Transcript/446: The Super Alpha Male Championship

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N-N-N-N-N-N-N-Knowledge Fight
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Dan and Jordan, I am sweating.
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Knowledgefight.com, it's time to pray.
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I have great respect for knowledgefight.
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Knowledgefight.
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I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys saying we are the bad guys.
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Knowledgefight.
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Dan and Jordan, Knowledgefight.
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Need money.
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Andy and Kansas, Andy and...
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Stop it.
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Andy and Kansas, Andy and Kansas, Andy and...
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It's time to pray.
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Andy and Kansas, you're on the air.
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Thanks for holding.
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Hello, Alex.
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I'm a first-time caller.
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I'm a huge fan.
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I love your room.
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Knowledgefight.
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Knowledgefight.com.
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I love you.
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Hey everybody.
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Welcome back to Knowledgefight.
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I'm Dan.
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I'm Jordan.
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We're couple dudes.
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Like to sit around, drink novelty beverages, and talk just a little bit about Alex Jones.
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Oh, indeed we are.
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Dan.
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Jordan.
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Dan.
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Jordan.
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Quick question for you.
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What's up?
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What's your bright spot today, buddy?
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I'm in love with this apartment.
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I know.
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That I am madly in love with.
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I think...
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I mean, it's too early to say really to get over-committed, but I really like this place.
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And the move was smooth.
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I'd like to thank everybody out there who sent such kind wishes of a smooth move and
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a painless transition.
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Appreciate it very much.
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But that's not my bright spot.
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What's your bright spot?
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My bright spot is I have finally got something in this apartment that I have been unknowingly
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looking for for my whole life that is a signifier of adulthood.
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What's that?
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A junk drawer.
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A junk drawer.
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Yes.
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You do not have a junk drawer.
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You've never had a junk drawer.
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I've never in the past had a junk drawer.
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What have you put in your junk drawer so far?
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I...
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Oh.
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Jofar?
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Jeez.
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Jofar.
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Jofar.
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Jofar.
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Yeah.
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I have all sorts of stuff.
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All right.
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We're talking about some aluminum foil.
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We're talking about plastic wrap.
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We're talking about socket wrenches.
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Useful.
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We're talking about a screwdriver.
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Wait.
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You're not using...
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Yeah.
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Aluminum foil is a daily use, man.
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It's the extra one for once I run out of this one.
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See, now you're...
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Exactly.
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Now you've sold me.
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Uh-huh.
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Two old cell phones that are completely dead.
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Those are in the junk drawer.
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I just can't throw away a couple of rocks from back when I had a jeweled rock phase.
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Yeah.
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Good rocks.
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Beautiful rocks.
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Energy rocks.
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Yes.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Powerful rocks.
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Yeah.
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Exactly.
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A deck of playing cards.
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Okay.
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Always got to be in a junk drawer.
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In other places, I didn't have enough drawers to actually have a dedicated place.
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Right, right, right.
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And so I'd kind of just put stuff in a box and toss it in a closet, and I didn't realize
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how much it would be gratifying to just have a drawer that I pull out.
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I was like, well, that's got all my junk in it, and it is something that I associate with
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being an adult.
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It's something that every grown-up house has.
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Sure.
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My parents were against clutter and everything, but they absolutely had a junk drawer in pretty
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much every house.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I didn't realize that.
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It's great.
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Complete.
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Complete.
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Yeah.
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You're welcome to the Club of Colonialists, I guess.
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Thanks.
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What about you?
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What's your bright spot?
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My bright spot, Dan, is... Well, actually, I was going to have a different bright spot,
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but I got to ride the train over here, Dan, and I haven't ridden the train in such a long
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time.
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Yeah.
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It's wonderful.
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I've been at your old place.
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I could walk to it, but now-
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Yeah, it was pretty close.
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We're a little bit further apart now.
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Yeah, and it's so normal.
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It's so gratifying.
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I used to ride the train every single day.
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Yeah.
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Every single day.
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It still requires a bit of safety on your part, but yeah, I'm glad you can do that.
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Yeah, it's nice.
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And experience the wobble-wobble of the L.
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Ooh, I love that.
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I love the L.
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Yeah.
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I hated it when I first moved here.
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I was really scared it was going to derail every time I rode it.
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Really?
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Really?
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It probably took like four years for me to get comfortable with it.
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Yeah.
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Really?
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When I first moved here, all of my jobs were downtown.
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I lived in Lakeview, and for those of you who aren't in Chicago, there's an express
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bus that runs on Lakeshore Drive from Lakeview to downtown that takes like five minutes to
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get there.
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So I never had to take the L. I could always just take that to work.
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Right.
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And the only times I would need to take it were for going to shows and stuff, and I'd
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be drunk.
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Yeah.
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That'll smooth things over for you.
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We're going down.
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Yeah.
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This brown line is going to crash right into that bocce's.
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That's odd.
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The very first time that I took the L, I was 17.
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We were up here for a New Year's Eve celebration, and on the way back, somebody very, very
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drunkenly threw up on another guy.
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Sure.
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And then-
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So you were on the red line.
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No, it was actually the...
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It was the green line.
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Wow.
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All the way out, and-
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Fomenting is such a red line.
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And the guy in the car up ahead of us got stabbed.
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Whoa.
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So yeah.
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That's nuts.
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This is a while, and that was my first experience.
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Shocking you went back.
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Love it.
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It's a place of wonder and excitement for a small town kid.
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You know what the weird twist for me is a little bit?
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What?
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I actually really enjoyed the L the first time I took it, because I came up here with
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a then girlfriend to go to a mutual friend of ours' wedding in Chicago, and it was the
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first time I'd come, and we took the L around, and I had none of those fears.
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There was something about, like, I live here now, that made it scary to me, whereas if
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I was visiting, it was like, eh, no big deal.
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I don't know why.
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I'm just a poor boy from Missouri coming up to the big city.
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It's all an exciting adventure.
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Yeah, my brain dealt with it differently.
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That's weird.
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Well, congratulations on coming back to the train.
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Yes, the mundanity of life.
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Yes.
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So Jordan, today we've got an interesting thing to go over.
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It's not an episode of Alex's show, because I should tell you, this isn't helping the
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rumors that I am Alex Jones, and by extension, I'm also Bill Hicks, but the entire time that
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I've been moving, Alex has been out of studio.
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Again.
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This is a disturbing pattern.
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This really is a disturbing pattern.
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This has been regular.
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It seems to happen more than I'm comfortable with.
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Any time you're like, I think I'm going to take some time off, Alex is like, wow, I mean,
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I've got to take a vacation too now.
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Nobody's listening anymore.
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I put him on time out a couple months back, and then he was out of studio.
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That was super weird.
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And then, yeah, now Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, all was Owen Troyer hosting.
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Jesus.
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And then today, as we're recording on Thursday, David Knight was hosting.
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And so we have no Alex to do.
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So what I decided I wanted to do was, because it's the first episode we're recording this
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new apartment, I was like, all right, I can take back that whole thing about not doing
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Project Camelot episodes.
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I was like, come on, Kerry, save me.
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And I went to her YouTube channel, and she's already switched to the paywall.
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Of course.
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So there's no new episodes on there, and like I said, I'm going to respect her paywall and
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intellectual property.
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Sure.
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So I was like, all right, fuck yeah.
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Jim Baker.
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Jim Baker's our boy.
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He's AWOL, too.
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He's AWOL, too.
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Isn't he?
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Yeah.
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News just broke that he's getting sued by another state attorney general, but he's been
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gone from his own show for the last God knows how long.
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Why not?
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So I was like, I'm back.
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I'm back to the wall.
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I don't know what to do.
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And actually, this is a good time for a shout-out.
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I'd like to give a shout-out to Danny, who wrote me a message on Facebook and alerted
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me to something that happened, and it is definitely worth our time, so that's what we'll be talking
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about today.
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All right.
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He watches some of the other shows, like, let's say, The War Room.
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Oh, no.
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And so knows some things that happened that would slip past my eye, and this is one such
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thing that is definitely... All right.
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So we're going to be talking about what happened on June 12th on The War Room.
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Oh, boy.
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And don't worry, it's real stupid.
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That makes sense to me.
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Yeah.
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So before we get into that, Jordan, though, we've got to take a moment to say thank you
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to some folks who have signed up and are supporting the show.
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So first, got to say thank you to Carl in Pennsylvania.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thank you, Carl.
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Thanks, Carl.
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Next, this is a person who owns the cutest dogs in the world.
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I guarantee that.
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Okay.
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No competition.
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Thank you, Paulie.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thank you, Paulie.
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Thanks, Paulie.
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Next, Gabriel Kay.
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Thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thanks, Gabriel.
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Thank you.
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Next, Louis or Louis.
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I'm not entirely sure.
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Could be either.
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M, last initial.
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Thank you, Louis M. You're now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thanks, Louis or Louis.
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Yeah.
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And luffa sniffa.
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It ends in an A-H instead of an E-R.
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Okay.
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Someone who smells luffas.
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That sounds like it.
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Thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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Thank you very much, luffa sniffa.
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Thank you.
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Next, Chris G. Thank you so much.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Thanks, Chris.
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And then, this is clever.
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Is it?
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Yes.
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Okay.
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You are now a technocrat.
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You are now a policy wonk.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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You son of a bitch.
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Clever.
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I have to tip my cap.
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That's very clever.
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That's well done.
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I'd also like to say thank you to somebody who donated on elevated level.
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I appreciate that very much.
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So, Kevin R. Thank you so much.
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You are now a technocrat.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Crikey, mate.
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That's fantastic.
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Have yourself a brew.
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How's your 401k doing, bro?
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All right.
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We got to go full tilt boogie on this, Watson, all right?
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Let's just get down to business.
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We ain't making that money off that heroin.
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Why you pimps so good?
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My neck is freakishly large.
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I declare info war on you.
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Thank you so much, Kevin R. Yes.
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Thank you very much, Kevin.
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And finally, I'd like to say thank you to somebody who went just above and beyond.
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So, we're going to bat for the cycle in terms of drops today.
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Oh, boy.
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And so, I'd like to say thank you to Industrial Robot.
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Thank you so much.
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You are now a raptor princess.
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I'm a policy wonk.
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Four stars.
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Go home to your mother and tell her you're brilliant.
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I'll barbecue your ass.
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It's over for humanity.
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You're a beautiful soul.
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They're coming for your balls.
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Well, I piss all over your god.
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Very few people crap in the pool unless they're babies.
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I piss all over the state.
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Make it a practice of calling people pieces of garbage.
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When they are.
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Come in, as you see fit.
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Thank you so much, Industrial Robot.
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Yes, thank you very much, Industrial Robot.
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If you're out there listening and you're thinking,
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hey, I enjoyed this show.
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I'd like to support what these gents do.
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You can do that by going to our website, knowledgefight.com,
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clicking the button that says support the show.
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We would appreciate it.
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Yes, we would like it very much.
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Or you can take that generosity.
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Pay it forward.
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Sure, why not?
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Take it to a charity, a bail fund.
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Did you see in my eyes that I was trying?
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You were scrambling.
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Yeah, the wheels were turning.
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You know what was happening?
Unknown Speaker (00:10:41.960)
What's that?
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The word paper mache was in my head.
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Oh, that'll do it.
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I didn't know how to make it work for a,
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make a paper mache something and then send it to a charity.
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That's how most people feel about paper mache in general.
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Nobody knows how to make it work.
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That shit's alchemy.
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Fair enough.
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Yeah.
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So we'll get down to business on this episode,
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but first, Jordan, we got to check in with the year of the.
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All right.
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So we've hit the ground running in this new apartment,
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the year of the seltzer.
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We are now.
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600 seltzers.
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One day.
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No.
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128 seltzers.
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Okay.
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All right.
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And what I did is I,
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I wandered around to a couple of the corner stores around here.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:18.960)
Sure.
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Get acquainted with the neighborhood,
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check things out.
