Transcript/We'll Be Back On Monday
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I'm a policy wonk.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:01.159)
Hey, everybody. Dan here.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:02.960)
Hi, I'm Jordan.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:04.040)
Hey, how's it going, buddy?
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I am also here.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:06.120)
I just wanted to take a quick little moment to give you a little bit of a heads up that we are taking this Friday off from an episode.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:13.480)
But we will be back on Monday.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:14.919)
There's just so much to get handled in terms of the move.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:18.039)
Moving is nuts.
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Yeah, I mean, a lot of it I was able to take care of and gradually do.
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But there's, you know, you always get blindsided by various things like so much, so many accounts to move.
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Move over like utilities and stuff.
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It's a lot.
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So I'm just going to take a one-off me day here, but we'll be back.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:38.000)
Absolutely. I think that's a great idea.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:39.960)
You should definitely take the day off.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:42.079)
Yeah, it pains me.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:43.520)
For God's sakes, clean off your soundboard.
Unknown Speaker (00:00:46.679)
For God's sakes, get that compressed air for once.
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You're a dick.
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Damn it!
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Don't tell me what to do with my soundboard, because if you do...
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You're an asshole.
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Damn it!
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Don't tell me what to do.
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Ah, shit.
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Yeah, well, I mean, in the move, I'll dust that stuff off.
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But yeah, I don't know, it pains me.
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I wish we could do a stupid episode, but we'll be back on Monday and everything.
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And thank you to everybody who's been so supportive and kind about telling me to take a week off and what have you.
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And just people being excited for the new place and the new pet.
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Yes, we are all very excited.
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The new animal friend, which I think I've made a decision on, which will be forthcoming.
Unknown Speaker (00:01:27.959)
Ooh, now you're teasing?
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I'm not teasing because I haven't fully made this decision, but I'm leaning very heavily in one direction.
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It'll actually shock the world.
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The announcement will shock the world.
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Yes.
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Anyway, the Seltzer website has been updated.
Unknown Speaker (00:01:43.079)
Ooh, here's something we can do.
Unknown Speaker (00:01:44.920)
What's that?
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I know people love my food reviews, so let's do a little bit of a food conversation.
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All right, what do you got?
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I have two foods.
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Two foods.
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I tried this last week or so.
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Good and bad.
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No, well, I don't know, maybe.
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Meh.
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I expected both to be terrible.
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Sure, sure.
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One.
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Yes.
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Pop-Tarts.
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Pop-Tarts, which kind?
Unknown Speaker (00:02:04.159)
Fruity, Fruit Loops.
Unknown Speaker (00:02:06.159)
Fruit Loops, get the fuck out of here.
Unknown Speaker (00:02:07.680)
I found a single pack at the corner store.
Unknown Speaker (00:02:11.520)
There shouldn't even have been that many.
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I agreed.
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I don't like Pop-Tarts to begin with.
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I think they're trash.
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I hate them.
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I think they're a bad way to have food delivered to your mouth.
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I think most of them are glorified candy or whatever.
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There's those ones that are like a fucking hot fudge sundae.
Unknown Speaker (00:02:31.759)
Yeah, I know.
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They're bananas.
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Although I will eat those for dessert, maybe.
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Cinnamon brown sugar is the only way to go.
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As a breakfast, no good.
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Maybe a s'more.
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Fruit punch, or Fruit Loops.
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Super crazy, though.
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Like, I can't resist the call of that.
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Yeah, your addiction to novelty is beyond me, but.
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So I grabbed them, and I heated them up.
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I expected it to be terrible.
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How'd you heat them up, toaster?
Unknown Speaker (00:02:52.879)
Toaster oven.
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Toaster oven or toaster oven?
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And then I did what I always do with Pop-Tarts,
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to just cut off the edges, because it's too much
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of the pastry, and it's gross.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:01.919)
So got rid of those edges.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:03.159)
That's a detail I didn't know about you.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:05.520)
What?
Unknown Speaker (00:03:06.039)
Did I cut the edges off a Pop-Tart?
Unknown Speaker (00:03:07.560)
It's too much of that gross pastry.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:10.400)
No, no.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:12.080)
I did not eat that.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:13.439)
So I got the edges off.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:14.360)
All right.
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Really good.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:16.960)
Really good.
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I hate to say it.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:18.400)
Really good.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:19.240)
Well, I mean, not really good.
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I don't want it for breakfast, but it was shockingly
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close to Fruit Loops.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:25.080)
Yeah, because the flavor of the inside, the filling.
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Was it gooey?
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Yeah, but it tasted like a Fruit Loop.
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And then because of the frosting on top,
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that recreated the sort of sugary vibe of the Fruit Loop.
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I thought it was very accurate to a Fruit Loop.
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And I felt really ashamed afterwards,
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because I was like, well, you guys nailed it.
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You set out to make a Fruit Loop Pop-Tart, and you did.
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Got to give it to you.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:50.680)
I got to give it up to those Somali pirates.
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Very accurate.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:55.039)
See, I don't like that.
