Transcript/284: April 12, 2019

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Andy in Kansas, you're on the air, thanks for holding.

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Hello Alex, I'm a first time caller, I'm a huge fan, I love your work.

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I love you.

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Hey everybody, welcome back to Knowledge Fight, I'm Dan.

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I'm Jordan.

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We're a couple dudes, like to sit around, drink novelty beverages, and talk a little bit about Alex Jones.

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Oh indeed we are, Dan.

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Yes, Jordan.

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Dan!

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Jordan.

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Who's your favorite Game of Thrones character?

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Happy Game of Thrones Easter to everyone.

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Right, we're recording this on Sunday, so you know, people are excited.

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The streets are abuzz with winter coming and shit.

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It is a blizzard in Chicago right now.

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Yeah, sometimes you wake up and it's fucking snowing in the middle of April.

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Yeah.

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Great.

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Love this city.

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Chicago's great.

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This city sucks.

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Last year we didn't have snow in April.

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I think last year we did.

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Yeah, we did totally.

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I remember that.

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At least I seem to.

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I'm not dodging your question.

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No, no, no, of course.

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So in the first season I just decided I didn't give a shit about any of these people.

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They all just seemed like boars to me.

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Except for Bran and Arya.

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The only characters I gave a shit about were these kids.

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They're the only ones who seemed like they had any semblance of an interesting story

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going on.

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Like, I don't give a fuck about who's king.

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I don't care about your guys' petty squabbles for power.

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But those kids, they seem to have something going on.

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Not a big palace intrigue kind of guy?

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Not into it.

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And for the rest of the season since, I have been proven correct.

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Come on!

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Except, I guess, you know, Dany...

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Jaime Lannister goes from being a...

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Don't care.

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Okay, fair enough.

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Tyrion Lannister goes from being a...

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He's all right.

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He seems more interesting.

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And then Dany with her dragons.

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I enjoy that too.

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Pretty great.

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And then, yeah, I guess Jon Snow with his sort of rejecting of all that palace intrigue

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bullshit.

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You know, there's everybody who stays away from that stuff, I'm into.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Anybody who's too caught up in that, don't care.

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Don't understand why anyone gives a fuck about that part of the story.

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I think the people that I hate the most are actually Jon and Ned Stark and all of those

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people.

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They're so goddamn stupid.

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Ned is in it for one episode.

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Ned is in it for a whole season.

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Maybe.

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It felt like an episode.

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No, Arya is the best thing about Game of Thrones.

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For sure.

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I said that at the beginning and everyone decided I was stupid.

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No way.

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And Bran too.

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I really enjoyed Bran.

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I think Bran is boring as shit.

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No way, no.

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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You're omniscient?

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Great.

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That seems like a good thing.

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You can plug into a tree.

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It's cool.

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Spoiler alert.

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That is pretty fun.

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Anyway.

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He's basically the R2D2 of Game of Thrones in that he just kind of plugs into a tree

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and then has the schematics of the Death Star.

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You were pretty surprised right before we started recording that I have ever watched.

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I didn't think you were at it all interested.

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I'm not.

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And clearly you aren't.

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Like I said, I've watched all of it, but I don't care at all.

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Full disclosure, HBO is not an investor in this show and we wish they would pay for it.

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I'd probably say I cared about it if they were.

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You know who is investing in this show?

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Our audience.

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Nice.

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Oh shit.

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And I appreciate it also very much.

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So today we'd like to start off this episode by giving a shout out to some people who are

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signed up as donors.

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So first of all, Callum, thank you so much.

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You are now a policy wonk.

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I'm a policy wonk.

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Thank you, Callum.

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Thank you, Callum.

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Next, Crystal, thank you so much.

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You are now a policy wonk.

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I'm a policy wonk.

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Thank you, Crystal.

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Thanks, Crystal.

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Next, Asha.

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Thank you so much.

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You are now a policy wonk.

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I'm a policy wonk.

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Thank you, Asha.

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Thank you, Asha.

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Next, Elena.

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Thank you so much.

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You are now a policy wonk.

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I'm a policy wonk.

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Thank you, Elena.

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Thank you, Elena.

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Next, somebody who took their donation, bumped it up a little bit.

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Oh shit.

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Appreciated oh so very much.

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And so Amy V, thank you so much.

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You are now a globalist.

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I'm a policy wonk.

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Four stars.

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Go home to your mother and tell her you're brilliant.

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Someone, someone, sodomite sent me a bucket of poop.

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Daddy shark, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

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Thank you, Amy V.

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Thank you very much, Amy V.

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Next, somebody who took their donation and bumped it up a little bit as well in a similar

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fashion.

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Christopher, thank you so much.

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You are now a globalist.

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I'm a policy wonk.

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Four stars.

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Go home to your mother and tell her you're brilliant.

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Someone, someone, sodomite sent me a bucket of poop.

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Daddy shark, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

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Thank you, Christopher.

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Thank you, Christopher.

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Finally, someone I'd like to say thank you to who donated on a bit of a more elevated

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level even and we appreciate that fantastically.

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So Carl, thank you so much.

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You are now a technocrat.

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I'm a policy wonk.

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Four stars.

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Go home to your mother and tell her you're brilliant.

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Someone, someone, sodomite sent me a bucket of poop.

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Daddy shark, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

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Jar Jar Binks has a Caribbean black accent.

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He's a loser, little, little kitty baby.

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I don't want to hate black people.

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I renounce Jesus Christ.

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Thank you so much, Carl.

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Thank you very much, Carl.

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If you're out there listening and you're thinking, hey, I like what these guys do.

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I'd like to support the show.

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You can do that by going to our website, knowledgefight.com, clicking that button that says support the

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show.

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We would appreciate it.

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And I particularly appreciate people who continue to, you know, sign up and support the show

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because I think it's pretty easy to get the image in your head.

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You know, you hear six names listed off the, you could easily get the idea that we're like

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Scrooge McDuck jumping into a pile of coins.

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I don't think, I don't think that's the case at all.

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That is not the case.

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So appreciate everybody who continues to support and help us build this show into what we believe

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it can be.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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Um, speaking of which, nobody likes talking about money, but no, I hate every element

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of it.

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I hate every element of it except thanking people for support that I believe is the only

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good way to talk about money.

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So speaking about money, you're about to spend a bunch because you're going to Mexico.

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I am, well, I spent the money before I got fired and I will be goddamned if I'm going

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to let some bullshit firing keep me from doing one good thing this year.

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I assumed that that was the case.

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And so you're going to be going off on vacation this week that we're on.

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We're going to have this episode here on Monday.

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We're going to have a prerecorded episode on Wednesday and then who knows for Friday.

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It could be a grab bag.

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Could be anything.

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Could be the roulette episode of your dreams.

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You never know.

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Um, so that's very exciting.

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And so I wanted to do an episode here where we send you off in style.

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But unfortunately, unfortunately we're going to do this episode.

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Unfortunately, we're going to be going over April 12th, 2019.

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That's Friday.

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Oh, this, well, there's so much going on in the world that I needed to know what Alex

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was up to.

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I mean, people are, people are clamoring for our insights.

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Yeah, it is.

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It is weird.

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No one's clamoring.

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It's hard not to do a present day episode when it feels like the president is trying

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to get a house representative killed.

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Yeah, but that doesn't come up.

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Of course not.

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You wouldn't want to talk about how the president is essentially committing attempted murder

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right now.

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That doesn't really come up.

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Although Alex does say a bunch of dumb shit about Omar.

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Of course.

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I'm not, I didn't include any of those clips.

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It's so standard for him and not really relevant to the actual news of the day.

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That is like, ah, fuck it, who gives a shit?

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Terrorist, traitor, blah, blah, blah.

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Move on.

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Right.

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But there's other stuff, you know, like Assange's arrest, uh, you know, those, these sorts of

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things.

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Alex has got to have a take on that.

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What is his take that he's never heard of WikiLeaks too?

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Who's this guy?

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Who I've never heard of this guy.

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What?

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I'm going to swing for the fences on this one and just say he's not even real.

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What's an email?

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False flag.

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Right.

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I don't even think Ecuador is a place.

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No, he has an interesting take and we'll get to it down the road, but Alex is, it's a,

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this is a pretty boring episode for the most part.

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There's not a whole lot in here, but that doesn't mean that this next clip didn't almost

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entirely ruin, uh, two days of my life.

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Here's where we start out the episode and I will explain on the other end of this clip

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why I am a lunatic.

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Clip number one.

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Trump's giving him a medal.

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Wouldn't be here right now without Assange, but when freedom fails, the best men rot in

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filthy jails and those that cried appease appease or hung by those they tried to please

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author unknown written on a shell wall in the revolutionary war on a British cell wall

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of American Patriot.

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Dan read a book.

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When freedom fails, the best men rot and filthy jails and those that cried appease appease

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are hung by those they tried to please and the jolly green giant, but digressing back

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to the information.

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So here's the thing, I'm going to leave aside that Assange question for a moment because

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I want to discuss that quote that Alex is using.

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He's reciting it pretty correctly, so as far as his behavior relates to quotes, he seems

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to be getting better or at least this is, this is a better version of Alex.

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Unfortunately he's completely misattributing the quote.

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He says that the author of the quote is unknown and that it's found written on a cell wall

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during the revolutionary war.

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That isn't true.

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That doesn't sound true at all.

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The author of that quote is pretty well established.

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It was from a March 28, 1947 letter to the editor in the Wall Street Journal written

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by a Nazi.

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Is it a Nazi?

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No, it's written by a lawyer by the name of George Hiram Mann or at least that's the consistent

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attribution given to the quote as it appears online pretty much across the board.

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One place that differs in its attribution is a book that's called The Impossible Dream,

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a self-published anti-communist track published in 1990.

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Dan read a book.

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I was hoping to track down a copy of this to read over since it's one of the only places

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that I can find where this quote is attributed to author unknown, but unfortunately on Amazon

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they only have one copy available and it costs $400.