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And I managed to find a place that had the San Pellegrino
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Essenza Lucy's single cans.
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All right.
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Cause I don't want to buy a full box of them.
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They're too expensive.
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And I might not like them.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:32.960)
It's possible.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:33.960)
Like I can't take that kind of risk.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:34.960)
No, absolutely not.
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So this is a Pellegrino line of sparkling waters.
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And I got to say,
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they all knocked it out of the fucking park.
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All good.
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They're all very good.
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All very good.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:44.960)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:45.960)
Oh, geez.
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I have tried three of them so far.
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And we got one that is the blood orange and black raspberry.
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Sure.
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Coming in at a 78.
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78 is good.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:54.960)
That is very good.
Unknown Speaker (00:11:55.960)
That's high praise.
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We got lemon zest.
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All right.
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It's actually,
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I think the name is lemon and lemon zest,
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which is redundant,
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but it's very good.
Unknown Speaker (00:12:02.960)
That is also a 78.
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Okay.
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All right.
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And then the third one was tangerine and wild strawberry.
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79.
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79.
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Just a little better than the other two.
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Neck and neck all across the board.
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But I didn't feel like it broached the 80 point.
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Sure, sure, sure.
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So those three I recommend very highly.
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And then also I wanted to say this,
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just a little special note.
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So I went and I got this brand Pure Aqua, P-U-R, right?
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It's a white grape flavor.
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Why are we turning conspiratorial?
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What tone is going on right here?
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It's apologetic.
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It's apologetic?
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It's a 50 out of 100.
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It's a 50 out of 100.
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But I want to make clear that I really like white grape.
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Are you apologizing to white grape the flavor and not Pure?
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Almost on behalf of Pure,
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you are apologizing to white grape for fucking it up.
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I'm apologizing, yes,
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to the institution that is white grape flavored things,
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because I think it's a good flavor.
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I don't generally like regular grape,
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but I do enjoy like a sparkling white grape thing
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or something like that.
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Isn't that just a regular grape that's peeled,
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that doesn't have the peels in it whenever?
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Incorrect.
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Whatever.
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I think.
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I don't know.
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I'm not sure, but there is a different flavor to it,
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and maybe there's not, and I'm just stupid.
Unknown Speaker (00:13:11.960)
I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (00:13:12.960)
I don't know.
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I have a long history of liking white grape things,
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and that one was not good.
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Poorly executed.
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All right.
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My apologies to white grapes.
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Yes, yes.
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Our condolences.
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Yes.
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So, Jordan, we're going to start our observation
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and investigation here actually on June 11th,
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because Owen makes an announcement on the 11th
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of implications for the 12th.
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If we're not removing a goddamn computer chip
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from somebody by the end of this year,
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I am burning this new apartment to the ground.
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No, you're not, because that isn't going to happen,
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and I don't want my house to burn down again.
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Not this house.
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Anyway, here's another context drop for today's show.
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Yes, I did just leg drop Alex Jones
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from the top of the news desk.
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Okay?
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Okay.
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All right.
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So that gives you some idea of where we're going.
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The top of the news desk?
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That's not that high.
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It's not nothing, though.
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That's true.
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That's true.
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So here we're going to start on the 11th
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with Owen making a big announcement.
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All right, ladies and gentlemen,
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what you see here in front of me
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is the Super Alpha Male Championship Belt,
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the Super Alpha Male,
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the Infowars Super Alpha Male Championship Belt
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that I now present here on the desk.
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Owen has a WWE belt.
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He has a championship belt.
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Oh, God, what are we doing?
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So there's something important I need to point out
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about this belt that Owen has for the Alpha Male Championship.
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All right.
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It's actually a Dairy Queen crown?
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I wish.
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The belt that they're using
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is not a generic wrestling championship belt.
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It is a replica of a WWE belt,
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but it's also a very specific belt.
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Fans have been pretty vocal in their displeasure
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with some of the WWE's new belts,
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particularly after the brand split,
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when WWE started running two shows weekly
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as separate products with separate rosters.
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Right.
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Each show, Raw and SmackDown,
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have their own championship belts
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which follow a branding scheme for each show.
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The belts on Raw are generally red,
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and the ones on SmackDown are generally blue
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to fit the marketing.
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The belt Owen has on his desk is from SmackDown,
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but it's also one of the tag team championship belts.
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The design of the men's solo belt
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belonging to the Universal Champion
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is very different from the tag team straps,
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so this whole sketch Owen is setting up
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makes less sense than it already did.
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There should be a second belt.
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It's a tag team belt.
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For some reason, I'm relieved
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because I really thought we were going to find out
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that Owen had chosen a specifically racist
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wrestling belt of some sort.
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The history goes all the way back to the beginnings
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of segregated WWE wrestling.
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That's what I was expecting,
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but just that it's a tag team belt
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has a little bit of a drop.
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It's a little bit of a letdown for me.
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Interesting.
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Oh, no. Are we going to find out
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this is the racist belt?
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God damn it, Dan.
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The current SmackDown tag team champions
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are The New Day,
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one of the most important black groups in WWE history.
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Of course.
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Beginning as a...
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They started out as a horribly conceived
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gospel choir-themed team.
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It's the trio of Big E, Xavier Woods, and Kofi Kingston.
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They eventually took the gimmick into their own hands,
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and they really got creative with what they're doing.
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They're currently one of the few groups in the WWE
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who actually seem to be having a great time together.
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Their gimmick is now impossible to really explain,
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but it involves unicorns, torso thrusting,
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Xavier Woods playing a trombone,
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cosplaying, throwing pancakes at people,
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and having their own cereal called Booty O's.
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Oh, so they have a good time.
Unknown Speaker (00:16:41.960)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:16:42.960)
Okay, well that's great.
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They clearly have quite a large amount of control
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over the things they do.
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Wonderful.
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Xavier Woods named his trombone Francesca
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and became a character.
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That's fantastic. Fantastic.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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So they hold the record for the longest reign
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in history as WWE Tag Team Champs,
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and are a sure shot for the Hall of Fame.
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Kofi Kingston, born in Ghana,
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is the first African-born wrestler to ever be World Champ,
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winning the belt in a fantastic match at WrestleMania 35.
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In the lead-up to the match,
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Big E and Xavier had to win a gauntlet match
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in order to get Kofi into the championship fight,
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and despite some clunkiness,
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it was all a great story of friends
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who actually have each other's backs
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and want to see each other succeed.
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Whereas so many other WWE Tag Teams
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are just a preamble before one member
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turns on the other to set up a hot feud,
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the New Day have been pretty adamant
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that they are never going to break up.
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Big E put it this way, quote,
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I'm not saying that Kofi doesn't get a world title reign
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without the New Day,
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but you don't get that same moment of brotherhood,
Unknown Speaker (00:17:42.960)
that same story of two guys who've been able
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to go through the gauntlet to get their brother his title match.
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All the things we've been able to do the last couple of years,
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that is unique and special.
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You don't get any of those moments.
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We listen to people that say,
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actually, you should turn heel,
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or it's my time, I should really make this time about me.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:00.960)
That's not something that even remotely interests us.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:03.960)
In 2018, Xavier Woods said, quote,
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I don't remember a group in wrestling
Unknown Speaker (00:18:07.960)
that hasn't turned on itself,
Unknown Speaker (00:18:09.960)
or they'll turn, then they come back to being a group again.
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New Day, I'm telling you this right now,
Unknown Speaker (00:18:14.960)
New Day will never turn. Ever.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:16.960)
And that's because we have zero desire to ever do that.
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I have zero desire to go to work and not work with my friends.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:22.960)
He went on to say, quote,
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we will all retire before we turn.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:26.960)
That's a legitimate answer.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:27.960)
That's not some, oh, he's saying that because it's happening.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:30.960)
No, my government name is Austin Watson.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:32.960)
Austin Watson is telling you that this is the truth.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:35.960)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:36.960)
They love each other.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:38.960)
It's pretty clear that they are really good friends.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:41.960)
They really enjoy what they're doing.
Unknown Speaker (00:18:43.960)
They're allowed to express a creativity
Unknown Speaker (00:18:45.960)
that branches into some of their nerdier interests.
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Xavier Woods is super into video games,
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and he started the show called Up Up Down Down,
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where him and other wrestlers play
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video game competitions against each other.
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Sure, of course.
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And it's spiraled into massive popularity.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:00.960)
Naturally.
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And so it's just a really great,
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they're a really great team.
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Charming, talented, cool, fun, great,
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and enjoying every moment of their lives.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:09.960)
Wonderful. Great.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:10.960)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:11.960)
The New Day is a really great story
Unknown Speaker (00:19:13.960)
of three friends doing something great together
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in a shitty company full of horribly sexist
Unknown Speaker (00:19:17.960)
and racist tendencies.
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If I had to guess, I would bet that Owen has no idea
Unknown Speaker (00:19:21.960)
that the belt that he's using as a prop,
Unknown Speaker (00:19:23.960)
what it is, or how the tag,
Unknown Speaker (00:19:25.960)
it's a tag team belt that he's trying to use
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for individual competition,
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or even who the rightful owners of that belt are.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:31.960)
It's just interesting to me how it's the worst possible
Unknown Speaker (00:19:33.960)
belt they could have chosen to use,
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seeing as they're an explicitly
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white identity themed broadcast.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:39.960)
That's where I thought we were going.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:41.960)
That's where I thought we were going.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:43.960)
So I think about this a little bit,
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if AJ Styles is currently the Intercontinental Champion,
Unknown Speaker (00:19:48.960)
and that dude is probably an Infowars fan.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:50.960)
Okay, alright.
Unknown Speaker (00:19:52.960)
In 2019, he went on Steven Crowder's show,
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and the title of that video is quote,
Unknown Speaker (00:19:56.960)
WWE's AJ Styles Debunks Toxic Masculinity.
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Seems like they should have just used his belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:01.960)
Are you sure it wasn't titled
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Performs Toxic Masculinity?
Unknown Speaker (00:20:05.960)
I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:06.960)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:07.960)
Or they could have used the Universal Championship Belt,
Unknown Speaker (00:20:09.960)
currently held by the Monster Among Men, Braun Strowman.
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Braun seemed like a really likable guy for a while,
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but back in March he took to the internet
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to shit on out of work wrestlers who were having trouble
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paying their bills because most wrestling events
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were canceled after the coronavirus.
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Jesus, dude.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:23.960)
Yeah, those are both individual belts
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held by dudes who probably think Alex might be on to something.
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The only downside is that the Universal Champion
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and the Intercontinental Champion
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are way too close to one World Champion.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:34.960)
Hmm, that's fair.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:35.960)
That's a little globalist.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:36.960)
That is a little globalist-y.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:38.960)
Anyway, this choice of prop is stupid,
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just because it's a tag team belt,
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but it's respectful to the New Day,
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who Alex almost certainly thinks are heels
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because they're not white.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:47.960)
Well, yeah, that would be the only explanation there.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:49.960)
It's just bizarre to me,
Unknown Speaker (00:20:51.960)
the layers of what you could maybe think
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as accidental, circumstantial suck-up there.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:57.960)
Of course.
Unknown Speaker (00:20:58.960)
Of course it's going to have some sort of connotation
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that he's not even aware of.
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Nothing they do, nothing they touch
Unknown Speaker (00:21:05.960)
does not wither with racism.
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Like, everything around them.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:09.960)
It's like if King Midas was a horrible racist.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:12.960)
Yeah, I'm not sure of this,
Unknown Speaker (00:21:15.960)
but I would strongly suspect that what happened
Unknown Speaker (00:21:17.960)
is that they had an idea for this bit,
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and they just got whatever belt,
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and it just turns out like that's the worst belt
Unknown Speaker (00:21:24.960)
you could have chosen.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:25.960)
Yeah, of course it is.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:26.960)
You could have chosen any of the other ones.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:27.960)
Any belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:28.960)
Oh, man.
