech, can I do a little warm up
Unknown Speaker (00:37:11.719)
for everybody?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:12.719)
I got some bits and then I'll get into the four score, you know what I'm saying.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:16.920)
Four score and 20 tomato cans.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:19.559)
I just want to open with them.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:21.480)
I got some hot new tomato can material.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:23.719)
You can drink beer out of a tomato can.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:26.199)
Beer won't kill a man, but a tomato can.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:29.800)
We don't drink beer out of tomato cans.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:31.679)
Shut up, I'll do my brain speech later.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:33.960)
God damn it.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:35.000)
That's it, I'm freeing the slaves.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:36.719)
That's it, everybody's free.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:38.840)
Everybody's free, do you like that?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:40.039)
That's it, Civil War.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:41.320)
It's Civil War time, you don't like my tomato limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:44.639)
Was the tomato can the one that did it?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:46.840)
Was that the end?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:48.079)
It could have been.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:50.000)
So that is weird.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:53.679)
That's a weird one.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:55.679)
Yep, that doesn't make any sense to me.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:58.960)
I recognize that it's a play on the number of times you can put and in there.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:05.159)
Yeah, it makes sense grammatically.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:08.480)
An old tomato can kill you, that's true.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:11.199)
But beer can kill you too.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:13.119)
And so can drinking out of an old can.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:15.400)
You can get tetanus or something.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:18.880)
All of that stuff could kill you.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:22.719)
Here's what the problem is, right?
Unknown Speaker (00:38:24.800)
We live in the post-Lincoln times.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:28.079)
So once you say drink beer from an old tomato can, I'm like, that's botulism, sir.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:34.559)
Please do not tell me any more of this joke.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:36.840)
You need to go to the hospital as soon as possible.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:38.960)
Yeah, you guys didn't even understand canning back then.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:41.679)
You didn't boil the jars.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:45.000)
Come on, man.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:46.000)
The pasteurization even start.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:47.960)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:49.099)
So that one I think makes total sense, but it's kind of dumb.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:54.079)
The next time that he's on, Marty's got a little limerick, of course.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:59.239)
And then Alex asks for clarification.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:01.159)
What was that Lincoln one about?
Unknown Speaker (00:39:03.719)
Marty, thank you for spending time with us again today.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:06.199)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:07.199)
I've just got a poem for you.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:08.559)
I always love to hear them.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:10.079)
I'm dedicating this to my hero, Alex Jones.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:14.159)
He's a busy little soul.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:17.519)
He has no time for birth control.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:21.559)
That is why in times like these, we have so many sons of bees.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:29.320)
Now, last week or excuse me, last month when you were on with us, I didn't get the limerick
Unknown Speaker (00:39:34.840)
or the pun or the joke about potato or tomato cans and Lincoln.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:43.760)
None of us understood that.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:44.760)
Can you break that down for us?
Unknown Speaker (00:39:46.159)
In the 1800s, they think it's from one of the stories of Abraham Lincoln at that time.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:53.519)
And it just goes like drinking beer from a tomato can.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:57.360)
Can you ever kill a man?
Unknown Speaker (00:40:00.159)
Drinking beer won't kill a man, but an old tomato can.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:04.400)
All right, now I get it, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:07.519)
Now you get it?
Unknown Speaker (00:40:08.519)
How does that make it more clear?
Unknown Speaker (00:40:11.400)
He just said it again.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:13.400)
Oh, now I get it.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:15.320)
A tomato can.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:16.320)
Did he actually not understand the removal of an additional word and how the tomato can
Unknown Speaker (00:40:21.679)
is a double entendre for the can?
Unknown Speaker (00:40:24.440)
He said that no one around here got it.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:27.159)
So that implies that everyone at Info Wars, they were talking to each other.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:31.880)
Marty's usually like, he makes a lot of sense, but what the fuck was up with that tomato
Unknown Speaker (00:40:35.920)
thing?
Unknown Speaker (00:40:36.920)
And not just that, but they were also talking about Lincoln while they were doing it.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:40.400)
They were like, how did Lincoln involve himself within this tomato can bit?
Unknown Speaker (00:40:45.199)
That's attributed to our great former president.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:48.440)
So he brought the B1 back.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:52.960)
Oh man.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:56.239)
So the last one he said, oh, go ahead, Marty, give us your poem.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:00.920)
So he already knew that Marty was planning on giving a poem.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:04.559)
So I think we've established now that every time we see Martyr, shit's going down.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:08.639)
Yeah, by this point, Alex has become resigned to his fate.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:12.440)
I think that this guy is just going to do a poem.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:16.119)
And it's unfortunate when one of them is one he's done many times before, but you know,
Unknown Speaker (00:41:22.480)
it's hard to get sponsors.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:24.239)
Not everybody listens to the show every single day.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:27.079)
Not everybody is listening at every Marty appearance.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:29.760)
So it's brand new to somebody.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:32.840)
That's live radio.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:33.840)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:34.840)
It's like a must see TV.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:36.460)
It's new to you if you didn't see it.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:38.639)
Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:40.800)
So you were asking earlier about the idea if Marty is like this because he's on air
Unknown Speaker (00:41:47.039)
or if he's always like this.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:49.039)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:50.039)
And I think he's always like this because he's trying to evolve the bit.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:58.239)
He's gone from, I'm doing the same limerick, I'm doing a little bit more limericks, I'm
Unknown Speaker (00:42:05.320)
now demanding that I end with a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:08.199)
And at a certain point he introduces sound effects.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:12.119)
And Marty, I heard you wrote us a poem.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:13.639)
I'm touched.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:14.639)
Yes, I did.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:15.639)
Are you ready?