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I wasn't willing to pay that $400 to get a copy of this book so I decided to see what

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I could learn about the author, a one K.M. Heaton, initials K.M. Heaton.

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It turns out that this is K. Maureen Heaton and the more I looked into her, the more certain

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I was that this book is where Alex got the quote from.

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See, the first thing that led me to suspect this is that Heaton is listed as a member

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on the website of the Foundation of Economic Education.

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That's not good.

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The FEE was founded in 1946 and has the distinction of being the first modern think tank specifically

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set up to promote libertarian ideas.

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That's what I thought.

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That seems like the sort of outlet Alex would know about.

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And furthering that suspicion is the fact that from 2001 to 2002, the president of FEE

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was Mark Skousen, brother of Joel Skousen and nephew of W. Cleon Skousen, two people

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that Alex is all about.

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Why not?

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Of course.

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Throw a ball in there.

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This is completely off topic, but I've been waiting weeks to bring it up.

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But unfortunately W. Cleon Skousen just hasn't come up.

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We've often mentioned his stupid books, The Naked Communist and The Naked Capitalist,

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but I recently discovered he's written a ton of books.

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A lot of them are weird fundamentalist Mormon stuff.

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But in 1962, he published a book called So You Want to Raise a Boy.

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Irregardless of gender.

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Right.

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Question mark also at the end.

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So you want to raise a boy?

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So you want to raise a boy?

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There's no emphasis given to any of the words, but there's a lot of different ways that sentence

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could be said.

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So you want to raise a boy?

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So you what to raise a boy?

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So you want to raise a boy?

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So you want to raise a boy?

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So you want to raise a boy?

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Right.

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A lot of different ways.

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Yeah.

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The book includes this passage, quote, sometimes boys get into bad sex habits during their

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early teens.

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Okay.

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This is in the 60s, right?

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62.

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This is 62, so he doesn't even know about internet porn yet.

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This should be avoided.

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Every boy should know that masturbation may be the first step towards homosexuality.

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Hold on, wait for it.

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It starts out with masturbation and then the individual seeks a partner for mutual sex

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play.

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These practices are destructive to the personality and frequently this type of individual disintegrates

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to the point where he becomes involved in various types of sex crimes.

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That is quick.

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Yeah.

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That escalated really fast.

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That is the jerk off to prison pipeline for sure.

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In fact, the moral degenerate is responsible for some of the most vicious and sadistic

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sex crimes on record.

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In practically all cases, homosexuality is cultivated.

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When homosexuals are arrested, they try to excuse their conduct by saying, I guess I'm

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just made that way.

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Oh boy.

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So what we learned from this is that W. Cleon Skousen and his family are really cool.

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Yeah.

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Really, really cool.

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Is that the reason that he has a, Cleon Skousen's got uncles and shit and not a...

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That's why his books are always the naked blank.

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Yeah.

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Is he a virgin?

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Is he a virgin?

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So anyway, I bring all that up just because this FEE, the president of it for a couple

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of years was Mark Skousen.

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Okay.

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I just needed an excuse to talk about that because I've been waiting to talk.

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That's admittedly shoehorned in.

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That is trouble.

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So anyway, back on track.

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It is like the more innocuous sounding the think tank's name, the more likely they are

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to be the most evil Americans for prosperity.

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That doesn't sound bad.

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And they vote for murdering every children.

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I'm not positive that it has any relation to anything, but the FEE absolutely takes

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in so much Koch brothers' money.

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Yeah, of course.

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And Donors Trust and Donors Capital Fund give hundreds of thousands of dollars to them.

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So it's part of what's known as the Koch network.

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Yeah, it's the Astroturf...

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But I don't know if that's related or relevant to any of this stuff at all.

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So I bring it up, but it's not part of any case I'm building or anything.

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Anyway, back on track.

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Kay Maureen Heaton is best known for disseminating a document purporting to be evidence of outside

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meddling in local politics back in 1974.

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Heaton was a concerned citizen who operated as a local government watchdog, focusing largely

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on the California Council on Intergovernmental Relations, or CCIR.

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According to her account, quote, I had been receiving the output from the California Council

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on Intergovernmental Relations for some time when I went before a governor's task force

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in local government reform to present testimony against CCIR and the state meddling in local

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governmental affairs.

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After my appearance there, the CCIR report stopped coming to my mailbox.

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It's pretty easy to see what happened here.

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They took her off a mailing list, which makes some sense after she testified against them

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in a governor's commission.

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So she's...

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What is the CCRI...

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What is it as far as a larger place inside of the government?

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I mean, it's the body of the Council on Intergovernmental Relations.

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So like...

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Like, is it a big deal or is it just like a little like the state government and the

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county government and the city government, it's those guys.

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It's just like, let's coordinate all of this information.

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That's the sense that I get, although as someone who doesn't have like my head buried in California

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politics, it would probably be tough for me to say exactly what it is, but that's the

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sense that I get.

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It has to do with coordination between different governmental bodies.

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And I'm getting the sense that she's some lady who goes to these council meetings and

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is an agitator of some sort.

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I don't even know she goes to the meetings necessarily, but gets the documents and then

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gets mad about it.

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And then gets mad about it.

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That's the sense I get as well.

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She's bored.

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So Heaton thought it was a conspiracy that she stopped getting these reports.

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Naturally.

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So she got a state senator involved who told CCIR to give Heaton the documents she wanted.

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So according to Heaton, she shows up at the CCIR office and picks up the reports she was

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missing.

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But, quote, I noticed though that there was one box near her desk, talking about the secretary,

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which she studiously avoided.

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While she was gone, I idly picked up one of the documents from the box she had not looked

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into.

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It was titled The Politics of Change in Local Governmental Reform.

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If you're keeping score, we now have the first essential element needed to create a nefarious

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backstory for a document, an attempt to keep it away from someone, whether or not that

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story is in any way real.

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I suspect elements of the story are not accurate if I'm going to put all my cards on the table.

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This sounds like a story I've heard a fucking thousand times from these sorts of weirdos.

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Oh, come on.

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She's got government sources.

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Right.

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So Heaton reviewed the document and found that it was a, quote, textbook on mind control

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techniques.

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I'm sorry.

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Sorry.

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Apologies.

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An appalling negation of the principle of self-government as it told public servants

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how to use politics of change to obtain programs which citizens did not want.

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The report itself is a 220-page analysis of how change occurs in local government operations,

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and it is not a mind control textbook in any sense of the word.

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The preface specifically states, quote, finally, our report tries to be objective.

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Put another way, we do not want to assume any stance.

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We do not advocate change or restructuring of any kind.

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What a community does or plans to do should remain up to the jurisdiction's leadership

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based on the unique facts of the community.

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We do feel, however, that it's timely to study in practical form the ways in which change

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occurs when it does.

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So what's the change that they're talking about?

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Obviously, Heaton thinks that it's some sort of move by the federal government to take

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over the local.

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Naturally.

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In reality, when you read the report, it's super broad as a term.

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It encompasses pretty much any kind of altering of local policy.

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But one thing it seems particularly interested in is how to deal with growth.

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For instance, how does a local government change when the city it represents absorbs

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previously unincorporated areas on their outskirts?

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Oh, we're going to get into FEMA camps and murder, aren't we?

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Not really.

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The report describes why this presents a problem, quote, problems common to cities and neighboring

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fringes have continued with some unincorporated urban areas here have developed into tax havens,

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which avoid sharing their financial wealth.

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So because they aren't part of the city, they are unincorporated.

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They're places that are now connected to the city physically, but don't have the same tax

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oversight as the city.

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So they don't pay back to the city the services that are now afforded them because of the

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connection to the city.

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Right, right, right.

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And I assume that the document says that it's all right for the city to go to war with the

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unincorporated areas in order to annex that territory, ala Israel and Palestine, right?

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And another question they ask is like, generally speaking, a city is within a county, right?

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And so what happens when a city grows beyond the confines of the county?

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How does that change the organizational structure of city-county cooperation, right?

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All that sort of stuff.

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It's important to note that this report did not advocate change, but was merely a study

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on how change happens and if it even actually is happening, you know, that sort of thing.

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It's agnostic to the idea that change is even happening, to some extent, as a tactic of

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scholarly focus.

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They started by sending a questionnaire to local government officials and had this to

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say about it, quote, it is highly significant that among the jurisdictions which responded

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to the questionnaire, 80% had either restructured, reorganized, or modernized their management

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structures in some manner in the recent past.

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The motivating factor most frequently mentioned by instigators of change at the local level

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was cost of government and the belief that a better management system would save money

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and deliver better quality services.

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So what it's saying there in that is that like they are already changing.

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There's a lot of changes that are already happening without any kind of intervention

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or the federal government or even the state government doing anything.

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Right.

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More of a cause and effect, like an act and react situation.

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Exactly.

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So ultimately, the report concluded that change often doesn't happen except outside a, quote,

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climate for change, which could include the collapse of government function, a civic crisis,

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a catastrophe like a natural disaster, findings of corruption in local leaders, or financial

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troubles that are overburdening the city or the county or whatever.

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Yeah.

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Heaton probably called every one of those counties and annoyed them.

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Was that another question on the question?

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Has Heaton fucking called you?

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That doesn't cause change.

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Okay.

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And this is what Heaton uses as misinformation, this conclusion that they come to.

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So what she does is actually shockingly similar to what Alex does.

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She claims that the report is advocating for creating this climate of change in order to

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push through evil legislation when that's just her paranoid reading of the text.

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Oh my God.

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They're descriptively studying case studies and things like that.

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And they're like, well, there are positive changes that probably could have been helpful

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that didn't work out.

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Why didn't they work out?

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And then similarly, there's like, well, this seems like an arbitrary change, but it did

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end up getting pushed through.

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Why did this one succeed and this one fail?

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And what they ultimately found is that there are circumstances that they describe as a

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climate for change that are usually required, not all the time, but usually required to

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make things much easier for these changes to happen.

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She reads this and she's like, well, obviously they're saying they want change, even though

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explicitly they say we're not interested in advocating for any specific changes or change

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at all.