Unknown Speaker (00:21:29.960)
So, in this next clip, Owen talks about
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what the plan is here.
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Here's what's going to happen tomorrow
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in the final segment.
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And I'm putting everyone here on blast.
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I was going to be nice, and I wasn't going to do this,
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but the crew wanted to razz me a little bit,
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so here's the deal.
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Tomorrow, the first ever
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Infowars Super Alpha Male Champion
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brought to you by Supermale Vitality and Alpha Power
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at Infowarsstore.com.
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The first ever Super Alpha Male Champion
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will be crowned tomorrow in the last segment,
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and we're going to be having a push-up competition.
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And I was going to be nice to everybody,
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but you wanted to razz me, so I'll go ahead and say it.
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I'm going to kick all your asses.
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I don't know how they got that sponsorship deal.
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Oh, boy.
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You're telling me Supermale Vitality is sponsoring this?
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That's wild.
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They're usually really picky with what they sponsor.
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ABC just greenlit the show for 100 episodes.
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If celebrities did push-up contests,
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they would sell unbelievable ad dollars.
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Could be.
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Jesus.
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So, in this next clip, Owen is trying to cut a promo.
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Because they're trying to ape the WWE.
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They're trying to do wrestling shit.
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And so Owen is trying to cut a promo
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about how he's going to win.
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Can you imagine Rachel Maddow just all of a sudden
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doing this on her show?
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Just like, why not?
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I imagine she might do it better.
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Putin and I are going to have a push-up contest,
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and whoever wins gets to run MSNBC for another year.
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I don't know how this works.
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In other news, the Kremlin owns MSNBC.
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Have you seen that dude shirtless on a horse?
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He can do a shit ton of push-ups.
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I would assume so.
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Oh yeah.
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So here Owen is cutting a promo,
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and I have a probably way too long response to this.
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Okay.
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I'll be surprised if anybody here in this building
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can even do half the push-ups I can do.
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We've had some people float Darren McBreen's name around.
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He's old. He's washed up.
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No.
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Some people said maybe Rob back there can do it.
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Too much hair. Heavy. Weighs him down.
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The charisma of this guy.
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There's some ladies back here that are pretty locked away.
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They get swept up.
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They think, oh, they like a light as a feather.
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They can do push-ups all day.
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No.
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No.
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No, folks.
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So there you go.
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So here is what will be my belt in 24 hours.
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This is a tragic approximation of a guy trying to cut a wrestling promo.
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Yeah, this is not good.
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Because Owen isn't saying shit.
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He's just saying that he's better at push-ups than the people in the office.
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Like, Darren McBreen is too old. Rob Dues hair is too heavy.
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And an unnamed woman in the office, they're light, but they can't top him.
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The thing is that there is nothing here to sink your teeth into.
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There's no passion behind this, nor is there any focus, which are key for wrestling promos to work.
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One of the greatest promos in WWF history was from King of the Ring 1996,
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after Stone Cold Steve Austin had just defeated Jake the Snake to win the King of the Ring tournament.
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Let's listen to this promo, and then I'm going to lay out the ways in which this promo is successful and Owen's is not.
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Oh, God.
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This is just a backdoor to first you to...
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Alex, get back in studio. Alex, get back in studio. I never thought I'd say that.
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The first thing I want to be done is to get that piece of crap out of my ring.
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Oh, come on.
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Don't just get him out of the ring, get him out of the WWF.
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Because I approve, son, without a shadow of a doubt, you ain't got what he takes anymore.
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You sit there, and you thump your Bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere.
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Talk about your Psalms, talk about John 3.16.
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Austin 3.16 says, I just whipped your ass.
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He is Stone Cold.
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All he's got to do is go buy him a cheap bottle of Thunderbird.
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All right, stop it.
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And try to get back some of that courage he had in his prime, and say, King of the Ring,
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I'm serving notice to every one of the WWF superstars.
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I don't give a damn what they are.
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They're all on the list, and that's Stone Cold's list, and I'm fixing to start running through all of them.
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All right, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
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And his remarks, 1996 WWF King of the Ring.
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This championship match is considered, son.
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I don't give a damn if it's Davey Boy Smith or Shawn Michaels.
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Steve Austin's time has come, and when I get the shot, you're looking at the next WWF champion,
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and that's the bottom line.
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Look how Stone Cold said so.
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So there's music hits.
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At the beginning there, Stone Cold begins by trashing Jake the Snake, because he's saying he's washed up.
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Sure.
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That's kind of a better version of Owen just saying that Darren McBreen is old,
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because Stone Cold adds layers, you know, to the words that he's saying to impart meaning.
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Jake the Snake was a really religious character, so Stone Cold used that to create his Austin 3-16 catchphrase.
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Jake was a recovering alcoholic, so he brought up the idea of a bottle of Thunderbird,
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giving him back his confidence that he'd lost.
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These are ways of saying that your opponent is old and washed up without saying something so boring as just, you're old.
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That makes the promo compelling, because Stone Cold is painting a picture with words instead of just saying them.
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After trashing his fallen opponent, Stone Cold serves notice to the wide array of wrestlers he's getting ready to beat up later.
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This is how you do it when your goal is to pump yourself up against a non-specific opponent.
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Since Stone Cold doesn't know who he's fighting next at this point, this isn't anything other than just self-aggrandizing.
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I'm better than everyone kind of thing.
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You notice how he doesn't say, like, Davey Boy Smith, he's old, John Michael's hair weighs too much.
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No, he doesn't waste his time on boring insults, choosing instead to make passing reference to them while focused on how he's the best and his time has come.
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That would have been great if Stone Cold was like,
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And a lot of people think that there's a woman in the back who doesn't weigh as much as me who can do this, and that ain't the truth.
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She's like,
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But I'm better.
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I'm better.
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So, in wrestling promos, you really only want to talk about shit about somebody else if they're your opponent.
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Otherwise, things get a little bit confusing.
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Promos are supposed to supplement existing storylines.
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In the case of Stone Cold, he just won the King of the Ring tournament and was getting a title shot,
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so it makes sense for him to shit on the guy he just beat and let everyone know that it's his time and no one else can beat him moving forward.
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Naturally.
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The flip side of this kind of promo is best exemplified by what I would call my favorite promo of all time.
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The Hard Times promo, delivered by Dusty Rhodes back in 1985.
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At the time, Dusty had just returned from an injury he'd suffered at the hands of Ric Flair.
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He was finally getting a chance for payback, so the promo is specifically targeted at Ric Flair.
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Let's listen to this.
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This is Ken Burns wrestling.
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I would like to thank the many, many fans throughout this country that wrote cards and letters to Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream, while I was down.
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Secondly, I want to thank Jim Crockett Promotions for waiting and taking the time because I know how important it was.
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Star K85, it is to the resident fans, it is to Jim Crockett Promotions.
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And Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream, with that weight, got what I wanted.
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Ric Flair, the world's heavyweight champion.
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I don't have to say a lot more about the way I feel about Ric Flair.
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No respect, no honor.
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There is no honor among thieves in the first place.
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He put hard times on Dusty Rhodes and his family.
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You don't know what hard times are, Daddy.
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Hard times are when the textile workers around this country are out of work.
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They got four or five kids and can't pay their wages, can't buy their food.
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Hard times are when the auto workers are out of work and they tell them, go home.
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And hard times are when a man has worked on a job 30 years, 30 years, they give him a watch, kick him in the butt, and say, hey, a computer took your place, Daddy.
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That's hard times.
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That's hard times.
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And Ric Flair, you put hard times on this country by taking Dusty Rhodes out.
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That's hard times.
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And we all had hard times together.
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I admit I don't look like the athlete of the day, supposed to look.
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My belly's just a little big, my hand is just a little big, but, brother, I am bad and they know I'm bad.
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And there were two bad people.
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One was John Wayne and he's dead, brother.
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Nature boy Ric Flair.
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The world's heavyweight title belongs to these people.
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I'm going to reach out right now.
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I want you at home to know my hand is touching your hand for this gathering of the biggest body of people in this country, in this universe, all over the world now.
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I want you to reach it out because the love that was given me in this time, I will repay you now because I will be the next world's heavyweight champion on this hard time blues.
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Dusty Rhodes tore 85 and Ric Flair, nature boy, let me leave you with this.
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One way to hurt Ric Flair is to take what he cherishes more than anything in the world.
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That's the world's heavyweight title.
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I'm going to take it.
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I've been there twice.
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This time when I take it, daddy, I'm going to take it for you.
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Let's gather for it.
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Don't let me down now because I came back for you, for that man up there that died 10, 12 years ago and never got the opportunity to see a real wolf champion.
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I'm proud of you and thank God I have you and I love you.
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Love you.
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Amazing.
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Just amazing.
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Wasn't that the transcript of Obama's 2004 DNC address?
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Wasn't that the keynote there?
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Pretty sure that's the one that catapulted him.
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George W. Bush put us in hot times, daddy.
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But even if you're not a wrestling fan, you can recognize the brilliance of something like that.
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That's fantastic.
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Come on.
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There's creativity.
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There's union organizing.
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Exactly.
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Well, I mean, one part of Dusty Rhodes' big gimmick was the common man.
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Sure, sure, sure, sure.
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And so he's a little plumber's son.
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Naturally.
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Naturally.
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That kind of thing.
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So everyone knows that Owen and Alex are going to be arguing over this stupid belt.
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So it makes no sense that Owen didn't just cut a promo on Alex the way that Dusty did on Ric Flair.
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No one thinks that the payoff of this is going to be, like, Owen...
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Daria's going to get her ass kicked.
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I have bad news about the payoff of this.
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But anyway, what works so well about the Hard Times promo is that it elevates what's at stake about the Dusty Rhodes-Ric Flair fight.
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It's not just about who's champ.
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It's about Ric Flair injuring Dusty and Dusty coming back because he loves the fans.
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He connects with the audience and makes the viewer feel invested in him winning.
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He brings pathos to the feud by comparing his being injured and unable to work to the everyday person out there who got laid off or worked 30 years and got a watch.
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He's making himself someone that the audience can project their own feelings onto and relate to.
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You want to root for Dusty and watch him beat up Ric Flair because he's elevated this into being himself being a stand-in for you or someone you know,
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fighting against the cruel, faceless business that exploits us all as represented by Ric Flair.
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Naturally.
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It's a very simple thing, masterfully executed.
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Within a matter of a couple minutes, you have just, like, every, like, just amazing storytelling.
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Yeah, it's fantastic.
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Compare that to what Owen's doing.
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He's just saying he can do a lot of push-ups.
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So what?
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There are tons of examples of wrestlers who do cocky gimmicks, you know, like the whole thing is that they're cocky.
Unknown Speaker (00:33:39.960)
Sure.
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They're usually the villains, and the whole point of their act is to play up the annoying characteristics of a cocky asshole so you as the viewer really want to see the guy you don't like get beaten up.
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So, like, ravishing Rick Rude, he was obsessed with his body, Ted DiBiase always bragged about being a millionaire.
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These were things that they played up to make it more satisfying to see them get their comeuppance.
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In terms of being a cocky heel, Owen's even failing.
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The other thing that Dusty does amazingly well is that he never says that Ric Flair sucks.
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This is so important in good wrestling promos, because if your whole argument is that your opponent sucks, you've ruined the idea of the fight.
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If you're saying your opponent sucks and then you win, so what? You've beat someone who sucks.
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If you lose, then you just lost to someone who sucks.
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It's not a good way to build towards a fight, and good practitioners are able to put themselves over and simultaneously put over their opponent.
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They're like, hey, you know what, you're really good, but I'm better.
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That kind of thing is essential, or else why? What are the stakes here?
Unknown Speaker (00:34:38.960)
Because Owen fails to even do this, he's basically setting up a boring as hell pushup contest.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:43.960)
All of his opponents are trash, so why do this?
Unknown Speaker (00:34:46.960)
Yeah, I'm going to do twice as many pushups as the other people in my office.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:51.960)
It's a lame thing to do, even if you're not on a radio show.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:57.960)
It's pretty lame.