Unknown Speaker (00:03:56.000)
I don't like transforming texture.
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I don't like the same taste turning
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into a different texture.
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I need the taste and the texture to match up.
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If I taste a Fruit Loop, it better be crunchy.
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I can't have it turn into chewy.
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I don't disagree with you as a whole.
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But I went in expecting garbage, and it wasn't that bad.
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So I applaud them.
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Perfect.
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Second thing.
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Second thing.
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New Oreo on the scene that I found.
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Tiramisu.
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Tiramisu Oreo?
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Who are these people?
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They're crazy.
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Where are we coming from?
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So here's what happened.
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I thought this was very exciting.
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I got home, grabbed one of these Oreos out.
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As I was eating it, I realized, I don't think
Unknown Speaker (00:04:37.199)
I've ever had Tiramisu.
Unknown Speaker (00:04:38.240)
You don't think you've ever had Tiramisu?
Unknown Speaker (00:04:42.079)
No.
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Really?
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I don't think so.
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Really?
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I thought that I had.
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Never?
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Not at a wedding?
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Not at somewhere?
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Not that I can remember.
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Did it taste like a Tiramisu?
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That's the question I can't answer.
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Did it taste good?
Unknown Speaker (00:04:53.680)
Not great.
Unknown Speaker (00:04:54.800)
Tastes fine.
Unknown Speaker (00:04:55.519)
Well, that's about what a Tiramisu tastes like.
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Kind of coffee-ish?
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Is that the vibe of a Tiramisu?
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Basically.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:00.000)
Yeah, okay.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:00.439)
It's not great.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:00.920)
No.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:01.319)
No.
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Nobody's ever been like, God, I need a Tiramisu right now.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:05.000)
I have heard that from people before.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:06.279)
When?
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It's been a while.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:07.879)
Yeah.
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I, God, I need a Tiramisu.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:10.800)
Oh, it's four a.m.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:12.079)
I just got out of the bar.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:13.399)
I just need a Tiramisu right now, guys.
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For a cannoli.
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Yeah, it was a really interesting experience for me
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to have that realization mid-Oreo that, like,
Unknown Speaker (00:05:23.879)
I haven't had what this is pretending to be.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:26.560)
You have no frame of reference for it.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:27.720)
No, certainly not.
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Could be dead on, could be a lie.
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I could give the middle finger to the Swedish Fish Oreo
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because I've had Swedish Fish before,
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and I'm aware of what that's going to be.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:36.439)
There's a Swedish Fish Oreo?
Unknown Speaker (00:05:38.000)
Yeah, I made you eat one.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:39.360)
Oh, that's right.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:39.879)
It was a ways back.
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Wow, yeah, no, you're right.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:42.360)
That is, yeah, yeah.
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Or the, what was the other one?
Unknown Speaker (00:05:45.720)
The one that had, like, Pop Rocks in it.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:47.959)
Oh, that one was gross.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:48.639)
I enjoyed that.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:49.480)
You liked that one?
Unknown Speaker (00:05:50.439)
I like Pop Rocks.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:51.399)
I don't like Pop Rocks.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:52.279)
OK.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:53.399)
I don't like Pop Rocks alone.
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Right.
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Incorporated into something like an Oreo,
Unknown Speaker (00:05:58.040)
it's pretty exciting.
Unknown Speaker (00:05:59.399)
Mm, no.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:00.360)
Pretty exciting.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:01.160)
Pop Rocks is just a sprinkle that pisses me off.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:03.800)
OK.
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It's an aggressive sprinkle.
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It's an aggressive sprinkle.
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So here's the deal.
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Yes.
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Fruit Loop Pop Tart, I don't even know how to rate these.
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I would say what it is is it exceeded my expectations
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and pleasantly surprised me.
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And if I were giving advice to people who are trying
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to find, like, weird novelty food,
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if you're interested in that, give it a shot,
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because it does not disappoint.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:24.920)
OK, good.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:25.879)
If you really like tiramisu, I don't know, try one.
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Maybe it's like tiramisu.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:31.240)
I couldn't tell you.
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If you don't like tiramisu, maybe try one.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:34.680)
It doesn't taste like tiramisu.
Unknown Speaker (00:06:35.959)
Who knows?
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I have no idea.
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Maybe it tastes like a regular Oreo
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with a little bit of coffee.
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Maybe.
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I don't know.
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Anyway, this has been my novelty food review.
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And Jordan, if you didn't enjoy that.
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You're a jerk.
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We've got to get out of here.
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Yeah, we do.
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So we'll be back.
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But thanks for your patience, everyone out there.
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We really appreciate it.
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And once we're all settled in, everything
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will be so spectacular.
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And there will be a new pet.
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And we'll talk to you soon.
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Right?
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Yes, we will.
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OK.
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Andy in Kansas, you're on the air.
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Thanks for holding.
Unknown Speaker (00:07:07.199)
Hello, Alex.
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I'm a first time caller.
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I'm a huge fan.
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I love your work.
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I love you.