Unknown Speaker (00:42:16.639)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:17.639)
Jones keeps on flowing with info that is growing.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:23.599)
So you've earned this short poem.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:26.480)
No like it.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:27.880)
You don't know him.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:29.719)
Alex, your bliss itself.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:32.719)
You win, you touch all bases.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:35.960)
If you were packaged on a shelf, I'd buy 12 dozen cases.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:41.039)
Your rating is quadruple A at Genesis.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:44.920)
You're the most.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:45.920)
Business wise, I've got to say you are my favorite host.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:53.079)
You're a sweetheart, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:55.079)
Wow, what a crowd.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:58.079)
Wow.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:59.079)
Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:00.079)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:01.079)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:02.079)
Marty's now doing sound effects for us.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:08.079)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:10.079)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:12.079)
Hey, Marty, how'd you make that sound effect?
Unknown Speaker (00:43:16.920)
I got all these people here.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:18.159)
I got 2,000 people standing here listening to me.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:21.679)
Listen, you're a sweetheart, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:23.199)
Always love talking to you.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:24.199)
Take care, my friend.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:25.199)
Talk to you soon.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:26.199)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:27.199)
Take care.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:28.199)
I'll tell you, that's a sweet old man right there, folks.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:30.039)
That is a sweet old man.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:32.360)
Here's what I love about that.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:33.559)
I love whenever you can audibly hear somebody go, no point in keeping this going.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:41.440)
Whenever he's like, hey, how did you do that sound effect?
Unknown Speaker (00:43:45.039)
Marty gives that explanation.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:46.039)
He's like, hey, great to see you.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:47.639)
No followups.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:48.639)
I don't want any more.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:49.639)
There's no way that continuing this line of thought is going to end well for me.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:53.159)
So we're done.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:54.159)
But meanwhile, you can also feel Marty want to continue to play.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:57.639)
Oh, absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:58.639)
Oh, I've got this huge crowd here.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:00.559)
There's 2,000 people watching me.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:02.599)
Yeah, let's mix it up, buddy.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:04.480)
How do you feel about this crowd over here?
Unknown Speaker (00:44:06.880)
He's ambitious.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:07.880)
He is.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:08.880)
He is a guy who's like, I fucking love soap.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:12.039)
I've made this soap company, but I am now allowed to be on a radio show.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:16.579)
I'm going to live my dream.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:18.800)
I'm going to make the most of it.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:20.079)
I'm going to fuck around.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:21.840)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:22.840)
It is hard not to believe that Marty truly lives in a completely different world than
Unknown Speaker (00:44:28.300)
the rest of us.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:29.619)
And all of the stuff that normally bothers people just bounces off because this man cares
Unknown Speaker (00:44:35.460)
about soap and limericks and that's it.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:38.460)
The end.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:39.539)
And annoying Alex as part of a financial agreement.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:45.860)
I love the confidence because that's not a poem that he found somewhere else.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:50.260)
That's not a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:51.699)
That's not a structured poem.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:53.920)
That is a free form.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:55.300)
I'll rhyme if I want to or I won't.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:57.900)
The meter is what I say it is or it's not.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:00.460)
The length of the stanza is however long.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:03.699)
He wrote it though for sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:04.699)
And then he said it out loud.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:07.340)
And I think there's a real brilliance to it in that he knew that this is talking about
Unknown Speaker (00:45:13.500)
how great Alex is.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:15.019)
I think he's going to let me roll.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:17.460)
I think I can do it.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:19.460)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:20.460)
You're going to have a much more positive reception to your poems if one of them or
Unknown Speaker (00:45:25.579)
the possibility of one of them is Alex is great, Alex is great, Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex
Unknown Speaker (00:45:31.219)
is great.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:32.219)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:33.219)
So I think he had a real triumph there.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:36.539)
And unfortunately this leads him to much like Icarus, fly too close to the sun because he
Unknown Speaker (00:45:44.699)
decides, Marty decides that Alex's show needs a little bit of culture.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:49.420)
He needs to class this place up.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:53.099)
And so instead of a limerick one day, he decides he's going to do a scene from Hamlet.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:58.139)
We are so appreciative of that.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:00.699)
It just makes our day and our week and our month and our year.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:05.820)
Marty, go ahead and get into your Hamlet and then we'll tell folks about the show.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:11.219)
I thought your show could use a little culture.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:13.699)
So I want to offer a culture interlude.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:16.659)
Up in the Colorado mountains, aisle high above Denver is a castle.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:22.860)
Residing in the castle is his majesty, King Bates, his beautiful wife, Queen Bates, his
Unknown Speaker (00:46:30.179)
lovely daughter, Princess Bates, and his teenage son, Master.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:37.179)
The King makes a proclamation and says, today is Monday and it's laundry day.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:44.380)
He calls his steps on Hamlet and says, go to the market and secure a box of laundry
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detergents.
