Transcript/TWTWYTT Special

Warning: Bot Generated Content
This transcript was automatically generated by transcription software and likely contains many mistakes and misattributions. Please check the audio for definitive quotes, attribution, and context.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:00.000)

I'm a policy wonk.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:01.300)

Hey everybody, how's it going? Dan here.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:03.299)

Welcome back to the show.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:05.099)

Got a little special episode here for you.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:09.300)

We had a little bit of a scheduling difficulty.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:12.300)

I had to, in the middle of this week, had to go get my stitches taken out

Unknown Speaker (00:00:16.100)

from my minor surgery that I had recently.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:19.300)

And so, you know, with work schedules and what have you,

Unknown Speaker (00:00:22.199)

me and Jordan didn't have time to get together.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:24.000)

But I wanted to get something out for you here on this Wednesday to enjoy.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:28.199)

And it seemed to me like perhaps a great opportunity

Unknown Speaker (00:00:31.500)

to make a little bit of an announcement about business.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:35.500)

As you know, a lot of you have donated to the show

Unknown Speaker (00:00:38.500)

and I really appreciate it.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:39.500)

All y'all policy wonks out there.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:41.500)

And I want to try and sweeten the pot a little bit

Unknown Speaker (00:00:45.000)

in terms of what you get if you donate.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:47.500)

I'm not really great at merch.

Unknown Speaker (00:00:49.500)

I'm not great at making buttons or bumper stickers

Unknown Speaker (00:00:52.799)

or as we apparently now have to make based on a Twitter poll I put up,

Unknown Speaker (00:00:57.000)

a Knowledge Fight COD piece, which may be in the works.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:01.000)

I'm not great at that stuff.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:02.700)

But I do like creating content for you and making shows.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:07.200)

And so one of the things that we're going to be doing now

Unknown Speaker (00:01:09.700)

is if you are a policy wonk, if you donate to the show

Unknown Speaker (00:01:13.700)

over $2 a month, you will be granted access

Unknown Speaker (00:01:17.700)

to a password-protected page on knowledgefight.com

Unknown Speaker (00:01:24.200)

that will contain all sorts of goodies.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:27.200)

And by goodies, I mean it will be the exclusive place

Unknown Speaker (00:01:30.000)

where you can find new episodes of me and Marty DeRosa's show,

Unknown Speaker (00:01:34.700)

That's What They Want You To Think,

Unknown Speaker (00:01:36.700)

a conspiracy theory exploration show.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:40.200)

I guess would be the best way to put that.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:42.000)

I don't know. It's kind of dumb.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:43.500)

But it's a lot of fun. People seem to enjoy that.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:46.500)

Also, I will be doing a paranormal investigation show

Unknown Speaker (00:01:51.000)

that I started up and then abandoned about a year and a half ago or so.

Unknown Speaker (00:01:55.500)

I put out one episode about Atlantis

Unknown Speaker (00:01:57.500)

and then just stopped because it was too much work.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:00.000)

But I'm going to pick that up and it will be behind this paywall.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:04.000)

So if you guys would like to be granted access to that stuff,

Unknown Speaker (00:02:10.000)

I am putting together the actual page on the website right now

Unknown Speaker (00:02:14.000)

and we'll give everyone an update when there will actually be new episodes

Unknown Speaker (00:02:19.000)

and new content up on there.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:21.000)

But for now, I feel like we have a lot of new listeners.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:24.000)

There's a lot of people who are coming around

Unknown Speaker (00:02:26.000)

who maybe weren't around back when That's What They Want You To Think existed.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:29.000)

And so I felt, hey, maybe we should take this opportunity

Unknown Speaker (00:02:33.000)

for you to get a little taste of what that show is

Unknown Speaker (00:02:36.000)

because it's a little different than just listening to Alex Jones a bunch.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:40.000)

Certainly different than that.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:42.000)

So here, I would like to present to you to enjoy a little teaser, a little sample.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:47.000)

This is an episode of That's What They Want You To Think

Unknown Speaker (00:02:50.000)

that me and Marty DeRosa recorded perhaps maybe two years ago,

Unknown Speaker (00:02:56.000)

a year and a half ago.

Unknown Speaker (00:02:57.000)

This is an episode that we did about the Salem Witch Trials.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:01.000)

And I don't remember anything about it.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:04.000)

But I'm going to guess that we got to the bottom of it.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:07.000)

I predict that we didn't get sidetracked talking about fucking at all.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:12.000)

Who knows?

Unknown Speaker (00:03:13.000)

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:15.000)

And like I said, if you'd like to donate, please do so.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:19.000)

Go to KnowledgeFight.com.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:20.000)

Click the Support the Show button.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:22.000)

And like I said, I will send out passwords for the page on KnowledgeFight.com

Unknown Speaker (00:03:28.000)

in the near future.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:30.000)

Thank you all, and we'll be back with a regular Knowledge Fight episode very shortly.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:35.000)

I'm a policy wonk.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:36.000)

All I do is smash heads, bro.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:50.000)

Hey, everybody.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:51.000)

Hello, welcome back to Freezing Point.

Unknown Speaker (00:03:52.000)

I'm Dan Friesen alongside me, my man, my main man, my conspiracy theory bro,

Unknown Speaker (00:03:58.000)

my minister of truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:01.000)

Ladies and gentlemen, Marty DeRosa.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:03.000)

I am the main man with the conspiracy theory plan.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:06.000)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:07.000)

I am what's else?

Unknown Speaker (00:04:10.000)

What's else?

Unknown Speaker (00:04:11.000)

I feel like minister of truth is strong.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:12.000)

Minister of truth sounds like there was someone in public enemy who was the minister of truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:16.000)

Yeah, probably Professor Griff.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:17.000)

Professor Griff, Sister Solja.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:20.000)

Yeah, one of them.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:21.000)

Yeah, but the minister of truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:23.000)

Very forward-minded making a woman the minister of truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:26.000)

I feel like also if I was going to have R-Truth, the pro wrestler R-Truth officiate my wedding,

Unknown Speaker (00:04:34.000)

he also would be the minister of truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:36.000)

Yeah, he would.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:37.000)

That would be a great wedding.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:38.000)

In Ring of Honor.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:39.000)

The ring bearer would be an invisible child.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:42.000)

Ooh.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:43.000)

In Ring of Honor, which Cole Cabana famously wrestles for.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:48.000)

Yes, you're a VIP.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:51.000)

Lifelong VIP anyway.

Unknown Speaker (00:04:53.000)

But one of the heel factions is managed by Truth Martini, who is a...

Unknown Speaker (00:05:00.000)

You've got to get him on the show, Dan.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:02.000)

Done.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:03.000)

You've got to get him on the show.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:05.000)

I don't like gin.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:06.000)

Gin?

Unknown Speaker (00:05:07.000)

Gin is a Martini joke.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:08.000)

Oh, Truth Martini, okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:09.000)

Anyway, well, we'll absolutely...

Unknown Speaker (00:05:11.000)

Boy, oh, boy.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:12.000)

Do you want to just stop the podcast right now?

Unknown Speaker (00:05:13.000)

Here's the problem.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:14.000)

We're recording this in the middle of the day.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:15.000)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:16.000)

It's really hot out.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:17.000)

I am fresh off a brunch with no booze.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:19.000)

I'm feeling amazing.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:20.000)

What?

Unknown Speaker (00:05:21.000)

You got a sober brunch?

Unknown Speaker (00:05:22.000)

Yes, I did.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:23.000)

You did.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:24.000)

That put me in a weird mood because I'm like this guy that I've known for six, seven years.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:28.000)

Maybe he's been racist all along.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:30.000)

Hey, whoa.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:31.000)

Yelling at black bus drivers.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:32.000)

He just happened to be black and I just happened to be white.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:34.000)

It was a door issue.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:35.000)

It was not a race issue.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:36.000)

But anyway, Truth Martini, his faction is called the House of Truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:41.000)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:42.000)

And he has a book called the Book of Truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:43.000)

Anytime you use truth, it becomes like you're lying.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:47.000)

You know, automatically, whenever you put the word truth...

Unknown Speaker (00:05:50.000)

Without protest or claim to know the truth too much.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:53.000)

Someone doth.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:54.000)

Doth do.

Unknown Speaker (00:05:55.000)

So anyway, guys, I want to say thank you to everybody who loves That's What They Want

Unknown Speaker (00:05:59.120)

You To Think.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:00.120)

I'm still getting Facebook messages and tweets about...

Unknown Speaker (00:06:05.000)

Alyssa Lamb?

Unknown Speaker (00:06:06.000)

Alyssa Lamb.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:07.000)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:08.000)

I'm still getting...

Unknown Speaker (00:06:09.000)

You motherfuckers.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:10.000)

I'll get a photo, like a text message.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:11.000)

I'll get a photo of an elevator and going, well, I don't want to go on this because of

Unknown Speaker (00:06:14.199)

you and fucking Dan.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:15.199)

I'm like...

Unknown Speaker (00:06:16.199)

You've made me fear normal things.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:17.199)

We did our job.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:18.199)

We took a picture of a woman cut in half in the park, and they're like, ugh, you guys.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:21.199)

I'm like, what?

Unknown Speaker (00:06:22.199)

I'm just kidding.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:23.199)

I'm kidding.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:24.199)

It's a black doll, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:25.199)

For all of the podcasts I've done, we're like in the 320s or so now episodes, nothing has

Unknown Speaker (00:06:30.600)

really rung people's bell quite like you and me talking about weird shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:35.439)

I think.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:36.439)

So thanks to everybody.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:38.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:39.199)

And it's like I always say with these, if you're sitting behind the desk at work right

Unknown Speaker (00:06:43.540)

now or something like that, maybe this isn't...

Unknown Speaker (00:06:45.300)

Maybe you go listen to another episode of Freezin' Point.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:48.319)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:49.319)

Plenty of those available.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:50.319)

Plenty of those available.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:51.319)

Maybe you get a little sweet tooth for wrestling, pop over to Marty and Sarah Love Wrestling.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:54.800)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:55.800)

You can get that on Sirius XM.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:57.680)

Not yet.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:58.680)

Oh, that was just playing on his thing.

Unknown Speaker (00:06:59.680)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:00.680)

I saw that picture on Twitter.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:01.680)

Yeah, I took a picture of it.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:03.199)

Or maybe you like music.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:05.519)

Make yourself a jam sandwich.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:06.720)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:07.720)

All of these are options for your day.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:09.639)

But with this one, this is when that sun needs to be down.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:14.680)

The moon has come up.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:16.319)

You're maybe a little high.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:17.720)

Yep.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:18.720)

You're in bed maybe.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:19.720)

I don't recommend listening to this drunk.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:21.920)

Here's what I say.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:22.920)

High is way better.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:23.920)

Here's what I say.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:24.920)

You've had a long day at work.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:26.920)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:27.920)

And in my scenario, this is kind of a hot babe.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:29.680)

What's this hot babe doing as a job?

Unknown Speaker (00:07:31.519)

Is she like in administration?

Unknown Speaker (00:07:32.519)

So like at an office or something like that?

Unknown Speaker (00:07:34.120)

She's a nurse.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:35.120)

Oh shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:36.120)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:37.120)

She's a nurse.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:38.120)

She's very codependent.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:39.120)

She's had a long day.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:40.120)

Emotionally drained from dealing with the issues of other people.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:42.639)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:43.639)

She works three on four off.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:44.639)

She's had her third day.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:45.639)

She is exhausted.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:46.639)

Oh my God.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:47.639)

She is home.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:48.639)

But she has four days off now.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:50.040)

Four days off.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:51.040)

That's a long haul.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:52.199)

Four days off.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:54.120)

She lit some candles in the bathroom and smoked a little J.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:58.360)

A little free tree.

Unknown Speaker (00:07:59.680)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:00.680)

A little free tree.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:02.000)

Burning that herb.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:03.120)

And then she's ready.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:04.120)

She drew a bath.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:06.120)

Let me ask you this.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:07.120)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:08.120)

Bath expert Dan Friesen checking in.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:09.120)

We got a call.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:10.120)

We got a call.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:11.120)

We got a call.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:12.120)

Bath expert Dan Friesen from Chicago.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:13.120)

You sell my ice get wine.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:14.120)

Bath talk.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:15.120)

So I'm just asking.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:16.120)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:17.120)

Salts, bath bomb, or bubbles in this young lady scenario?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:23.000)

She's got, what are the, not salts, what are the other ones?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:27.160)

Bath bomb?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:28.160)

Bath bomb.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:29.160)

Oh yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:30.160)

She's got a bath bomb.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:31.160)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:32.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:33.159)

It's a good choice.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:34.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:35.159)

She's got a bath bomb.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:36.159)

Maybe a pillow that goes on the back of the bath.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:37.159)

You know what she did?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:38.159)

Because all the other nurses are like, you got to get this.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:39.159)

She got this one thing you get on Amazon.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:40.159)

It's got suction cups and you put it on the wall.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:41.159)

Are you talking about a dildo?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:42.159)

No.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:43.159)

You could have been, to be fair.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:45.840)

Suction cups that go on the bathroom wall?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:47.720)

That's in her drawer on the side of her bed.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:50.360)

That's for later.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:51.360)

But so she's got all the accoutrements that make her a great bath.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:54.919)

What are you talking about?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:55.919)

The suction cups.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:56.919)

Is that the pillow?

Unknown Speaker (00:08:57.919)

To put the pillow on the wall so it doesn't slide down or anything.

Unknown Speaker (00:08:59.919)

That's implied.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:00.919)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:01.919)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:02.919)

Sorry.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:03.919)

I didn't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:04.919)

When I said pillow, I'm not talking about like a bed pillow.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:05.919)

Sorry.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:06.919)

I didn't know I was talking about it.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:07.919)

Bath master.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:08.919)

So she turns off the lights.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:09.919)

Candles going.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:10.919)

Candles.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:11.919)

And then she hits.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:12.919)

And here's what she did, because she's such a fan of this podcast.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:15.480)

She skipped past the Sami Zayn theme song, the us dicking around.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:19.399)

She got straight to.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:20.399)

Straight into.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:21.399)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:22.399)

They don't want you to use your third eye to know what the truth is.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:30.399)

If you don't know what we're talking about this week, maybe Dan put it in the description.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:36.200)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:37.759)

But it's something that's always been on my mind thinking, how the fuck did that happen?

Unknown Speaker (00:09:42.720)

Is our society ready to crumble at such an early age in this country's life, life, life.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:48.840)

Women are afraid of you.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:51.200)

We're men.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:52.200)

We can't handle your power, power, power.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:55.840)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (00:09:59.559)

I got to say, we nailed that.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:04.360)

We nailed that music cue coming right home.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:06.399)

I had a whole other line about periods, and I just can't imagine.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:11.559)

And I thought about this too.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:12.600)

This has been another.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:13.759)

Speaking as a producer, I had to cut you off there.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:15.679)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:16.679)

I understand.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:17.679)

The song was spiraling.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:18.679)

It was getting too self-indulgent.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:19.679)

Some of the things I've wondered about.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:20.679)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:21.679)

Like, I'll have these questions.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:22.679)

I think we talked about it in the elevator last time about why specifically African slaves

Unknown Speaker (00:10:27.679)

were picked.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:28.679)

Uh-huh.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:29.679)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:30.679)

I get these questions sometimes in my head.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:31.679)

Mm-hmm.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:32.679)

In my head.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:33.679)

Head.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:34.679)

In my head.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:35.679)

You have multiple heads.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:36.679)

In my head.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:37.679)

In my head.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:38.679)

Oh, I hope everybody listens to all the Dan Friesen family podcasts.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:40.840)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:41.840)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:42.840)

Uh, on Jam Sandwich.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:43.840)

I'm the king of all media.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:45.840)

On Jam Sandwich, where I famously posed nude.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:49.000)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:50.000)

I took a tasteful nude in your Starbucks bathrobe.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:52.120)

Which you could probably...

Unknown Speaker (00:10:53.120)

Starbucks cooking robe or whatever.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:54.120)

You could probably find that on manontop69.com.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:56.559)

Well, you most definitely can find that on.

Unknown Speaker (00:10:58.600)

That's gonna be one where someone's like, what the fuck?

Unknown Speaker (00:11:00.039)

But they'll still see that and go, eh, I'm okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:02.039)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:03.039)

But, uh, what do you think...

Unknown Speaker (00:11:05.559)

That episode actually should be out today.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:07.360)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:08.360)

If you're listening to this and you want to hear Marty on Jam Sandwich, that episode should

Unknown Speaker (00:11:12.360)

be out right now, actually.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:13.440)

So go fucking listen to that.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:14.759)

We had a good time.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:15.759)

I might say a few things.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:16.840)

One of the bands...

Unknown Speaker (00:11:17.840)

In the microphone.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:18.840)

One of the bands...

Unknown Speaker (00:11:19.840)

One of the things we talked about...

Unknown Speaker (00:11:20.840)

No, no.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:21.840)

I don't think I'm...

Unknown Speaker (00:11:22.840)

I don't think I'm speaking out of school here.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:23.840)

I think I can say this.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:24.840)

Fair.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:25.840)

We talked about bands that we wish never existed.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:26.840)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:27.840)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:28.840)

Like if we could stop a band.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:29.840)

Limp Bizkit came up.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:30.840)

I think I might go with Evanescence.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:31.840)

Ooh, really?

Unknown Speaker (00:11:32.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:33.840)

I like Evanescence.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:34.840)

Really?

Unknown Speaker (00:11:35.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:36.840)

I like goth rock.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:37.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:38.840)

Not sincerely.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:39.840)

Someone posted one of their videos today on Facebook and I was like...

Unknown Speaker (00:11:41.840)

Wake me up?

Unknown Speaker (00:11:42.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:43.840)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:44.840)

Call me when you're sober?