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Well, you can't trust them.

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They're the ones who want change.

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Right.

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So because she believes that they're trying to push through this unwanted change, because

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they're saying that they need a climate of change to do it, obviously they will precipitate

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that climate of change, which could include the collapse of the government, catastrophes

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like a natural disaster, civic crisis, false flag shootings, or financial troubles.

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They'll overburden the system.

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All of these things, it's the same paranoid worldview that Alex applies to all of the

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primary sources he reads.

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It's fascinating, very similar mental processes going on.

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Or lack thereof.

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Indeed.

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So Heaton tried to spread the document far and wide, but it only got a little bit of

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traction in the paranoid right-wing world and caught the attention of a few local politicians.

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But in the end, she failed to topple the evil globalist plot, mostly because anyone who

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would read the report she was citing as evidence of said plot could easily see that she was

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full of shit.

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But this is what makes her relevant in these right-wing worlds.

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Of course.

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Being full of shit is what makes you relevant in those right-wing worlds.

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So then, in 1990, she wrote The Impossible Dream, and I was able to find a PDF copy.

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Nice.

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So I didn't pay $400, but I did read this.

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I had the same situation.

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I was really interested in this book on the Sullivanists in New York, and it turns out

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there's only one book that's ever been written about them, and in order to get a copy, it's

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worth like $250, and I couldn't find a goddamn thing.

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I'm so interested and so fascinated by it, and I will never be able to read it.

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Keep digging.

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You'll find it.

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I gotta get to a library.

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This book is just a rambling pile of nonsense.

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For instance, on page nine, Heaton suggests that a rebuttal to the theory of evolution

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is that no animal who's ever lived has made an impact on history, whereas humans have.

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They're tight.

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Did she drop a microphone whenever she wrote that line?

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And I have to stress that that's not written as an artistic flourish.

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It's literally an argument that she's making against evolution.

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That's not good.

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I'm certain that Alex has read this book.

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Just so many of his ideas are mirrored in the pages.

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From the book's introduction, quote, hairs have been split over patriotic resistance

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to socialism or communism, both of which have been perceived as an apparent goal of this

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worldwide revolution, the globalists.

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More real than apparent is the true goal evidenced in every revolutionary move, implicit in every

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program promoted, actualized in every conquered land, and explicitly stated in early documents.

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That true goal is a return to feudalism with the revolutionaries in total control of all

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the resources of the world, including what they have identified as, quote, human resources.

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Alex talks about the globalists seeing us as human resources a bunch.

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That is something that's pretty germane to his worldview that I'm not actually totally

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honest.

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I've heard people talk about in a conspiratorial way many other places.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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It's weird.

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There's just so much of Alex's world in here, like ideas that the forces that have taken

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over the schools and the media, you know, these nefarious forces, arguments that these

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globalist forces employ the Hegelian dialectic of problem reaction solution.

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The stock market crash of 1929 was planned to bring in governmental controls.

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That's in there.

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She defines liberal as, quote, anyone who is a sycophant and conservative as, quote,

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anyone who is actively resisting the revolution.

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Oh, my God.

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She points fingers at the Bilderberg Society, the Council on Foreign Relations.

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Give me three dudes created the Federal Reserve.

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Give it to me.

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I want a bingo.

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She claims that a minority of Congress voted to establish the Federal Reserve.

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Yeah!

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She doesn't say three.

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She doesn't say three, but it's pretty close.

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And she also says that the Federal Reserve is an evil plan to make everyone poor.

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Naturally.

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She hero worships Joseph McCarthy.

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Oh, boy.

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She frames immigration as a means to take over the country and destroy our, quote, national

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identity.

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She decries globalist meddling in the, quote, internal affairs of Rhodesia in South Africa.

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Oh, my God, no.

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She is playing the hits.

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She believes that FEMA is a part of a plan to take over the government.

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A whole lot of what's in the book is your standard New World Order paranoia dribble.

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So it would be really easy to say that she and Alex are probably just cribbing from the

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same sources.

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And I'm certain that explains a lot of it.

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However, there are a few things in this book that I've not heard anyone other than Alex

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seriously argue.

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For instance, she keeps saying that there's a war on for the minds of men, which though

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it's kind of generic, that might as well, though, be the inscription on the Infowars

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family crest.

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Right, right, right.

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And it's something that she brings up repeatedly.

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She also uses particular phrasing that I often hear Alex use that I never really hear anywhere

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else, like the term in the main analysis or whatever, but without the word analysis.

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In the main blank, she uses that.

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That's very specific phrasing.

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Another thing is that she discusses the oil crisis.

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And her main piece of evidence that it was a planned conspiracy is citing Lindsay Williams,

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the supposed chaplain at an Alaskan oil rig, who is allowed to live with the globalists

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for a while and learn of their nefarious plans.

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No shit.

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I've never heard anyone except Heaton and Alex take that guy seriously.

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Really?

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Even most Patriot and conspiracy message boards I've read call him a scammer and a charlatan.

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That's a weird similarity.

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Wow.

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Also, Heaton argues that the rise in suicide rates among youth in the 90s is attributable

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to what she calls, quote, death education in schools.

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This is a piece of Alex's rhetoric that I've heard a ton of times.

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But I've never really known where he's getting it from.

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But it's literally spelled out in this weird self-published book.

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I'm not saying necessarily that he got it from there.

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It could be from another source.

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But it's something that I don't really hear from other places.

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The idea that teaching kids about the dangers of suicide and suicidal thinking causes them

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to commit suicide.

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Yeah.

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That sort of thing.

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That's a possible book to find, essentially, in Alex's kleonskousen Marvel universe.

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That does seem like he would have access to a copy of that book somewhere.

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Well, my working theory is that if he has read it, it does make total sense.

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Because before the times of the internet being really super what it is today.

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Like in 1990, when this book came out, the internet was not what it is today.

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And the means by which a lot of these patriot militia worlds communicated, there were people

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would order books from self-published outlets and stuff like that.

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There were pamphlets that would go around and things like that.

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I could very easily see this book being part of the literature ecosystem that Alex had

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access to at this time.

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Or Alex's dad, more likely.

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The Underground Racist Road.

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Because 1990, Alex would have been, what, like 15?

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Something like that?

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If his dad is John Bircher, I doubt there's any possibility that, or I doubt that they

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couldn't be one step removed from getting a copy of that book.

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I doubt there's a possibility that it's impossible, but it's not definite.

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But one thing that really freaked me out, like legitimately, I was like, whoa, was on

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page 53.

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There's a picture of Alex.

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This one will be in the future.

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After years since 1957, around the ides of March, the curtain goes up on a round of weird

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rituals.

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What?

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Few Americans recognize significance in the sequence of events, if indeed they consciously

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realize a relationship in them.

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But significance exists.

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It's subliminal in nature, but these rituals serve to keep the American people alert to

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what happens to those who, like Joe McCarthy, refuse to compromise with evil.

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The rights begin with a saturation reporting by the media of a rash of right-wing extremists

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or terrorist activities.

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It's vital that Americans recognize this campaign for what it is, a classic example of mass

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brainwashing and mind-changing.

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Holy shit!

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Not a month ago, after Christchurch, the shooting in New Zealand, after that, Alex began his

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show by talking about how the ides of March, the globalist's plan, all sorts of things.

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That's fucking crazy.

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I have literally not heard anyone ever say that.

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That is fucking insane.

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It is.

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How dare you?

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You're a witch.

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You're a goddamn witch, Dan.

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You made this happen.

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You're a time-traveling witch.

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So I think it would be a huge stretch to say that Alex took a ton of his inspiration from

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this book.

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A whole lot of it is kind of wonky nonsense about local California politics and insistences

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that the Politics of Change document that she quote-unquote found in the 70s cracks

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the entire globalist case wide open.

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Honestly, the book is pretty boring and I spent way too much time reading it.

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But at the same time, I refuse to believe that Alex has never read it.

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And here's the thing, I've never heard him reference it, nor have I ever heard him say

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the name K.M.

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Heaton.

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And yet, here she is, writing a book that expresses a ton of the things he would go

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on to preach a good five years before he ever got on the air.

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I don't know what this means.

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I don't know what to make of it.

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But I do know that Heaton's book is one of the very few places that I can find that quote

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that Alex is reciting is referred to as being attributed to author unknown.

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Yeah.

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And for the part about it being scrawled on a Revolutionary War cell wall, I think Alex

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is just making that up.

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Yeah, that's just a nice little flourish.

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I think that's just his imagination.

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That's a nice little flourish, though.

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Because I can't find that anywhere.

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But why would that be anywhere?

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What did they take a picture or somebody saw it on the cell wall and was like, well, we

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got to write that down.

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I think that's-

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Those are some famous words.

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I think that's what Alex calls lore.

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Yeah.

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So, what we have here, Jordan, don't get it twisted in any way, is Alex weirdly misattributed

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a quote, or at least I had the suspicion he misattributed a quote, and then I read 500

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pages of nonsense and discovered this book that very clearly has some, like that Ides

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of March part is really, really, really fucked up.

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That's too much, that's like a fingerprint.

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That's almost like a fingerprint.

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That's like a forensic-

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There's the points of comparison.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Are very tight.

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You did some forensic literature analysis right there.

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I'm not sure it proves anything, but it looks weird.

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It does look weird.

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It looks like Alex probably had this book.

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Is there a picture of her?

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Because it was self-published.

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Do we know?

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We do know that she exists, though, because she was part of the-

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I still actually don't know that she exists.

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It could be a pseudonym.

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It could be a pseudonym, right?

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Yeah.

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I have not seen a picture of her, and it's very difficult to trace down any information

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like specific about her other than she's left a footprint with the F.E.E., and she self-published

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this book, and she exists as someone who was a quote-unquote watchdog in the 70s in California

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politics.

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So weird.

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Yeah.

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I also found a site for a show called Sweet Liberty that promoted her book and her document,

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the Politics of Change document, and unfortunately, they also sell a bunch of books about how

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the protocols of the elders of Zion are real.