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Now Hamlet doesn't always listen to the King.
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He is still pissed off because the King killed his father to marry his gorgeous mother.
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This is a real soap opera.
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So Hamlet goes up to his room, gets up on his pedestal.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:09.340)
All castles have pedestals by the way, and shouts act two, scene one.
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He's a fan of Shakespeare and also the Alex Jones show.
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Act two, scene one.
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He proclaims to buy or not to buy.
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That is the question.
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Whether it is nobler in the home to suffer the perfumes and dyes of outrageous chemicals
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or purchase pure soap against this sea of pollution and buy this acquisition and them
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to wash, to bathe much more and buy this real soap product say we end the falsehoods
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and a thousand unnatural corruptions that detergent is heir to.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:00.340)
There's a consummation devoutly to be secured to buy pure soap perchance to use.
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Aye, there's the suds.
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For in the pleasure of ownership what dreams may come when we have cleansed our mortal
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home must give us pause.
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There's the respect that makes living of so long life enjoyable.
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For must we bear the unrelented distaste of enzymes, the antibacterials, the bathtub stench,
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the pangs of extreme costs, the sodium chlorides, the insolence of detergents and of the odorants
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that patient merit of the unworthy takes when he himself might as quiet as make with an
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all natural soap.
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Who would that bear this cost to grunt and sweat under a life of perfumes but that the
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dread of this can change forever with the undiscovered wealth of the Cal-Ben soap company
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no consumer can be without.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:16.739)
What puzzles the will is what makes us rather bear those expensive chemicals we buy.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:24.300)
Alex must talk to all others that know not of him.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:29.659)
Thus ignorance does make cowards of us all and thus the Cal-Ben Q of resolution is strengthened
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over with great soaps, design and enterprises of great quality and truth.
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With this regard their sales of current turn upward and gain the name of action.
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Buy soap now.
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Oh fair, oh strong, oh Jones, nymphs and aorisons, be all my ads flow through thee.
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Yay!
Unknown Speaker (00:50:11.059)
Oh my gosh.
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I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:13.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:14.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:15.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:16.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:17.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:18.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:19.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:20.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:21.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:22.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:23.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:24.059)
I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:25.059)
I love you.
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I love you.
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I love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:28.139)
What is happening?
Unknown Speaker (00:50:33.099)
Marty I don't think they're gonna have Cal-Ben pure soap in the FEMA camp.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:36.699)
I pardon?
Unknown Speaker (00:50:38.699)
Have you heard that Cheney has now announced himself above even executive orders and his
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own laws that he's been- Oh, is this new?
Unknown Speaker (00:50:47.260)
I haven't heard that.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:48.260)
Is that new?
Unknown Speaker (00:50:50.619)
Okay, I put this to you.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:53.420)
Yeah.
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As you know I have a weird feeling for power imbalances.
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That was Alex demanding dominance back over his show.
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One million percent.
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He's like, I've got an applause clip.
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I've got a better applause clip that I'm going to play for your old ass.
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Except it goes so fucking long.
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And Marty still has his own applause clip.
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Oh my God.
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Yes, totally.
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That is a dominance play.
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That was amazing.
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That was amazing.
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At no point in time was I ever convinced he was going to do the whole thing.
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And he still did it.
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He did it.
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Amazing.
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I mean, I'd heard it before and I still was shocked at every moment that it kept going.
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And every time I looked at the progress bar, I was like, two minutes left.
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Wow.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:37.019)
This is a lot.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:38.579)
I'll tell you this.
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That is a man who appreciates and has participated in local theater.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:45.099)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:46.099)
Maybe in World War II, he was doing theater for the troops.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:52.139)
Maybe that's what he was doing.
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God damn it.
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And he did the whole thing about, he really just put the soap.
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But God, that guy loves soap more than love.
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If you killed his father, that would be less offensive than if you fucked with soap instead
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of detergent or you know what I mean.
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He loves soap and performing.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:13.440)
Like it's so like he's just a little guy who loves the spotlight.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:18.800)
He can't get enough of this.
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I'm going to write a five minute retelling of Hamlet that's about soap.
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And I'm going to deliver it.
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And I'm not going to just deliver it.
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I'm going to act it and I'm going to act it hard.
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I'm going to hit my meter.
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I'm going to hit my fucking stanza breaks.
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I'm going to go for each little spot.