Unknown Speaker (00:11:45.840)

Wake me up before you go goth.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:47.679)

Wake me up before you go goth.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:49.559)

Before you go goth.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:50.559)

You wear no black hair and eyeliner.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:52.440)

So Amy Lee was very attractive, though.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:54.360)

She was an attractive goth lady.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:56.000)

She had a nice voice.

Unknown Speaker (00:11:58.320)

I loved doing wake me up at karaoke.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:00.200)

That was one of my big karaoke jams.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:02.320)

I like also how you famously said on another podcast of yours that you hate when guys do...

Unknown Speaker (00:12:09.799)

What song?

Unknown Speaker (00:12:10.799)

A karaoke.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:11.799)

It's a female song.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:12.799)

Atlantis.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:13.799)

Atlantis.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:14.799)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:15.799)

I was big on board with that.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:16.799)

I fucking hate that when you're trying to co-opt...

Unknown Speaker (00:12:17.799)

It's the same...

Unknown Speaker (00:12:18.799)

I've seen some people post snarky things about like...

Unknown Speaker (00:12:22.240)

The joke is you're unattractive so you pose slightly nude.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:27.120)

Like big dudes always taking their...

Unknown Speaker (00:12:28.120)

I'm proud of my body.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:29.120)

I'm not talking about you.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:30.120)

I'm proud of my body.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:31.120)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:32.120)

That's just you being gay as shit in my kitchen.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:34.759)

Wow, damn.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:35.759)

But I mean like fat guys with their shirt off being funny.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:38.639)

I don't really necessarily think that there's comedy value to that.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:41.240)

And like dudes singing chick song, I don't really think there's much...

Unknown Speaker (00:12:46.120)

There's nothing super interesting about that.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:48.679)

Like you said, they get that little gleam in their eyes and like, when he goes, do you

Unknown Speaker (00:12:51.759)

think about me?

Unknown Speaker (00:12:52.759)

When she goes down on you and up and down.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:55.840)

And they're probably like, yeah, that's my big...

Unknown Speaker (00:12:58.440)

That's my big closer.

Unknown Speaker (00:12:59.440)

I'm throwing it out there.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:00.440)

You know what I'm doing at karaoke?

Unknown Speaker (00:13:02.000)

Meredith Brooks.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:03.000)

I'm doing bitch.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:04.000)

You know what I don't like?

Unknown Speaker (00:13:05.000)

I don't like when women, especially of color, sing Pretty Fly for a White Guy.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:12.799)

Not a fan.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:14.000)

Not a fan.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:16.000)

Take that shit somewhere else.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:17.200)

I don't like when people who don't like to be playful sing Original Prankster.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:21.919)

Trying to think of other bad Offsburg songs.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:25.279)

Yeah, man.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:26.279)

Wow.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:27.279)

I don't like people who are into combining things singing Keep Them Separated.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:30.639)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:31.639)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:32.639)

Moving on.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:33.639)

So today...

Unknown Speaker (00:13:34.639)

That was me cutting off the theme song for you.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:36.360)

Exactly, because I was going to keep doing that for a minute.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:38.200)

Oh, I could just see your brain.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:40.200)

I don't like people who only speak English singing Ixnay on the Ombre.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:43.399)

Okay, we're done.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:44.399)

I think that's just an album.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:45.720)

Yeah, I think so too.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:47.240)

So today, Marty, you have chosen the topic for us to discuss.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:50.679)

In the theme song, you mentioned it's something that's always been on your mind.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:53.799)

Always.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:54.799)

That's interesting to me.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:55.799)

Always.

Unknown Speaker (00:13:56.799)

That is of the kind of supernatural, but real, I'm on board.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:03.679)

Times that universes have intersected somewhat.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:06.720)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:07.720)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:08.720)

Or just like, what the fuck were you guys thinking?

Unknown Speaker (00:14:11.799)

One of the real weird hidden gems of the Nazi, the rise and fall of the Nazis is Hitler loved

Unknown Speaker (00:14:18.480)

sending his bros on excursions.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:19.759)

By the way, this is only one of the hidden gems.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:23.799)

I know, I know.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:24.799)

There's so many.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:25.799)

And here's one of the things that I think both you and I are drawn to about the rise

Unknown Speaker (00:14:31.639)

and fall of the Nazis is their sweet tooth for the occult.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:35.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:36.840)

And that there's so many layers in that world that you're never taught in schools.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:41.840)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:42.840)

And if I was sitting in class and one of our teachers was like, so yeah, they put the Jews

Unknown Speaker (00:14:48.279)

in the concentration camp.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:49.440)

They tried to take over Europe.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:51.159)

Also they believed that there was a fountain of youth.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:53.919)

They believed that there was a, just all these, they studied the writings of Ponce de Leon.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:58.440)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:14:59.440)

Basically they thought there was all these like treasures out there.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:02.320)

They were actively working on a time machine while at, where they did, they did figure

Unknown Speaker (00:15:07.519)

it out.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:08.519)

But anyway, a lot of stuff like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:10.700)

And then one of the things I remember, I don't know, I don't know who he sent out, but they

Unknown Speaker (00:15:15.120)

went to, I don't know what continent and probably Antarctica, no, it might've been like Africa

Unknown Speaker (00:15:22.399)

or something like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:23.399)

But anyway, there were these like native people and they were so fascinated with how they

Unknown Speaker (00:15:27.799)

looked, they wanted to take like a plaster casting mold of their faces to bring back

Unknown Speaker (00:15:32.360)

to Hitler.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:33.360)

To be like, look at these weirdos.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:35.720)

And somehow these tribes people were like, okay, like it was so bizarre.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:39.279)

They were like, okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:40.279)

That was weird.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:41.279)

They'd just be game for it.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:42.279)

Well, what they forgot to do was put like a straw or some type of breathing apparatus

Unknown Speaker (00:15:45.759)

through it.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:46.759)

And they killed a bunch of these people and they were like, oh shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:48.240)

Then they just had to wipe a bunch out.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:49.799)

So it's like, oh Nazis.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:51.600)

But I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:54.320)

I don't even know why.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:55.320)

That's that like, oh Nazis, that's so like a sitcom-y response.

Unknown Speaker (00:15:59.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:00.159)

Like Hogan's hero.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:01.159)

It's like Adolf, it happens again.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:05.639)

Your point with all that though, is that like...

Unknown Speaker (00:16:07.519)

Real stuff that happened in our history where I'm just like, I mean, like even slavery,

Unknown Speaker (00:16:12.080)

it's like, who thought this was okay?

Unknown Speaker (00:16:13.759)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:14.759)

It's pretty crazy.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:15.759)

Real crazy.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:16.759)

And that mentality does also inform our modern lives in that like, it would be stupid for

Unknown Speaker (00:16:23.200)

us to think that a hundred years from now we won't look back on whatever culture is

Unknown Speaker (00:16:27.120)

today.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:28.120)

And be like, how the fuck is that all right?

Unknown Speaker (00:16:30.600)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:31.600)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:32.600)

I think...

Unknown Speaker (00:16:33.600)

Gay people, how we treat gay people.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:34.600)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:35.600)

And women.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:36.600)

And women are trans.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:37.600)

That very much bleeds into our topic for today.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:39.519)

No pun intended.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:40.519)

Oh, this was what I was going to say.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:42.279)

I wonder what like, even like in the caveman days, like when a woman got her period, they

Unknown Speaker (00:16:45.919)

must have been like, what the fuck is going on with you?

Unknown Speaker (00:16:48.399)

We have to kill you.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:49.399)

Which I think they did.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:50.399)

Well, they probably...

Unknown Speaker (00:16:51.399)

I don't think they'd kill them because then society would die out.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:53.759)

That's true.

Unknown Speaker (00:16:54.759)

What they do...

Unknown Speaker (00:16:55.759)

Like I know from a lot of old religious texts in general, what they would do is like, you

Unknown Speaker (00:17:00.759)

are unclean.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:01.759)

So you must go to the shack.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:03.799)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:04.799)

Go to the love shack, baby!

Unknown Speaker (00:17:05.799)

It seats about 20.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:07.880)

Hurry up and bring your period money.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:11.119)

I have to assume, even in caveman times, there was like, all right, you go to that part of

Unknown Speaker (00:17:17.359)

the cave.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:18.359)

No one can touch her.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:19.359)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:20.359)

That sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:21.359)

Or there are real horny cavemen who are like, I'm into this.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:22.359)

Do you think there's cavemen who were popping the cork, so to speak?

Unknown Speaker (00:17:25.200)

It makes me feel like I'm killing you.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:27.079)

No.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:28.079)

Jesus.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:29.079)

Marty.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:30.079)

Sorry.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:31.079)

Sorry.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:32.079)

Can we strike that from the record?

Unknown Speaker (00:17:33.079)

Can we strike that from the record?

Unknown Speaker (00:17:34.079)

I might have to bleep that.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:35.079)

Shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:36.079)

Why did I say that?

Unknown Speaker (00:17:38.079)

Uh, another, another, uh, pot thought I had the other day was it's kind of crazy how there's

Unknown Speaker (00:17:44.319)

such an, cause I think I was watching MSNBC and, and, uh, and they were talking about,

Unknown Speaker (00:17:49.400)

uh, well, like, you know, 51% of women and 49% of men.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:53.039)

And I'm like, it's so crazy how we're like so equal in numbers.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:57.319)

That's true.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:58.319)

Like, that's weird.

Unknown Speaker (00:17:59.880)

Why is that weird?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:01.299)

Why isn't there like 30% men, 70% women?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:04.240)

I think because of how, you know, how, I mean, is it a genetic coin toss?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:08.039)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:09.039)

Basically, you know, with coin tosses, if you have a million coin tosses, there'll be

Unknown Speaker (00:18:12.359)

approximately 500,000 heads and approximately 500 tails.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:16.480)

It's just weird how probability works out that way.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:18.920)

Maybe.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:19.920)

You have 7 billion people on the planet, right?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:22.160)

Something like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:23.160)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:24.160)

Six or seven.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:25.160)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:26.160)

So you have that.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:27.160)

Of course it's going to be about 50, 50.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:28.160)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:29.160)

Every time you fuck, it's a coin flip.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:30.160)

Well, every time you...

Unknown Speaker (00:18:31.160)

I felt the coin go who's on top.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:33.160)

Oh yeah?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:34.160)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:35.160)

Especially when you're 69.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:36.160)

I only do one person on top the whole time.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:39.920)

I never switch around.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:40.920)

No?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:41.920)

I'm like, you're either on top or I'm on top.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:42.920)

I don't switch around.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:43.920)

No, that's interesting.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:44.920)

Of course.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:45.920)

I'm kidding.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:46.920)

You're a man of principle.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:47.920)

I'm kidding.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:48.920)

How many position changes do you think you're good for?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:49.920)

That's a whole different question.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:51.480)

How many partners are you looking at, Marty, right now?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:53.200)

Oh my God.

Unknown Speaker (00:18:54.200)

No, how many position changes in a session do you think?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:56.480)

In a session?

Unknown Speaker (00:18:57.480)

I'll tell you, I think I'm good for like four tops.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:01.799)

I'm thinking one, two, three, four.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:06.599)

Yeah, I think four is about your average.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:12.440)

It's difficult to pass four without it getting really weird.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:16.119)

Well, here's what happens.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:17.119)

Like the things you end up...

Unknown Speaker (00:19:18.119)

Now when you're starting to talk about those other positions, those are like you're going

Unknown Speaker (00:19:21.000)

into it with a girl being like, hey, I saw this.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:23.200)

I want to try this.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:24.200)

You're talking about dippies?

Unknown Speaker (00:19:25.200)

Dippies?

Unknown Speaker (00:19:26.200)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:27.200)

I think I know what you're talking about.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:28.880)

From your act.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:29.880)

Yeah, dippies.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:30.880)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:31.880)

I call that mommy style now.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:32.880)

Anyway, I changed the name.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:34.960)

It's mommy style.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:36.440)

If you want to understand that, go see Marty DeRosa live.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:39.599)

Live anywhere on stage.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:43.960)

We're 16 minutes in.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:44.960)

We haven't said what we're talking about.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:48.039)

Let's just go the whole time.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:49.039)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:50.039)

You know what?

Unknown Speaker (00:19:51.039)

Enough talk, Dan.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:52.039)

Enough talk.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:53.039)

Playtime's over.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:54.039)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:55.039)

Talking about the Salem witch trial.

Unknown Speaker (00:19:59.359)

Holy shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:00.359)

It just happened.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:01.359)

They were real.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:02.359)

You can go there.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:03.359)

It's an amusement park kind of thing now.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:04.359)

There's at least an amusement park?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:07.000)

I mean.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:08.000)

I know that there's parks.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:09.000)

Parks.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:10.000)

I thought those were more like memorial parks, not like, hey, go on the witch's teacup ride.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:15.799)

This is a hemlock.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:16.799)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:17.799)

That's more Socrates.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:18.799)

Or how those escape chambers are the big things now.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:21.279)

Can you get out?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:22.279)

That thing?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:23.279)

They lock you in a room and you're on your sad date.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:26.160)

Oh, man.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:27.160)

Well, I mean, isn't that what that is?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:29.440)

You think a lot of couples break up doing that?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:31.160)

Just fucking pull the thing.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:32.160)

I am.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:33.160)

And it's like.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:34.160)

I think it's not couples.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:35.160)

I think that's a date thing where it's like fourth date or something like that and it's

Unknown Speaker (00:20:38.160)

a bad idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:39.279)

Or it's just for reality shows.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:41.200)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:42.200)

Like reality dating shows.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:43.200)

Doesn't your boy Jimmy Pardo host one of those?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:45.319)

Race to Escape?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:46.319)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:47.319)

I think that got canceled.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:48.319)

Oh.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:49.319)

I think it might have.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:50.319)

I'm not sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:51.319)

Who saw that coming?

Unknown Speaker (00:20:52.319)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:53.319)

It seems like a good idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:54.319)

You got people in a box and they got to get out.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:55.319)

But who wants to watch something where you know, it's the book, pull the book on the bookshelf

Unknown Speaker (00:20:57.460)

and you'll be out of there.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:58.460)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:20:59.460)

It's the same thing with watching like a mystery that you know the answer to.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:01.720)

Like if you watch like a Poirot.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:03.440)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:04.440)

You know what I'm not a fan of lately.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:05.440)

John Walsh has a new show on headline news.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:07.279)

I thought he was dead.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:08.279)

Oh hey.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:09.279)

I did.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:10.279)

I'm not saying he should be.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:11.279)

That's his son you're talking about.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:12.519)

Oh that's right.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:13.519)

He confused him with his son.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:14.660)

But anyway he has a show which is basically it's kind of a new Unsolved Mysteries.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:19.200)

They go a little heavier into the backstory and it's just one person.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:22.920)

And then at the end you're like waiting for like all right so how'd they catch this guy

Unknown Speaker (00:21:25.420)

and he's like.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:26.420)

We don't know anything.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:27.420)

He's still on the loose.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:28.420)

He's like low call crime stoppers.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:29.420)

And you're like oh shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:31.119)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:32.119)

It's not quite the nice feeling you get when Dateline wraps a bow on it and you know okay

Unknown Speaker (00:21:37.799)

it was the ex-boyfriend.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:38.799)

Yeah yeah they give you the conclusion and it's either like he's in prison or we killed

Unknown Speaker (00:21:43.319)

him.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:44.319)

You know.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:45.319)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:46.319)

But anyway Salem Witch Trials.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:47.319)

Let's get into it.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:48.319)

I'm interested that this has fascinated you over life because to me it's something that

Unknown Speaker (00:21:54.400)

I learned about in school days and I didn't care that much.

Unknown Speaker (00:21:59.279)

I will say that my research of it for preparation of this podcast yeah has made me care more

Unknown Speaker (00:22:04.720)

about it.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:05.720)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:06.720)

And then less.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:07.720)

Like the process of researching I cared a lot and now I'm back to not caring much.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:13.200)

Here's why I love it and I don't feel like I and maybe I wasn't paying attention in school

Unknown Speaker (00:22:17.640)

which is a distinct possibility.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:19.839)

I might have had a Pro Wrestling Illustrated folded up in my notebook and I was reading

Unknown Speaker (00:22:24.519)

it.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:25.519)

Like I was taking notes.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:26.519)

Dreaming of one day being the next Meltzer.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:28.559)

Or yeah or I was writing out the card that I was going to have of my wrestlers when I

Unknown Speaker (00:22:34.599)

got home.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:35.839)

I could definitely see you being a fan fiction wrestling guy back in the day.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:40.039)

So maybe even still today.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:41.440)

But now I love witches.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:44.759)

I love the dark arts.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:47.079)

I'm getting that tattooed on my hands.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:48.720)

Dark arts.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:49.720)

Dark knuckle tattoo.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:50.720)

Shout out Nick.

Unknown Speaker (00:22:52.240)

And I also love I hate to say I love but I am fascinated by the idea of a society freaking

Unknown Speaker (00:23:00.240)

out over something where it's like come on guys.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:02.839)

What's fascinating to me is the idea that like even within the context of it the witch

Unknown Speaker (00:23:09.559)

trials that went on that people were like well some of this stuff is white magic.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:14.640)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:15.640)

That's cool.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:16.640)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:17.640)

And like everybody basically accepted that magic and the supernatural shit was real.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:21.680)

It was just like these people are using the wrong part of it.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:24.839)

It's almost like the force in some ways from Star Wars.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:28.839)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:29.839)

There's some of that.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:30.839)

So let me give you a little bit of context for the situation.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:34.680)

From February 1692 to May 1693 if you think about that that's over a year that this shit

Unknown Speaker (00:23:41.759)

was going on.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:42.759)

That no one was like guys cool it.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:44.680)

What the fuck's going down there in Salem or Delaware?

Unknown Speaker (00:23:47.400)

It was in Salem Village largely but it involved like Andover and Ipswich and some of the neighboring

Unknown Speaker (00:23:55.359)

communities.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:56.359)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:23:57.359)

What y'all doing over there?