Unknown Speaker (00:34:58.960)
Yeah, if you're just in a regular office and you're like, hey man, I bet I could do a bunch more pushups than everybody, everybody would be like, fuck off, you suck.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:04.960)
And if you're in a radio show, that's a million times worse.
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It's clearly a situation where they're like, let's do a play on wrestling, let's do a play on the WWE, and they just didn't think through any of the ways they could make it good.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:17.960)
Well, you would have to think it through.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:19.960)
It's shockingly embarrassing.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:21.960)
You'd have to start with work, and they don't do that.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:23.960)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:24.960)
So, the end.
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So, some people, maybe even you, Jordan, are thinking that this has gone on too long, and they're probably right.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:30.960)
I only wanted to lay all this out because this is one of the parts of wrestling that I like the most, the storytelling aspect of it.
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There are little nuances to how really good wrestlers tell a story through the build of their fights that people often don't understand at all.
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People just think that wrestling is people fake punching each other and then occasionally yelling into microphones, and that's pretty unfair.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:50.960)
Also, I'm making a big point about this because it's clearly a planned bit.
Unknown Speaker (00:35:54.960)
They have a replica belt just for this segment.
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Owen is announcing that a champ is going to be crowned a day in advance.
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Infowars has every opportunity to prepare and actually try to do something decent here, and this is what they come up with.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:06.960)
They're trying to ape the style of an art form they don't understand and have no respect for, and it just comes off really embarrassing.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:12.960)
No, no, no. It came off great.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:14.960)
He's a brilliant broadcaster.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:16.960)
Everybody can listen to that clip of him challenging the people in his office to a push-up contest and think,
Unknown Speaker (00:36:22.960)
this guy has it. I don't know what it is, but he's got it.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:27.960)
Yeah, it's not good. It's not good.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:29.960)
I think that probably there's a recognition or some kind of a feeling that a lot of people in Alex's audience might be wrestling fans,
Unknown Speaker (00:36:36.960)
but if they are, I don't think they would enjoy that.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:39.960)
Owen lazily insulting people that he's going to have a push-up contest with.
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They just think like, oh, we got this prop. That's good enough.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:46.960)
Job done.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:48.960)
Nothing is worse than a corporate entity taking over and just not patronizing.
Unknown Speaker (00:36:56.960)
Just such a disrespect for you. If you like wrestling here, you'll like this shit.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:01.960)
Right, right.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:02.960)
Not even good, not even trying, not even nothing. It's just the approximation of slop on your fucking plate.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:08.960)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:09.960)
Bastards.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:10.960)
Yeah, it's tough.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:11.960)
How dare they?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:12.960)
So Owen ends this announcement by bringing in Darren McBreen, who he just insults about how he has a bad back.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:17.960)
Again, not to belabor the point, but what do you prove by beating someone with a bad back in a push-up contest?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:23.960)
It's nonsense.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:26.960)
No, it makes him less of an alpha male?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:29.960)
This is debunking toxic masculinity right here. That guy has a bad back and so he sucks. He's not going to be a male anymore.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:36.960)
If you have a bad back, you'll never be a man.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:39.960)
Let's consult AJ Styles on this.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:41.960)
I mean, what you end up with, let's imagine that it comes down to Darren McBreen versus Owen Troyer and then Darren wins, right?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:49.960)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:50.960)
Or no, let's say that Owen wins, right?
Unknown Speaker (00:37:52.960)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:53.960)
Darren McBreen could be like, yeah, you beat me, but you only did because I have a bad back.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:56.960)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (00:37:57.960)
Where do we get? We don't get anywhere good. It's stupid.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:00.960)
No, no, no. Although that would be great if this was Darren McBreen's flu game.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:04.960)
This is his Michael Jordan game where it's like he just comes from behind out of nowhere, starts dropping push-ups left and right.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:11.960)
I don't think McBreen has it in him.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:13.960)
Flying through the center just, oh man.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:16.960)
Michael Jordan, he is not.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:18.960)
So McBreen just keeps saying at the end of this, he's just like, I want you.
Unknown Speaker (00:38:22.960)
Which is uninspired and boring, but at least it's not destructive to the concept of the competition they're trying to build towards.
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The June 12th episode of The War Room opens up with Owen in a t-shirt and the replica belt on the desk next to him.
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I'm noticing that Infowars is getting super into props lately.
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You know, you had the skull, chest set, and rose thing, and then you had Alex's attempt to rile people up with the Robert E. Lee statue, and now there's this belt.
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Brilliant.
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Brilliant.
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Comes off as a little desperate.
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Hey, everybody loves props. That's why the most famous comics in the world, Prop Comic Stan.
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It's true.
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Yeah, this is the other thing that I think is really fucked up.
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What is that?
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The big logo that's on the screen behind Owen says War Room Raw on it.
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Oh, no.
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That's the sort of shit that would definitely get them sued if the owners of the WWE weren't huge Trump supporters.
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Jesus Christ.
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Yeah.
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War Room Raw.
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If Linda McMahon wasn't the Small Business Administration president for Trump, then I think that they could probably get.
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And I think, as I understand, the WWE likes to sue people.
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See, now here's my biggest issue with this whole thing, all right?
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Do you realize how infuriatingly close to a palindrome War Room Raw is?
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Yeah, it is really close.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:36.960)
It's-
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War Moom Raw.
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Exactly.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:39.960)
Yeah.
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It is so infuriating to me how they could do that.
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That fucks with my brain.
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Like, now that I know that it's almost a palindrome, it makes me so angry.
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I'm shivering with just like, fix it.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:50.960)
You would have had real trouble with Raw is War.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:54.960)
Ooh.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:55.960)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:39:56.960)
That's, you know, Raw and War.
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Yeah.
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And then the is is not flippable.
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No, it's not flippable.
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Raw EC War.
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It's very difficult for me to handle.
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That is tough.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:04.960)
Yeah.
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Also tough.
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It's like a slant rhyme.
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It's like, get the fuck out of here.
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Sure.
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Get a job.
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You know what else is tough?
Unknown Speaker (00:40:11.960)
What?
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Listening to Owen's show.
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Yeah, I believe that.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:14.960)
I listen to Alex Jones every day, and I almost always find something interesting enough to
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rebut or discuss on our show. With The War Room, it's a show that's almost unfathomable
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that it exists.
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It's boring.
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Owen's just covering the same talking points as Alex, but he doesn't pretend he's a psychic
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or throw in any of the other insane bullshit that Alex does to make the show interesting.
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Right.
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I don't care about anything Owen covers on the show, but I did cut out this one clip
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from when he was taking calls.
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I got some tips for people if you want to try and get in the hospital, because I've
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been in the hospital the entire time.
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My wife has been in critical conditions.
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Yeah, we got 20 seconds.
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All right.
Unknown Speaker (00:40:49.039)
Well, make yourself a directive, an advance directive, and if they're incapacitated, you
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are the person that makes medical decisions for them, and you have to be legally allowed
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into the hospital.
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All right.
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So there you go, folks.
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A little insight there.
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Also a taser, maybe some brass knuckles.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:05.639)
What?
Unknown Speaker (00:41:06.639)
I've heard maybe some lead as well, but I've heard that.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:09.880)
I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:10.880)
I'm not saying that works.
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I'm not sure.
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That was shocking even to me.
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Wait.
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That was a mess.
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You're saying shoot your way into a hospital?
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That is what he was saying.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:20.360)
Okay.
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With a taser and brass knuckles.
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He's playfully suggesting that listeners should basically have a lay siege on a hospital for
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some reason.
Unknown Speaker (00:41:29.679)
Well, yeah.
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That would normally be a pretty dumb thing, but in the climate we're in today, this is
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incredibly dangerous.
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We talked about it on a recent episode, but there appears to currently be a little bit
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of an uptick in people trying to attack hospitals, whether it's because of the added impact it
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would give their political message or because they believe the virus is a hoax and that
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hospitals are in on it.
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Anybody who would play into this the way Owen is doing right there is trying to get more
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attacks to happen.
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There's just no other excuse for that kind of comment other than the idea that you want
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your audience to hurt medical professionals.
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I've been spending a lot of time on the wrestling aspect of this show, but it's important to
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remember that Owen is a huge piece of shit and this show is just as extreme and awful
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as Alex's.
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Yeah.
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It's still stochastic terrorism.
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Yeah.
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With a push up contest.
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This episode is largely about this push up contest and how poorly set up it was, poorly
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conceived, poorly executed.
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Everything.
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Right.
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But it's important to recognize that there's content like that too.
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Oh, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:24.119)
Sure, sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:25.119)
This is not just some show where they're doing dumb bullshit, although it is that also.
Unknown Speaker (00:42:28.199)
Yeah.
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That's important to remember.
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Yeah.
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The juxtaposition of them is so fucking insane to me.
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We're having a stupid push up contest.
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This would be like if a Japanese game show, like a wipeout also had like Nazi propaganda
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on it.
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Like it's just, Oh man, look at this guy toss out there.
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Oh, and Hey everybody, by the way, it's a good idea to continue eradicating the Jews.
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All right.
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Next mode.
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Next guy up to the thing.
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He's got to, Oh, he gets hit by the spinning things.
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It'd be like red ice if they broadcast from a Dunkin' booth.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:01.639)
That'd be the very popular Dunkin' booth.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:04.159)
What are you doing?
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So Owen tries to get through his show and he gets to maybe about like an hour and 10
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into the show and it's the push up contest is not really broached at all.
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And he's just wearing a stupid shirt.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:19.000)
Well, that's just a t-shirt.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:20.000)
It's just a t-shirt.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:21.000)
Yeah.
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It's nothing special.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:23.000)
He couldn't even wear a tank top?
Unknown Speaker (00:43:24.000)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:25.000)
Get into it, man.
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Get those guns out.
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Get into it.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:28.000)
So at this point, Owen is taking phone calls from listeners who are stupid and you know
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what's going to happen.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:33.639)
Oh yeah.
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The media is dividing America by design 110%.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:38.119)
Hey.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:39.119)
Yes, sir.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:40.119)
I thought you were in a lot of pain from a tooth extractor.
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You've got youth privilege.
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You've got youth privilege.
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You think you win this.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:48.639)
That's not fair.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:49.639)
I'm going to win that belt, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:51.679)
Nobody here can do as many pushups.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:52.679)
I've decided, yeah, that's why I do this whole contest.
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You can be the winner.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:54.679)
I've decided because.
Unknown Speaker (00:43:55.679)
Well, first off, I'm already sold.
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Just because you're young.
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Where's the ref?
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Somebody put this on me.
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I want to be the winner.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:06.880)
Where's the ref?
Unknown Speaker (00:44:07.880)
Alex is probably pretty drunk.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:10.639)
It's drunk Santa come to play with the pushup toys.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:15.199)
Hey, did you have the belt?
Unknown Speaker (00:44:19.639)
I want the belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:21.639)
Alex really wants the belt, but he also can't put it on.
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He can't figure out how to put the belt on.
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Put it on my deck.
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It's around his waist, and he's trying to latch the buttons on the back.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:34.800)
Sure he is.
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He's like, someone come put this belt on me.
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Someone help me out.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:38.599)
I'm the champion because I haven't done anything.
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So he's basically Immortan Joe from Mad Max at this point.
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So Alex wants the belt, and Owen doesn't even stand up.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:52.119)
Why would you?
Unknown Speaker (00:44:53.119)
I'm the winner.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:54.119)
Not you.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:55.119)
No, you have to do the most pushups, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:56.679)
No, no, no, no.
Unknown Speaker (00:44:57.679)
This is by Fiat.
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You're like Joe Biden.
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Young.
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You're trying to steal a belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:01.920)
Oh, man.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:02.920)
You're trying to steal.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:04.239)
You're trying to steal.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:05.760)
You're trying to steal a belt right now.
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You're like a Democrat.
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You want a male and a male in championship.