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And at every point in time, people will know I hate detergent and I love soap.
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And look, there's a part of me that feels like the line between this and like pretty
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fucking good alternative comedy in 2007, 2008.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:58.619)
Not very, it's not very, it's pretty close.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:02.139)
Right on.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:03.139)
If it's were somebody doing a character on Alex's show, like it's hilarious.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:08.579)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:09.579)
100%.
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It's a sweet old man though.
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Which makes it weirdly like endearing.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:19.159)
I would love it for it to be an underground hard edged comic who's doing a bit and he's
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really taking the piss out of Alex.
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That it's an old man who truly loves local theater takes it makes me feel weird.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:34.800)
So he does a couple more really long Hamlet like Shakespeare.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:41.079)
He does a Caesar one and I just don't have the energy to listen to another five minute
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thing, but it's pretty much the same thing.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:51.039)
It's very similar.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:52.039)
He does a few of these.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:54.199)
Doing one of those is more like extortion than advertising.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:57.360)
That is too long.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:59.320)
That is like forcing somebody to be there against their will for too long.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:03.820)
And I think it pissed Alex off.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:05.400)
I think that there was probably a point where it came to be like, we're doing a show here.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:10.280)
You can't just you can't do a monologue.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:12.679)
You can do a limerick, but you can't do a monologue.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:16.039)
So everything comes back to more reasonable length.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:19.400)
Give me a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:21.280)
We only got 30 seconds.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:22.800)
Okay then let me give you the limerick for today.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:26.800)
We got the limerick going.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:27.800)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:28.800)
I want you to write this down because it's important for your family.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:33.280)
There once was an egg named Mabel who tried to stand, but wasn't able.
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But our problem you see was solved.
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One, two, three.
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If you first sprinkle salt on the table.
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One 800-340-7091 five star soap.com.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:55.760)
Marty, you are a character.
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We love you.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:58.920)
God bless.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:00.559)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:01.559)
The egg on the table needs salt.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:04.639)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:05.639)
All right, man.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:07.360)
That's fine.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:08.360)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:09.360)
It is what it is.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:10.360)
But I started thinking about it maybe because I was bored with that limerick in particular.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:17.239)
I was like, his phone always seems to ring at certain times.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:23.739)
He's already shown himself to be capable of sound effects.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:28.039)
I think that's a sound effect.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:30.360)
I pointed at you so hard because I had that same thought.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:36.159)
When that phone rang, I was like, that sounds fake.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:38.760)
That sounds fake as shit.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:42.760)
There is no way this man is doing that fucking Hamlet speech and is also this busy.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:50.800)
It's very tough to imagine.
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The phone does seem to ring at kind of opportune times.
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So I think maybe it's all fake.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:00.880)
And maybe this is some kind of real avant garde art project.
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I would give anything to find out that that man does not sell soap.
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I would give anything to find out that there's no soap company.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:13.880)
He may be just an eccentric billionaire who's living out some sort of weird role-playing
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fantasy that's been going on for a long time.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:21.119)
That would be amazing.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:22.119)
Yeah.
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He's just a lonely guy with disposable income who knows Ted Anderson and tricked Alex into
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thinking he has a soap company.
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And it's just for him.
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Or it's some guy who hangs out at Largo doing a bit that never paid off.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:34.840)
Like it never got revealed.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:37.000)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:38.000)
Oh, man.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:41.119)
I just had the thought of somebody having a brilliant bit like this that is playing
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out in the background of everybody.
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And there's a moment where it's going to be revealed and everybody's going to go ape shit.
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But then they died first.
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And so then there's this historical missing bit that's out there that we'll maybe never
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find.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:59.960)
God, that's so sad.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:01.059)
That breaks my heart.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:02.059)
Well, that could be what we're uncovering and we get all the credit.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:06.539)
So Alex's show, obviously in the present day, deeply religious.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:11.559)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:12.559)
Deeply.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:13.559)
But at the time, just kind of religious.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:15.559)
You know, in the late 2000s.
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Not super-
Unknown Speaker (00:57:19.679)
These can be on birth control.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:20.679)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:21.679)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:22.679)
I'm going to have to talk to you about Satan.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:23.679)
I'm going to have to talk to you about Satan.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:24.679)
As always, Marty, it's great having you on.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:26.159)
Give us a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:27.159)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:28.159)
This is way, way, this is my most favorite limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:31.480)
Very, very old.
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God's plan made a hopeful beginning, but man spoiled his chances by sinning.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:41.199)
We trust that the story will end in God's glory, but at present, the other side's winning.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:52.639)
Oh boy.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:53.639)
The devil is winning.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:55.639)
His favorite limerick is about how the devil's winning.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:03.639)
Oh God.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:05.559)
I love that Alex totally expected there to be more to that.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:09.039)
He was clearly like, well, it doesn't end there.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:12.679)
It doesn't end there, right?
Unknown Speaker (00:58:14.519)
God wins at the end.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:15.519)
There's got to be some assurance of God's victory.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:17.760)
Right?