Unknown Speaker (00:23:58.359)

Killing witches?

Unknown Speaker (00:23:59.359)

We're in.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:00.359)

Guys be cool.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:01.359)

Be cool.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:02.359)

You guys cool?

Unknown Speaker (00:24:03.359)

Everything cool?

Unknown Speaker (00:24:04.359)

I've been wondering about that.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:05.359)

Stephanie over there.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:06.359)

So a lot of it happened and I say Salem Village because that's important it comes back because

Unknown Speaker (00:24:09.279)

there was Salem Village and Salem Town.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:11.740)

There were two different entities at the time but were very closely involved with each other.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:16.960)

Salem Town was a more robust economy there is a more of a mercantile town where there

Unknown Speaker (00:24:22.519)

were industries and it was modern for late 1600s time.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:27.279)

Whereas Salem Village was a far more agricultural rooted area.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:33.559)

So what'd you think of that movie The Village?

Unknown Speaker (00:24:35.559)

You know what I didn't hate it.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:36.839)

You know what?

Unknown Speaker (00:24:37.839)

That was that was not where I had a problem with Shyamalan.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:39.900)

I kind of was okay with it.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:41.019)

I didn't like the execution but I loved the idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:43.759)

To me it's like the purge.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:44.900)

Great idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:45.900)

It's a great execution.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:46.900)

You know but with the purge it has my boy Ethan Hawke in it.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:49.720)

Hell yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:50.720)

And as we all know I love Ethan Hawke.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:52.119)

I love the Hawke.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:53.119)

I read The Hottest Summer his book.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:54.319)

I have not.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:55.319)

I just thought his mustache was great in boyhood.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:57.279)

Guess you don't love the Hawke as much as I do.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:58.880)

Go ahead.

Unknown Speaker (00:24:59.880)

Did you like boyhood?

Unknown Speaker (00:25:00.880)

Didn't see it.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:01.880)

Great.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:02.880)

Heard it was too long.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:03.880)

It was a little long.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:04.880)

Too boring and too self congratulatory that they filmed it over 12 years.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:08.279)

That is super impressive but yeah the movie's not as good.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:10.359)

I love how they were gonna call it 12 years all along and then 12 Years a Slave came out

Unknown Speaker (00:25:13.319)

right before it and they had to change the name.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:15.319)

Back to the witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:17.200)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:18.200)

So 14 women and 6 men were executed over the course of this year.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:24.240)

Were these men warlocks?

Unknown Speaker (00:25:25.720)

They were familiars and shit like that or just.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:28.920)

A warlock is a male witch right?

Unknown Speaker (00:25:30.720)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:31.720)

Some of them were actually accused of being male witches and some of them were just like

Unknown Speaker (00:25:35.279)

hey you're helping these witches.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:36.839)

That's about a lady man what do you want me to do?

Unknown Speaker (00:25:39.200)

In addition to those 20 people who were executed 19 by hanging and then Giles Corey was killed

Unknown Speaker (00:25:44.160)

by putting rocks on top of him so he suffocated.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:46.880)

He's creative.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:47.880)

He's a badass.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:48.880)

Guys can we do something a little different for this one?

Unknown Speaker (00:25:51.960)

Well the reason that they did that to him was because he refused to enter a plea.

Unknown Speaker (00:25:56.039)

Everybody else either pled not guilty or some of them pled guilty and fucking started snitching

Unknown Speaker (00:26:01.339)

but we'll get to that in a minute.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:02.920)

But he refused to submit a plea and a lot of people believed that the reason he did

Unknown Speaker (00:26:07.180)

that was if he said not guilty and was found guilty he would have to give up rights to

Unknown Speaker (00:26:12.640)

his estate.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:13.640)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:14.640)

So his inheritance wouldn't go to his son and so by not giving a plea he protected his

Unknown Speaker (00:26:19.559)

estate.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:20.559)

Damn.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:21.559)

So in situations where they don't give a plea you still got to torture a little bit in order

Unknown Speaker (00:26:24.680)

to get them to plea so they put a board on top of him and just started pressing rocks

Unknown Speaker (00:26:29.180)

on top.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:30.180)

Like kept giving rocks and like do you want to give a plea now?

Unknown Speaker (00:26:32.319)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:33.319)

No.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:34.319)

And it took.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:35.319)

I think it said it took two days of him just being pressed by boards and then he finally

Unknown Speaker (00:26:40.240)

died.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:41.240)

Fuck.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:42.240)

So they were hung and then in addition to that five people including two children died

Unknown Speaker (00:26:46.799)

in prison.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:47.799)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:48.799)

That I heard.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:49.799)

Because of the conditions and the incarcerations.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:51.980)

See I was and this again is my I oftentimes can be misinformed when we're talking about

Unknown Speaker (00:26:57.720)

these things.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:58.720)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:26:59.720)

That is the theme of the podcast.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:00.720)

That is the theme of the podcast.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:01.720)

Me going well Dan I heard this and you're like that's not true.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:03.720)

Nope.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:04.720)

This should just be a nope sound effect.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:05.880)

Nope.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:06.880)

One of the things that I used to think about this trial was that like basically they'd

Unknown Speaker (00:27:13.480)

be like hey you're we think you're a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:15.960)

We're going to like light you on fire and if you are a witch you'll be able to survive

Unknown Speaker (00:27:20.839)

it and if you're not well we were wrong.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:23.039)

Well that was actually from the more the English and European oh OK.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:29.119)

A lot of that had to do with and not outside of the context of Salem there's still some

Unknown Speaker (00:27:33.799)

and instances instances in New England of them being like well if you're a witch you

Unknown Speaker (00:27:40.400)

won't drown.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:41.400)

Yeah the drowning that that sort of thing but that that has to do more with the English

Unknown Speaker (00:27:46.240)

variety to me that is just like such like flawed logic.

Unknown Speaker (00:27:51.599)

But you have to assume that the people who are sending out these sentences know that

Unknown Speaker (00:27:55.839)

I guess because it's a thing where it's like well the problem solves itself like she's

Unknown Speaker (00:27:59.039)

dead anyway.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:00.039)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:01.039)

We either were right or we were wrong but she's gone anyway.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:02.579)

It's what I keep thinking about when I read a lot of these instances of the individual

Unknown Speaker (00:28:07.799)

people who were accused.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:09.619)

So much of it makes me think of Socrates because Socrates in ancient Greece or so creates in

Unknown Speaker (00:28:15.380)

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure indeed he was killed by drinking hemlock.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:20.480)

He had a sentence that was passed on to him and the reason he was the reason that they

Unknown Speaker (00:28:26.359)

gave for his execution was that he was corrupting the minds of the children of Athens because

Unknown Speaker (00:28:31.559)

he didn't want to say that there were tons of gods.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:36.519)

He had a more monotheistic idea of things.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:38.640)

That is the story that we're told.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:40.400)

But if you actually look at the history the truth is they killed him because he was being

Unknown Speaker (00:28:43.559)

a dick.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:44.559)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:45.559)

People were just annoyed.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:46.559)

He was a schizophrenic who would run around town and like just say anything.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:49.880)

I like I like wrestling a real lot.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:51.519)

But why do you like wrestling?

Unknown Speaker (00:28:52.759)

Oh I don't know I mean the the the sport the theatrics the drama.

Unknown Speaker (00:28:57.380)

What is it about theatrics that makes a man entertained?

Unknown Speaker (00:28:59.559)

I don't know it just does it for me.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:01.640)

So basically that as annoying as that is.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:03.960)

Yeah I have a couple friends like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:05.839)

Yeah the Socratic method is just like constantly asking questions.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:09.240)

So the Socratic method is usually what people who don't like pro wrestling sound like to

Unknown Speaker (00:29:14.039)

me.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:15.039)

Yes basically.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:16.039)

You know it's fake right?

Unknown Speaker (00:29:17.039)

I'm Socrates.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:18.039)

But the reason that he comes to mind is that like they were like all right you're annoying

Unknown Speaker (00:29:20.880)

the shit out of people so you will either kill you or you can leave town.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:25.839)

You just sort of we're going to give you a death sentence but we're also going to let

Unknown Speaker (00:29:28.960)

your friends come and smuggle you away if you want to go.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:32.160)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:33.160)

And like Critias comes and is like hey you can leave and he's like nah I'm going to take

Unknown Speaker (00:29:36.119)

my sentence and he willingly drinks the hemlock.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:38.539)

But the reason it brings to mind is that like either way it takes care of the problem Socrates

Unknown Speaker (00:29:43.559)

is bumming people out and we got to get rid of them.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:45.940)

So many of these people are just like hey you know whether they're a witch or not it'll

Unknown Speaker (00:29:51.759)

solve our problem.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:52.759)

Okay all right.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:53.759)

I want what I need you to do and I'm sure you'll do it is I need you to basically paint

Unknown Speaker (00:29:57.000)

a picture of who these people were.

Unknown Speaker (00:29:58.319)

I'll do a little bit why they started getting in trouble but before I do that what I want

Unknown Speaker (00:30:02.200)

to do is lay out lay it out a little bit of a context for the world that we're living

Unknown Speaker (00:30:06.799)

in.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:07.799)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:08.799)

So we have the colonies the Massachusetts Bay Colony is where all of these things take

Unknown Speaker (00:30:13.400)

place and within that you know I don't know how far we have to go back but the people

Unknown Speaker (00:30:19.099)

who came over from England yes we're looking for religious freedom and sure sure but they

Unknown Speaker (00:30:24.480)

weren't really.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:25.480)

No.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:26.480)

They were kind of assholes.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:27.480)

They just wanted to do what they wanted to do.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:28.680)

They wanted to do their religion freely and also force it on a lot of people.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:33.359)

Yeah and not let anyone else do any other religion but theirs.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:35.599)

So in the 1600s people their version of religion was very fucked up in terms of the devil was

Unknown Speaker (00:30:43.400)

a real thing and he loved to talk to you.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:46.640)

And he wears Prada.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:47.839)

Yes sheep.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:50.160)

They had like these ideas about ghosts and he goes down to Michigan or Georgia Michigan

Unknown Speaker (00:30:55.960)

was the hip-hop version.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:56.960)

Did you ever hear the hip-hop version of that?

Unknown Speaker (00:30:58.920)

Devil went down to Michigan.

Unknown Speaker (00:30:59.920)

Did he go up to Michigan?

Unknown Speaker (00:31:01.720)

Devil went up to Michigan.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:02.720)

Yeah you're right.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:03.720)

I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:04.720)

Was he still looking for a soul to steal?

Unknown Speaker (00:31:05.720)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:06.720)

Is he still behind?

Unknown Speaker (00:31:07.720)

And instead of the fiddle it was two turntables.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:08.720)

Made of gold?

Unknown Speaker (00:31:09.720)

Made of steel.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:10.720)

Ah the wheels of steel.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:12.720)

And it's like you scratch pretty good.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:16.319)

I want to say the KMC crew.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:17.839)

Can we play it at the end?

Unknown Speaker (00:31:20.000)

I'm going to look it up.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:21.000)

Yeah it's so good.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:22.880)

Devil went up to Michigan he was looking for a soul to steal.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:25.640)

KMC crew.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:26.640)

It's crazy.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:27.640)

I love it.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:28.640)

KMC crew.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:29.640)

It's weirder to me though too that more people haven't done their own versions of the Devil

Unknown Speaker (00:31:33.480)

went down to Georgia.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:34.480)

Oh I know.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:35.480)

I do do do do do do do.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:37.480)

Devil's in the high house.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:38.480)

Oh that was another thing I would go.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:39.480)

Devil's in the high house.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:40.480)

It was so good.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:41.480)

Maybe we should play it right now because I don't think I can concentrate.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:44.539)

I can't either.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:45.539)

It's not on Spotify.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:46.539)

Devil's in the high house.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:48.539)

So from 1692 to 1693 is when the proper Salem witch trials were going on and that hysteria.

Unknown Speaker (00:31:56.339)

However 50 years before that or so there was a bunch of other witchcraft related situations

Unknown Speaker (00:32:05.160)

that were happening.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:06.460)

So recognized generally as the first woman who was put to death for being a witch in

Unknown Speaker (00:32:12.759)

the Massachusetts Bay Colony was a lady named Alice Young.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:16.279)

She was 47 years old.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:18.539)

This was in May of 1647 in Springfield.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:22.299)

She was hanged for being a witch and historically if you look at it generally people see it

Unknown Speaker (00:32:28.339)

as a thing where they were trying to protect an inheritance because her late husband owned

Unknown Speaker (00:32:33.339)

a very large estate and she had no son.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:36.039)

This would be a nice way to railroad people too.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:39.539)

Like one of these like looky here what do we got here a couple of witches.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:44.279)

And so then like if she has no son there's no one to inherit it goes to the state essentially

Unknown Speaker (00:32:49.839)

or goes back to the town share or whatever and to further make that claim that it was

Unknown Speaker (00:32:55.720)

some wackiness.

Unknown Speaker (00:32:57.299)

Her daughter who theoretically could have inherited stuff if she'd gotten married or

Unknown Speaker (00:33:01.920)

yeah I'm not entirely sure how all those rules work.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:04.480)

She was promptly accused of being a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:06.960)

Also a matter of fact it's like we think you're a witch we're gonna take your property sick

Unknown Speaker (00:33:10.660)

well I have a daughter she'll get it.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:12.240)

Oh she's also a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:13.460)

So after that in 1648 the period between 1648 to 1663 there's a proto witch hunt that goes

Unknown Speaker (00:33:20.839)

on and sort of the beginnings of this this sort of thing 80 people are accused of being

Unknown Speaker (00:33:26.960)

a witch 15 are killed two of them are men were killed and some of the stuff is hilarious.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:34.079)

Yeah give me some reasons why what constitutes them being witches.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:38.920)

Also do you ever think someone's like oh I'm so glad we left Europe I can't stand that

Unknown Speaker (00:33:42.299)

guy and then some guys like Bill Judy guess who moved to America and they're like god

Unknown Speaker (00:33:48.839)

damn it can we say he's a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:50.880)

There's a guy named witch finder general Matthew Hopkins.

Unknown Speaker (00:33:54.480)

Okay that like said the entertainer or just yes good thing he's an entertainer because

Unknown Speaker (00:33:58.599)

that guy's name is witch hunter.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:00.559)

Yeah he'd given himself this title I'm sure and he created a manual in order to help people

Unknown Speaker (00:34:06.039)

find witches.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:07.640)

Of course and I'm sure this is going to be real fact based.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:11.599)

Absolutely absolutely his first technique that he used was a technique called watching.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:17.920)

Okay and what you do is you'd sit a witch down and in daylight with people watching

Unknown Speaker (00:34:24.599)

and if they are actually a witch yeah within 24 hours an imp will appear.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:30.519)

What's an imp?

Unknown Speaker (00:34:31.519)

Well like a familiar like a like a an imp would be like a little tiny person basically.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:35.360)

Oh hello Dan.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:36.360)

There you go yep that's an imp.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:37.559)

It's me.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:39.280)

And they would show up within 24 hours because they depend on the witch for feeding.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:43.840)

So if it's if there's not a witch there's no imp that needs to be fed.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:47.360)

But let me get some of that titty milk witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:49.780)

There is literally no way that that was ever successful in finding a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:34:55.039)

Yeah it's like and witch master how many times have you come across that being the case?

Unknown Speaker (00:34:59.239)

So many.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:00.239)

Uh lots.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:01.679)

Okay so he's flying by the seat of his pants with step number one.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:06.159)

This was used in relation to the case of Margaret Jones.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:10.119)

You know what I bet happened?

Unknown Speaker (00:35:11.619)

Her kid was like mom I'm starving I want breakfast.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:14.400)

Oh it's an imp.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:15.400)

Let me suck that tea.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:16.400)

It's an imp.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:17.400)

No it's a kid.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:18.400)

No it's an imp.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:19.400)

Uh so Margaret Jones was the next person who was killed in 19...1640 whatever.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:30.960)

And she was found guilty and these are the reasons that were given.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:35.440)

John Winthrop recorded the evidence that was against her.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:40.559)

One she had a malignant touch.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:43.320)

So people that she touched would end up getting sick.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:45.559)

That's a great Phil Collins song.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:48.179)

She seems to have a malignant touch.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:52.519)

So people who came in contact with her got sick.

Unknown Speaker (00:35:55.340)

We could very easily argue that there's communicable diseases.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:00.360)

Absolutely she was always picking her nose, always had her hands in her mouth.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:03.000)

Yeah people were dirty as shit back then.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:05.880)

She was a practicing psychic and she had medicines like any seeds and liquors that had violent

Unknown Speaker (00:36:13.320)

effects on people.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:14.440)

Okay so she wasn't good at her job.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:16.159)

Yeah I guess.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:17.159)

Hey drink this poop water it'll make you feel better when they drink it and get sick.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:21.519)

She was yeah essentially like a holistic healer back then but it was much you know much worse

Unknown Speaker (00:36:27.079)

discipline.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:28.320)

She could tell the future which I don't believe is the truth.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:33.400)

Some things she said came to pass that she should have no knowledge of I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:39.539)

She had upon search an apparent teat as fresh as had been newly sucked and after it had

Unknown Speaker (00:36:46.199)

been scanned upon a forced search it was withered and a new teat began on the opposite side

Unknown Speaker (00:36:51.500)

of her.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:53.000)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:54.000)

What the fuck?

Unknown Speaker (00:36:55.000)

She had titties.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:56.000)

She had weird titties.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:57.000)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:36:58.000)

So then the watching part comes into play.

Unknown Speaker (00:37:02.000)

In the prison in the clear daylight there was seen in her arms she sitting on the floor

Unknown Speaker (00:37:06.539)

and her clothes up a little child which ran from her into another room and the officer

Unknown Speaker (00:37:11.500)

following it it was vanished.