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One pushup.
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He's down.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:14.519)
He's down.
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Jones is down.
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So the guy who's saying disallowed there, it's some Info Wars intern who put on a rep
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shirt, and he's come out to give some structure to the bit.
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Alex can't handle formalities, so what he ends up doing, all that noise you hear is
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he fakes trying to attack the ref.
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He goes up to him, puts his hands on the ref, and then immediately explodes backwards and
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falls over.
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It's just an embarrassing, silly, poorly executed pratfall.
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All that scoffing you hear, there's no actual fighting.
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It's just Alex touching the ref and then falling backwards over dramatically.
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And I got to say, right off the bat, this bit is not going well.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:56.400)
No, I'm not a fan so far.
Unknown Speaker (00:45:59.280)
So far, it sounds like a bunch of assholes on a YouTube clip that nobody should have
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watched in the first place.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:04.280)
Alex wants that belt, though.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:05.280)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:06.280)
No, I don't care.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:07.280)
He feels like he deserves the belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:08.280)
I don't think anybody really cares about the belt anymore.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:10.440)
Hold on.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:11.440)
Is the championship belt preserved?
Unknown Speaker (00:46:12.440)
Most elderly of you.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:13.440)
What is going on here?
Unknown Speaker (00:46:14.440)
It's mine.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:15.440)
You are mine.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:16.440)
Come on.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:17.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:18.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:19.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:20.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:21.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:22.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:23.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:24.440)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:25.440)
That's the thing.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:26.440)
He's now running out of the studio.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:27.440)
He's now absconded with the Super Alpha Male Championship belt, folks.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:31.739)
This whole thing is now has now been stolen by the Democrats.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:35.519)
So just like everything else, they just steal everything.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:38.800)
If you are wearing blue, you might as well be a Democrat right now.
Unknown Speaker (00:46:44.119)
So in that clip, Owen, you know, as he's narrating this, Alex runs off with the belt, being chased
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by the ref.
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Presumably, this chase should continue through the offices or out to the loading dock.
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But instead, Alex hears Owens say,
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steal and Democrat, and he can't resist
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yelling, mail-in ballot.
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Having broken the seal, he decides to casually walk back
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to Owens' desk with the belt, and then he proceeds
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to try to put the belt on his head, like it's a crown,
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which he has trouble doing because it's a belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:11.900)
All right, okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:13.460)
This is a disaster.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:15.139)
This is like an elementary school, like,
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informative play that they do to teach you
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about the dangers of smoking and how,
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and they'll do a nice little fun skit about it,
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there'll be a whole sketch, and even a third grader's like,
Unknown Speaker (00:47:29.019)
this is fucking lame, dude.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:30.320)
Yeah, I was in one, back when I was in junior high,
Unknown Speaker (00:47:33.119)
I was in the fire prevention skit
Unknown Speaker (00:47:34.760)
that we toured the elementary school.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:36.239)
Gotta tour it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:37.599)
It was based in Winnie the Pooh.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:39.599)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:40.420)
I wanted to be Eeyore, because I was very depressed.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:42.239)
Right.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:43.079)
It was your spirit guy.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:44.159)
Monotone, and you know, feel like it would work.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:47.480)
I was Winnie the Pooh.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:48.440)
Of course.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:49.400)
It was not a good casting.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:50.760)
It would have been worse for me to be Tigger, but.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:54.940)
That's true.
Unknown Speaker (00:47:56.079)
But Winnie the Pooh was, I mean,
Unknown Speaker (00:47:57.400)
I did get a decent oh bother down, I was all right, but.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:01.880)
Yeah, I could, like, it was one of those weird things,
Unknown Speaker (00:48:04.000)
like, I was in junior high, I thought, like,
Unknown Speaker (00:48:06.239)
acting was a path I was gonna go down.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:08.079)
Sure, everybody does.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:09.519)
And even at that point, looking back,
Unknown Speaker (00:48:11.480)
I can remember, like, the kids were not interested
Unknown Speaker (00:48:14.880)
in what we were doing.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:16.000)
Like, I could tell that we were.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:18.599)
You weren't winning them over.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:19.639)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:20.480)
To be fair, I mean, it was a skit about Winnie the Pooh
Unknown Speaker (00:48:22.519)
shit that was written by, like, junior high kids.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:25.239)
Yeah, you weren't at the Globe, okay, you're fine.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:28.760)
Right, this is a skit that's mostly being improvised
Unknown Speaker (00:48:32.079)
by a bunch of idiots.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:33.199)
You hoes, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:34.039)
Yeah, if they planned this, it's even worse.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:37.039)
I think this is their.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:37.880)
I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt
Unknown Speaker (00:48:39.400)
that this is just Alex is drunk,
Unknown Speaker (00:48:41.000)
and he's bum rushed Owen's show,
Unknown Speaker (00:48:42.679)
and he wants to play with the bat.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:44.239)
That makes more sense than anything else.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:45.880)
That's what I see going on here.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:47.800)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:48.639)
So, Alex, like I said, he's trying to put this belt
Unknown Speaker (00:48:50.320)
on his head, and he's struggling with that.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:52.800)
See, now, that's a sentence that you and I
Unknown Speaker (00:48:54.760)
just take for granted.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:55.800)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (00:48:56.639)
We're talking about a nationally syndicated radio show
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who's trying to put a belt on his head
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and struggling with it.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:01.559)
You forget.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:02.400)
And we're just like, of course.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:03.639)
National radio host who heads of state listen to.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:07.280)
Yes, yes, of course.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:08.320)
And brief the Secret Service about.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:11.039)
Everybody needs to have fun, everybody needs to have fun.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:13.960)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:15.239)
I don't think it would even fit around your head, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:18.000)
Can I put this on my head, please?
Unknown Speaker (00:49:21.519)
I don't think it's gonna fit.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:22.760)
You gotta go get your corona crown for that.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:25.519)
It's my corona mask, actually.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:27.639)
Oh, it does double as a corona mask.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:30.639)
Exactly.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:32.039)
There it is.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:33.420)
And it also can be used as a weapon
Unknown Speaker (00:49:36.519)
with that hard-
Unknown Speaker (00:49:37.360)
Hey, I don't care who does it with push-ups.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:40.199)
It's a social justice word.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:42.559)
It's mine.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:43.519)
I won.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:44.360)
No, but you're not a minority.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:45.480)
So you can't even play that card.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:47.639)
Balding fat dudes are a minority in this office.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:49.679)
Actually, maybe at the office,
Unknown Speaker (00:49:51.480)
but in America, you're in the majority.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:54.119)
It's mine.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:55.280)
It's mine.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:56.440)
Oh, boy.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:57.280)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:58.099)
You guys are great.
Unknown Speaker (00:49:59.199)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:00.019)
The hallmark of any great comedy bit
Unknown Speaker (00:50:01.400)
is just adding in racism that's completely unrelated.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:04.679)
Oh, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:05.519)
Halfway through, just be like,
Unknown Speaker (00:50:06.360)
oh, you're not black, but.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:07.800)
Yeah, it's an Infowars classic.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:10.360)
Yeah, good work, guys.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:11.320)
Yeah, you have this situation where
Unknown Speaker (00:50:14.639)
Alex is trying to put the belt on his head.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:16.800)
It's not working.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:17.880)
And so he sort of loses track of it,
Unknown Speaker (00:50:19.599)
and it slides down into in front of his face.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:22.039)
And so they're riffing about it being a corona mask.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:24.500)
It's very sad.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:25.800)
It's just nothing's working.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:28.159)
It's low energy.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:29.719)
It's like Alex is trying to bring some chaos into this
Unknown Speaker (00:50:32.519)
and make it interesting, but it's just not.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:34.480)
This is a two-man improv scene.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:37.840)
Okay, hi, welcome to this bus.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:39.860)
I'm the bus driver.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:40.800)
How are you today?
Unknown Speaker (00:50:41.679)
What's up?
Unknown Speaker (00:50:42.519)
No, it's not a bus.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:43.340)
It's a hospital, and I'm a doctor.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:44.880)
Get on the operating table.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:46.760)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:48.360)
So what you're describing is good, well done improv.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:50.480)
Great improv, great improv.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:52.400)
So Alex still can't get the buttons to work,
Unknown Speaker (00:50:54.480)
and he decides to deem the belt racist.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:57.360)
We're still doing this.
Unknown Speaker (00:50:58.400)
Oh yeah, we're doing this for a while.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:01.800)
No, you're in the majority now.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:05.880)
It's racist these buttons won't do this.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:07.519)
Well, they were probably made in China.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:10.360)
Hell, where'd you get this?
Unknown Speaker (00:51:11.199)
Actually, I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:12.639)
Here, you put it together for me.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:14.000)
Hold on a second.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:14.840)
Do you crown me or you're racist?
Unknown Speaker (00:51:16.119)
Let me see this here.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:16.960)
Back, get on your knees right now.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:19.800)
You notice this torch?
Unknown Speaker (00:51:20.639)
Get on your knees and then crown you?
Unknown Speaker (00:51:23.280)
Do you recognize it?
Unknown Speaker (00:51:24.360)
Trying to see where this thing was made.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:25.679)
Come on, put it together.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:27.239)
Alex, I'm not breaking this on you.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:29.800)
It is gonna feel nice though.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:31.800)
You're not getting...
Unknown Speaker (00:51:32.639)
When I'm legitimately holding this in about an hour.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:35.960)
I mean, you can see this progress quite well.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:39.000)
Wow.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:39.840)
They've just decided that this belt must be made in China.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:42.440)
It might be, but I tried to look it up,
Unknown Speaker (00:51:45.119)
but I know that the toy belts, the ones for kids,
Unknown Speaker (00:51:48.159)
they're made by Mattel.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:49.599)
I don't know about the adult ones,
Unknown Speaker (00:51:51.119)
because this is a pretty serious belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:52.800)
Pretty elaborate.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:53.639)
This is like the normal size belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:56.079)
Those are fucking heavy too, by the way.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:57.239)
It's a replica.
Unknown Speaker (00:51:59.320)
So, I don't know where those are made.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:00.559)
It very well could be in China,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:01.719)
but I would expect like Owen is looking
Unknown Speaker (00:52:03.800)
at the inside of the belt,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:05.000)
and I know that there is a little tag inside there,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:08.239)
a little label, and if he'd seen made in China,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:10.920)
he probably would have said, aha.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:12.960)
So, I would assume that maybe it's not.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:14.599)
Isn't that a nice little microcosm?
Unknown Speaker (00:52:16.440)
Isn't that a nice little synecdoche
Unknown Speaker (00:52:17.800)
of their lack of curiosity being the center
Unknown Speaker (00:52:21.519)
of all of their fucking racism?
Unknown Speaker (00:52:23.320)
Why would you assume the answer to your question
Unknown Speaker (00:52:25.719)
is directly in front of you?
Unknown Speaker (00:52:27.239)
Just notice it, or ask yourself a question,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:29.239)
and then look for the answer,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:30.199)
instead of just being like, fuck it, made in China,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:32.559)
don't care.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:33.400)
Well, they don't even do that,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:34.239)
and that's also another really interesting thing
Unknown Speaker (00:52:36.679)
that goes back to improv, basically.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:39.000)
It's unwise for you to speculate
Unknown Speaker (00:52:41.119)
that this is made in China,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:42.659)
because there's only two possible outcomes.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:45.079)
One, you're right, and it's a coincidence,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:47.619)
or you're wrong, and then you have revealed
Unknown Speaker (00:52:50.920)
that you assume anything you don't like is made in China.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:53.400)
Exactly.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:54.239)
And so that, it's just not a,
Unknown Speaker (00:52:56.119)
from a game theory standpoint, it's not a winning strategy.