Unknown Speaker (00:58:18.760)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:19.880)
But the devil's fucking winning.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:23.199)
Hopefully it all ends in God's glory, but it turns out the rhyme requires the devil
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to be winning right now, unfortunately.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:29.840)
Shit looks bad right now.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:31.199)
Sorry.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:32.199)
The limerick rules apply.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:33.559)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:34.559)
So this is what I feel marks the departure for Marty.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:41.679)
We've had the era of testing the waters.
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We've had the era of Shakespearean monologues, and now he has declared that the devil is
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winning the battle of good and evil.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:55.059)
And I think he's just going to lean into it and start being a little bit dirty.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:59.380)
Marty, it's always wonderful having you on with us.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:03.179)
Give us a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:04.179)
This is a very old one.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:07.659)
An accident really uncanny occurred to my elderly granny.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:14.260)
She sat down in a chair while her false teeth lie there and bit herself right in the fanny.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:23.739)
Five star soap.com, 1-800-340-7091.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:27.699)
At least get the sample tote bag.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:29.539)
At least get the tote bag, guys.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:31.340)
Come on.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:32.340)
So that's dirty, but it's at least a little...
Unknown Speaker (00:59:36.699)
It's public domain dirty.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:38.579)
You know, like in the UK, maybe fanny, that kind of language wouldn't fly.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:42.860)
But here, we're fine.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:43.860)
Well, that one actually goes back to Lincoln.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:45.219)
It was Lincoln who said that one.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:46.940)
So we know that that was mainly butt related.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:50.820)
Yeah, false teeth, bit the fanny.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:54.539)
Bop, bop, bop, bop, chomp, chomp.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:56.820)
It's a little dirty.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:58.500)
It's untoward.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:00.280)
You're talking about butts.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:02.139)
I just like that Alex had a genuine laugh after just the first two lines.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:07.860)
My granny.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:08.860)
He's genuinely like, look at that granny.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:11.980)
He's probably going to get hurt.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:12.980)
Oh, there's an accident that happens to an old person.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:16.019)
We're cooking with gas.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:17.019)
He was laughing in anticipation.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:19.940)
What's going to happen to granny?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:20.940)
I bet it's not good.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:22.780)
Well, he should know that it's a poem.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:25.179)
And what rhymes with granny, fanny?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:27.059)
He should see this bus coming from a ways away.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:30.539)
And yet he still seems a little bit caught off guard.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:36.019)
I don't know if he's ever seen the punchline coming.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:40.219)
I think Alex is a very strong, the punchline will always hit hard.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:45.139)
And that makes him a good audience.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:47.739)
So Marty is now emboldened, I think.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:51.820)
And he is full of just hubris to the point where I believe he is now doing bestiality
Unknown Speaker (01:00:59.920)
related lyrics.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:01.920)
Marty, give us a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:03.920)
Well, I heard this last week on the radio from a major San Francisco station owned by
Unknown Speaker (01:01:09.880)
Disney.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:10.880)
And I immediately wrote it down because I wanted to share with you.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:14.039)
It starts like this.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:15.039)
There was a young maiden named Myrtle who had an affair with a title with a swelling
Unknown Speaker (01:01:22.719)
in her girdle.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:23.719)
And her mother found out that Myrtle's turtle was fertile.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:28.679)
Man, you're something else.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:31.840)
Marty will talk to you soon.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:32.840)
Take care, my friend.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:33.880)
So this lady fucked a turtle.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:35.880)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:36.880)
What are we doing?
Unknown Speaker (01:01:37.880)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:38.880)
We're going to have a sad human turtle hybrid with eyes.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:44.039)
That's what's going to happen.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:45.260)
This is where it all began, buddy.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:47.079)
What about the homeschooled children that are listening to this?
Unknown Speaker (01:01:51.079)
This is no good.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:52.480)
Alex can't be having this kind of content.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:54.400)
This is obscene.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:57.199)
This is the most 1940s World War II veteran that you can be.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:02.119)
I heard this thing and I was like, I gotta go write this down.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:06.559)
I gotta go write this down.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:08.320)
There's no other way for me to hear a thing and then share it with you later.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:12.380)
I gotta go write it down.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:13.719)
Amazing.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:14.719)
A Disney radio station had this filthy fucking poem about having sex with a turtle.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:20.679)
I gotta write this down.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:21.920)
I gotta tell Alex.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:23.679)
Also, what a relationship.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:27.239)
Obviously it's very one-sided.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:29.199)
It's very one-sided.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:30.280)
Alex is never out and about thinking, oh, I'll write that down and tell Marty later.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:35.800)
He hears a good limerick.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:37.000)
He's not going to save it for his old buddy.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:41.880)
Marty is like going out just getting people little gifts.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:45.400)
I bet he goes out and he just stops out somewhere and he just goes, oh, this made me think of
Unknown Speaker (01:02:49.719)
you.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:50.719)
He bought it and then he gives it to you.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:51.960)
It has nothing to do with you and it's fucking gross.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:55.119)
Yep, absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:57.440)
I'll throw it away immediately.