Unknown Speaker (00:37:14.480)

The like child was seen two other places to which she had relation and one maid that saw

Unknown Speaker (00:37:18.920)

it fell sick upon it and was cured by the said Margaret who used means to be employed

Unknown Speaker (00:37:24.480)

to that end.

Unknown Speaker (00:37:25.639)

Her behavior at the trial was very temperamental lying notoriously and railing upon the jury

Unknown Speaker (00:37:30.280)

and witnesses and in the like distemper she died.

Unknown Speaker (00:37:34.559)

So basically the evidence that they used was there was a child that disappeared and some

Unknown Speaker (00:37:39.679)

lady got sick and then was cured by Margaret and she was mean in court.

Unknown Speaker (00:37:45.800)

The Socrates thing kind of reminds me of some of these people I mean how many of these was

Unknown Speaker (00:37:49.920)

just some good old-fashioned mental illness that they couldn't explain and they were just

Unknown Speaker (00:37:54.840)

like here witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:37:56.480)

Yeah yeah there's a lot of there's a lot of stuff like this so I have a feeling we're

Unknown Speaker (00:38:01.199)

gonna crack this case Dan.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:02.280)

We are.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:03.280)

I think I've gotten to the bottom of a lot of this.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:05.239)

Dan has documents.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:06.239)

So before we get to the actual Salem stuff there's a couple of other case studies that

Unknown Speaker (00:38:10.820)

are indicative to me that we are not dealing with witchcraft pretty much ever.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:16.320)

That first case we have basically an inheritance scheme yeah protecting an inheritance cash

Unknown Speaker (00:38:23.239)

grab in 1656 there's a lady named Anne Hibbins.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:28.599)

She was killed in 1656.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:30.519)

In 1640 she sued some carpenters who had overcharged her getting the carpentry work done these

Unknown Speaker (00:38:35.920)

dudes overcharged her.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:37.360)

They thought that the way that she treated them was very rude in court in a way that

Unknown Speaker (00:38:42.079)

she was acting was inappropriate unbecoming of a lady that sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:45.760)

So they called the church to investigate it basically and refused to apologize for the

Unknown Speaker (00:38:52.360)

way that she treated these carpenters who had committed a crime against her.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:55.440)

And I'm Adam Crowell here.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:57.039)

Oh boy.

Unknown Speaker (00:38:58.039)

I know all about bad carpenters Dan.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:00.079)

Oh if to catch a carpenter existed back then oh my god.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:04.039)

You got it.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:05.039)

This girl you know she just had some bad carpentry and I stand by her.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:11.320)

Also Adam Crowell would probably back then would have thought she was a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:14.639)

Drew she's a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:17.519)

So because she wouldn't apologize she was excommunicated from the church.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:21.639)

The church is like nah no good.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:23.460)

The church accuses her of usurping her husband's authority because of her behavior and because

Unknown Speaker (00:39:27.860)

of suing these contractors.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:29.920)

Once her husband is dead she's tried for being a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:32.840)

So basically she was tried for wearing the pants in the family.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:36.639)

Basically yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:37.639)

She was not conforming to social roles becoming of a woman.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:41.400)

Honey I'm telling you.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:42.480)

What was weird about her is that she was more socially connected than most of the other

Unknown Speaker (00:39:47.199)

people who had ever been accused of these sorts of things.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:49.760)

Like I feel like it's real easy to railroad like a loner or just a you know a woman who's

Unknown Speaker (00:39:55.519)

kind of just trying to make her way in the world.

Unknown Speaker (00:39:57.880)

Yes whereas she she wasn't like in the chronology of things she wasn't the like third in this

Unknown Speaker (00:40:05.239)

proto witch hunt she was a little bit later so other other homeless people and stuff have

Unknown Speaker (00:40:09.480)

been jammed up.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:10.480)

And I bet she's like you're not gonna fucking railroad me like these fucking other people

Unknown Speaker (00:40:14.159)

like I bet she was tough.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:15.739)

Probably.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:16.739)

I like to think she was.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:17.739)

So what I can tell you about her is that her second husband who was deceased was a man

Unknown Speaker (00:40:23.599)

named William Hibbins.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:25.539)

He had a first wife before her named Hester Bellingham.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:29.480)

Great name.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:30.480)

It's great.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:31.480)

A lot of these names are fucking awesome.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:32.480)

I know.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:33.480)

There's a guy named Dorkus who comes up.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:35.480)

That's the shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:36.559)

That's my nickname for Dan Dries.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:39.559)

So Hester Bellingham was her deceased husband's first wife.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:44.679)

Hester's brother Richard Bellingham was the assistant governor of Massachusetts and was

Unknown Speaker (00:40:49.519)

instrumental in Ann Hibbins conviction of being a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:40:54.039)

So it's like well OK your sister passed away and her husband married another lady who acts

Unknown Speaker (00:41:01.840)

kind of like a coups in public.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:03.679)

And he's got their that's my family's property.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:06.519)

And the inheritance.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:07.519)

Yeah it would go to his nephew essentially otherwise.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:10.360)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:11.360)

So I mean a lot of that does seem to be a theme that is developing a little bit.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:16.599)

So the other one that goes into the crazy part that you were talking about was a lady

Unknown Speaker (00:41:20.440)

named Mary Johnson of Hartford in sixteen forty eight.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:24.139)

She was accused of theft and whipped and they were like hey we got to whip her some more

Unknown Speaker (00:41:28.239)

let's do that a little more.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:30.239)

So they beat the shit out of her like when her dress falls off her shoulders when we

Unknown Speaker (00:41:33.639)

whip her.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:34.639)

Yeah but that's not the devil in me.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:36.239)

That's just that's righteous.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:38.239)

So they whip her a bunch.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:39.239)

Oh I get that guy's southern accent by the way.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:41.960)

Everybody seems like bumpkins in these stories.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:44.000)

OK.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:45.000)

But yeah they are.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:46.000)

They probably have way more like.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:47.000)

These also like you know like Australia always gets a bad rap for being like it was a prison

Unknown Speaker (00:41:51.559)

like like colony.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:52.559)

I keep wanting to say prison planet.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:54.760)

That's a different shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:41:55.920)

But but it basically was and there's just like the worst of the worst from England went

Unknown Speaker (00:41:59.519)

over there.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:00.519)

And they're like that's why they're all fucked up or whatever.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:03.239)

But I like to think that maybe a lot of the people who left for here are just like the

Unknown Speaker (00:42:07.539)

biggest weirdos.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:09.199)

Really but they're instead of being criminals they were all like super weirdly religious.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:12.679)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:13.679)

Like this really weird brand of religion that's weirder than Catholicism.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:16.920)

Can I ask you a question?

Unknown Speaker (00:42:18.559)

If these guys all were so religious and weird why did they do the whole separation of church

Unknown Speaker (00:42:23.159)

and state?

Unknown Speaker (00:42:24.159)

I think that came later.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:25.760)

OK.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:26.760)

That was a good 80 years after all this is going on.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:29.079)

Oh because maybe they were like yo guys.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:31.139)

And what we'll find is when this dies down in 1693 yeah pretty quickly after that it

Unknown Speaker (00:42:38.519)

becomes embarrassing.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:39.960)

Yeah because I hope they have egg on their face when this is all said and done.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:43.059)

What you have to realize is the distinction between Salem Village and Salem town is super

Unknown Speaker (00:42:46.840)

important because all this is going on in Salem Village and a lot of the other more

Unknown Speaker (00:42:51.760)

intellectual centers and like Philadelphia and Boston aren't really aware of what's going

Unknown Speaker (00:42:56.519)

on for a bit.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:57.519)

Oh I love it.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:58.880)

Like one of the things that blew my mind is that the Salem charter was it took eight years

Unknown Speaker (00:43:06.000)

for its renewal to get from England to America.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:11.239)

So for eight years there wasn't a constitutionally bound authority.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:16.619)

The charter ended in X year and then X plus eight they're like oh we got this new piece

Unknown Speaker (00:43:20.719)

of paper.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:21.719)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:22.719)

In the meantime they had like governing bodies but everybody questioned their authenticity.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:26.260)

So they're like Lord of the Flies.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:27.619)

A little bit.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:28.619)

It's a little more structured but yeah it took eight years for that information to get

Unknown Speaker (00:43:32.679)

from the authority to the colony so you got to think it could take months to get from

Unknown Speaker (00:43:38.559)

like news to Philadelphia that hey all these weirdos are doing some crazy shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:42.079)

Yeah they're killing people with rocks.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:43.840)

I just imagine some guy's got his like feathered pen and he's writing something they're like

Unknown Speaker (00:43:47.539)

oh you're not going to believe what they're doing over in Salem and he's like what the

Unknown Speaker (00:43:50.880)

fuck now.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:51.880)

Yeah these bumpkins.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:53.159)

They're blaming women for being witches and he's just like God damn it.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:56.679)

But to the point of insanity with Mary Johnson she through the whippings and stuff ended

Unknown Speaker (00:44:02.460)

up admitting that she was into the devil and that she had killed a child.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:06.320)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:07.320)

And so she admitted these things but as we know from torture and living in Chicago yeah

Unknown Speaker (00:44:11.639)

you can kind of be the confession out of people very easily.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:14.599)

There's no evidence that she ever killed a child and she ends up getting put in prison

Unknown Speaker (00:44:20.280)

and while she's in prison she gets pregnant most likely by Nathaniel Rusco who's the guy

Unknown Speaker (00:44:26.119)

who runs the jail's son.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:28.380)

So you get a sort of image of like they're not really taking a lot of this very seriously

Unknown Speaker (00:44:32.800)

there's really massive abuses of power going on.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:36.159)

Also it's like hey my dad ain't at the jail y'all won't go fuck some lady prisoners.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:40.679)

Hey y'all.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:41.880)

So this is the sort of witch hunt stuff that had been going on before.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:45.880)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:46.880)

So there is a context wherein they believe in the devil but at the same time it's very

Unknown Speaker (00:44:51.619)

rarely like hey this evil person needs to be punished there's an agenda at foot.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:57.000)

Oh for sure like I feel like for anything we can do a little investigative work like

Unknown Speaker (00:45:01.039)

if we were their defense attorneys if we were their their Johnny Cochran's we could just

Unknown Speaker (00:45:05.280)

be like now let me ask you a question you know what I mean and it's like you did all

Unknown Speaker (00:45:09.559)

their shenanigans.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:10.559)

If the broom does not fit we must acquit.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:12.880)

I think we got a bunch of Mark Fuhrman's on the case.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:15.679)

Yes we were a country of fucking Mark Fuhrman's.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:18.119)

Alterior motives if you will.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:20.320)

So around the time there were writers like Cotton Mather and Joseph Granville who were

Unknown Speaker (00:45:24.760)

religious thinkers and writers bloggers and they are the types of dudes who believe in

Unknown Speaker (00:45:31.079)

this like watching kind of test and these sort of things that they believe that they

Unknown Speaker (00:45:34.679)

can prove the existence of the supernatural.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:36.900)

Okay so they're your Glenn Beck's, your Rush Limbaugh's.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:39.320)

100 percent yes yes more Glenn Beck probably.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:42.320)

Alex Jones's.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:43.320)

Less Alex Jones because he is very religious now but Glenn Beck still feels more right.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:49.239)

Yeah he cries.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:50.239)

Well so does Alex though they're both crying a ton.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:53.079)

Yeah they're trying to cry each other they're gonna cry off over there.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:55.920)

So this brings us to the proper beginning in 14 or 14 1692 in February where the Salem

Unknown Speaker (00:46:03.239)

witch trial proper kicks off.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:05.119)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:06.119)

What do you know about the trials Marty?

Unknown Speaker (00:46:08.559)

I just feel like these women were railroaded and there was no right answer and it was either

Unknown Speaker (00:46:12.219)

like admit you're a witch okay you're a witch deny you're a witch we still think you're

Unknown Speaker (00:46:16.679)

a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:17.679)

What do you know about how it started though?

Unknown Speaker (00:46:21.079)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:23.199)

A scarlet letter?

Unknown Speaker (00:46:25.079)

Actually that Anne Hibbins lady that we talked about earlier was one of the inspirations

Unknown Speaker (00:46:28.719)

for some of the characters in Nathaniel Hawthorne's scarlet letter.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:34.800)

Alright so this is I hate this this is so much information Marty I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:40.760)

It's okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:41.760)

So around the time right before 1692 there was a guy named Reverend Samuel Parris who

Unknown Speaker (00:46:46.480)

was brought to town because the town needs an ordained minister.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:50.599)

At that point they just had amateur ministers and stuff like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:54.239)

We know how that goes.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:55.239)

And that's how the town kind of liked it.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:56.800)

Oh okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:57.800)

So it's a little bit controversial that they're bringing in this this reverend.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:00.119)

They had like a strong open mic scene but they didn't want a comedy club coming to town

Unknown Speaker (00:47:03.199)

to fuck things up.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:04.239)

That might be perfect.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:05.239)

That might be a perfect way to think about it.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:06.679)

It's gonna get all political and it's just better this way.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:09.800)

Yeah I mean I know that we have no chance of growth without that yeah but we're in charge

Unknown Speaker (00:47:14.860)

we call the shots.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:15.860)

Yeah we're having a better time I think history would dictate that the comedy club coming

Unknown Speaker (00:47:19.920)

to town was a bad idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:21.559)

Metaphorically speaking in Salem.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:23.800)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:24.800)

So Samuel Parris comes to town and he comes to town in the middle of what you could almost

Unknown Speaker (00:47:29.840)

look at as a Hatfields and McCoys type battle between two families in Salem the Putnam's

Unknown Speaker (00:47:37.000)

and the Porters.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:38.000)

Oh I remember these names.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:39.679)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:40.679)

From some.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:41.679)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:42.679)

Maybe.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:43.679)

Well you know the Hatfields and the McCoys.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:44.679)

Never heard of them.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:45.679)

Who are they?

Unknown Speaker (00:47:46.679)

They're the.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:47.679)

I know come on.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:48.679)

So he comes.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:49.679)

He comes to town and he's like getting the lay of the land and what's going on and he's

Unknown Speaker (00:47:55.559)

kind of of the opinion if you look at the record that no matter what happened but even

Unknown Speaker (00:48:02.119)

before the trials kicked off he was quoted as saying that something's gonna something

Unknown Speaker (00:48:06.400)

bad is gonna happen.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:07.400)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:08.400)

It's almost unavoidable with the amount of people hating each other in this town.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:11.280)

He shows up and he's like oh fuck.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:13.719)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:14.719)

This place.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:15.719)

So he did his best sort of I think I don't know it's hard to judge a person in hindsight

Unknown Speaker (00:48:20.639)

but it seems like he probably tried to avoid the town splitting but he was very unsuccessful.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:27.800)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:28.800)

So his daughter Betty and his niece Abigail Williams.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:33.039)

Great name.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:34.039)

In February of 62 start to act really weird.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:37.480)

They start to have seizures.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:39.079)

They start to have Tourette's kind of symptoms.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:41.559)

Oh that's bad news back then.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:43.480)

Start yelling and inappropriate times interrupting church sermons and stuff like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:48.519)

Bulldog bulldog.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:49.519)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:50.519)

Oh shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:51.519)

And started like flailing their arms and like all sorts of things that people looked on

Unknown Speaker (00:48:55.519)

and they were like oh fucked up.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:57.239)

That's bad news.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:58.239)

He's probably like that's not good for business.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:00.400)

That's especially when you're the new minister that's come to town and one of them's your

Unknown Speaker (00:49:03.559)

daughter.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:04.820)

So the two of them start acting all fucked up then pretty quickly a bunch of kids in

Unknown Speaker (00:49:10.119)

town start acting really fucked up in similar ways which as we know from being kids and

Unknown Speaker (00:49:15.619)

knowing kids a lot of that could just be copycatting.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:19.440)

Of course.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:20.440)

If you see someone yell blowjob in church you're going to yell blowjob in church.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:24.039)

Or at the very least I'm going to be thinking I want to yell blowjob so bad.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:26.960)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:27.960)

It's so fun.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:28.960)

You've seen the path.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:29.960)

Maybe a sneeze.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:30.960)

Think of a blowjob.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:31.960)

Like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:32.960)

You realize that like oh if I act fucked up I can get away with doing the things that

Unknown Speaker (00:49:34.579)

they're getting away with.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:35.880)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:36.880)

Or there's just that power of suggestion.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:38.760)

Mm-hmm.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:39.760)

So at this point people start being like well we got to figure out what's going on and John

Unknown Speaker (00:49:48.039)

Putnam is very mad.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:51.320)

He believes that there's a conspiracy involving the devil especially because he is also a

Unknown Speaker (00:49:55.800)

preacher and the idea of sermons getting interrupted is very that's very that's sick.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:00.619)

That's like me with a mad heckler.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:02.119)

You've seen Steve Hofstetter on YouTube dealing with hecklers.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:05.719)

I try to avoid it.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:06.719)

I try to avoid it.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:07.719)

He deals with hecklers.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:08.719)

John Putnam does not deal with hecklers.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:10.679)

I want to YouTube John Putnam crushes a girl yelling out shit in church.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:16.280)

And you just get a video about the witchcraft.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:18.440)

Oh man.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:19.440)

So people start to get the idea that like we got to figure out what's at the bottom

Unknown Speaker (00:50:23.199)

of this.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:24.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:25.199)

And Betty and Abigail start fingering some people.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:28.599)

Not in the fun way.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:29.599)

No.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:30.599)

But also they're nine and twelve so get that out of your head.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:32.440)

Yeah because it's always trust kids too.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:33.920)

Twelve is a marriable age too back then so.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:35.960)

Oh fuck you guys.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:37.199)

It's weird.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:38.199)

The three of them or the two of them accused three women of witchcraft basically.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:45.079)

The three women who were first accused one of them is named Sarah Good.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:48.699)

She is a homeless beggar and she's largely accused and convicted because she was seen

Unknown Speaker (00:50:55.079)

as rejecting Puritan ideas of self-control and was deemed a villain because she didn't

Unknown Speaker (00:51:02.000)

help lead kids on a path to salvation which again goes back to the Socratesian thing.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:07.079)

So she wasn't fun to kids.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:08.079)

She was nice to kids.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:09.079)

Kids are probably like, why is this lady?