Unknown Speaker (00:52:59.320)
No, what you want to do is give yourself
Unknown Speaker (00:53:01.119)
as few possibilities as you can.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:04.320)
Right, right.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:05.159)
Make sure you put yourself in a tunnel,
Unknown Speaker (00:53:06.420)
and back yourself into a corner,
Unknown Speaker (00:53:08.119)
and that will lead you to where Infowars is,
Unknown Speaker (00:53:10.440)
which is a very successful place.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:12.159)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:13.159)
So, Alex still can't get this on, and-
Unknown Speaker (00:53:15.840)
This is going on for a while.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:17.280)
So now he puts it back on his head.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:18.719)
Okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:19.539)
I identify as Queen Elizabeth.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:22.679)
Look at this.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:24.400)
Oh, Batman, I'll defeat you, huh?
Unknown Speaker (00:53:26.920)
Ha ha ha.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:28.320)
Babe.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:29.159)
You've turned it into a face mask now.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:31.199)
Mommy.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:32.039)
It sounds like a police mask.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:32.880)
Why is Santa fucking the tree?
Unknown Speaker (00:53:35.000)
Yeah, I can see that.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:36.079)
See, you are, you have turned into a Democrat.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:38.159)
I don't know what happened to you.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:40.440)
What does?
Unknown Speaker (00:53:41.280)
You turned into a Democrat.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:42.119)
Hey, I'm gonna stop right there.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:42.940)
You're kind of dancing like the Democrats, too.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:45.119)
What has happened to you?
Unknown Speaker (00:53:47.679)
Did you, what?
Unknown Speaker (00:53:49.960)
No chops there.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:51.000)
Oh, boy.
Unknown Speaker (00:53:51.840)
So I think that Alex might watch wrestling,
Unknown Speaker (00:53:53.840)
because the dancing that he does there,
Unknown Speaker (00:53:55.699)
that Owen says is dancing like a Democrat,
Unknown Speaker (00:53:58.559)
it's very similar to the signature dance that Big E does.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:01.480)
Of course he knew that.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:02.639)
Of course it is.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:03.599)
So, you know, it's possible that Alex only,
Unknown Speaker (00:54:06.519)
his only dance move is like a sensual torso thrust.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:09.360)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:10.199)
That could be a coincidence, totally,
Unknown Speaker (00:54:11.239)
but it also could imply that he's a closet wrestling boy,
Unknown Speaker (00:54:14.320)
and he doesn't want to admit it.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:15.440)
Oh, man.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:16.280)
Yeah, and maybe this is his belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:17.320)
Maybe he brought it from home.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:18.760)
So yeah, I'm torn on that,
Unknown Speaker (00:54:20.940)
because the torso thrust is kind of
Unknown Speaker (00:54:23.960)
a bland, generic dance move,
Unknown Speaker (00:54:26.320)
but it is also what Big E does,
Unknown Speaker (00:54:28.639)
and they make a big deal out of it.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:30.360)
Like, it's a thing where other wrestlers
Unknown Speaker (00:54:32.760)
will join in the dance with them,
Unknown Speaker (00:54:35.119)
doing their torso thrusts.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:36.719)
It's kind of a trademark of the new day.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:38.599)
Well, Owen's response suggests
Unknown Speaker (00:54:40.760)
that he has not seen Alex dance in any fashion.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:43.159)
No, or knows anything about the new day dance.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:45.800)
Or knows anything about dancing, period.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:47.960)
I don't think he's, you dance like a Democrat?
Unknown Speaker (00:54:51.199)
What does that even mean?
Unknown Speaker (00:54:52.639)
I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:53.480)
What do you, what do you, hold on.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:54.760)
Now I need to analyze that sentence.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:57.199)
That just washed over me like that was fine.
Unknown Speaker (00:54:59.119)
What is this?
Unknown Speaker (00:54:59.960)
I think it doesn't mean anything.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:01.159)
I think it's just an insult.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:02.460)
I think it's just a insult meaning nothing.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:05.079)
I mean, I imagine that there's some sort of
Unknown Speaker (00:55:07.900)
homophobia behind it, naturally.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:10.239)
I wouldn't put that past him.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:11.960)
But now I want a book.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:13.119)
I think more than that it means nothing.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:16.119)
I think you could dance in any way
Unknown Speaker (00:55:18.119)
that Owen just wants to make fun of
Unknown Speaker (00:55:19.719)
and be like, hey, that's how Democrats dance.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:21.199)
Right, right, but now I want him to be,
Unknown Speaker (00:55:23.199)
I want him to be pinned down on this.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:25.019)
I want specific moves that are Democrat or Republican.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:28.440)
You might.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:29.280)
I know that the floss is Republican as shit.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:31.119)
I'll tell you that right now.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:32.320)
You actually might be more right than you think
Unknown Speaker (00:55:34.239)
that there's homophobia built into this
Unknown Speaker (00:55:36.000)
because of where things go.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:37.320)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:38.139)
Did you, what, did you drink some of the fluoride?
Unknown Speaker (00:55:42.679)
Did you watch CNN?
Unknown Speaker (00:55:43.519)
I just like this belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:45.119)
Be honest, you watched CNN
Unknown Speaker (00:55:47.039)
and now you're, you kind of, you like Don Lemon.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:50.400)
Well, I mean, I didn't date Don Lemon for a while.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:52.079)
What's wrong with that?
Unknown Speaker (00:55:52.960)
You like Trevor Noah too?
Unknown Speaker (00:55:54.000)
You moved on from Don Lemon to Trevor Noah?
Unknown Speaker (00:55:55.800)
Well, I know they double teamed me.
Unknown Speaker (00:55:56.840)
Are you still upset, though, that Don Lemon dumped you?
Unknown Speaker (00:56:00.059)
Seriously, who will put this on me?
Unknown Speaker (00:56:01.380)
I'm the winner.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:02.219)
I'm the winner.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:04.179)
That's not how it works.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:05.880)
No one will put the belt on him.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:07.139)
Alex deserves this belt.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:10.000)
So, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:10.840)
This should be in a terrarium.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:13.039)
This should be playing on a loop in a terrarium
Unknown Speaker (00:56:16.159)
some thousands of years in the future
Unknown Speaker (00:56:18.400)
just to be like, look at what prehistoric man was like.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:21.599)
It does feel very much like,
Unknown Speaker (00:56:23.360)
it's shocking that this is in 2020.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:25.119)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:25.960)
That this passes for entertainment.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:27.719)
It's bananas.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:28.960)
This is, this is Cro-Mac in writer's room.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:31.820)
I can't imagine, first of all,
Unknown Speaker (00:56:33.039)
someone listening to this and thinking it's funny
Unknown Speaker (00:56:34.760)
because it's a disaster.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:35.639)
No, this is awful.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:36.480)
Second, I can't imagine anyone watching this
Unknown Speaker (00:56:38.800)
and being like, I trust these guys to read.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:43.760)
These people are who I want to get my information from.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:47.320)
Like, I understand that they're like,
Unknown Speaker (00:56:48.519)
hey, you know, people like to cut loose.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:50.159)
But this is such a, this is a telling way to cut loose.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:53.519)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:54.360)
Oh, man.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:55.320)
These guys.
Unknown Speaker (00:56:56.280)
So, Alex feels like he's entitled to this belt,
Unknown Speaker (00:56:58.840)
although no one will help him with the straps.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:01.119)
Which is its own kind of indignity
Unknown Speaker (00:57:03.119)
that I lasciviously enjoy.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:06.039)
Alex Jones, too drunk for buttons.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:09.480)
So he starts riffing about how he deserves all this stuff.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:12.199)
And then it starts to get into the autonomous zone.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:15.760)
Sure, why not?
Unknown Speaker (00:57:16.840)
You need to go to the autonomous zone
Unknown Speaker (00:57:18.239)
where everything's done for you.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:19.599)
This is America.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:21.199)
No, literally you go to the autonomous zone.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:23.239)
Delivered it here right now.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:24.960)
This is not Chaz.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:26.360)
And I want food delivered to Chaz.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:27.960)
That is, this is not Chaz.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:29.360)
I want a porta potty delivered in here.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:31.199)
That only happens, that magic only happens to Chaz.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:35.039)
He's got his porta potty right here, folks.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:36.960)
There you go, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:38.000)
There's your porta potty from Chaz.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:40.599)
Hold on, guys.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:41.599)
Let's get this shot.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:42.599)
Alex is using the porta potty from Chaz.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:50.199)
You don't want to know what just happened.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:52.360)
So at this point, the ref appears
Unknown Speaker (00:57:54.159)
and gives Alex a bag to serve as a porta potty.
Unknown Speaker (00:57:57.119)
Alex places that on the ground in front of Owen's desk
Unknown Speaker (00:57:59.519)
and pretends to shit in it.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:01.159)
Please remember, this is a family show.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:02.840)
This is a family show.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:03.679)
The unfortunate thing here, though, is camera angles.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:06.320)
I have no idea why, but there's a weird statue
Unknown Speaker (00:58:08.719)
that looks like a Roman centurion sitting on the floor
Unknown Speaker (00:58:11.159)
in front of Owen's desk, so when Alex squats down
Unknown Speaker (00:58:13.719)
to pretend he's shitting in this bag,
Unknown Speaker (00:58:15.559)
you can't really see the bag,
Unknown Speaker (00:58:16.719)
and it just looks like he's shitting on this statue.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:18.960)
It's very- See, now that's funny.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:20.480)
It's very bizarre.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:21.639)
Now that, now we're in funny territory again.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:24.199)
They pulled it out.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:25.119)
They pulled it out from the brink.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:26.599)
It's unintentional, and I'm very confident
Unknown Speaker (00:58:29.400)
saying at this point that this is off the rails.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:31.920)
This is fully off the rails.
Unknown Speaker (00:58:33.159)
This reminds me of so many high school parties
Unknown Speaker (00:58:36.800)
where everybody is still in high school
Unknown Speaker (00:58:39.639)
and having a good time, and then there's the drunk guy
Unknown Speaker (00:58:42.280)
who's lost his fucking mind, can't handle his liquor,
Unknown Speaker (00:58:45.360)
or anything like that, and everybody's kind of looking
Unknown Speaker (00:58:47.280)
at it like, dude, just get this guy out of here,
Unknown Speaker (00:58:50.079)
but there are three white dudes around,
Unknown Speaker (00:58:51.840)
always egging him on, just like,
Unknown Speaker (00:58:53.920)
yeah, do something else stupid, let's keep doing this,
Unknown Speaker (00:58:57.400)
and then he breaks some shit, and you hate the party,
Unknown Speaker (00:59:00.039)
and anyways, I fucking hate Todd.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:02.119)
You know what?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:03.599)
This is also Friday.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:04.800)
This is last Friday, and so it does kind of have the vibe
Unknown Speaker (00:59:08.360)
of an office where people finish their shift
Unknown Speaker (00:59:11.079)
and then start drinking, but might still hang out
Unknown Speaker (00:59:13.000)
at the office.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:13.840)
Right, right, right.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:14.679)
Alex is done with his show.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:15.840)
Now Owen's gotta host his show, and he's like,
Unknown Speaker (00:59:18.480)
I can start drinking in half an hour once my show's over,
Unknown Speaker (00:59:21.760)
but Alex is already tanked, and he's just coming in
Unknown Speaker (00:59:25.039)
and fucking with him while he's straight to his job.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:27.480)
That's the vibe I get.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:28.320)
So unprofessional.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:29.159)
Well, who cares?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:30.639)
That's fair.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:31.480)
That's fair.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:32.320)
Alex just panted by him, shooting on a bag.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:33.880)
Hit a bag.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:34.719)
That's pretty great.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:35.559)
So now Alex leaves.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:37.599)
All right, I'm leaving.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:38.440)
You didn't know that?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:39.280)
Hey, this is a fake cisgender white pride event.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:44.119)
Thank you, sir.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:45.559)
That I agree with.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:46.400)
Not yours.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:47.239)
You want to cancel?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:48.079)
You stole that.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:48.920)
You want to cancel Paw Patrol, too, don't you?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:50.280)
This is reparations right here.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:51.440)
Unbelievable.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:53.119)
You would.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:53.960)
See that?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:55.000)
You want to cancel Paw Patrol?