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So they're Pez dispensers.

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Oh, boy.

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But that doesn't mean that she is necessarily.

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Right.

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Because there is a lot of that in the book.

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It does sound very Pez dispensy.

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It's at least adjacent.

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I don't know.

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It's super weird.

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I like learning, and so I'm not mad about that or anything like that, but it was like,

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I was reading that book, and I'm like, what the fuck?

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This is insane.

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Well, Alex never talks about this, her Picadillos, the points of interest that she has about

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California politics and stuff like that.

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The ideas that she's expressing through that climate of change and the politics of change

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and that sort of stuff is definitely what Alex thinks the globalists do.

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For sure.

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So all of the thematic aspects of it are very similar with the...

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I mean, they're updated.

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There's a polish.

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There's a new polish on that shit stain.

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Yeah, that would probably be the way it's put.

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So anyway, sorry about that.

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A lot of information up top, but now let's get into...

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This show stinks.

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This episode's terrible.

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Alex rambles about nothing for a while, and then guess what?

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You know how I know it's...

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You know how we can all confirm it's terrible?

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You read a 500-page book instead of really...

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If the episode was great, yeah, you would have so much planned, you'd be like, I don't

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have time for this 500-page book.

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Let me be clear.

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The book is only 300 pages.

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Okay, I'm sorry.

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There's 200 pages of that politics of change document.

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Those two things.

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Oh, boy.

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Alex, you know, like I said, he rambles about nothing, and then guess what?

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He has another one of his lawyers on the show.

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Well, he's a very famous civil rights lawyer, First Amendment lawyer, one of the best in

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the country, writes the forewords for major books with some of the top people out there,

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and we're just very honored to have Norm Pattas in studio with us.

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He also is representing me in Connecticut on the Sandy Hook anti-free speech suits,

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but that's not why he's on air today.

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That is why he's on air.

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I mean, that may not be what they talk about the entire time, but that's why he's on.

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Why else would he be on?

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Also, I think we're starting to see elements of my predictions starting to come true.

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I suggested a while back that one of the directions we might see Alex's show go down in the present

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day is him go like full Lenny Bruce, where he just makes his whole show about his own

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legal troubles.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I think we're starting to see that strain of narcissism become... He's having multiple

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episodes where his lawyers just come in as guests, which is super weird.

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That is weird.

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That said, this Norm Pattas character is a real douche.

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On January 8th of this year, he got in a little bit of hot water after he posted something

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pretty racist on Facebook.

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In the Connecticut Post, quote, local attorney Norm Pattas posted Monday a photo depicting

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three white hooded beer cans around a brown beer bottle hanging by the neck from a refrigerator

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rack to his Facebook page.

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The caption read, quote, Ku Klux Kurs.

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Pattas explained his bullshit by saying, quote, I enjoy being provocative for the sake of

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provocation.

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I like to drop a bomb and then watch it explode in the comment section.

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Why?

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It's more than blood sport.

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I suppose I like the attention.

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Alex's goddamn attorney is a troll.

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Oh, man.

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You know what's worse?

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I would have given that a solid C-plus if he didn't have the brown bottle hanging.

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Like if he just had the Kurs cans with the hoods and said Ku Klux Kurs, that's a C-plus

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joke.

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That's not a terrible meme.

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If you made some sort of effort to make sure that you weren't in favor of KMs being client

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members.

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Yeah, exactly.

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If you somehow make the meme a negative, then maybe.

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But yeah, I still think it's dicey.

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It's not creative.

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The brown bottle hanging is pretty fucked up.

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That's the one that puts it beyond C-plus and into you should be arrested territory.

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I don't know about arrested.

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I don't mean arrested, yeah.

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After the NAACP condemned him, people started to say he was an asshole, Pattas responded,

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quote, let's face it, if you're white, you can't be right.

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Alex's goddamn attorney is a white identitarian troll.

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Why didn't he just say, guys, I'm representing Alex, you know who I am.

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Stop it now.

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Well, interestingly, one of Pattas' former clients was Anna Gristina, who's also known

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as the Manhattan Madam.

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She ran an escorting ring and guess who her big client was?

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Alex's good buddy, Charlie Sheen.

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I'm not sure that even means anything, but it seems weird to me.

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I have no idea.

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Well, you know, small world, right.

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Everybody knows everybody.

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Very strange, though.

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Yeah.

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Among his other past clients was Lucian Wintrich of the Gateway Pundit, so you kind of see

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where his bread is buttered.

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I think he's figured out a way to latch on to the right wing grifters and make money

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off them.

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I applaud the hustle.

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Yeah.

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It's like the lawyer and the wire for Avon Barksdale.

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He knows what you're doing.

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Everybody knows what he's doing.

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He's making a shit ton of money, though, so let it ride.

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Yeah.

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So weirdly, he also represented the New Haven Occupy encampment back in 2012, which isn't

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so much a counter example to these examples of what he's doing now, as much as it is one

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more instance of the weird trajectories a lot of people took after Occupy.

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For example, Jason Kessler, the guy who organized the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville,

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was involved in Occupy before.

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It was an event that had a broad appeal, is what I'm saying.

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A lot of people who had a lot of different motives got involved.

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Right.

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Well, I mean, it is the 99% versus the 1%.

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It's not like all 99% is great.

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Yeah, some of them are not cool.

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They're not all great guys.

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No.

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Yeah.

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Just because this is always so fucking fun, I'd like to read to you from Norm Pattis' blog

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from December 20th, 2012.

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Oh, no.

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About a week after the shooting at Sandy Hook.

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Quote, cigarettes don't kill people.

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People do.

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That would be the tobacco lobby lying to the world.

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We'd recognize the claim at once as transparent nonsense.

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So we tax tobacco using the proceeds to pay for, among other things, health care for those

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destroying themselves by indulging their right to smoke.

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Why not use the same public policy tools to attempt to control gun violence?

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I concede a hidden agenda.

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Were it within my power, I'd repeal the Second Amendment.

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It's an anachronism.

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Alex's lawyer is a goddamn gun grabber.

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Jesus.

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In the response to Sandy Hook, he's clearly like, I would repeal the Second Amendment.

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And I'm about to defend a guy who's denying that it happened at all.

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And hoping Alex doesn't find this blog post because he will murder me.

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Norm goes on to suggest a mechanism he'd like to put into place.

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When an inherently dangerous product is placed in the stream of commerce, all those who introduce

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the product can be forced to share the liability for the harm the product causes.

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Why not treat guns in this manner?

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Suppose a Colt firearm is used in a murder.

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Upon proof that the Colt was used, assess a $250,000 fine against the manufacturer,

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a $10,000 fine against the seller, and a $5,000 fine against each registered owner.

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These fines would catch the attention of folks, trucking and bartering in firearms.

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It might also inspire a sense of greater accountability and responsibility.

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He concludes by saying, quote, you'll have to pry my gun from my cold dead fingers, a

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friend of mine said not too long ago.

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Fine, I say.

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Come on.

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It's time to get serious about gun control.

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Gun violence is a matter of life and death.

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Don't expect me to fight fair against your fear, against the fear your gun will kill

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me.

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That's, uh, those are, those are solid words.

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As we're listening.

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I give that one, I give that one a B plus.

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As we're listening to old 2012, 2013 episodes in our Sandy Hook investigation, one thing

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that we found is that Alex is completely obsessed with the impending gun grab to the point where

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he's on the border of incitement towards his audience and saying that there's the civil

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war coming.

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They're trying to kick off a civil war by advocating for taking guns.

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I find it completely hilarious that his new lawyer and his Sandy Hook defamation trial

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is literally one of the people he was saying was trying to destroy the country and kick

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off a civil war.

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Oh boy.

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Alex doesn't vet anything.

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Billable hours, please.

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I don't need to tell you my personal beliefs at all, but you do need to pay me.

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So long as you hit me monthly, man, I'll say whatever you want me to say.

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I mean, I just don't understand how you can end up with someone as your lawyer who like

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is someone who advocates for something that you are publicly saying is going to overthrow

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the country and the freedoms.

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Like a lawyer who literally said, if I could, I would get rid of the second amendment.

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Something that Alex Jones seems to be the only thing he actually cares about consistently.

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It sure does seem like weird.

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You know, that's an interesting question as far as, you know, like the ACLU has defended

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absolute utter racists in the past.

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Oh, totally.

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I'm not judging the lawyers.

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Oh no, no, no.

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I'm judging Alex's.

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Well, if he's a good lawyer, who gives a shit what he believes because Alex doesn't really

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believe, you know, Alex isn't going to let him take his guns away, but he is going to

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let him get them off because he can't be that good of a lawyer that there's not someone

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else who's as good.

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You know what I'm saying?

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That will work with Alex.

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Well, Alex wouldn't consider that a variable.

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He thinks everyone is clamoring to work for him.

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The issue is if this guy is someone who advocates for the repeal of the second amendment, Alex

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doesn't want him to be associated with his big first amendment win against these defamation

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lawsuits.

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Right.

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Why would he bring this guy along who wants to get rid of the second amendment to ride

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his coattails as they take it to the Supreme Court?

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Right?

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It's not going to the Supreme Court.

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But that's what Alex thinks.

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Yeah, I know.

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Oh boy.

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So if he thinks that his first amendment precedent setting case that he's involved in is going

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to make it to the Supreme Court, you don't want this guy who wants to get rid of the

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second amendment to be in the Supreme Court and get a win in the Supreme Court?

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That only makes him this much closer to actually getting rid of the second amendment.

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I don't know.

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Who cares?

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It's just Alex is stupid.

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The lawyer, if he is taking the case on a pre-speech absolute form basis, whatever.

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Yeah, sure.

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Whatever.

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You might lose that case, but I'm not mad at you for taking it or whatever.

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Monsters still need representation.

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Yeah.

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That's an underpinning of our system.

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And you need to make some money.

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Yeah.

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Hey.

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Good on you.

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Good on you.