Unknown Speaker (00:51:11.239)

She's like, fuck you!

Unknown Speaker (00:51:12.239)

I don't feel like there's any indication from anything I read that she was mean to kids.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:15.639)

She was just homeless and a beggar and didn't help kids.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:20.320)

There's no corrupting influence of like, hey come to the devil.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:24.539)

That's all like hearsay and bullshit.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:26.719)

Or I feel like she might have done this.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:28.059)

Kids were being shitty and she laughed.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:29.360)

She was like, heh heh.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:30.980)

Those kids are fun.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:31.980)

Like hey you're not leading those kids to a righteous path.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:34.719)

And meanwhile, as we know, she might have been the coolest person in that fucking town.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:38.840)

I'm starting to think whoever was murdered was the coolest people in the town.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:42.079)

Giles Corey seems like a fucking hero.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:45.480)

So second was Sarah Osborne.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:48.000)

Bad time to be named Sarah.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:49.000)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:50.000)

A lot of Sarahs go down in this.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:52.159)

She didn't go to church much and that's a no-no.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:55.840)

That's a real no-no.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:56.840)

Trying to sleep in on a Sunday.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:58.440)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:59.440)

But what was worse socially was that she had married a former indentured servant.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:03.840)

Oh shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:04.840)

Sarah.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:05.840)

Her husband had died but they had a son.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:07.920)

But marrying the indentured servant jeopardized the inheritance again.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:12.320)

People really don't like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:14.539)

Also

Unknown Speaker (00:52:15.539)

I think people too had a real boner for acquiring property and money back then.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:18.840)

But back then it was so possible.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:20.199)

Now there's no land grabs you can really do.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:22.980)

But also to make

Unknown Speaker (00:52:23.980)

They should have government eminent domain.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:26.199)

To make matters worse, the son who could theoretically get cut out of the inheritance by this marriage

Unknown Speaker (00:52:33.639)

was the nephew of John Putnam Sr.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:36.800)

One of the members of the family, the Putnams and the Porters, who are basically the Hadfields

Unknown Speaker (00:52:41.380)

and McCoys.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:43.380)

And then the third woman who was accused was Tituba.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:46.599)

Our old friend Tituba.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:48.559)

That's already bad for business if her name is Tituba.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:50.599)

She was a black or Indian slave depending on how

Unknown Speaker (00:52:53.400)

She didn't stand a chance.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:54.960)

Depending on the record.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:56.320)

Some people have associated her more with African roots, some the Indies.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:01.880)

Who knows.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:02.880)

But she would tell Abigail and Betty these fascinating stories that bordered on voodoo.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:09.440)

And was convicted of inflaming their imaginations.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:13.440)

Okay, so she's guilty of telling cool stories.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:15.639)

Yeah, exactly.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:16.639)

They probably have a little drink or smoke and she's like, wanna hear a cool story from

Unknown Speaker (00:53:19.119)

my hometown?

Unknown Speaker (00:53:20.119)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:21.119)

Like all three of these women so far are, to me, awesome.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:24.559)

You've got the homeless beggar who was probably pretty cool.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:27.239)

Hates kids.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:28.239)

Who's probably pretty cool.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:29.239)

Who's like, I'm not having kids.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:30.239)

And then we've got Osborne who saw through social conventions and married an indentured

Unknown Speaker (00:53:33.519)

servant.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:34.519)

Which is awesome.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:35.519)

She's like, you should fuck this dude.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:36.519)

You'd lose your mind.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:37.519)

He's amazing.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:38.519)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:39.519)

So she.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:40.519)

Oh, you usually do about four positions when you fuck this guy?

Unknown Speaker (00:53:41.519)

Minimum eight.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:42.519)

Minimum.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:43.519)

He's doing shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:44.519)

I have no idea that we're even a thing right now.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:45.840)

So then we got Tituba who is just awesome.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:49.360)

Tituba.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:50.360)

Telling these cool stories.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:51.360)

Oh man.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:52.360)

I could just imagine just like having one of those old cups that they used to drink

Unknown Speaker (00:53:58.300)

out of.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:59.300)

Drink this.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:00.300)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:01.300)

And then she's just like.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:02.300)

Drink this.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:03.300)

You want to hear a cool story.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:04.300)

So one of the other reasons that, I think I might just tip my hand early.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:08.760)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:09.760)

In terms of my theory.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:10.760)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:11.760)

One of the other accusers besides Betty and Abigail Williams was Ann Putnam Jr.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:16.199)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:17.199)

So she was a member of the Putnam family and early on was fingering these people that some

Unknown Speaker (00:54:23.280)

of them.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:24.280)

Also, I'm an adult.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:25.280)

You can say that.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:26.280)

Like you look, you said fingering these people and you kind of looked at me like, you're

Unknown Speaker (00:54:27.880)

going to be cool here?

Unknown Speaker (00:54:28.880)

I'm fine.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:29.880)

I know.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:30.880)

I'm an adult.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:31.880)

You've dealt with cops.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:32.880)

You've been on a lineup.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:33.880)

I've been fingered.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:35.360)

I've been fingered for a crime.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:36.880)

You and Freddie.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:38.519)

So the people who are getting fingered are very, like a lot of them seem to have weird

Unknown Speaker (00:54:45.079)

ties to the Putnam family.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:46.840)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:47.840)

Like the people who are being accused, like Sarah Osborne had been sued by John Putnam

Unknown Speaker (00:54:53.000)

Sr. in the past.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:54.280)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:55.280)

Over a land dispute.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:56.280)

Of course.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:57.280)

And a number of other people who will come up had been sued in the past or had had beefs

Unknown Speaker (00:55:02.679)

with the Putnam family or had ties to the Porter family.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:06.320)

All I want to do.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:07.320)

So there's a lot of that that comes up and it's very suspicious that Betty and Abigail

Unknown Speaker (00:55:12.159)

Williams lived in the same house and then the third person who's making accusations

Unknown Speaker (00:55:16.239)

is a member of the Putnam family, a 12 year old child in the Putnam family.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:21.800)

All I want to do is go back in time and be a high profile lawyer and defend all these

Unknown Speaker (00:55:26.079)

people.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:27.079)

Now I'm just a Salem village lawyer.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:28.880)

Now I might just be a comedian from the future.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:32.679)

I don't know about your small town agricultural justice.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:36.039)

But I feel like there's a money trail.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:38.559)

You would be a witch, though.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:40.000)

Follow the money.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:41.159)

Also what I would do?

Unknown Speaker (00:55:42.159)

You would be, you would die.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:43.159)

You'd be killed.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:44.159)

I would have flash paper like Jerry the King Lawler throws in his opponent's eyes back

Unknown Speaker (00:55:46.800)

in the day.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:47.800)

I do like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:48.800)

I would have like fire come out of my hands and be like, come at me, bro.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:50.559)

And some of that like Tajiri style.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:52.400)

Oh yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:53.400)

Mist.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:54.400)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:55.400)

Some Asian mist.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:56.400)

That's, that's a real hillbilly CT impression you just did.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:00.559)

Come at me, bro.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:01.559)

All I do is win my court cases.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:03.719)

So these three get accused and then shit gets out of hand.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:09.320)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:10.320)

Like the three of them kind of getting accused were like, well, all right.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:13.000)

Is there any public outcry of like, this is fucked?

Unknown Speaker (00:56:15.320)

Well, we'll get to that.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:17.800)

The next person who's accused is Martha Corey.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:20.900)

And she's accused because she publicly expressed skepticism about the girls' accusations.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:25.480)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:26.480)

So this is going to happen with Trump's president.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:27.920)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:28.920)

You don't believe what's going on this bullshit.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:30.199)

Anyone else think this is fucked?

Unknown Speaker (00:56:31.880)

Witch!

Unknown Speaker (00:56:32.880)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:33.880)

You're going down.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:34.880)

Um, so her and Rebecca nurse are both upstanding citizens who then become accused of being

Unknown Speaker (00:56:41.800)

witches.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:42.800)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:43.800)

They both go to church all the time.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:44.800)

They aren't homeless.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:45.800)

And it starts to fuel this idea that it can be anybody.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:49.039)

Anybody can be a witch, not just these poor shit people.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:52.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:53.199)

Anybody can be it.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:54.199)

So we all have to accuse each other.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:55.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:56.199)

And then it's like, well, how do I know you're not a witch?

Unknown Speaker (00:56:58.320)

Also, I'd like to think that there was a Joe Fernandez type character during this time

Unknown Speaker (00:57:02.099)

making lots of off-coming witch jokes.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:04.840)

That guy would be killed so fast.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:06.559)

Which one of you ladies wants to go out?

Unknown Speaker (00:57:08.440)

Wink.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:09.440)

Like that.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:10.440)

He does a lot of witch puns.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:11.440)

So the next person who's, this is where, like in the researching, this is where my mind

Unknown Speaker (00:57:15.800)

broke.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:16.800)

In terms of any idea that these people could have been doing the right thing.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:19.800)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:20.800)

The next person who's accused of being a witch is Dorothy Goode.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:22.719)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:23.719)

The daughter of Sarah Goode, the homeless beggar lady.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:26.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:27.159)

She's four years old.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:28.159)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:29.159)

Now she's not convicted of being a witch.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:31.000)

I didn't know Sarah Goode had a kid.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:32.400)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:33.400)

Pretty crazy, huh?

Unknown Speaker (00:57:34.400)

Well, so she maybe wasn't a great mom and that was her whole thing too about not leading

Unknown Speaker (00:57:36.199)

kids to.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:37.199)

But then also it might be a thing where, I don't know a whole lot about her history,

Unknown Speaker (00:57:41.159)

but she might've be fallen some tragedy and was recently homeless.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:44.239)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:45.239)

Like lost her land or something.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:46.239)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:47.239)

Sure, sure, sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:48.239)

Maybe the Putnam's took her land.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:49.239)

I have no idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:50.239)

Probably.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:51.239)

But she wasn't convicted, but she was interrogated.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:54.119)

And the answers...

Unknown Speaker (00:57:55.119)

As four?

Unknown Speaker (00:57:56.119)

As a four-year-old?

Unknown Speaker (00:57:57.119)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:58.119)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:57:59.119)

That makes sense.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:00.119)

And the answers that a four-year-old child gave these judges was used to implicate her

Unknown Speaker (00:58:02.599)

mother.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:03.599)

Holy fuck.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:04.599)

Which is nuts.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:05.599)

This is where I walk in and I'm like, young lady, you don't have to answer any more questions.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:07.599)

This is where there's a music swell as you enter.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:11.199)

You're interrogating a four-year-old, you should all be ashamed of yourself.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:14.639)

I'm picturing you as Matlock now.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:16.460)

Now I am.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:17.460)

I have a white suit.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:18.460)

I have a white suit.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:20.400)

I just throw my briefcase on the table.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:22.159)

It's an old table, so it just breaks.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:23.159)

You have a black friend who knows karate?

Unknown Speaker (00:58:25.320)

Yes, I do.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:27.119)

We are leaving.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:28.119)

Pack up your things, girl.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:30.000)

So after this point...

Unknown Speaker (00:58:31.000)

What kind of answers did she give them, did they say?

Unknown Speaker (00:58:33.239)

No, there's no specifics, but her testimony was used against her mom, which is fucked

Unknown Speaker (00:58:37.960)

up, because a four-year-old has no idea what she's saying.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:40.360)

So through...

Unknown Speaker (00:58:41.360)

We are white people.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:42.360)

We are really killing it right now.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:43.619)

You have to understand how bad, we're just so fucking terrible right now.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:47.480)

So Rebecca Nurse, who was one of those people who was accused and convicted and ended up

Unknown Speaker (00:58:51.480)

being killed, was also another person who was involved in a land deal that went bad

Unknown Speaker (00:58:56.059)

with the Putnam's and was sued.

Unknown Speaker (00:58:59.559)

Throughout March and April, shit gets real out of control.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:02.599)

Sarah Cloyce, another Sarah, who also happens to be Rebecca's sister, is accused.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:09.079)

Also Elizabeth Proctor gets arrested.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:11.519)

Elizabeth Proctor's husband is like, hey, you guys gotta cut this out.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:14.280)

He gets arrested.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:15.280)

You're a witch too.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:16.840)

Martha Corey's husband, Giles, the guy who got pressed to death, eventually gets arrested.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:22.440)

Abigail Hobbs, her stepmom, Deliverance, and Mary Warren, who was Elizabeth Proctor's servant

Unknown Speaker (00:59:29.199)

and someone who made accusations of witchcraft at other people in the past.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:33.199)

All three of them are accused and arrested of being witches, and the three of them flip.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:38.320)

They confess to being witches and start pointing fingers at everybody, like a bunch of other

Unknown Speaker (00:59:42.960)

people.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:43.960)

Just saying themselves, is that an immunity deal?

Unknown Speaker (00:59:44.960)

Not necessarily.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:45.960)

But they do just start pointing fingers strategically at a lot of people.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:50.280)

Well, if I'm going down, you're going down too.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:52.880)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:59:53.880)

They point out the Wilds family, who also had land deals, that sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:01.320)

And William Hobbs, who's Deliverance, Hobbs' husband, who was another lady who was accused

Unknown Speaker (01:00:08.719)

of being a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:10.599)

Mary Eastley, who is Sarah Cloyce and Rebecca Nurse's other sister.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:15.559)

So you're just seeing-

Unknown Speaker (01:00:16.559)

This is so Hatfield and McCoy.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:19.480)

There's a lot of people who get mixed up in it too, it seems.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:22.119)

But a lot of it is just you, like, hey, let's get all these people who are against our side

Unknown Speaker (01:00:26.280)

into prison.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:27.280)

How does the Bush family prosper from this, Dan?

Unknown Speaker (01:00:29.800)

Well, interestingly enough-

Unknown Speaker (01:00:31.239)

Oh, are you fucking kidding?

Unknown Speaker (01:00:32.599)

Prescott Bush-

Unknown Speaker (01:00:33.599)

No!

Unknown Speaker (01:00:34.599)

He was around back then.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:35.599)

His great-great-grandfather?

Unknown Speaker (01:00:36.840)

He funded Putnam.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:37.840)

No, not really.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:38.840)

Well, I was like, wait, that can't be possible.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:42.440)

There was a look of belief on your face, and they said, don't do that.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:44.199)

A lot of the Bush family prospered from this.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:45.960)

There's no doubt.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:48.679)

So at this point, the accusations become too numerous to list, and things just spiral out

Unknown Speaker (01:00:55.039)

of control.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:56.039)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:00:57.039)

I mean, I imagine it's like, I mean, it's just got to be nonstop people accusing everybody

Unknown Speaker (01:01:04.780)

of everything.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:06.239)

I'd like to think there were some sane people who were just like, I'm just staying out of

Unknown Speaker (01:01:09.679)

this.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:10.679)

I think that most of the sane people left.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:11.679)

Oh, good.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:12.679)

A lot of them went to Maine.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:13.679)

I'm going to Maine, man.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:14.679)

I heard it's fucking cool there.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:16.000)

I think, well, there is a guy who comes-

Unknown Speaker (01:01:17.840)

I heard they have a good brunch scene in Maine.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:19.800)

There's a guy named Reverend Burroughs who did not-

Unknown Speaker (01:01:22.960)

Oh, you think Nate's related?

Unknown Speaker (01:01:25.039)

Spelled differently.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:26.039)

Fuck.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:27.039)

And Nate's Jewish.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:28.039)

Fuck.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:29.039)

Oh, fuck.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:30.039)

See, he was involved-

Unknown Speaker (01:01:31.039)

Good luck being Jewish around these people, too.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:32.599)

Jesus, fuck.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:33.599)

You'd be dead.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:34.599)

Here's what you do.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:35.599)

You're deader than Titchuba.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:36.599)

Here's what you do.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:37.599)

If you think they're Jewish, you have them sit for 24 hours.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:40.440)

Their horns will appear.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:41.840)

You dangle a bar of gold in front of them, and then their horns appear.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:45.599)

Oh, damn.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:46.599)

So at the beginning, you had a bunch of people who were super related to the Putnam Porter

Unknown Speaker (01:01:50.840)

dispute, the families who were in dispute.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:53.380)

And then from there, everything loses control, and a bunch of people who aren't involved

Unknown Speaker (01:01:57.440)

at all get accused.

Unknown Speaker (01:01:59.000)

And I think that what was happening is the court's like, well, we got to keep up appearances

Unknown Speaker (01:02:02.800)

here.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:03.800)

So we have to pretend that the things that we were doing before were real, or else we

Unknown Speaker (01:02:06.920)

invalidate what we were doing before.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:08.960)

But also, are their jails getting so full that they're like, I don't have any more room

Unknown Speaker (01:02:12.639)

for witches?

Unknown Speaker (01:02:13.639)

There's some of them.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:14.639)

They're also killing a lot of people.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:15.639)

Oh, brother.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:16.639)

I mean, if you have like 40 people, 40 to 50 people who, I think it was 80 who got caught

Unknown Speaker (01:02:21.579)

up in it.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:22.579)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:23.579)

A lot of them escape from prison and flee.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:24.719)

Cool.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:25.719)

A lot of them are killed.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:26.719)

Because they're witches, they can do that.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:28.280)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:29.280)

Well, I think, I don't know how you escaped from prison back then.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:32.559)

Just walk out.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:33.559)

How good were jails?