Unknown Speaker (00:59:56.679)
I'm gonna make your calls.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:57.519)
You want to cancel everything.
Unknown Speaker (00:59:58.719)
You're scared I'm gonna win this push-up contest.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:00.920)
I'm not.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:01.800)
How many push-ups can you do?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:03.159)
We'll have to find out.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:04.320)
I guess he's not leaving.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:05.480)
Wow.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:06.320)
Yeah, Alex isn't leaving.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:07.159)
Wow, boy.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:08.239)
At this point.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:09.079)
Guys.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:10.400)
Guys, put a fork in this several minutes ago.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:14.960)
Go home.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:15.800)
In that clip, Alex said, I'm leaving.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:17.320)
And he also said, get back to your calls.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:19.239)
And then starts another conversation
Unknown Speaker (01:00:21.079)
about how many push-ups someone can do.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:22.679)
Yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:23.519)
It's like trying to end a phone call with my mom.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:27.079)
Yep, this keeps going.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:28.360)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:29.199)
So Alex gets to talking about how
Unknown Speaker (01:00:31.199)
he's gonna do some push-ups.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:33.400)
But there's a catch.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:34.400)
Why?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:35.239)
You want some food?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:36.079)
These are my push-ups worth 100 years.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:37.880)
You ready then?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:38.719)
You are a social justice warrior.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:39.920)
So let's see.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:40.760)
No, I'm saving up my energy.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:42.440)
I do five push-ups.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:43.360)
That's 100 you gotta do each time.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:44.840)
That would be.
Unknown Speaker (01:00:45.679)
You ready for this?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:46.840)
You ready?
Unknown Speaker (01:00:47.679)
100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, 1,000, 1,100, 1,200.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:01.679)
Yeah, I win.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:04.840)
1,500 push-ups, bitch.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:06.639)
Hold on, let me see you do one more.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:10.519)
This one counts as 10,000.
Unknown Speaker (01:01:12.239)
All right.
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I don't really care, but Alex isn't doing full push-ups.
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He's only going about halfway down,
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and his arms are really not in good formation.
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He basically looks like a guy who
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doesn't do push-ups regularly, trying
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to act like a tough boy while drunk at a frat party, which
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is basically exactly what's going on here.
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That sounds exactly like what's going on right there.
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That is exactly.
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Yeah.
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Oh, my push-ups count for 100.
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Oh, man.
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You know, when I hang out with people,
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you know, when comics get together, and we start riffing,
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we have a good time, we laugh out loud.
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We express joy with each other, something along the line.
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These guys don't seem to express joy just like energy.
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Like, they just have energy that's coming out,
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but it's in like a faux humorous kind of manner.
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There also seems to be a fair amount of tension.
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Yeah.
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There does seem to be, like, I don't,
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like, I didn't get the vibe that this was like.
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It doesn't feel like they're having fun.
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No.
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It does not feel like they're having fun.
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Unlike the people who actually own that belt, the two day.
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They're having a ton of fun.
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Yeah, who have a great time.
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They have a trombone.
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Man, if you just stop being so racist
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and saying everything is a social justice
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warrior or some shit, maybe you'd have a good time.
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That's even convoluted in its presentation.
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Yeah, come on, man.
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Stick with the bit.
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At the end of that one, you heard Owen insisting Alex
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do one more.
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Yes.
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One more.
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Got to do one more.
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Right.
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It's worth 1,000.
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And so this, no, 10,000.
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10,000.
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I apologize.
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So now we get into that.
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I know you social justice warriors don't like rules,
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but I'll tell you what they count for.
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No, no, no, no, I win.
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I already won.
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I said so.
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Racist.
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You got to do one more there.
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Nope.
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Just one more.
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Really?
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Yep.
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Tell me there's a whooping question.
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Let's see it.
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This one counts for 10,000.
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All right.
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Oh!
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Yeah!
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So the first thing to note is that Alex has definitely
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gassed after like 10 push ups.
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He doesn't appear to be used to that kind of exertion,
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which calls into question his constant talk about exercising
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every morning and watching the news and what have you.
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So that weird noise you hear there at the end
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is Owen jumping off his desk and doing a little leg drop
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onto Alex while he was doing his last push up.
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It's not a regular leg drop, though.
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Owen lands with his back kind of in a straddle position,
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or his legs with a straddle over Alex's back.
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Then he gets up and he drops an elbow on Alex.
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Good, good.
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It's probably fine, but honestly, this
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is kind of dangerous.
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Like, Alex is not in good shape, and no matter what,
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this is a couple foot drop that Owen's doing,
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landing on a presumably unprepared Alex who's
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facing the ground in a push up position.
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Wrestlers train for a long time and work really hard
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to do things safely that if you try to recreate
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will really hurt someone.
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Some basic wrestling moves, if done for real,
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would straight up kill a person.
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Like a DDT, that's a normal move.
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It's not even a finisher most of the time.
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And if you gave someone a DDT onto a hard surface,
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you could very easily knock them out and give them
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brain damage.
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A pile driver could easily kill a person or break their neck.
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Even professionals have a hard time with that one,
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so the move is mostly banned in the WWE
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after Owen Hart botched one at SummerSlam 1997
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and broke Stone Cold Steve Austin's neck,
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merely paralyzing him.
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Horseplay is fun, but when you're jumping off stuff
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onto the back of a clearly exhausted 46-year-old dude who
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just had oral surgery that morning,
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you're not playing safe.
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Ah, man.
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This may not have led to any real issues,
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but the decision-making that leads you to do that kind
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of thing as an adult is very suspicious.
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It's very suspect.
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Wait.
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So Alex has been out since then?
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Yeah.
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Damn.
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Did Owen kill Alex Jones?
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No, I don't think so.
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I thought about that.
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I considered the possibility that he injured Alex's back
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or something.
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Because that would be pretty great.
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I don't think that's the case, though.
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That'd be very funny.
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That'd be like, you know, it was Hitler who killed Hitler,
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so he couldn't be that bad of a guy.
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If Owen took down Alex Jones's career by leg drop,
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that'd be pretty funny.
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I'm more inclined to think that this
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is something business-related, like some sort
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of a reorganizational thing.
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He's got plenty going on.
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Could be something to do with one of his lawsuits
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or maybe family court.
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I have no idea.
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There are a lot of options.
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There are.
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That's probably a sign of you're not doing well in life.
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If there are so many possible reasons
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that you could be out of office.
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I believe all of them.
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Yeah, exactly.
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And one of the lowest on that list
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is probably Owen's leg drop.
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So Owen hit him with the elbow and then kicked him.
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And then he starts hitting him with the belt.
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This is how he sort of taunts Alex.
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Ah!
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This is what we do to police in this country.
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How do you like that?
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Oh, my god.
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What are we doing?
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We send you back to blue, we kill you.
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Alex Jones down.
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That guy just break in there?
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The enforce war room is raw for nothing.
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So that makes no sense.
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Why is Owen saying this is what we do to police in this country?
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Is Owen's gimmick supposed to be that he's
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a parody of his own fears of the left?
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Because if so, that comment would make total sense.
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But nothing he's done up to this point supports that character.
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Or is Alex's gimmick supposed to be that he's a cop?
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Because that hasn't been established at all.
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However, that would help make sense of Alex coming in
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and just taking the belt. It could be a civil asset
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forfeiture angle.
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How much fun would that be?
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Any of this would be more interesting, but really it's
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just Owen being shitty at this stuff off the cuff
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and it's confusing as hell.
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Why are you saying this is what we do to cops in this country
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when you're hitting Alex Jones with a belt
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and you're Owen Schroyer?
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It's a Mad Libs.
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There's no character work being done.
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It's like he learned the worst lessons of humor
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from Family Guy, where it's like,
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if you just make a reference to a different thing,
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that's kind of humor.
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You can't cut away to stuff.
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Yeah, that's not real life.
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You can't cut to a, you know, oh, that's stupid.
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Can't have a visual gag.
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Yeah.
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So at this point, Alex has been beaten up
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and he is written off TV and he leaves.
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Congratulations.
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And so Owen goes to calls.
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There's more show after that.
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Yep.
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This works for a little while, but it doesn't really work.
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Facebook had nothing but divide whether you got to be either
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a completely
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That was a real attack by Jesse Smollett.
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To clarify, Alex has lumbered back.
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Jesus.
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Yes, he's lumbered back into the studio
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and he is now fake hitting Owen with the belt.
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Oh, this is Mad Libs.
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Yeah.
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Hold on.
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Hold on.
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Oh, I should also say Alex is carrying a big cup
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and he is clearly just it's his favorite.
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He's just shit face.
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Yeah, oh, that's a real just a small attack.
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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, this is great radio.
Unknown Speaker (01:08:40.079)
Now my autonomous zone.
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You're all off the air like Owen's money's mine now.
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See what's in here.
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Yeah, you are very tired payment now almost $100 here.
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He is breathing super heavy.
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It's gross.
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He is so gas.
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He has no cardio.
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He just did a little fake attack on Owen and he sounds like he
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is.
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Oh, my God.
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It's scary.
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It's scary.
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That really is.
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It makes me wonder how he's able to yell for like five minutes
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straight without falling over.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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So yeah, he has beaten up Owen and stolen his wallet now.
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That is.
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He's sitting in Owen's chair.
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Jesus.
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As if he's taken over the show.
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Nothing better than just a long string
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of weird old men grunting together
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and then wheezing promises to steal money.
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So here's where we dismount.
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This is the last clip that we have
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because this resolves itself.
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And one of the most satisfying conclusions,
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this side of Breaking Bad.
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I will say that standing over somebody
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and declaring this is my autonomous zone is not bad.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:02.520)
That's not bad.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:03.279)
That's pretty good.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:04.039)
I think we can bring that into our.
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I'll take that.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:07.640)
That goes into the lexicon.
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Maybe that'll take over for a day and this is 2020.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:12.439)
I'll declare our podcast our autonomous zone.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:14.199)
This is my autonomous zone right here.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:15.920)
Yeah, we'll see.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:17.479)
So here's the last clip.
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And Alex explains why he hasn't left.
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OK, OK.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:22.199)
Sorry, he's got a guest on.
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I apologize.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:24.840)
He's got a guest.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:25.600)
I was worried about this.
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But this is an autonomous zone now.
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I actually can't find my car keys while I'm left here.
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I better get out of here before he comes in here and tests me.
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That matter comes up in the hour.
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Of course, so what's happening now
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is that Owen has gone backstage and put on a doctor's lab coat.
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Sure.
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And he's choking out.
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Wow.
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This is this is not ending.
Unknown Speaker (01:10:55.840)
No, this is real.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:01.199)
We got to we got to choke out a whitey.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:05.000)
Wait, the doctor is now calling people whitey.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:07.560)
BLM, we got a whitey right here.
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Can you breathe?
Unknown Speaker (01:11:17.640)
All right.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:18.840)
We got a whitey now.
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Who are you people?
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We got a whitey.
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Chocolate up now.
Unknown Speaker (01:11:28.199)
We took the whitey out.
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Now reverse your privilege.
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Get out of here.
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The doctor says your face is made of white on the show.
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The highest quality program we've ever seen.
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So he, Owen, is now walking Alex to the back.
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And that's Alex saying this is the highest quality programming
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ever as he's off camera being shuffled out
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the door to the production booth.
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Yeah.
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All right, well, this is not this is a family show.
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It's a family show.
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Wounded folks.
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I'm wounded.
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I was wounded by Alex Jones.
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He saw it.
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I was assaulted right in this chair.
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What is happening?
Unknown Speaker (01:12:28.840)
What is fucking happening?
Unknown Speaker (01:12:30.039)
I agree with you.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:30.840)
Some of those moans did sound a little bit sexual.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:33.479)
That was not good.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:34.159)
It was very, especially the mix with the music.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:35.960)
It's really uncomfortable, yeah, with the 70s music.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:38.000)
It was not good, no.