Unknown Speaker (01:02:59.079)
You have purchased garbage for me, sir.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:01.480)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:02.480)
So the trend continues a little bit and there's a little bit, it's cheeky.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:06.920)
There's some cheeky stuff going on.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:08.880)
Got about 60 seconds.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:09.920)
Give me a limerick.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:10.920)
A cute little babe from St. Paul wore a newspaper dress to a ball, but the dress caught on fire
Unknown Speaker (01:03:22.119)
and burned her entire front page sporting section and all.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:27.719)
Oh, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:31.519)
Oh, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:32.519)
Oh, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:33.519)
Sporting section.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:34.519)
Marty.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:35.519)
I'll tell you what, that one was disappointing.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:38.320)
That one was real disappointing.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:40.000)
Marty.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:41.000)
Oh, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:42.000)
Oh, Marty.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:43.000)
Yeah, but she had a newspaper dress and she burned her, burned her tits off.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:50.760)
I think this, I think here's what happened.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:53.079)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:03:54.079)
So, first off, of all of these lyrics and poems up to this point, this is the first
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one that had the correct meter and had the upward inflection at the end of the second
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line, which is very important.
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That's true.
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So it was going great.
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It was going great.
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Then the third line, short, boom, nailed it.
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Then the fourth line, no, he ended in the middle of the phrase.
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So now the whole thing is rude.
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The whole thing is rude.
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I'm less tough on him from that standpoint.
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I think that it's high art to refer to someone's body parts as their sporting section on Alex's
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show.
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I think that that's quite a swing and Alex should not be thrilled with this.
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This should be like, you're a fucking gross man.
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I like that.
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Yeah.
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I mean, what are you going to do?
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What are you going to do?
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As far as horrible things that old men have said about women goes, to me at least, this
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is way low on the list.
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True.
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True.
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But there's homeschooled kids listening and Alex has a responsibility to teach them.
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Imagine if they go to school the next day and tell all of their classmates, oh, wait.
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Hmm.
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No, they can't.
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They could tell their mom.
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Yeah, that's probably not a good recipe.
Unknown Speaker (01:05:15.639)
No.
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So the next, uh, next homework we have, uh, is about a guy with a smelly ass.
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Here's the lemmer.
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You ready?
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Yes.
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There once was a man from Australia who painted his ass like a dyer.
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The color was fine.
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Likewise, the design, but the aroma, that was a failure.
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All right.
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Marty Schachter, always good to have you take care of buddy.
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We'll talk to you again next month.
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Thank you, Alex.
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I don't think Alex is thrilled with this.
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The guy's ass stinks.
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All right.
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I like that the content of the limerick seems very important to Alex as opposed to the turn
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or the concept of the joke being a thing.
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It's very much like, oh, Marty, this one's no good.
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What are you doing?
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And you get a feeling of like lowering action.
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Like he's, he's starting, like Alex is starting to feel like, Oh God, yup.
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Fucking sporting section.
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Lady fucked a turtle.
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This guy's ass smells.
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What are we doing?
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We're on, we're on the fourth layer of the, uh, uh, pre-taped call-in show.
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That's where we're at right now.
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I swear to God, I told you one more limerick.
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So I have a theory that Alex had a little chat with Marty about these limericks and
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about how they're dirty and how this is a family show.
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There's homeschoolers listening and it's Alex's job to teach them.
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And so Marty comes back with what I would describe as a meta limerick.
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That is a limerick about his limericks and how they're clean.
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The first limerick for today is a limerick packed last anatomical into space that is
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quite economical.
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But the good ones I've seen so seldom are clean and the clean ones so seldom are comical.
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For Alex, every line has been clean, not a word that's for pain or obscene or spelled
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in four letters that might pain our betters or snafu if you know what we mean.
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All right, Marty, good having you with us.
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We'll talk to you again soon.
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That feels in response to something.
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That feels like half of a conversation where the first half is your limericks are dirty.
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And he's saying in limerick form, Alex, all my shit's clean.
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I don't use four letter words.
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This is all clean.
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I've been so clean for you.
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Yeah, it feels like this was a, I was brought into the principal's office and I heard what
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the principal had to say and the principal didn't listen to me.
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So I went home and I wrote a two stanza limerick.
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And when I tell the principal, they'll finally be on my side because the only way to fight
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fire with fire is with limericks.
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And instead the principal is even more fucking annoyed.
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Of course, it's twice as long.
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It's twice as long.
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You could have done half of that and it would have been better.
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It said you did two.
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You could have just left the first one, the implied response to mine.
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You didn't have to make it an extemporaneous text.
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Jesus Christ.
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Yeah.
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So Marty's time is short after this.
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I think that the difference of opinion between them about whether or not limericks are dirty
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or not as they just can't bridge that gap.
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No amount of shared soap love or advertising dollars is going to work.