Unknown Speaker (01:02:34.559)

I'm going back to the Jedi.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:35.559)

They have wood doors.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:36.559)

I'm going back to the Jedi thing, you want to let me out, you know?

Unknown Speaker (01:02:40.880)

What also, I assume they just throw them in like a mass grave or something?

Unknown Speaker (01:02:43.920)

Oh, no.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:44.920)

What they would do, because they've been excommunicated and they're witches, they can't be buried

Unknown Speaker (01:02:49.079)

in the cemeteries.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:50.079)

Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:51.079)

I don't want to taint it.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:52.079)

So they would just hang them.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:53.079)

Once they die, they just throw them in a shallow grave.

Unknown Speaker (01:02:56.000)

And then generally what would happen is the families would come dig them up and bring

Unknown Speaker (01:02:59.920)

them back to their homes.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:01.480)

And so they'd bury them on their property.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:03.239)

Jesus.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:04.239)

That's usually what would happen.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:05.440)

Unless the family was caught up in it and did believe they were witches, and then probably

Unknown Speaker (01:03:08.599)

just left them in the shallow grave, which is really fucked up stuff.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:12.480)

So now here's where things get funny.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:13.880)

I love this.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:14.880)

Oh, here's where things get funny?

Unknown Speaker (01:03:16.679)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:17.679)

If you take the human tragedy out of it and all of this sadness that people are dying.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:21.400)

There's a Mel Brooks movie here somewhere.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:23.480)

The court is a comedy of dumbassery.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:27.400)

Because in court, they're legitimately arguing, like learned men and lawyers are arguing in

Unknown Speaker (01:03:33.440)

open court whether or not a person has to give the devil permission to use their face

Unknown Speaker (01:03:39.079)

to torment people.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:41.480)

Because these kids are saying that like, oh, Sarah Goode tormented me.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:47.320)

And so she's like, I didn't.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:48.320)

They'd be like, well, it was a shade of you.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:51.260)

It was an apparition of you.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:53.119)

The devil was using your form to do this.

Unknown Speaker (01:03:55.639)

So these lawyers are arguing like, well, the devil could just use her shape if he wanted

Unknown Speaker (01:03:59.719)

to.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:00.719)

Like, no, he needs permission.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:02.559)

It's like, what the fuck is going on?

Unknown Speaker (01:04:04.460)

Because someone probably heard at one point, like with Dracula, you have to invite him

Unknown Speaker (01:04:07.739)

in or something.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:08.739)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:09.739)

Probably so many weird straws that were being grasped.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:11.199)

It's so like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:12.199)

It's very bizarre.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:13.199)

I heard one time, like, how funny it would be if they're just like, um, actually, I remember

Unknown Speaker (01:04:16.679)

from my previous studies that someone once said you have to ask, the devil has to ask

Unknown Speaker (01:04:21.019)

you to use his face.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:22.960)

The devil tried to overthrow God, but he needs your permission.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:27.000)

Oh my God.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:28.000)

What the fuck?

Unknown Speaker (01:04:29.000)

Religion.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:30.000)

Stupid shit.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:31.000)

Religion.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:32.000)

That's one thing that they tried to use.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:33.360)

And I think this is hilarious.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:34.360)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:35.360)

Uh, well actually, first of all, they had a touch test that they do.

Unknown Speaker (01:04:38.480)

There was one of the things they used in court where it's like, if someone has been said

Unknown Speaker (01:04:42.099)

to be bewitched and so they're having seizures and stuff like that, if the witch touches

Unknown Speaker (01:04:47.199)

the person and they're healed, then it proves they're a witch because they believed that

Unknown Speaker (01:04:52.900)

whatever illness I cause you, I can cure because venomous evil comes out of my eyes at you.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:00.920)

And when I touch you, the evil instinctually flows back into my body.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:04.780)

You would almost think then at that point, they would almost try to weaponize these women

Unknown Speaker (01:05:11.159)

or use them as healers.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:13.159)

Well, they could only heal that which they cause.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:16.360)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:17.360)

So that would be not effective.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:18.360)

Well, you might want to keep one around just in case.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:20.780)

As a weapon, I totally understand.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:22.760)

Like especially they hate these native Americans so much.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:27.039)

Give them instead of blankets, give them these women.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:28.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:29.840)

Give them the witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:30.840)

I'm very curious to see, first of all, I have no doubt in my mind these men raped these

Unknown Speaker (01:05:34.719)

women while they were in prison also.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:36.559)

I would assume there was some of that going on.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:38.360)

But also-

Unknown Speaker (01:05:39.360)

Well, I mean, there was the one that got pregnant.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:40.679)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:41.679)

I mean, you have to assume that's not the only case of that.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:43.159)

I'm just shocked.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:44.159)

There was no guy who was like, I'm going to give her a penis test.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:46.559)

I'm going to have sex with her.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:47.760)

And if-

Unknown Speaker (01:05:48.760)

If it's great, she's a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:51.280)

If it's great, she's a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:52.800)

If I come, she's a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:54.960)

Oh, no.

Unknown Speaker (01:05:55.960)

It does seem like a lot of the stuff is as bad as that, but not that.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:01.480)

That's not formalized into court doctrine.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:03.920)

I'm going to assume there's some other awful stuff we are not privy to.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:06.800)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:07.800)

I would almost guarantee it.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:08.800)

But one awful, not really all that awful, but really fucking stupid thing is a thing

Unknown Speaker (01:06:13.599)

called the witch cake.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:15.039)

Are you aware of the witch cake?

Unknown Speaker (01:06:16.119)

No, but it sounds delicious.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:17.760)

It's not.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:18.760)

It's a thing that they used in court as a method to try and find witches.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:23.480)

They put a delicious piece of cake in front of these witches and if they ate it, they

Unknown Speaker (01:06:27.199)

were a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:28.199)

You wish that was what they did.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:30.079)

So what they did was they would make a cake out of rye and the urine of the children that

Unknown Speaker (01:06:36.760)

were bewitched.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:38.780)

So these kids would pee and make a cake.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:41.239)

Kid piss cake?

Unknown Speaker (01:06:42.239)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:43.239)

And they would feed it to a dog.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:44.800)

Now their belief was that when the dog eats the cake, it will hurt the witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:50.440)

So you would hear the screams of the witch when this cake is being eaten.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:54.320)

Ow!

Unknown Speaker (01:06:55.320)

Yikes, it hurts so bad.

Unknown Speaker (01:06:56.320)

Yes, because some sort of the evil is carried through the children's urine or something

Unknown Speaker (01:07:00.119)

like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:01.119)

It's super, it's so stupid.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:04.199)

I wish we had a time machine.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:05.199)

It's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:06.199)

I wish we had a time machine.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:07.199)

Hey kid, pee in this cup.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:08.199)

I got to make a cake.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:09.199)

I wish we had a time machine.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:11.239)

And we brought one of the guys back and they're like, guys, I know it sounds crazy, but hear

Unknown Speaker (01:07:14.480)

me out.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:15.480)

He explained his theory on why this should possibly be a thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:20.719)

I would love to have witch cake guy as a guest.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:23.000)

Oh my god.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:24.000)

That's a get.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:25.000)

First of all, it's weird to be here in your future.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:27.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:28.199)

Second of all, what do you want to know about kid piss cakes?

Unknown Speaker (01:07:30.719)

Forget about me trying to get Paul F. Tompkins on the show.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:32.960)

I want witch cake guy.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:34.400)

Listen, Dan, if you follow my thought pattern, it's as plain as day.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:39.320)

If you look at all the scholarly sources, they say that urine is powerful.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:43.280)

I have an entire library full of books about the urine of the child of a witch being the

Unknown Speaker (01:07:48.920)

conduit to that witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:50.280)

Makes sense.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:51.280)

This checks out.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:52.280)

I'll stand by that.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:53.280)

So they do all this.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:54.639)

Or this was just a guy who was into watching kids pee.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:57.440)

You have to think that's a possibility.

Unknown Speaker (01:07:58.840)

And then had a dog and he's like, I didn't get my dog any food this week.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:01.400)

Shit.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:02.400)

And they're like, oh, I know we'll make a cake.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:03.400)

And then the dog eats it and likes it.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:05.480)

Then the witch is a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:07.239)

Much like the watching test, I can't imagine this ever gave concrete evidence to like,

Unknown Speaker (01:08:12.039)

you know, like, oh, witch cake worked.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:14.599)

It's all fucking so stupid.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:16.079)

Everything is so dumb.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:17.720)

My comedy brain also kind of makes me want to go, imagine the test that didn't get approved.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:22.720)

Well, penis test.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:24.000)

We already got one.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:25.000)

Wow.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:26.000)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:27.000)

So I like that idea of like throwing them off a cliff and if they're witches, they're

Unknown Speaker (01:08:29.119)

going to fly.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:30.119)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:31.119)

Here's your broom.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:32.119)

And then they push them on.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:33.119)

Good luck.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:34.119)

Problem solved.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:35.119)

No, she's not a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:36.119)

Because the problem solved.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:37.119)

Because afterwards, if she's not a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:38.119)

We get a property.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:39.119)

Well, there's that.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:40.119)

And then you're like, well, we fucked up.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:41.119)

And then you get a woman and you can just memorialize her and the influence is gone.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:45.359)

Or you could say the evil spirits got to her and tricked us and tricked her.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:50.659)

And they learned.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:52.239)

So that brings us about to the end of the relevant information, which sucks because

Unknown Speaker (01:08:57.640)

that was so much fucking information.

Unknown Speaker (01:08:59.119)

Who was the president during this time?

Unknown Speaker (01:09:01.159)

There wasn't a president.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:02.159)

Oh, this was 1690.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:03.159)

Oh, I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:04.159)

I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:05.159)

This is before the revolution.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:06.159)

I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:07.159)

1776.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:08.159)

Lincoln, what's going on?

Unknown Speaker (01:09:09.619)

What did Lincoln have to say?

Unknown Speaker (01:09:11.760)

Who was the president?

Unknown Speaker (01:09:12.760)

Nixon?

Unknown Speaker (01:09:13.760)

Well, like I said, the information getting from England to the colony took eight years

Unknown Speaker (01:09:17.560)

or so to get there.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:18.560)

So you've got to think, the information going back, the king has no idea about what's going

Unknown Speaker (01:09:22.199)

on here.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:23.199)

Just imagine, like...

Unknown Speaker (01:09:24.199)

And the local governors are fucking involved.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:26.359)

I know.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:27.359)

Imagine this is over and like seven years later, like someone gets a letter and they're

Unknown Speaker (01:09:30.720)

just like...

Unknown Speaker (01:09:34.680)

What the fuck were they doing over there?

Unknown Speaker (01:09:36.920)

I guarantee that happened.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:38.520)

Lincoln's just a big game of grab-ass.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:40.960)

If you think about it, like, what, the revolution starts 60 years after this or so, there might

Unknown Speaker (01:09:47.439)

be an element of it, like, the king was like, oh boy.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:52.079)

Maybe we just let him...

Unknown Speaker (01:09:53.079)

Maybe they threw the revolution because it's like these people are dicks.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:55.319)

You know what?

Unknown Speaker (01:09:56.319)

We've got to keep up a little bit of appearance.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:58.159)

Just send like some scrubs.

Unknown Speaker (01:09:59.359)

Is it worth the taxes we're bringing in, really?

Unknown Speaker (01:10:02.520)

These jerks?

Unknown Speaker (01:10:03.760)

Maybe America is just the dumbest of the dumb.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:06.800)

It's pretty conceivable that that is the case.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:09.439)

Hey, guess what?

Unknown Speaker (01:10:10.439)

Hindsight is great, but like...

Unknown Speaker (01:10:11.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:12.840)

Hey, witchcatcher, go get your piss cakes, get the fuck out of here.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:15.880)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:16.880)

So, in the end, 20 people executed, five die in prison, two of them little babies die in

Unknown Speaker (01:10:24.239)

prison, and then just sort of ends.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:29.300)

You also have to wonder the implications of property, power, money that still is old...

Unknown Speaker (01:10:38.399)

Now we're talking old money.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:41.119)

It's unbelievable.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:42.119)

And it's the sort of thing where there's like tons and tons of like free land and land up

Unknown Speaker (01:10:46.520)

for grab, and everything's moving so fast in terms of like mechanization.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:51.039)

It's a cash.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:52.039)

Everyone's grabbing what they can.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:53.039)

Mechanization is not the right word, but like modernization is happening all around.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:56.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:10:57.159)

If you have land, you have such an ability.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:00.199)

So there's a lot of theories in terms of like what was going on.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:03.760)

One of the ones that's really popular among people is there was ergot poisoning in the

Unknown Speaker (01:11:07.680)

rye in the city, because rye is...

Unknown Speaker (01:11:10.760)

Oh, you mean those piss cakes also had ergot in the rye?

Unknown Speaker (01:11:13.960)

This is before.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:14.960)

This is an explanation for why the kids were acting for it.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:17.079)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:18.079)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:19.079)

So rye is easily infected by claviceps purpurea, which is a precursor for LSD.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:25.159)

So a lot of people believe that the rye that was in the town was infected with LSD.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:29.220)

Those kids are just tripping balls.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:31.020)

But that doesn't explain why a lot of adults weren't freaking out.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:33.720)

Not entirely sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:34.720)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:35.720)

Who knows?

Unknown Speaker (01:11:36.720)

Sleep paralysis is another explanation for why kids would have terrifying visions of

Unknown Speaker (01:11:39.720)

people.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:40.800)

Maybe you're a kid and you run into a homeless beggar.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:43.359)

That can be scary just in the effect of like, oh, why is this person all dirty?

Unknown Speaker (01:11:46.920)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:47.920)

They're an adult.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:48.920)

Shouldn't they be not...

Unknown Speaker (01:11:49.920)

They should be in a home.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:50.920)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:51.920)

So that could scare you.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:52.920)

You go home, you have sleep paralysis.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:53.920)

You see that person in your head.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:56.239)

I'll tell you what.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:57.239)

Growing up in Indiana, there was a Greek family that lived by us.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:01.239)

And you know what I say to them?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:03.159)

Calimera.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:04.159)

It means good day.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:05.640)

Oh, that's very nice, Dan.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:07.600)

But they had like the grandmother living with them and she was like as old school Greek

Unknown Speaker (01:12:14.039)

as you can get.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:15.239)

We thought she was a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:16.239)

Of course.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:17.239)

She looked like a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:18.239)

She wore black all the time because her husband died.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:19.239)

You should have said Calimera to her.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:20.920)

Everything would have been fine.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:21.920)

Or if it's the evening, Calihispera.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:22.920)

Yeah, well, we didn't like her, so we called her a malaka.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:26.199)

Oh, no, no, malaka.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:28.640)

No, the only other Greek word I remember is efkeristo.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:31.840)

Oh, yeah?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:32.840)

Which means thank you.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:33.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:34.840)

Malaka's like fucker, right?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:35.840)

It's evil.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:36.840)

Malaka's fucker, right?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:37.840)

It's a bad person.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:38.840)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:39.840)

No, not fucker.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:40.840)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:41.840)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:42.840)

I don't think they had a word for fucker.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:43.840)

Malaka's not a motherfucker?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:44.840)

No, malaka just means like evil person.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:45.840)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:46.840)

Bad person.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:47.840)

So we, I mean, we were convinced we'd go in their backyard freaking out.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:51.279)

Like, ah, this is fine.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:52.279)

I mean, if you had an instance of sleep paralysis or something like that where you might see

Unknown Speaker (01:12:56.119)

her.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:57.119)

There's a huge phenomenon of people seeing an old hag, which is called old hag syndrome.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:01.840)

People have sleep paralysis, and when they come to, they hallucinate and see an old woman

Unknown Speaker (01:13:05.520)

sitting on their chest.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:07.159)

This is just something that is super bizarre, but it does happen.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:11.199)

So that's a pretty good explanation for some of it.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:13.640)

There's just super horny kids having MILF fantasies.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:16.119)

Could be.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:17.119)

Could be.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:18.119)

And they don't know which way their boner's going.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:19.119)

Guilt fantasies.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:20.239)

There's another instance of, they believe that around the time there was an outbreak

Unknown Speaker (01:13:24.680)

of bird-borne encephalitis lethagerica, which is a bird-carried disease that causes paralysis,

Unknown Speaker (01:13:31.840)

catatonia, nocturnal, not emissions.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:35.119)

Emissions?

Unknown Speaker (01:13:36.119)

Nope.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:37.119)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:38.119)

Just nocturnality, basically your sleep schedule flips.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:39.520)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:40.520)

You have delayed responses to physical and mental stimulus.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:43.479)

This sounds like most of my girlfriends.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:47.319)

Might be witches.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:48.319)

Most of my girlfriends, I think, would have been considered witches.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:50.439)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:51.439)

They can't sleep.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:52.439)

So, at the end of it, I am 100% convinced that the beginning of it had to do with the

Unknown Speaker (01:13:58.399)

Porter Putnam feud, that the two families, when you look into them, the reason that they

Unknown Speaker (01:14:05.720)

were at loggerheads was that the Putnam family wanted to stay into the agricultural part

Unknown Speaker (01:14:13.880)

of the city.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:15.119)

Things that they were more invested in, and they wanted to be autonomous from Salem Town.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:20.279)

The Porter family saw more promise and progress in the future that Salem Town was involved

Unknown Speaker (01:14:26.279)

in, and they wanted to be absorbed into Salem Town.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:29.680)

The two families had fucking...