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So the first thing here is that that whole choking thing
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was incredibly disrespectful and blatantly racist
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in conception and execution.
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Yep.
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Also, it's the second time in like a month
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that Owen has pretended to murder Alex by strangulation,
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which makes me think that maybe this is something
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that's on his vision board.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:54.279)
Yeah, well.
Unknown Speaker (01:12:55.000)
Remember the last time when he had the baby mask on?
Unknown Speaker (01:12:57.079)
Yeah, I think it's on a lot of people's vision board
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at Info Wars.
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Yeah.
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That was a very long and very dumb bit.
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But because I've been talking a lot about wrestling,
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I have to give Owen a couple points.
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Those moans that you hear are Owen selling Alex's attack.
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He's remembered that in this established reality,
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they're pretending to be in a situation
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where he should be hurt.
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Alex just attacked him with the belt and beat him up.
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So when he shows back up, it makes no sense
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if he doesn't have some kind of an injury.
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Small hat tip to Owen for understanding
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that element of storytelling.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:27.119)
All right.
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Unfortunately, that small hat tip
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doesn't come anywhere near making up
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for the gigantic jeers he gets for everything
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else in that segment, so fuck him.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:35.720)
You know, because he came back with the doctor's coat
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and it was like he was a different character.
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So when he shows back up as himself,
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he's got to be like, ah, oh, Alex beat me up.
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It's an essential thing that a lot of wrestlers even forget.
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It's terrible.
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It's so obvious to me.
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Like, these people have never even talked to a human.
Unknown Speaker (01:13:57.039)
You know, like, what are you talking about?
Unknown Speaker (01:13:59.119)
We got a whitey?
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Who talks like that?
Unknown Speaker (01:14:02.279)
Like, they're imagining.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:03.359)
Just them.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:03.960)
Like, the imagination they have of what their enemy is
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is just their own, like, stupidity forced back at them.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:12.079)
That's their own creative.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:13.159)
Who says, who talks like that?
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That's what they think the left is?
Unknown Speaker (01:14:17.520)
Sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:18.039)
And it is.
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It's so weird.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:20.159)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:20.840)
They just have never had fun.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:23.119)
So I think one really main point that I want to bring up
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is that Alex is pretty clearly drunk.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:27.319)
Oh, yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:27.800)
He's carrying around a paper cup and slurring.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:29.680)
And I get really worried when I hear
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him say that the reason he hasn't left
Unknown Speaker (01:14:32.960)
is because he can't find his four keys.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:33.960)
He forgot his keys.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:34.840)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:35.359)
That dude got a DUI, like, three months ago.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:37.600)
So hopefully the reason he can't find his keys
Unknown Speaker (01:14:40.039)
is because someone hid them and called him a cab.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:42.199)
Wow.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:42.699)
Because that, like, that is really fucked up.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:45.119)
Like, the idea that he's driving home?
Unknown Speaker (01:14:47.239)
No, he was drinking his I can't find my keys glass of whiskey.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:50.199)
OK.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:50.680)
That one they have in case, you know,
Unknown Speaker (01:14:52.680)
in case they can't find your keys, break glass.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:54.720)
That's what that's for.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:56.000)
That's the whole thing.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:56.960)
He does that every time.
Unknown Speaker (01:14:57.960)
I'm not positive that he's drunk,
Unknown Speaker (01:14:59.680)
but he better hope he is.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:01.920)
Because if that's normal behavior,
Unknown Speaker (01:15:04.720)
that implies something that is not solved by sobriety.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:08.199)
No, that's deeply fucked up.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:09.439)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:09.939)
That's really, really sad.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:11.239)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:11.720)
So, um.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:12.880)
The right's getting too good at comedy for us.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:14.720)
Hilarious.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:15.239)
They are really good.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:16.479)
They're really good.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:18.159)
That's what I, that's what I take away from this is,
Unknown Speaker (01:15:21.279)
why aren't there more right wing conservative comics, Dan?
Unknown Speaker (01:15:25.000)
It's because we're censoring them, I'm sure.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:27.319)
Totally.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:27.819)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:28.319)
So I thought that this was the payoff.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:33.479)
OK.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:34.439)
There is an actual push up contest at the end.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:36.840)
There's an actual, no, get the fuck out of here.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:40.000)
Get the fuck out of here.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:41.239)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:41.760)
It's very stupid and it's overproduced
Unknown Speaker (01:15:43.539)
with, like, fake audience cheering,
Unknown Speaker (01:15:45.159)
and then there's some fake fights
Unknown Speaker (01:15:46.399)
after the announcement of the winner, who's obviously Owen.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:49.119)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:50.000)
It was really a disaster.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:51.279)
It's really bad.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:52.159)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:52.680)
And this is another thing where they fuck up what wrestling is.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:56.680)
Alex and him doing this is the main event.
Unknown Speaker (01:15:59.560)
That's the main event.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:00.560)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:01.060)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:01.560)
If that happens, don't even do the push up contest.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:03.840)
The push up contest is an immediate let down.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:05.880)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:06.359)
It's pointless.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:07.119)
Nobody cares.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:07.800)
It's, like, Darren McBreen, Rob Dew,
Unknown Speaker (01:16:10.640)
Marcos Morales, and Rob Dew doing push ups gives a shit.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:14.000)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:14.760)
You have peaked.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:16.079)
This is like giving away a pay-per-view match
Unknown Speaker (01:16:20.000)
on the weekly free programming and then, I don't know,
Unknown Speaker (01:16:23.239)
doing nothing on the pay-per-view.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:24.600)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:25.100)
Like, this is bad business.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:26.720)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:27.220)
It's not good.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:27.880)
No.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:28.439)
This is, they're not good at this.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:31.279)
This attempt to approximate what wrestling is just
Unknown Speaker (01:16:33.960)
reveals a complete lack of understanding,
Unknown Speaker (01:16:36.840)
lack of interest, lack of awareness, lack of preparation,
Unknown Speaker (01:16:39.560)
lack of caring.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:40.359)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:40.720)
I could have done something better in an hour.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:42.479)
Yep.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:42.840)
Probably.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:43.359)
Agreed.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:44.079)
At least come up with, like, OK, here's
Unknown Speaker (01:16:46.199)
a coherent reason why this is happening.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:48.920)
So it's not just stupid chaos.
Unknown Speaker (01:16:51.039)
If you're going to bring in the belt and announce the day
Unknown Speaker (01:16:53.840)
before you're having some kind of a contest
Unknown Speaker (01:16:55.920)
to crown a champion, you clearly are at least partially
Unknown Speaker (01:16:59.399)
invested in doing this as a bit.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:00.840)
Don't ask me.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:02.359)
Fucking hell, man.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:03.560)
I resent it.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:04.359)
I resent it very much.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:05.319)
At any point in time, they could have just come up
Unknown Speaker (01:17:07.399)
with any idea.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:08.319)
Yes.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:08.800)
Any idea that would be better than that one.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:10.520)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:10.840)
Especially the idea of not doing it.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:12.600)
I think that that would be a great idea.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:13.960)
I think that that would have been great.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:15.659)
I think that probably the fact that they're info wars
Unknown Speaker (01:17:18.359)
means that they don't have access to anybody who
Unknown Speaker (01:17:20.359)
could write something better.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:21.640)
No, of course not.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:22.359)
And instead, they just decide to dick around
Unknown Speaker (01:17:24.279)
and pretend it's comedy.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:25.720)
Dan, I agree with you.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:26.920)
Thank you, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:27.640)
Yeah, that's true.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:29.039)
So hopefully you got home safe.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:30.479)
You have to be curious and interested,
Unknown Speaker (01:17:32.760)
and this is where comedy comes from.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:35.600)
It comes from curiosity and passion.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:38.279)
It doesn't come from just being like, oh, yeah,
Unknown Speaker (01:17:40.359)
I saw that shit.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:41.159)
Let's toss that out.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:42.560)
Fuck you.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:43.159)
Yeah, it's that sort of thing.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:44.079)
I don't know, was it Steve Martin
Unknown Speaker (01:17:45.399)
who was saying if you're really good at comedy,
Unknown Speaker (01:17:47.680)
you will end up using everything you've ever
Unknown Speaker (01:17:49.439)
learned as part of your act.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:51.239)
Yes, exactly.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:52.079)
That was a poor paraphrasing, but it's something like that.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:55.520)
And they always tell you, play to the top
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of your intelligence.
Unknown Speaker (01:17:58.640)
You should assume that the people listening or watching
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whatever you're doing are much smarter than you
Unknown Speaker (01:18:04.039)
might want to think.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:05.239)
And that's always a better path to go, and info wars
Unknown Speaker (01:18:07.520)
insists on going the other direction,
Unknown Speaker (01:18:10.399)
because they have no faith in their audience.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:12.460)
They think they're all stupid.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:13.760)
Yeah, brought up some great points.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:15.239)
Thank you.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:16.359)
God damn it.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:19.319)
I'll say that this is not at all the kind of in-depth episode
Unknown Speaker (01:18:23.920)
that I'm interested in getting back into doing.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:26.800)
I missed doing the show.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:28.399)
We haven't recorded since Saturday.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:30.279)
And I was hoping to really have, a lot has happened, certainly.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:33.880)
Yeah, a lot more than a push-up contest.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:36.939)
John Bolton's book apparently involves
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talk of Trump working with Xi, which Alex has got
Unknown Speaker (01:18:41.159)
to have a difficult time with.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:44.199)
There was that military executive order
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that Trump put through.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:48.159)
There is the Supreme Court ruling today, just today.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:51.680)
Naturally.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:53.399)
Yeah, I would just think that this is the time that Alex
Unknown Speaker (01:18:56.199)
needs to be in studio.
Unknown Speaker (01:18:57.640)
It's shocking that he's gone.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:00.000)
These are all stories that are begging for Alex to spin.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:04.159)
I mean, Ginsburg just beat Clarence Thomas in a push-up
Unknown Speaker (01:19:06.760)
contest too, so shit.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:08.479)
And then he did an elbow drop.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:10.279)
Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:11.279)
And then she approved another oil pipeline.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:14.239)
You know, Ginsburg shit.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:16.159)
So I'm really interested in why Alex isn't there.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:20.439)
And I guess we'll find out what his excuse is
Unknown Speaker (01:19:22.600)
whenever he gets back.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:24.039)
We'll see.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:24.560)
I mean, if he's not back on Friday.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:26.880)
I don't know.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:27.460)
I don't know what we'll do for Monday,
Unknown Speaker (01:19:28.520)
but we'll figure out something.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:29.800)
Get into a fight.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:30.600)
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:30.840)
Have a push-up contest.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:31.760)
Yeah, let's do it.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:33.439)
We'll see what happens, but we'll be back on Monday.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:35.720)
And until then, we have a website.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:37.760)
We do have a website.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:38.640)
It's knowledgefight.com.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:39.520)
Yes, it is.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:40.039)
We're also on Twitter.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:40.680)
We are on Twitter.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:41.319)
It's at knowledge underscore fight and at go to bed Jordan.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:43.439)
Yep, we're on Facebook.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:44.479)
We are Facebook, and if you could,
Unknown Speaker (01:19:47.000)
please find a local charity or a bail fund
Unknown Speaker (01:19:49.560)
or find people to help in your area.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:52.840)
We would appreciate that very much.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:54.479)
Yep, we'll be back.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:55.359)
But until then, I'm Neo.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:56.640)
I'm Leo.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:57.199)
I'm DZX Clark.
Unknown Speaker (01:19:58.359)
I am the seven-time super alpha male champion.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:01.399)
Andy in Kansas, you're on the air.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:02.800)
Thanks for holding.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:05.479)
Hello, Alex.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:06.119)
I'm a first time caller.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:07.119)
I'm a huge fan.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:07.800)
I love your work.
Unknown Speaker (01:20:08.720)
I love you.
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