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And so we have one last limerick from our friend, Marty.
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All right, Marty.
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Again, it's five star soap.com and give us today's limerick.
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A skydiving couple named Lord decided on sex while they soared.
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They got so excited while flying United, they never did pull the rip cord.
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Marty that's a little racy, but that's your first racy one.
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So we'll let you get by with it.
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God bless you.
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We'll talk to you again soon.
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Thank you.
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Marty, Marty, little racy.
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Talking about fucking on a plane.
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Yeah.
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Can't let you get away with that one.
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Oh my God.
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Little racy, little racy, buddy.
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Actually saying sex out loud.
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People doing it.
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Sex on a plane.
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That's racy.
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What does it mean that they didn't pull the rip cord?
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It wasn't on a plane.
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They were skydiving.
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So they had jumped out of the plane.
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No.
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They said they were fucking on a United plane.
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No, no, no, no.
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They were United.
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Ooh, let's listen to it again.
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Go for it.
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All right, Marty.
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Again, it's fivestarsoap.com and give us today's limerick.
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A skydiving couple named Lord decided on sex while they soared.
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They got so excited while flying United, they never did pull the rip cord.
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Marty that's a little racy, but.
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You're right.
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You're right.
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Flying United is not flying on a United airplane.
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There were United as one, so they died.
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They died.
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PIV.
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Yeah.
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Yep.
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Wow.
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I didn't get that.
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I thought they were just fucking on a plane.
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What a way to go.
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Yep.
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Pulling the rip cord I thought was a metaphor.
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Right.
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I thought it was like they didn't bust or something like that.
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Right, right, right, right, right.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:06.520)
Nope.
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But no, no, they're dead.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:08.520)
They died because they did not pull their chute because they were too distracted by
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the fucking that they knew they were going to be doing while skydiving.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:17.399)
I love that the response to that is little racy.
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Little racy.
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Of all the things that I could respond to that with, I feel like little racy isn't one
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of them.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:27.479)
Yeah, but it is a little racy.
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You know?
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No, no, no.
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I'm with you.
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I'm just saying that in terms of like, okay, if somebody just out and out says that to
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me, my first thought is, are you okay?
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Is there something you need?
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Right.
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What if this person is selling you soap?
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Then what?
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Are you still worried for their welfare?
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I mean, I guess no.
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I guess that makes him the perfect man to sell soap, really.
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If you were going to make a Willy Wonka, but for soap, I don't think that he, I mean,
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like a limerick guy would kind of fit.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:08.760)
Yes.
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Now I just thought of an ad campaign.
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So he's out there, he's talking about like this lady fucked a turtle, then he was fertile
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and all this like really gross limericks.
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Lot of turtle fucking.
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Right.
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That's the before.
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Then he washes his mouth out with soap, Calvin Pure soap.
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Love it.
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Love it.
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He's doing like just very clean family friendly limericks.
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We got sold.
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We got an ad campaign here.
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You are just about to change your goddamn name to Dick Whitman, my friend, because you're
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a genius.
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Yeah.
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Imagine soap.
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What is it?
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It cleans your mouth.
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That's so weird because I was just reflecting earlier this morning, like I had my mouth
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cleaned out with soap when I was a kid for swearing and nobody was like, this is dumb,
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right?
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Everybody was like, no, it makes sense.
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See, because it's dirty language.
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So you clean it with soap.
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It makes perfect sense.
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Yeah.
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I remember the first time that happened in my life.
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I did, I didn't know how to articulate it, but I was like, this is symbolic, right?
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I didn't know how to say that as a kid, but there was a part of my brain that was like,
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I know this doesn't work.
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This isn't doing anything.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:23.920)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:25.319)
This is a, you're poisoning me as a punishment, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:13:27.920)
That's what's happening.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:28.920)
It's just that soap tastes bad, right?
Unknown Speaker (01:13:30.920)
That's what's happening.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:32.920)
Okay.
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Great.
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Great.
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So Marty is gone.
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Marty, I don't know when he died.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:38.359)
I don't know if he's still with us, but he stopped appearing on Alex's show in about
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2010 and probably, I like to believe, absent any other information, it's because of the
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trajectory that we have laid out here today.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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He got too big for his britches, started doing legitimate small town theater on Alex's show,
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got scolded, started getting dirty, and then Alex had enough of it.
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I truly believe in my heart of hearts, and I don't care what the truth is, in my heart
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of hearts, Alex loves money so much, but Schachter's liberics were so bad that he had
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no choice but to go against everything that he believed in and say, I don't want your
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money.
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I hate your liberics.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:29.039)
That's amazing.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:30.039)
Well, I think that's part of it, and then I think also, we touched on when Alex brought
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in his own applause sound effect.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:36.319)
He was trying to dominate, and I think that this probably is a space that's so silly,
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it's so whimsical, and Marty does have a sense of humor.
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It's not great, but it's there.
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It's there.
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And Alex can't dance with it, and he can't dominate that space.