Unknown Speaker (01:14:32.579)

It's not like you don't like someone nowadays and you have a feud with them.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:37.319)

Back then, people who weren't part of their family would be out drinking and be like,

Unknown Speaker (01:14:41.760)

I'm a Porter guy, you'd be a Putnam guy.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:45.239)

We're sitting here having a beer, everything is fine.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:47.560)

Then that topic comes up, all of a sudden we're fighting.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:50.199)

It's like Flair Hogan fans in the 90s or 80s.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:52.640)

Exactly.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:53.640)

Unrelated parties get involved in the feud.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:55.479)

And so the whole town was sort of caught up in these two families' philosophies.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:59.479)

It's kind of like Brexit, a little bit, in terms of like, should we leave Salem Town

Unknown Speaker (01:15:03.960)

or should we be absorbed into Salem Town?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:05.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:06.840)

People have a lot of really hot feelings about it.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:09.399)

So the Reverend Paris that comes to town, Samuel Paris, can't figure out how to solve

Unknown Speaker (01:15:15.760)

it.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:16.840)

But he is more involved in the Putnam side, the autonomy side for Salem.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:23.760)

In addition to that, well, here's why it's such bullshit.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:29.619)

He's involved with the Putnam side of the philosophy.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:32.199)

His daughter and niece are the first two people who make accusations, along with Ann Putnam

Unknown Speaker (01:15:37.840)

Jr., the three people who start making accusations, and all three of them are on the Putnam side.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:43.640)

The people that they accuse are largely porter sympathizers or people that the Putnam family

Unknown Speaker (01:15:49.119)

have had land disputes with.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:51.560)

If you go down the Putnam family, you just see people constantly being involved.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:56.600)

What do you do if you come to town?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:58.520)

I leave.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:59.520)

No, no, you're- I get the fuck out of there.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:01.079)

You're specifically brought into town.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:02.640)

Also, they said, Dan, you have a nice plot of land if you stay here and fix this.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:05.880)

They do give him the land that the church is on and everything like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:09.640)

They give him like 66 pounds a year or something like that, which then is a pretty good amount

Unknown Speaker (01:16:13.560)

of land.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:14.560)

So you got to fix this.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:15.560)

What are you doing?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:16.560)

I mean, what he did, I think, was absolutely the wrong thing to do, which is siding with

Unknown Speaker (01:16:20.600)

these manipulative Putnams.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:23.840)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:24.840)

I mean, if you truly believe that Salem should be autonomous from the other Salem, I don't

Unknown Speaker (01:16:29.779)

know what you do.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:30.779)

I'm getting a big crew of just big, strong boys, and we're just saying-

Unknown Speaker (01:16:35.439)

No more fucking around.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:37.039)

You got Braun Strowman on your side.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:39.039)

I'm bringing the fucking Wyatt family.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:41.520)

You think these guys are witches?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:42.800)

What are you going to do about it?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:44.359)

We'll fucking throw boards and rocks all over everybody.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:46.720)

We're here.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:47.720)

We're here.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:48.720)

Salem.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:49.720)

We're here.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:50.720)

We're here.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:51.720)

Man, this just drives me crazy.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:53.720)

It really drives me fucking crazy.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:55.479)

Just to give you a couple of Putnam family members, you had Ann Putnam Jr., who was one

Unknown Speaker (01:16:59.479)

of the first accusers.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:01.159)

Ann Putnam Sr. also accused a bunch of people.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:03.720)

Edward Putnam, he was in the role of an examiner, so when people were accused, he would sort

Unknown Speaker (01:17:09.239)

of grill them and be one of the arbiters of whether or not they were lying, which seems

Unknown Speaker (01:17:13.199)

like a conflict of interest.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:15.279)

Hannah Putnam made a bunch of accusations and blamed one lady for being a witch and

Unknown Speaker (01:17:19.960)

killing her eight-year-old child, who just died of probably SIDS.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:23.619)

Also back then, kids died.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:25.439)

People died.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:26.439)

And then John Putnam Jr., or John Putnam Sr., excuse me, is the biggest dick in the world.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:31.079)

He's the one who had sued a bunch of people, who all seem to be on the accused side.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:36.560)

That Reverend Burroughs that I mentioned earlier, he, Reverend Burroughs skipped out of town

Unknown Speaker (01:17:41.260)

because he didn't like the way things were going.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:42.920)

John Putnam Sr. sues him, or threatens to sue him because he's like, you breached your

Unknown Speaker (01:17:47.399)

contract as the minister of this town, and he's like, all right, I'll come back.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:51.600)

But the two of them, because that's kind of an honorable thing on his part, Burroughs

Unknown Speaker (01:17:55.460)

comes back, two of them still don't get along, like 15 years later, he's like, fucking dude's

Unknown Speaker (01:17:59.960)

a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:01.000)

And then Burroughs is hung.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:02.000)

He ends up being hung.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:03.000)

Jesus.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:04.000)

Why would you go back there?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:05.000)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:06.000)

So all of these people seem to have, at the beginning, seem to have ties to this dispute,

Unknown Speaker (01:18:11.060)

and then later it becomes a widespread phenomenon where it's just like, well, things got out

Unknown Speaker (01:18:15.600)

of control.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:16.720)

Beyond that, you do have to wrestle with the fact that it's so against women.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:20.880)

All I wrestle with is depression, Dan.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:22.359)

Thank you very much.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:23.359)

Well, once in a while.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:24.359)

No, I'm just kidding.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:25.359)

Sorry.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:26.359)

Yeah, it's all women.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:27.600)

I mean, it's-

Unknown Speaker (01:18:28.600)

That's not an irrelevant piece of this.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:31.079)

No, it's a huge part of it.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:33.239)

And some of these women were pretty strong, I think, or were a little too ballsy for that

Unknown Speaker (01:18:38.479)

time.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:39.479)

You used Sarah Osborn as an example of that with the marrying an indentured servant, claiming

Unknown Speaker (01:18:44.520)

her own land, all these sorts of things.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:46.319)

Or didn't want to go to church.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:48.079)

Standing up against John Putnam Sr. as well in a land dispute.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:52.760)

Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:53.760)

Like these sorts of things are very threatening to the men.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:56.800)

A lot of it is probably just like, you stood up to me, you're a fucking witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:02.960)

I feel like instead of the Salem witch trials, these might have been called the Salem bitch

Unknown Speaker (01:19:07.039)

trials.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:08.039)

The Salem dudes with small dicks trials.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:09.600)

And it's these little dicked men going, they're being bitches, I'm killing them.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:13.720)

You have to wonder, too, how many, like, I wouldn't be super surprised if some of the

Unknown Speaker (01:19:17.680)

people who were accused were people who rejected men's advances or something like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:22.079)

I would not be surprised at all if some of that was the real reason.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:26.119)

Were any of these women into the dark arts at all?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:29.760)

I mean...

Unknown Speaker (01:19:31.079)

Is there anything you read that were like, you know, dark arts were a problem?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:33.880)

I mean, Titcheba might have been involved in some voodoo shit, but like, how real is

Unknown Speaker (01:19:39.020)

that?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:40.020)

There were also women who did, like, make potions and stuff like that, but that was

Unknown Speaker (01:19:43.020)

like holistic healing, like we said.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:44.760)

Now, there were those three ladies whose names I can't remember, I'm trying to come up with.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:50.760)

Salt Pepper and Spinderella.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:52.119)

That's correct.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:53.119)

How do you do the voodoo that you do?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:54.119)

The witches.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:55.119)

The witches.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:56.119)

Like, with, oh, hey, no, make me one.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:57.119)

Shoop, shoop, shoop.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:58.119)

I was just...

Unknown Speaker (01:19:59.119)

Shoop, bae, you, shoop.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:00.119)

I saw them live.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:01.119)

They were terrible.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:02.119)

I know, I wish I could have won.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:03.119)

No, you don't.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:04.119)

They were terrible.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:05.119)

There were those three whose names are escaping me now.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:06.119)

I can't find them in the notes.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:07.119)

But they admitted to being witches.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:08.840)

There were a lot of people who admitted to stuff, but they probably weren't really.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:12.920)

They probably just admitted it either because it's like, hey, we're gonna be real cool if

Unknown Speaker (01:20:16.720)

we admit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:17.720)

And once we admit to being witches, we can blame anybody.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:21.680)

Or there might have been a cool, like, okay, ladies, just admit you're witches.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:25.560)

No, it's gonna happen to you.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:26.560)

Be cool.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:27.560)

Everything's cool.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:28.560)

Nothing's gonna happen to you.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:29.560)

They could have been railroaded.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:30.560)

I think...

Unknown Speaker (01:20:31.560)

I wouldn't put past, I wouldn't put anything past these fucking guys.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:33.239)

I think a piece of it, too, is that, like, some of these people were on the lower end

Unknown Speaker (01:20:37.479)

of society and maybe like to drink at night.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:41.439)

So like, they're drinking around a campfire or something like that, and people are like,

Unknown Speaker (01:20:44.920)

whoa.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:45.920)

They're like the two live crew.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:46.920)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:47.920)

I like to party and have a good time.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:48.920)

Nothing but pleasure in my rhymes.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:49.920)

And actually, Sarah Goode did, she did run a fuck shop.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:52.479)

Oh, really?

Unknown Speaker (01:20:53.479)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:54.479)

Much like the two live crew.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:55.479)

Did she welcome people to it?

Unknown Speaker (01:20:56.479)

Would like to bring you in here.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:57.960)

And then steal a little Van Halen guitar riff?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:01.279)

They were as thieving as they wanted to be.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:04.380)

So Marty, what's your feeling on all this, besides dudes suck?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:07.899)

I hate society, I hate white dudes.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:10.779)

In a way, it does kind of make me, you know, I have sort of a love hate relationship with

Unknown Speaker (01:21:20.600)

our government.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:21.600)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:22.600)

And our judicial system.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:23.600)

But in a way, it does make me think like, you know, we kind of do need, like, somebody

Unknown Speaker (01:21:30.060)

in charge to be like, what the fuck are you guys doing there?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:33.439)

Well, if all of us don't do it, someone's gonna.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:35.760)

Someone's gonna.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:36.760)

Now, at the other hand, it's like, yeah, this is what we do.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:40.319)

And there are, I mean, it might not be the Salem witch trials nowadays.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:45.260)

But there are, I mean, that's why we have the term witch hunt.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:47.560)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:48.560)

You know?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:49.560)

Mass hysteria is very appealing.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:50.560)

And, you know, we saw it after 9-11.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:53.079)

We still see it now with Middle Easterners, with Muslims.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:56.800)

It's rampant.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:57.800)

With that.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:58.800)

I mean, go back to Brexit a little bit.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:59.800)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:00.800)

And then.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:01.800)

That's kind of fueling a lot of the reasons for that.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:04.840)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:05.840)

Xenophobia.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:06.840)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:07.840)

It's very easy, also, to use one thing to push another thing through.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:13.039)

Again, the Nazis did it, too, when they were like, guys, there's some bad stuff out there.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:16.880)

You might want your boys, the Nazis, to be in charge.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:18.640)

We'll take care of you.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:19.640)

And they're like, you know what?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:20.640)

You're right.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:21.640)

And they're like, yeah, just sign this paper, and then we're cool.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:23.279)

We'll be in charge.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:24.279)

And as soon as everything cools down, we'll relinquish back power.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:26.880)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:27.880)

Like real cool dudes.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:28.880)

The bad people take care of a problem, but create a worse one.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:32.319)

Absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:33.319)

So you take care of local governments.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:34.319)

Bush administration.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:35.319)

Bush administration.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:36.319)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:37.319)

We haven't had another 9-11, but we also are being listened to right now, and not on a

Unknown Speaker (01:22:42.159)

podcast.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:43.159)

I know.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:44.159)

My phone is out.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:45.159)

Someone's listening.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:46.159)

They have a chip in my butt.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:47.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:48.159)

But, yeah, I mean, it's just one of those things where it's like, you look back in history,

Unknown Speaker (01:22:50.399)

and like you said, 100 years from now, they might look back at this time and go, what

Unknown Speaker (01:22:53.800)

the fuck were those idiots doing?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:55.640)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:56.640)

I mean, we have instances of things like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:59.079)

There was a lady who got stabbed on the CTA last week.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:01.520)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:02.520)

And it was a situation where a guy came up to her and was like, hey, you should have

Unknown Speaker (01:23:05.720)

my babies.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:07.119)

And she was like, no.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:08.119)

I don't want to have your babies.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:09.119)

Then he just started stabbing her on a train.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:10.960)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:11.960)

Now, that is an isolated incident, but it is sort of indicative of a lot of ways that

Unknown Speaker (01:23:16.359)

some men treat women.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:17.960)

Absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:18.960)

There is an entitlement.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:19.960)

There is a, like, I deserve you kind of thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:22.279)

I think 100 years from now, hopefully, we'll be evolved enough to look back on that and

Unknown Speaker (01:23:26.159)

be like, I can't believe that society didn't rise up as a whole and eradicate that quicker.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:32.100)

And I think mental illness is still a thing that we don't quite understand or comprehend.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:40.680)

I think a lot of these instances might have had some mental illness factors.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:46.000)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:47.000)

And just the guy going up to the woman on the train saying, have my babies or I'm going

Unknown Speaker (01:23:50.800)

to kill you, probably dealing with some mental illness issues himself there.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:54.359)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:55.359)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:56.359)

He's absolutely crazy.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:57.359)

But, you know, much like with this witch trial stuff, people are crazy.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:01.239)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:02.239)

But you can't ignore or diminish the anti-women aspect of it.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:06.680)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:07.680)

There's a thread, there's a consistent feel in this witch trial stuff of, like, either

Unknown Speaker (01:24:12.119)

fear of women or hatred.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:14.479)

And that whole bit of absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:19.800)

I think you had people in a position of power here who were just like, you know, we can

Unknown Speaker (01:24:23.560)

get that land or I can get that land back.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:26.520)

And absolute power and no oversight.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:29.399)

No oversight.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:30.399)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:31.399)

There has to be an oversight committee.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:32.399)

There has to be some sort of, like, check.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:34.359)

Who watches the Watchmen?

Unknown Speaker (01:24:36.960)

I agree with you.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:37.960)

I think all that is true.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:39.039)

And then also, I think, absolutely, John Putnam, Sr. may be one of the biggest dicks in history.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:45.579)

I think he's responsible for 90% of this.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:48.560)

Welcome to the club.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:49.560)

Join that table with Prescott Bush.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:51.880)

Prescott Bush, uh, uh, uh.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:56.119)

Adolf Hitler.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:57.119)

Hitler's in there.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:58.119)

I'm trying to think of better, like, the sort of, like, more controversial, uh, people to

Unknown Speaker (01:25:03.399)

throw in there.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:04.399)

Mmm.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:05.399)

Uh, buh-buh-buh-buh.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:06.399)

Let's throw, uh, Ted

Unknown Speaker (01:25:07.859)

Warhol.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:08.859)

Andy Warhol?

Unknown Speaker (01:25:09.859)

Andy Warhol.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:10.859)

That's a big asshole.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:11.859)

I'm gonna, I'm gonna go ahead and throw H.H. Holmes in there.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:15.520)

Sure, sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:16.520)

Actual serial killer.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:17.520)

And M. Night Shyamalan.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:18.520)

Yeah, because of the village.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:20.000)

Uh, well, Marty, I think we found some truth here.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:22.800)

I think we have.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:23.800)

I like, I, I

Unknown Speaker (01:25:24.800)

think this is the first time it's a, you could argue that was a real conspiracy.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:29.359)

I think it was.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:30.359)

I think the rest of these have been weird shit.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:31.960)

I think we, uh, and again, women had to die, uh, for this episode.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:36.119)

Yeah, I don't like that being the common thread.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:38.600)

I know.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:39.680)

But it also sheds another, shines another light, sort of on, uh, a little, um, nasty

Unknown Speaker (01:25:45.720)

habit we have as, uh, as white men in America.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:49.279)

Just sometimes women are not treated great.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:52.079)

And hopefully, like, it just to me is so, if there would have been like a, a, the Salem

Unknown Speaker (01:25:56.960)

warlock trials or something like that, where all these men were accused of things, uh,

Unknown Speaker (01:26:02.279)

I mean, it's a, I, I, it's one of those things where I, I, I think about it and I get so

Unknown Speaker (01:26:09.000)

just like, oh, how did this happen?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:11.079)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:12.079)

Well, I mean, I think we know how it happened.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:13.520)

This, this episode isn't, uh, that's the one you think it's, ah, come on guys.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:18.079)

You know what?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:19.079)

It's what the fuck.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:20.079)

It is what the fuck.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:21.079)

That's, that's too nice for this.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:22.079)

You know what?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:23.079)

This is a, this is a, what the fuck?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:24.079)

It really is.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:25.079)

What the fuck?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:26.079)

It's slavery.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:27.159)

It's like one of those, like, what the fuck are you going to, and I'm like, and I'm like,

Unknown Speaker (01:26:30.119)

we're going to get sued by Marin.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:32.359)

What's the WTF?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:33.359)

This is the WTF podcast.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:35.359)

What the fuck?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:36.800)

Witch trials?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:37.800)

Are you fucking kidding me?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:39.239)

You want people to pee in a cake?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:40.760)

What is going on?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:41.760)

I do wonder if there are any, uh, Salem witch trial apologists, like, listen, I'm fifth

Unknown Speaker (01:26:50.439)

generation Putnam.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:52.399)

Let me tell my family's point of view.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:54.159)

I would also like that person on the podcast.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:56.000)

Let me explain my point of view and then you're like, wow, shit, I never looked at it that

Unknown Speaker (01:26:58.920)

way.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:59.920)

You know what I mean?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:00.920)

My family's point of view is we wanted this land.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:01.920)

Also imagine the lying of just like she made a snake appear and then disappear.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:07.359)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:08.359)

Well that was...