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All those stuff with the racist memes.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:54.920)

Yeah, that one's tough.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:55.920)

That one's tough.

Unknown Speaker (00:42:56.920)

I'm actually going to move that back down to a B minus because his plan is terrible.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:00.119)

That $250,000, $10,000, $5,000, that's like the flat tax all over again.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:05.519)

That's a terrible idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:06.760)

I think it was just sort of a broad idea.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:08.559)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:09.559)

I think it was just sort of spitballing.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:10.559)

I know.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:11.559)

I'm just saying come back when you got a second draft for me.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:13.400)

Don't toss off a Facebook post.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:15.320)

So interestingly, this guy, this Norm Patis, is also a lawyer who represented Candace

Unknown Speaker (00:43:20.920)

Owens, but not when she was Candace Owens, as we know her.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:24.639)

When she was Owen Candace?

Unknown Speaker (00:43:25.639)

No.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:26.639)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:27.639)

She was 28 when she was, I believe, still in high school.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:30.719)

And she was the victim of some racist harassment and sexual harassment from white students.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:37.219)

And so she, I don't believe that she sued the people who were harassing her, but she

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reported this harassment to the school and they didn't take care of it.

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She and her parents sued the school district for failing to take care of it and respond

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appropriately.

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So she ended up winning $37,000 in a settlement or something like that, and Norm Patis was

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her lawyer.

Unknown Speaker (00:43:59.599)

I don't want to say anything about this, really, because I don't know all the details of this

Unknown Speaker (00:44:04.199)

case.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:05.199)

I did find an article about it, so I can say that it's a real thing, certainly.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:10.320)

And I believe her.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:11.320)

I believe Candace.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:12.320)

Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:13.320)

Just because I think her politics suck and all that stuff doesn't mean that I don't believe

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her that she, as a youth, was the victim of this sort of horrible harassment and abuse.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:23.059)

I believe that.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:24.079)

And even though she is presenting ideas right now that would only perpetuate that very same

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horrible abuse, that does not mean that she does not deserve to be protected from it.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:33.119)

No, and totally.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:34.119)

The only thing that I take issue with is that she does say things like, real hate crimes

Unknown Speaker (00:44:39.980)

don't exist, but hate crimes are all hoaxes and that sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker (00:44:43.800)

She's involved with that rhetoric being put out into the world.

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And so the fact that, I mean, I didn't know this about her before, that was part of her

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history.

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That makes it even worse.

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That she's putting those sorts of ideas out and hanging out with people and reinforcing

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people who put those ideas into the world.

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The fact that she used to come on Infowars kind of regularly, and Alex talks, I believe

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in this next clip, about how he was almost going to hire her.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:10.440)

That sort of thing.

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It's like, you know that this stuff happens.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:14.719)

You know you were the victim of this, so you know that other people also are and they aren't

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making it up, yet you are helping a system of rhetoric be established and normalized

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that says that people are making it up.

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And were those people to hear your story, they would say you were making it up.

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And that sucks.

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I'm not entirely sure.

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I don't want to litigate any of it.

Unknown Speaker (00:45:39.280)

It's not important other than to say that learning that she has that in her history

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makes her look worse now.

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But at the same time I believe her and my heart goes out to her as a high schooler having

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to deal with that sort of thing.

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I also, my heart goes out to her after hearing Alex talk about her like this.

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Year and a half ago two years ago I had a chance to hire her.

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I got busy.

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We never got it done.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:01.019)

I'm glad that she's at Turning Point USA.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:02.880)

She's awesome.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:03.880)

She's super sexy, super smart, has great integrity.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:06.679)

No wonder they're so scared of her.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:08.880)

You know, what's the number one on that list, Dan?

Unknown Speaker (00:46:11.139)

Isn't it weird that that's always the first thing that comes up whenever he's talking

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about any of these women that are part of his side?

Unknown Speaker (00:46:18.079)

It's always the first thing.

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They're so fucking sexy.

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They're like, gross, man.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:22.519)

Well, it's the same for Roger Ailes.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:24.840)

Well, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:26.199)

There's a reason every anchor is blonde and white.

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So at this point they get done talking about Candace Owens.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:33.239)

They talk about her for a long time and try and defend the idea that she, you know, those

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comments that she made about, like, if Hitler just wanted to make Germany great, that would

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be wonderful, but he had international aspirations and that's why I hate globalism.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:46.440)

I don't even give a fuck about saying that she's rationalizing Hitler.

Unknown Speaker (00:46:51.159)

I just think that whatever she was, like, even taken as a defense of nationalism and

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anti-globalism kind of thing, I still think it's just stupid.

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It's insane.

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So take the evil out of it and it's like, well, you're just saying dumb shit.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:05.719)

Conspiracy theory.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:06.719)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:07.719)

But she does know what's going on and she's grifting the very people who hurt her as a

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child.

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I don't know.

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She knows that they're the easiest to grift.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:20.000)

She's a black woman.

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Know who's going to step into her spot, you know?

Unknown Speaker (00:47:23.519)

I think you're...

Unknown Speaker (00:47:24.519)

Omarosa's gone.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:25.619)

You read too many comic books is what I think.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:27.599)

The idea of that sort of a scheme.

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She's going to reveal in two years when she's the president that she was fucking with the

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white nationalists the whole time.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:35.800)

That would be interesting.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:36.800)

She's the most progressive president in history.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:39.280)

Not going to hold my breath.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:40.280)

I don't think so.

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So in this next clip, they get done with all that.

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And Alex is talking to his lawyer some more, this Patton, no, Patis.

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And they start talking about Eisenhower's farewell speech.

Unknown Speaker (00:47:54.000)

This might be some revisionist history.

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Here we go.

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Recall Eisenhower's famous warning about the military.

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Everybody quotes him, it's a 21-minute speech, it's farewell speech 1961 in January.

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Everybody only partially quotes.

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He says there's a technological controlling elite over the military industrial complex

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and we must then beware that they are in control of the military industrial complex.

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He goes on to say they're a breakaway civilization and a monopolizing the future and creating

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basically a new class system.

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So at no point in Eisenhower's final speech does he mention a breakaway society.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:31.320)

That's just pure bullshit and Alex is just making that up.

Unknown Speaker (00:48:34.719)

At one point, he does use the words, quote, scientific technological elite, but the context

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he's using it in is very clear.

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Eisenhower is discussing a balance that needs to be maintained where the government needs

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to be involved in the development of science and technology but not so involved that it

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controls it.

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If the government is not involved at all, it runs the risk of, quote, becoming captive

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to the scientific technological elite who would have full control over the modern innovations

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which the government was dependent upon.

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Similarly, the government shouldn't totally be involved because that would replace intellectual

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curiosity with government money which would lead to a likely dead end in terms of innovation.

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The context is very clear.

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There's another problem with Alex's thinking that this speech is somehow a warning about

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the globalists in that Eisenhower is literally advocating in the speech for the things that

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Alex thinks the globalists want.

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For instance, he talks about how the world is getting smaller and how it needs to become

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a, quote, confederation of mutual trust and respect, which is pretty close to a global

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government.

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Pretty much.

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Where the countries of the world are seen as equals.

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Eisenhower literally also says, quote, disarmament with a mutual honor and confidence is a continuing

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imperative.

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He was trying to disarm the world, which is something that Alex is worried that the UN

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is trying to do through their non-binding treaties.

Unknown Speaker (00:49:52.079)

And even in the way that they're rewriting this, it is so much a defense of the military-industrial

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complex.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:00.119)

You know, like, oh, no, no, no, no, the military-industrial complex, that's great.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:04.360)

We just got to get rid of the guys running it.

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They're evil.

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What if we were running it?

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We would run it so well.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:10.820)

Not evilly.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:11.820)

No, definitely not.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:13.760)

So that's stupid.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:14.760)

Alex is just making shit up as he always does by history.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:18.000)

It's the same behavior that Heaton was using in terms of, like, her reading of documents.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:23.019)

He's assuming so much of what Eisenhower meant by all this and then citing it as gospel.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:29.139)

And that's inappropriate.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:30.960)

It's always fascinating to go back and look at the things that presidents have said that

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they weren't able to accomplish during their, you know.

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His speech is unbelievably prescient in the way that Facebook and Google and all that

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stuff run everything.

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And the government isn't really involved.

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And they're also stifling innovation themselves.

Unknown Speaker (00:50:56.300)

But at the same time, you know, he didn't really do much about any of that stuff, you

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know.

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And then Jimmy Carter...

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It's an open question as to whether he could have.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:06.039)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:07.039)

But that's exactly my point.

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Jimmy Carter, like, all of these guys who wind up being dead on in terms of what should

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have happened are constrained by the limitations of the government.

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They weren't able to actually accomplish those things because of all the entrenched moneyed

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interests like the military industrial complex.

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Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:24.800)

Perhaps.

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Perhaps that explains a lot.

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So Alex talks about how he's expanding.

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He's signed two new radio hosts and he has an in-house show that's going to be launching.

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Really?

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Fuck you.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:37.719)

I'll believe it when I see it.

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Really?

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I feel like there's no chance this is true.

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He can afford that?

Unknown Speaker (00:51:42.920)

Well, I mean, maybe if it's like Harrison Smith is the in-house show.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:46.760)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Whatever.

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That's going to be a ratings bonanza.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:50.320)

Right.

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And then the hosts he could have signed might be fucking Rappaport.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:56.159)

You know, like...

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That'd be fun.

Unknown Speaker (00:51:58.159)

Like, okay, whatever.

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Like, you got Rappaport and Larry Hagman or whatever.

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Rappapicture?

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Right.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:03.880)

I mean, so it could be that bland of a thing.

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Like, basically, people who are doing the fourth hour are now going to do a show or

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something like that.

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I don't give a shit.

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On the other hand, he does have both Stone and Corsi's salaries off the books now, so

Unknown Speaker (00:52:16.599)

he can hire some low-rent people.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:17.599)

You don't know that?

Unknown Speaker (00:52:18.599)

Well, that's fair.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:19.599)

You don't know that?