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Marty is a little cherub running around that Alex can't understand.
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He can't figure out how to best Mr. Mixleplicks.
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You know what it is?
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He's got a segment.
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That's what's happened.
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Somehow Schachter has just forced his way into being like, well, this is the Schachter
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Five.
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We're going to give Schachter five minutes every time he comes on, and that's not how
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this goes.
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You sponsor the show, and then you get the fuck out.
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You don't get your own little, here's what I'm challenged about today.
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And I will yell about how great your soap is.
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We'll do everything we can to sell your soap, but yeah, you don't get your own corner because
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I think that once somebody can do that, people will stop liking Alex as much because they'll
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realize there's something more fun to listen to.
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Look at this silly old man.
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Why don't you give, here's the problem though, right?
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Is then the next step is why don't you give him some more time?
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We love silly old man.
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Then out of nowhere, now you've got 20 minutes devoted to Schachter's Olympics every damn
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episode.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:04.220)
Alex is just sponsoring the Schachter power hour and the poetry slam with Schachter.
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Alex tries to write his own limericks to get in.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:15.819)
Oh my God, I would love to see a dueling limericks between Alex and Barty Schachter.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:21.739)
I don't think he has the creativity.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:23.739)
It's such a low standard of creativity, and yet I think Alex doesn't clear that bar.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:28.779)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:29.779)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:30.779)
It's like you should be able to bang out at least one limerick in a day.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:35.060)
Just spend some time on it, get three, four hours set aside, and then you can bang out
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a solid limerick.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:41.979)
I feel like that's-
Unknown Speaker (01:16:42.979)
What was that, Kanye?
Unknown Speaker (01:16:43.979)
Like seven beats a day for three summers?
Unknown Speaker (01:16:46.819)
That but limericks.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:47.819)
Yes, exactly that but limericks.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:51.460)
So yeah, I wanted to do this partially because like I said, I wanted to give you a light
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day at the office.
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But also, I've done some interviews and people have asked me, what do I want people to know
Unknown Speaker (01:17:05.180)
about Alex Jones?
Unknown Speaker (01:17:07.180)
And it's such a nebulous question.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:08.880)
It's such a like, yeah, there's a lot of things that I'd like people to know.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:12.420)
Like he is a racist and that kind of shit.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:15.819)
But there's something about this that is what I want people to know about Alex.
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He's a fucking clown.
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He is the kind of person who is doing a show about how the globalists are going to round
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everyone up in FEMA camps and take over the world and poison the vaccines and all this.
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And the only way he can make money doing it is if an old dude tells dirty limericks on
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his show.
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Like that's who he is at his heart.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:44.800)
And so I like, it's a hard thing to put into words precisely.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:52.460)
But if you get Shactor, you get everything.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:55.180)
Yeah, there's an element of when other people see him, because he has got so many decades
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of effort put into this glitz, this show, this illusion around him, that it is very
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hard for people to see the truth, which is that this is a man fighting for dominance
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with the soap limerick guy.
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And losing.
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Hard.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:21.420)
And losing.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:22.460)
Not even close.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:23.460)
Yeah.
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And I think that's important.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:25.979)
That's an important image that people keep in their mind.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:29.140)
So we are going to be off in Portland in the near future.
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So I think, I'm not sure when our next episode is going to come out.
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The immediate future.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:39.699)
We'll be off in Portland in the immediate future.
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Very shortly from now.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:43.979)
We are doing a show on Friday there.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:47.619)
So I don't think we're going to have a Friday episode.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:49.899)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:50.899)
Because we're also doing a show on Thursday there.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:52.939)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:53.939)
But we might be back on Monday.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:55.779)
I would like, if possible, to put the Thursday show out on Monday.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:00.380)
But I'm not sure logistically if we'll be able to pull that off.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:03.579)
So we might be back next week.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:05.699)
Who knows?
Unknown Speaker (01:19:06.699)
We'll be back.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:07.699)
You know?
Unknown Speaker (01:19:08.699)
We'll be, obviously.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:09.699)
Listen, we're not going to run out now.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:12.300)
We're at 1100 odd.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:14.220)
We'll be back.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:15.220)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:16.220)
I'm just trying to warn people that it might not be on Friday.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:20.140)
We might, you know, hey.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:21.140)
It might be tough to get one out on Friday.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:23.380)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:24.380)
But we'll see.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:25.380)
But whenever it is, I'll write a limerick for y'all.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:27.500)
And it'll be a lot of fun.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:30.020)
But hey, Jordan.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:31.500)
What fun.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:32.500)
We'll be back.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:34.500)
A delight.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:35.859)
A delight.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:37.100)
But until then, we have a website.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:38.739)
Indeed we do.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:39.819)
It's knowledgefight.com.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:40.819)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:41.819)
We'll be back.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:42.819)
But until then, I'm Neo.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:43.819)
I'm Leo.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:44.819)
I'm DZX Clark.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:45.819)
I am the mysterious professor.