Unknown Speaker (01:27:09.359)

Well who can refute that?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:10.359)

Nobody.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:11.359)

Well that was what was called spectral evidence.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:12.359)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:13.359)

It was used very heavily in the, in the trials until outside jurisdictions started to learn

Unknown Speaker (01:27:18.159)

about this like a year later, two years later.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:20.920)

And they were like, hey guys, don't do that.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:22.760)

You're bastardizing our court system.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:24.600)

Justice doesn't exist if you just use spectral evidence.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:27.640)

To me it's kind of funny how if, if the, uh, you know, with the going back to like the

Unknown Speaker (01:27:34.359)

civil war and all that stuff or, or let's just say like, you know, kind of like what's

Unknown Speaker (01:27:38.000)

going on with the European union if like if all these countries are, uh, able to sort

Unknown Speaker (01:27:42.199)

of be their own little countries, uh, and it would be kind of wild for like court cases

Unknown Speaker (01:27:47.279)

to be like, oh, you're in Indiana, in Indiana.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:50.119)

We believe that snakes tell the truth.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:52.840)

Your honor, I would like to call this boa constrictor to the stand.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:55.560)

I would like to call Jake the snakes, what was the snake's name?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:58.720)

Fuck.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:59.720)

Damien.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:00.720)

Damien.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:01.720)

Damn it.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:02.720)

Or Lucifer.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:03.720)

Damien to the stand.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:04.720)

He got Lucifer after the earthquake killed Damien.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:05.720)

Oh no.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:06.720)

Earthquake.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:07.720)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:08.720)

Come on.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:09.720)

So Marty, uh, before we wrap this up.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:10.720)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:11.720)

Is there a song you want to hear?

Unknown Speaker (01:28:12.720)

I do.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:13.720)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:14.720)

Well, I mean...

Unknown Speaker (01:28:15.720)

We'll come back to wrap it up after.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:16.720)

I was thinking maybe we play the original first to just kind of give people a taste.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:20.239)

Are you ready to just go right into that?

Unknown Speaker (01:28:21.479)

Everyone's heard fucking Charlie Daniels.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:24.119)

You probably have a great Charlie Daniels voice.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:26.079)

Give him kind of the gist of the song.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:27.079)

The devil went down to Georgia.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:28.079)

He was looking for a soul to steal.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:29.079)

He was in a bind.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:30.079)

He was way behind.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:31.079)

He was looking to make a deal.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:32.079)

It was better than I thought it could have been.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:34.079)

The boy said, my name's Johnny and it might be a sin.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:37.760)

I'll take that bet.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:38.760)

You're going to regret because I'm the best there ever's been.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:40.760)

Fire on the mountain, run boys, run.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:42.760)

The devil in the house of the rising sun.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:46.880)

That's a song where you'll be...

Unknown Speaker (01:28:48.159)

The devil pulled up his bow and he said, you're pretty good old son.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:51.039)

Well, let me take this out and show you one.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:53.960)

Yeah, or something like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:54.960)

That's a fun song when you're like four beers in, just sitting at a bar by yours.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:02.079)

This reminds me of the bar I used to work at in Indiana.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:04.399)

So it's like just a bunch of dudes by themselves.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:06.960)

Everyone's smoking, watching something sports or Jeopardy.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:11.239)

And then someone's like, I don't want to play some music.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:13.159)

And then this comes on and everyone just kind of like toes are tapping.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:15.920)

So this song came out.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:17.600)

If we're talking about country stuff that's sort of anthemic like that, like the devil

Unknown Speaker (01:29:21.680)

went down to Georgia is great, but I'll take, if you're going to play in Texas, you better

Unknown Speaker (01:29:25.840)

have a fiddle in the band any day of the week.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:28.560)

Really?

Unknown Speaker (01:29:29.560)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:30.560)

You know why?

Unknown Speaker (01:29:31.560)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:32.560)

Because that lead guitar is hot, but not for a Louisiana man.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:35.119)

You rosin' up that bow and play for love and let's all dance.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:39.239)

If you're going to play in Texas, you better have a fiddle in the band.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:42.600)

Dan is getting so excited right now.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:44.079)

I love that song.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:45.079)

So this is the KMC crew.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:46.520)

It is.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:47.520)

How do they spell crew?

Unknown Speaker (01:29:48.520)

K-R-U.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:49.520)

I knew it.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:50.520)

All caps.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:51.520)

Of course.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:52.520)

So this is the KMC crew and this is their answer to the devil went down to Georgia.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:57.000)

Devil came up to Detroit or to Michigan.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:59.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:00.199)

They're both.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:01.199)

Michigan's kind of funny.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:02.199)

It's kind of like, oh really?

Unknown Speaker (01:30:03.279)

Like Ann Arbor?

Unknown Speaker (01:30:04.279)

Got a raid ad here.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:05.479)

The sponsor today is raid on the podcast.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:07.600)

Did the devil go up to Ann Arbor?

Unknown Speaker (01:30:09.560)

Like they wanted to say Detroit, but that just didn't.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:11.640)

Devil went to Lansing.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:12.640)

Devil went up to, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:13.640)

Went to Kalamazoo.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:15.640)

Devil went up to do a Yoder gig.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:18.159)

For no money or a hotel.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:19.159)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:20.159)

Here we go.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:21.159)

We'll be right back.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:22.159)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:23.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:24.159)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:25.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:26.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:27.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:28.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:29.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:30.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:31.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:32.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:33.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:34.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:35.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:36.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:37.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:38.159)

Hit it!

Unknown Speaker (01:30:39.159)

Hit it!

Unknown Speaker (01:30:40.159)

Hit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:41.159)

The devil, the devil, the devil, the devil, the devil came up to Michigan, he was looking

Unknown Speaker (01:30:51.159)

for a soul to steal. He had trouble in mind and he drove in a line, he was looking to

Unknown Speaker (01:30:55.159)

make a deal. He had a brand new Nissan Shruck convertible with a portable phone. He had

Unknown Speaker (01:31:00.159)

a Kenwood deck that was bumping loud as he stomped into the no parking zone. The devil

Unknown Speaker (01:31:04.159)

stepped out with the people on the step of black feel-out suit that was down, but then

Unknown Speaker (01:31:07.159)

he turned his head when his eyes got red when he heard this scratching sound. He walked

Unknown Speaker (01:31:11.159)

up on a boy on two turntables, this boy was ripping the cut. So the devil jumped up on

Unknown Speaker (01:31:16.159)

the back of his truck and said, boy let me tell you what, you rock the beat pretty good

Unknown Speaker (01:31:20.159)

boy, but nah, it ain't nothing new. Cause I'm in your time, I can take that call and

Unknown Speaker (01:31:24.159)

ain't nothing that you can do. But if you wanna get bad, don't make me mad, we can make

Unknown Speaker (01:31:28.159)

this little bet true. A turntable of gold to get your soul, I think I'm better than you.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:33.159)

The boy said my name's the butcher and I'm the baddest around in this city. You start

Unknown Speaker (01:31:37.159)

messing with me and I'm sure you'll see, you're gonna feel real itty-itty-bitty. But I'll

Unknown Speaker (01:31:41.159)

take that bet and you're gonna regret it. And then the butcher started flexing his wrist,

Unknown Speaker (01:31:44.159)

but then the devil's posse all jumped in, then he broke it on down like this.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:49.159)

Devil's in the house.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:04.159)

Ooh, the devil, good scratcher.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:07.159)

Also, this video is awesome. Ooh, I don't think I've ever seen the video.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:37.159)

Butcher.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:41.159)

The butcher started stretching, he yawned and looked at the devil. Then he dropped his arms down by his side and kind of giggled and laughed at the fella. He had some double-made gum so he put it in his mouth, I guess he enjoyed the taste. But then he threw the gum in the middle of his face, stepped back and hollered on.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:56.159)

At this point the devil knows he's done, right? He's like, oh shit, I thought I had skills. I hope he calls the devil the son of a bitch at the end.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:16.159)

I like this song. This is so good. What do you think? I like it. It's pretty hot fire.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:46.159)

The

Unknown Speaker (01:33:53.159)

devil bowed his head because he knew he had good feet. So he laid that fresh turntable of gold down by the butcher's feet. The butcher told the devil to get out of town and he laughed dead in his face. Then the butcher started cutting all over again, stepped back and hollered on.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:07.159)

The butcher just was like, I'm not done with you, devil. That's whack. I only hate that he doesn't call the devil a son of a bitch at the end. Because that's the trademark of Charlie Dayton. Come on back, you son of a bitch. I'm the best I've ever been.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:24.159)

While I was Googling this, or looking this up, I found another song that I've never heard, but it might be important. There's apparently a number of Devil Came Too Blank songs. So now we're going to turn this into an impromptu jam sandwich at the end here.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:44.159)

I'm fine. Hey, babies, take off your pants and get your erections erect. I'm trying to do my best, Nick.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:54.159)

This is The Devil Went to Jamaica.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:56.159)

Oh, come on. How are we doing this stuff, Nick?

Unknown Speaker (01:34:58.159)

I used to feel anxious and confused about buying a major appliance.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:01.159)

This isn't part of the song.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:03.159)

Oh, no? It's not, damn?

Unknown Speaker (01:35:04.159)

Oh, man. This is exactly the same song so far. I hope it gets, like, real reggae.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:15.159)

Oh, please.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:17.159)

If this is just, like, a really shitty parody, I'm going to turn it off.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:20.159)

The Devil Went to Jamaica. He was looking to sell some weed.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:22.159)

Welcome to Bob and Tom.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:24.159)

Welcome to the Bob and Tom show.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:26.159)

That's a Morning Zoo Crew fucking version.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:30.159)

No, it's David Allen Coe.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:31.159)

What? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:34.159)

Did he say the N-word in it?

Unknown Speaker (01:35:37.159)

I think he has to. It's a boy.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:39.159)

I think by law.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:41.159)

I think by law he has to.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:43.159)

That N-word devil.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:45.159)

He was looking to sell some weed. He was doing fine. They were standing in line. It was excellent weed.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:50.159)

There's no way this is David Allen Coe.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:52.159)

That's what it says on YouTube.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:54.159)

And the devil slid down the beach to the kid and said, boy, let me tell you what.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:58.159)

What?

Unknown Speaker (01:35:59.159)

What?

Unknown Speaker (01:36:01.159)

Tell you what.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:02.159)

What?

Unknown Speaker (01:36:04.159)

This is not David Allen Coe.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:06.159)

This is what it's credited as.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:12.159)

This sounds like an accountant.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:14.159)

There's another one. Devil came up to Boston.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:16.159)

Oh, shit.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:17.159)

Which I wish was the Boston's.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:19.159)

Oh, man.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:25.159)

A little Irishy.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:26.159)

This is the Adam Ezra group.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:31.159)

Oh, fuck off.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:38.159)

This is like Boston blackface.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:44.159)

Oh, when he turns into the devil, he puts on a Yankees hat.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:47.159)

Yeah, I know, right?

Unknown Speaker (01:36:48.159)

It was Derek fucking Jeter.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:59.159)

Fuck this.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:01.159)

Fuck you morning zoo crew Boston shitheads.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:03.159)

What sucks is like that has 600,000 views on YouTube.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:06.159)

Of course it does.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:08.159)

But what sucks more is that, like, there's an opportunity here for anybody who wants to make a fucking devil song.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:14.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:15.159)

The devil can come to Chicago.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:18.159)

The devil came to Chicago.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:20.159)

We get Danny Callas.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:22.159)

Devil came to Chicago.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:24.159)

Dude, the devil came up to Chicago looking for some ketchup on a dog.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:27.159)

Looking for some Italian beef.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:29.159)

No, the premise always has to be that he's looking for a soul to steal because he needs a soul.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:33.159)

He's behind.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:35.159)

That's right. Devil came up to Chicago looking for a soul to steal.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:39.159)

Jimmy was behind the counter making Italian beef.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:41.159)

He said, boy, let me tell you what, you make a beef pretty good.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:45.159)

The problem is it has to be musical.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:47.159)

I know.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:49.159)

What's the quintessential show?

Unknown Speaker (01:37:51.159)

The band Chicago.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:53.159)

It's a horn section battle.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:55.159)

We get Jim Belushi playing harmonica.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:57.159)

I'm listening.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:59.159)

We get a Blues Brothers 2016.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:01.159)

We get the Blues Brothers 2016.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:03.159)

They were on a mission from God.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:05.159)

They were, so it makes sense.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:07.159)

So here's the story.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:08.159)

But it goes like somebody's like a little in over their head.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:12.159)

Then all of a sudden, all of a sudden in walked Jim Belushi.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:15.159)

He said, my brother, whatever, whatever.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:19.159)

I don't want to get sued by the old Belush.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:22.159)

He seems litigious.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:23.159)

Is Chubby Checker still alive?

Unknown Speaker (01:38:25.159)

Oh, I have to think he is.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:27.159)

Not?

Unknown Speaker (01:38:29.159)

Chubby Checker walked in.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:31.159)

I said, Chubby, let me tell you what.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:33.159)

Chubby Checker, would you like to do the twist?

Unknown Speaker (01:38:34.159)

I like that idea of those.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:38.159)

This makes me mad.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:41.159)

Well, Dan, listen to me then.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:43.159)

That's Morning Zoo Crew 101.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:46.159)

You get a binder.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:48.159)

Here's what happens.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:50.159)

A lot of those zoo crews, especially back in the day.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:52.159)

This was pre-internet.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:54.159)

So there was comedy services.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:56.159)

Comedians would write those songs or bits and all this stuff.

Unknown Speaker (01:38:59.159)

And they'd probably get like a binder.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:01.159)

And it's like, hey, do a Devil Came Up To or Down To for whatever your local region is.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:08.159)

That's Morning Radio Zoo Crew 101.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:12.159)

You gotta have a Devil Came Up To or Down To song.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:14.159)

I'm Googling it and it does seem like the Devil Went Down To Jamaica is David Allen Coe.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:19.159)

That's crazy.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:21.159)

How?

Unknown Speaker (01:39:23.159)

It doesn't match.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:25.159)

I love David Allen Coe.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:27.159)

Do you?

Unknown Speaker (01:39:28.159)

Fair enough. I've got some on my phone here.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:31.159)

And some of them I can't play in front of certain friends.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:34.159)

Alright, this has spiraled quite a ways from our conspiracy theory.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:38.159)

But let's just wrap that up.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:42.159)

John Putnam Jr. is a bad dude.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:45.159)

Are we handing out our cheers and jeers?

Unknown Speaker (01:39:48.159)

Cheers to all the ladies who were unfairly accused of being a witch and stood strong.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:53.159)

Cheers to all the insecure men.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:54.159)

Cheers to Toxic Masculinity and John Putnam Sr.

Unknown Speaker (01:39:59.159)

Toxic Masculinity.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:01.159)

That was...

Unknown Speaker (01:40:03.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:06.159)

I guess we're not doing social media blogs.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:09.159)

That's after this.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:11.159)

Oh good.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:13.159)

That's what they want you to think if you're a woman and you think we think you're a witch.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:18.159)

If you're a kid tripping on LSD.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:20.159)

You might be cool, but we still have to kill you.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:24.159)

Because that's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:27.159)

Property and witchcraft.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:29.159)

It's all the same.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:31.159)

Marty people can follow you at Marty DeRosa.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:33.159)

They can and they can follow you at Freezin' Point.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:35.159)

Correct. And they can find your wonderful podcasts, Marty and Sarah Love Wrestling, over at the MLW Network.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:41.159)

Go to iTunes. Search MLW Radio.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:45.159)

It's you. Conan.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:47.159)

More podcasts.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:48.159)

Conan, not Conan.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:50.159)

Whatever.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:52.159)

It's the K-dog, not the C-dog, bro.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:54.159)

A lot of great wrestling themed podcasts over there and you're on fire.

Unknown Speaker (01:40:59.159)

Super excited.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:01.159)

Get a t-shirt. Marty and Sarah Love Wrestling. ProWrestlingTees.com slash Marty and Sarah. Sarah with an H.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:05.159)

Also still ComediansYouShouldKnow.com every Wednesday night.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:08.159)

ComediansYouShouldKnow.com. Wrestling with depression if you will.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:11.159)

If you will and even if you won't.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:12.159)

It's still there. Freezin'Point.com is our website where you can find all the flippity-hoo and nannas and wee-hoos.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:18.159)

All of it. It's all there.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:20.159)

Also if you want to donate, please feel free to.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:23.159)

Patriot.com

Unknown Speaker (01:41:25.159)

There's a link over on Freezin'Point.com if you like the show.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:27.159)

I love that people have been reaching out on Tweeter.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:30.159)

It's great. I love hearing back from people.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:33.159)

And if you are so inclined, we could use whatever donations you want to throw our way.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:36.159)

Because it takes a lot of time and this is not free, strictly speaking. I have to pay for hosting and shit.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:43.159)

Yeah, it ain't cheap.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:45.159)

So anyway, thanks guys. We appreciate you listening.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:47.159)

I will catch you next time here in the Brain Battle.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:50.159)

But until then, I've been BogleJub the White Mystery.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:54.159)

Now please, did I misalign?

Unknown Speaker (01:41:56.159)

Go out there and solve some mysteries.

Unknown Speaker (01:41:58.159)

No, I forgot about Boomtown.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:00.159)

Yeah, do it again. I like the whole thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:02.159)

Guys, thanks for joining us in the Brain Battle.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:03.159)

We'll catch you next time right here in Boomtown. But until then, I've been BogleJub the White Mystery.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:08.159)

Now please, go out there and do your job, which is?

Unknown Speaker (01:42:10.159)

Solving mysteries.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:12.159)

And loving somebody.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:17.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:23.159)

That's what, that's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:27.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:30.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:31.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:39.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:42.159)

That matches up so well

Unknown Speaker (01:42:44.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:46.159)

That's what they want you to think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:53.159)

To think.

Unknown Speaker (01:42:55.159)

Think conspiracies, Illuminati, people dying in elevators, bodies in water towers, Salem witch fuckin' trials

Unknown Speaker (01:43:06.159)

They're killing women for being witches and all kinds of weird stuff

Unknown Speaker (01:43:11.159)

Kids eating LSD in the bread and don't forget the proper tea

Unknown Speaker (01:43:17.159)

That's what they want you to think, to think

Unknown Speaker (01:43:28.159)

That's what they want