Unknown Speaker (00:52:20.599)

He was paying Corsi for quite a while after he got let go.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:22.679)

Well, they're on expiring contracts, if you will.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:25.739)

You could flip them for prospects pretty easily in the NBA.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:29.079)

Corsi's contract or whatever, payments, I believe that is absolutely ended.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:34.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:35.159)

But Roger, I think he probably still has to pay.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:37.639)

It's not like you're just like, he's not working here anymore, and now I'm free of all financial

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applications.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:42.840)

Oh, no, no.

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Of course not.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:44.840)

I'm sure whatever arrangement he had had some sort of a parachute.

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Right.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:46.840)

But also, something I learned recently is that Buckley is gone.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:49.840)

I didn't know that.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:50.840)

Buckley doesn't work there anymore.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:51.840)

What happened to Buckley?

Unknown Speaker (00:52:52.840)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:53.840)

I just know that he's not there anymore.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:54.840)

Oh.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:55.840)

I have sources.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:56.840)

Are we on Buckley Watch?

Unknown Speaker (00:52:57.840)

No.

Unknown Speaker (00:52:58.840)

Has anybody seen Buckley?

Unknown Speaker (00:52:59.840)

It does explain a lot, though, because I was wondering why he'd been posting, like,

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inspirational videos about how you can do, like, whatever you put your mind to.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:06.280)

So now he's a wedding DJ?

Unknown Speaker (00:53:07.760)

Yeah, might be.

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But he was posting these videos, and they're like, I don't know, that's the fucking water

Unknown Speaker (00:53:12.519)

tower in downtown Chicago.

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Really?

Unknown Speaker (00:53:15.119)

Buckley lives in Chicago, I think.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:16.119)

Buckley's here now?

Unknown Speaker (00:53:17.119)

I might have to find him.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:18.119)

Oh, we gotta hang out with Buckley.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:19.760)

Or he's looking for us.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:23.760)

I'm not sure what the case is, but I'd love to talk to Buckley.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:26.480)

He seems like a nice guy.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:27.480)

Yeah, he seems all right.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:29.079)

So anyway, we get to this next clip where Alex talks a little bit about his feelings

Unknown Speaker (00:53:33.159)

about Assange, and Paul Joseph Watson's on the line, and they're talking, and I don't

Unknown Speaker (00:53:39.599)

think this is very interesting, quite frankly, but I expected much more of a take from Alex

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in terms of Assange, because it seems like something he cares a lot about, or at least

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has.

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And it's just kind of, like, listen to this.

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This is very underwhelming.

Unknown Speaker (00:53:56.079)

Maybe cue that up in Planet Yesterday, you know, I don't know who's got it, WikiLeaks

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the Russians, if you got it, release it.

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If you can't say release it, then he released the goods, the spirit cooking, the corruption,

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the rigging the polls, the rigging the debates.

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The president, as a candidate, ordered Assange to do it, Assange did it, Trump must, must,

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I'm still kind of like Trump, but let me tell you, I'm going to do it with a little bit

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of shame, Paul, if he doesn't let Assange out of prison.

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My God, Paul, what do you think?

Unknown Speaker (00:54:25.039)

So Paul rambles a bit after that.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:27.360)

His take on it is also not all that important.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:30.159)

Yeah, because Paul's approach to it is essentially like, OK, well, the fact that Trump and his

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administration is looking to extradite Assange to the United States means that there wasn't

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any coordination between Assange and Russia and stuff like that, or Trump at all.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:48.960)

And like, well, maybe.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:50.119)

That's a nonsensical take.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:51.360)

Well, I mean, yeah, I don't know what the truth of any of these situations really is.

Unknown Speaker (00:54:55.519)

But that argument doesn't hold because Trump is a narcissistic, aspiring authoritarian.

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So the idea that he would turn on someone who collaborated with him, of course, is in

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line with what dictators have done throughout all history.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:06.639)

That's what Alex talks about all the time is like, you team up with the globalist, you'll

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be the first one against the wall.

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He's literally turned on everybody so far.

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Everyone.

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Everybody.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:16.000)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:17.000)

So that is not us or me or you at all saying that that is what's going on.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:21.199)

Just that Paul's argument is dumb.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:22.960)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:23.960)

Paul's argument is just pathetic because he's like, I think Trump told him to release those

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things.

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He did.

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And now he's being persecuted.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:33.400)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:34.400)

I'll still like Trump, but I'll do it with a little bit of shame if he doesn't let him

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go.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:39.079)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:40.079)

Where's the line, man?

Unknown Speaker (00:55:41.079)

Shove Assange up your own dirty asshole.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:42.079)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (00:55:43.079)

It's like, where's the line?

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It's just made up.

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So in this next clip, Alex tries to get Paul Joseph Watson pumped up.

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And we'll see if it works.

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Why would you quantify this because we're not trying to drive around in Lamborghinis

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or be in Hollywood or any of that, but the true fame we have, the infamy we have because

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of our audience and their steadfast support.

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It's just incredible.

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I want to salute the supporters that have stood with us through all of this.

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We've changed the world, Paul, and I want to salute you and I want to salute this crew.

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We still got a long way to go, but we won some big ass battles here, brother.

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We won some battles and it's all worth it.

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I've known we can win this thing and whatever else we got to go through, let's just commit

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to this.

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You feel what I'm saying?

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Do you feel it, Watson?

Unknown Speaker (00:56:28.639)

Yeah, we won some battles and we basically won the argument.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:32.820)

That's the time that we're in now.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:33.920)

We've won the argument.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:34.960)

That's why populism is rising.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:36.880)

That's not why.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:37.880)

Uh, no.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:38.880)

Uh, you hear like his response was almost like a, like it was almost like a scoff.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:44.760)

You're angry.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:45.760)

We're losing.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:46.760)

You do realize that.

Unknown Speaker (00:56:47.760)

But Alex, isn't it like, I don't think that's anger.

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I think what that is is like, uh, we had some good times, didn't we?

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We did.

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We did good.

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Didn't we?

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You think so?

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Yeah.

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I think it's an enthusiasm of trying to get this other person to recognize and feel what

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you feel about what you've done.

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Yeah.

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Like we, we did it.

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Didn't we?

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Like it's two people at the end of a run like, uh, we went through, we went through a lot

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out there.

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Yeah.

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We left it all on the field.

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Right?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And it's like having done that tour of podcasts and being like, see, I got my message out

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when they tried to tell me that I couldn't possibly do it like that kind of thing.

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Maybe it's usually about him.

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That's my default position is look at how great I am even when he's saying I want to

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salute you.

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But Alex wants Paul to feel the way that Alex is expressing because that will make Alex

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feel more, uh, justified and entitled to feel that way.

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So it is still all about him.

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Yeah.

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Always.

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Always.

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So, uh, we have one last clip here of April 12th, uh, and it's, uh, it's a reveal of who

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is hosting the fourth hour on this episode.

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You're listening to the Alex Jones Show with Nick Begich.

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I hope he doesn't come in and we just listen to this song.

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This song is great.

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Welcome back to Infowars.

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And you know, the last, uh, couple hours in the broadcast, pretty interesting stuff, right?

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No.

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Um, I only kept that in.

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I don't give a fuck about what Nick Begich has to say.

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Backtrack.

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Uh, it was duke smooth jam.

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Smooth.

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That was very weird.

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Where did that come from?

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Very un-infowars-y.

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I, I'm, I'm guessing Nick Begich got to choose his own intro music on that one.

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Could be.

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Yeah.

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Uh, I only left that in because you know where Nick Begich was on April 8th, 2019?

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No.

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Project Camelot.

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Oh, you also grabbed a couple of clips from Project Camelot, didn't you?

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No.

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Shit.

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No.

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I just stood up.

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I was so excited.

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Nick Begich is too boring.

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Okay.

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But it's just to say that like within a couple days he was on both Project Camelot and hosting

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the fourth hour of Alex's show.

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I just introduced this as a exhibit in terms of my argument that these worlds are not as

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different as you think.

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They share a booking agent.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Now I know you got excited there, uh, that I had some clips from Project Camelot and

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I apologize that I don't, but like I said at the beginning of this episode, I do want

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to send you on your vacation in style.

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And so I do have something special for you.

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Yes, I went back to the well and I decided that, uh, you know, you're going, you're going

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away for a while.

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And it's only right that, uh, you know, you go out on a real high note.

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I already did.

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Can't end it right now.

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I heard we made it to 300 episodes.

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I heard that song.

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We're good.

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I quit.

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I'm ending at the top of the world.

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I'm going to Disneyland!

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No, there's so much more to experience.

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Um, so I went back to Lionel's, uh, uh, YouTube channel and I'm like, there's, there's definitely

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a lot of green pasture here to dig over.

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Just because we did an entire episode about it doesn't mean that, uh, there isn't still

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coal in that mine.

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Amazing hot takes, uh, from Lionel.

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Now as we get into some of this, please remember that Lionel is now a QAnon, uh, promoter and

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that he was invited to the goddamn White House.

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And had his picture taken with Trump.

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I think we could, we could have like a automated take, like a website that just generates mad

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lib takes for Lionel and it would be the exact same thing.

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Not a chance.

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They would, you know, Lionel's actual ones are weirder.

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So here's the first one, uh, Jordan, I think that you will be blown away by the fact that

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Lionel is wasting everyone's time with this.

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Diogenes was looking for an honest man.

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I'm looking for someone who actually likes mine.

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Someone who says, oh boy, look, the arm on the mantle routine.

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Look, the guy in a box.

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But at least there was a pathetic attempt of doing something cute while on mute.

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Today it's just standing there desecrating old glory and begging for money.

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So real quick, he has a picture up of like someone who's panhandling, but is like doing

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a mime act.

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I'm like, fuck you.

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Fuck you being mad at this person who's doing mine stuff with a hat out.

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How does he feel about living statues?

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No, that's what he's talking about.

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Oh, that's what he's talking about.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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So he's mad at mines.

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Great.

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And in the similar vein, I can't stand mascots or anybody in a foam suit.

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They frighten me and I think it's satanic and I've had it with magicians.

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Don't waste my time showing me the act that I know you practice and I know you'll do.

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Just tell me ahead of time how you're going to find the card or whatever and lose that

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smirk, that mystical look.

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It's not magic.

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It's a rehearsed trick and the real magic is how you wasted a part of my life that I'll

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never get back.

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That's ironic to a degree that I cannot even comprehend.

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I feel so similar about watching so many of his videos, how much time he's wasted of my

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life.

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I think he just said he is mad that magic isn't real.

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Yes.

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I think he is very infuriated at magicians for working very hard on their craft as opposed

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to making a deal with some sort of deity to gain power.

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Right.

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It's like, hey, I'm mad that you are entertaining.

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Also, fuck you.

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Magic is great.

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Magic is awesome.

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Every time someone has come up to me on the street and been like, do you want to see your

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trick?

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I'm like, yes, I do.

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Of course.

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100%.

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Please show me a trick.

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It brightens my day.

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Like, it's the best.

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Even if it turns out they do the trick and then they're like, can I have a dollar?

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Yes, you could have a dollar.

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There was a video of the guy who won the World Close Up Magic Championships, which is great

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to know that that exists.

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But what he did was fucking incredible.

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I don't need magic to be real to know that what that guy did is magic.

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You know what I'm saying?

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The amount of practice and dedication you have to put in is like, I mean, whatever amount

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of time Lionel spent writing this bullshit piece of editorial is nothing compared to

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what you have to do to be able to make a card disappear.

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I know.

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Fuck you.

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You lazy piece of shit.

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How dare you be mad at someone who has a craft.

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It's crazy.

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This hacky bullshit.

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I hate mimes.

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Who's mad at mimes?

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Who's listening to you be mad at mimes?

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I think Trump, I think the reason that Trump invited him to the White House wasn't QAnon

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stuff.

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It's because he hates mimes.

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It's because he's on PIX 11, which is a New York station.

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I bet Trump like watched Lionel on TV and knew him as like a media figure before he

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got into QAnon.

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Oh man.

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I suspect.

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I'm not entirely sure.

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But yeah.

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What a fucking take.

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How dare you be mad at mimes?

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It's the least of anyone's problems at all.

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Did you get knocked over by a mime?

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Must have.

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Did you get punched by a mime?

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What happened to you that a mime is the object of your ire?

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I mean, old time, like vaudeville era entertainment, you got a lot of mimes.

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And then in the next generation after that, which is I guess when he probably came of

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age, there was a lot of jokes about mimes.

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But the world we're living in now, and this, sure, I mean, this was probably eight, nine

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years ago.

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This, that's...

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This take?

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This hot take?

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It still was irrelevant, the idea of like making fun of mimes.

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What entertainment do you like?

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I don't know.

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Oh, wait.

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Actually, I don't know.

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But I do know that there is a piece of entertainment that he doesn't like that he brings up in

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this clip that is not mimery.

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Lyin' low, lyin' low, lyin' low, lyin' low, lyin' low, lyin' low, lyin' low, lyin' low,

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lyin' low, lyin' low.

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Entertainment worlds abuzz over the news that Anchorman 2 has been announced.

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Will Ferrell will reprise his role as Ron Burgundy.

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Great.

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Ron Burgundy's no Ted Baxter.

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Let me explain.

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The significance of the Ted Baxter character cannot be overstated.

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When the Mary Tyler Moore Show debuted in the fall of 1970, keep in mind the zeitgeist,

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and more importantly, that of television broadcast news, Cronkite wouldn't sign off until March

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the 6th, 1981, 11 years later.

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Cronkite was Zeus, and in the pantheon were Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, Douglas Edwards,

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Charles Collingwood, Robert Trout, Richard C. Hodlet, Eric Severide, and the inimitable

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Edward R. Murrow.

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I mean, it was like the 1927 Yankees.

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These guys were venerable and venerated, wise, distinguished, and honored and respected.

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Not the airbrushed, bow-tat, slathered, and sutured pretty boys.

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Myself exploded.

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No, these folks had come from print out of the blood and fog of war, and no, no comparison

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today.

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Then, entered Ted Baxter.

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At the height of our love and respect affair with these broadcast news giants, Ted Baxter

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presaged the news anchor Dolt, the empty suit, the human news version of the Potemkin village,

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and its idiot.

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So, like, I mean, sure, Ted Baxter was a great character in the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

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He was very funny and stuff like that, but, like, that's just parody, and, like, so is

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Anchorman.

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Why are you mad?

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Why can't they both be pretty decent sati- like, I don't- hmm.

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I guess, I mean, making fun of Mimes, hearkening to, like, this new version of news parody

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isn't as good as my version of news parody.

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It's just, like, I wish things were the 70s again, or like-

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Why aren't all of his broadcasts just, uh, Lino, Lino, Lino?

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I'm old.

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I'm old.

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You know-

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End broadcast.

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You know that Lovecraft story, the Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath?

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The character Randolph Carter, he tries- he dreams of, like, this magical city of the

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gods that it's forbidden for humans to go to, and so he's like, nah, I wanna go.

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So he tries, and he has these adventures with these cats who fight, like, they have an army,

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that's great.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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So he tries to get back to this, uh, the city of Kadath, the dream, uh, the city that he

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dreamed of.

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And it turned out that it was just people who practiced really hard at building a city,

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and they didn't want people in.

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No, there was a city of the gods, right?

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But because of the version of it that he had dreamed of, it was so much better than the

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actual city of the gods, that the gods left Kadath and went to his city that he had dreamed

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of.

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In the dreams, yeah.

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And so it was actually- what he was dreaming of was the city of his childhood.

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It was Providence when he was a kid.

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And that was, like, his memories of his youth were so beautiful, uh, that he had lured the

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gods to this dream city of his own.

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Right.

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It's a nostalgia warning.

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Exactly.

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Or just an artistic expression of some of those ideas.

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That's what Lionel is doing.

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He doesn't realize that all of these complaints he has are basically just, like, because of

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him, uh, like, idealizing his childhood when, uh, when he watched Mary Tyler Moore.

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I'm Lionel, and my back hurts.

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I will see you next time.

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Like, you might as well just do that.

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It's not far off.

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Yeah.

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But he also drifts into some other interesting, uh, areas.

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Oh yeah?

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Of criticism.

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Does he?

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Well, I mean, so, so far we've heard mimes and magicians and mascots, the three M's of

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evil.

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And what is it with moths?

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Oh no.

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I prefer butterflies!

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The three M's of evil, uh, out.

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Uh, Eggerman 2, gone.

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Terrible.

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Baxter.

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And little do we know that, uh, uh, our boy Lionel also has some ideas about clothing?

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The foot is an amazing feat of engineering, and what women do to their feet is nothing

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short of horrific.

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Shoe designers are sadists, sick and demented dispensers of torture that would make even

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Lindy England cringe, that's hard to tell when she's cringing with that mug, and the

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granddaddy of cobbler sadists, the Torquemada of inquisition footwear, is this guy, Manolo

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Blahnik.

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No.

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Second only to this monster, Jimmy Choo, Manolo the madman was made famous in that cable show

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about four miserable, self-indulgent, narcissistic, and heavily Botox social misfits, four dames

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who constantly complain and gripe and cry in their cosmos about why no one, get this,

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no one loves them or finds them the least bit worthy of attention.

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He's talking about Sex and the City.

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Oh, I thought he was talking about Golden Girls.

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No.

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So, women, in their primordial love of the shoe, felt a strange compulsion to buy these

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torture devices, and as such, when purchasing a pair of fetching sandals, confused and optically

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challenged women to attempt to force into them, in some cases, disfigured and gnarled

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claws that belong in a carnival midway.

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The stuff of subway ads.

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So now he's showing pictures of like mangled feet on the screen, which the rest of the

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people in the studio aren't enjoying.

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Bunioned and hammer-toed feet that can double for a hoof.

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Feet that are weathered, worn, and particle, calloused in cracked paws that have withstood

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a lifetime of abuse.

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I'm sure Lionel hears, come on, a lot.

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Yeah.

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Come on.

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Come on.

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Feet that now fight back, resulting in a contorted and hideous fetlock.

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We're talking circus quality here, folks.

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Why?

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Why, in the name of God, does a woman now decide to expose to the world, in some cases,

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her Clydesdale-quality toe-beast appendage?

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And to add insult to injury, she'll slap on a coat of nail varnish or the utterly superfluous

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toe ring to call more attention to her paw.

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Not to mention the in-step tattoo, which, when its colors fade, look like a hideous

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bruise or an advanced stage of melanoma.

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Why?

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I'll tell you why.

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Because there is an illusion that stemmed from the belief that a pair of sandals are

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cute.

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Translation, obscenely expensive tiny slivers of leather stitched onto a wafer-thin sole

Unknown Speaker (01:11:37.520)

that sits atop a heel that is so high it distorts and contorts your gait and forces her to display

Unknown Speaker (01:11:43.539)

the silliest examples of locomotion that would baffle the most learned neurologist.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:48.159)

In fact, John Cleese on his best day couldn't come up with anything close to it.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:53.319)

So there you have it.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:54.680)

And I leave you with a simple question.

Unknown Speaker (01:11:56.760)

Why?

Unknown Speaker (01:11:57.760)

Why don't you answer your own fucking question and look into the history of women's shoes?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:02.039)

And then you'll figure out why your question is stupid.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:04.960)

He's complaining about women's shoes so much, and if they're like, they have chosen the

Unknown Speaker (01:12:12.119)

history of women's shoes.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:14.319)

What is it with women and shoes?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:16.479)

It's almost like thousands of years ago, men forced a standard of beauty upon these feet

Unknown Speaker (01:12:21.399)

that they couldn't live up to without some sort of device to take care of it.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:25.220)

And then men have only perpetuated the oppression throughout this time.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:28.640)

And that's why, what are women doing buying shoes?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:31.479)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:33.479)

That to me was wild.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:34.640)

I was like, huh, did you not think about this at all?

Unknown Speaker (01:12:39.119)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:40.119)

I mean, so the complaint, I guess, is valid of these shoe designers perpetuating and continuing

Unknown Speaker (01:12:47.039)

that tradition of restrictive shoe wear.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:49.840)

Yeah, I'm fine with talking shit on shoe designers.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:51.840)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:52.840)

Good for you.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:53.840)

But then somehow he makes it the women on Sex and the City's fault, which is not great.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:56.880)

It is.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:57.880)

And then it seems to also-

Unknown Speaker (01:12:58.880)

I'm still going to go with Golden Girls on that one.

Unknown Speaker (01:12:59.880)

So much of the blame seems to be resting at the feet, if you'll pardon my use of the word,

Unknown Speaker (01:13:05.239)

of women.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:06.239)

Nicely done.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:07.239)

Pun definitely intended.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:08.239)

I feel like he's targeting the wrong area here.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:12.119)

Maybe there's a bigger picture you could look at, Lionel.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:14.180)

Maybe that's not your thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:15.180)

I know you're big into QAnon now.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:16.920)

So maybe it's sort of a tradition of his career that you just focus on the wrong piece.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:21.880)

Isn't it amazing that you can get away with asking a question that you could have answered

Unknown Speaker (01:13:28.119)

before you did the... You're asking the question after you've already given your dumb opinion?

Unknown Speaker (01:13:34.640)

What was the prep on this?

Unknown Speaker (01:13:35.920)

Why didn't you ask the question first and then look into it and then be like, oh, hey

Unknown Speaker (01:13:40.399)

guys, here's my complaint about footwear.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:43.039)

It's us.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:44.039)

Well, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:45.039)

We're like, why don't you bring up the Chinese?

Unknown Speaker (01:13:46.039)

Why don't you bring up any of the foot binding stuff?

Unknown Speaker (01:13:50.520)

You could make your report better if you tried.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:54.359)

So easy.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:55.359)

If you tried at all.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:56.359)

Just a little bit of trying.

Unknown Speaker (01:13:58.300)

It's amazing that a white man with a thesaurus doesn't have to think and he can still get

Unknown Speaker (01:14:02.279)

a TV show.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:03.600)

Totally.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:04.600)

So speaking of something that a lot of average white men do, stand up comedy.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:09.560)

Hey.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:10.560)

I wonder what his hot take on that is.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:12.600)

He doesn't have a hot take on it as much as... So Jordan, this next-

Unknown Speaker (01:14:15.479)

What are they using words for?

Unknown Speaker (01:14:17.239)

Why aren't we mimes anymore?

Unknown Speaker (01:14:19.420)

Mimes used to be the height of entertainment.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:20.920)

I fucking wish I found one where he was talking about the great mimes.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:24.319)

That would be perfect.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:25.319)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:26.319)

I would give anything for that.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:27.500)

This clip in this episode of Lionel's report is, I would describe it as him trying out

Unknown Speaker (01:14:34.680)

some open mic material, like someone hooked him up with a check set over at the New York

Unknown Speaker (01:14:39.640)

Comedy Club or something like that, and he's got to work it out.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:42.560)

Right, right, right.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:43.560)

He says Gladys is this weekend.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:44.680)

We are going to have to pause periodically, I think, just to check in with how he's doing

Unknown Speaker (01:14:48.840)

on these jokes, because this is one of the only ones where I'm like, he's actually trying

Unknown Speaker (01:14:53.159)

to do jokes.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:54.159)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:14:55.159)

And now, miscellaneous thoughts.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:10.560)

Where'd all the bed bugs go?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:11.840)

What's in the news today?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:12.840)

There was a time when every TV news show dedicated story after story to the epidemic of these

Unknown Speaker (01:15:18.000)

hermetophagic buggers.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:20.239)

Whatever happened to them?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:21.479)

I'll tell you.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:22.479)

I had them a while ago.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:24.279)

Yeah, a couple of years back I had bed bugs and it was one of the worst fucking things

Unknown Speaker (01:15:28.680)

I've ever experienced.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:30.479)

There's tons of buildings in Chicago that you can just go and look up that are like,

Unknown Speaker (01:15:34.439)

don't move into this building.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:36.399)

There are websites dedicated specifically to warning consumers about buildings that

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have unresolved bed bug problems.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:43.560)

Lionel, what the fuck are you talking about?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:46.119)

Whatever happened to bed bugs?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:47.119)

Well, I had to burn a lot of them in the fucking dryer at a-

Unknown Speaker (01:15:50.680)

With all my stuff.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:51.680)

Yeah, exactly.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:52.680)

I had to set all my things on fire.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:53.680)

Are you an idiot?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:54.680)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:55.680)

What the hell?

Unknown Speaker (01:15:56.680)

That's not even a joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:15:57.680)

Where'd all the bed bugs go?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:00.479)

And what's my virus?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:02.279)

And the dead bees and the birds that were showing up.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:05.640)

Whatever happened to mad cow?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:07.359)

What about H1N1?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:10.359)

Have you ever calculated your BMI, your body mass index?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:13.859)

Look how little you can weigh and still be considered normal.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:17.359)

Don't you love local commercials, the ones where the owners insist on being in the spot?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:23.279)

Make your dreams come true.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:24.279)

What are you talking about?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:25.279)

I love that one.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:26.279)

What are you talking about?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:27.960)

That must be a local New York commercial and I guess that as a joke is just sort of, it's

Unknown Speaker (01:16:32.520)

based on recognition and it's like he's doing an impression of it.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:36.100)

So I mean, I guess that misses the mark for us in Chicago a decade later.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:39.399)

All I'm saying, Lionel, is local jokes means local work.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:42.319)

That's all I'm saying.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:43.319)

But then also, I didn't even pause it because I didn't realize that was the end of the joke

Unknown Speaker (01:16:47.000)

with that body mass index.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:48.560)

That was it?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:49.720)

That's unreal.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:50.720)

Where's the joke?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:52.039)

Where?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:53.039)

Where?

Unknown Speaker (01:16:54.039)

I'm confused.

Unknown Speaker (01:16:55.039)

Does he, what is, what is he trying to, like, all he did was just list a bunch of things

Unknown Speaker (01:17:00.680)

that he doesn't hear about anymore.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:02.439)

That was still a continuation of the bedbugs bit, I guess.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:05.199)

But yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:06.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:07.199)

Mad Cow does still exist.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:08.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:09.199)

West Nile and H1N1 were, I guess, of a season.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:13.439)

I think the answer to that, whatever happened to all of these horrible things is we all

Unknown Speaker (01:17:17.479)

know about them now so they don't need to be in the news every day.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:20.479)

I guess maybe they got sensationalized a little bit, but they also killed old people.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:24.600)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:25.600)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:26.600)

And children.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:27.600)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:28.600)

Not a good bit so far.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:29.600)

I wouldn't book him.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:30.600)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:31.600)

Let's see if he gets any better.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:32.600)

Who, uh, who buys all those knives at three in the morning on QVC?

Unknown Speaker (01:17:36.720)

You know, I could watch Ron Ficchio's Showtime rotisserie ass all day.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:41.359)

Lonely people, Lionel.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:42.359)

I've been watching it in Spanish.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:43.600)

I admit it.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:45.520)

I read the Value Packed Mailer.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:48.039)

I love to walk over to a grown man wearing a jersey with, it says manning on the back,

Unknown Speaker (01:17:52.680)

and ask him, excuse me, are you, uh, are you Eli Manning?

Unknown Speaker (01:17:56.399)

Boo.

Unknown Speaker (01:17:57.399)

Then why are you wearing a jersey that says you are?

Unknown Speaker (01:17:59.680)

Boo.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:00.680)

Who can choose and walk away in disgust?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:02.560)

Yeah, that's your fault.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:04.640)

Is that the end of the joke?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:07.399)

I mean, I've heard-

Unknown Speaker (01:18:08.399)

And then they walk away in disgust.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:09.760)

I've heard variations of that at open mics.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:11.960)

Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:12.960)

The idea of, like, why are you wearing someone else's clothes?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:14.640)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:15.640)

That sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:16.640)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:17.640)

You need more meat on those bones.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:18.640)

You need a little bit more than, hey, are you Eli Manning?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:22.319)

No?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:23.319)

Well, next joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:24.920)

I would, I know why you're doing it, but I would caution you to resist the urge to boo

Unknown Speaker (01:18:29.720)

him.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:30.720)

Because we might miss some of this gold?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:32.880)

Well, no, and also I think that there's some value in just hearing the crickets in the

Unknown Speaker (01:18:36.439)

room, you know?

Unknown Speaker (01:18:37.439)

That's true.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:38.439)

So-

Unknown Speaker (01:18:39.439)

It's my favorite so far.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:40.439)

I don't want you to boo over the silence.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:42.560)

I think there were, I think there were, like, I think it was the second clip where something

Unknown Speaker (01:18:46.199)

he said, there was just a, and then moved on.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:49.520)

That was my favorite thing that's ever happened.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:50.840)

I'm just pausing it, too.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:52.220)

This isn't clips or anything.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:53.220)

This is all one thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:54.220)

This is straight through.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:55.220)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:56.220)

I'm just pausing it whenever we need to analyze.

Unknown Speaker (01:18:57.479)

You know, I'm still waiting for someone to be charged with a love crime.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:02.439)

I love when old people speak Spanish, especially when they have a translation underneath them

Unknown Speaker (01:19:07.319)

in Spanish.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:09.439)

Did you know that Kenny G and Mr. G were related?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:12.239)

I don't know who Mr. G is.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:13.239)

I think he's a local New York celebrity or something like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:16.359)

I didn't know where to pause there.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:17.960)

Those jokes don't seem like jokes.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:20.760)

But the love crime one is like, all right, I guess that's filler for some, like, if you're,

Unknown Speaker (01:19:26.359)

you know, you just need a pad or something like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:28.640)

That's stock.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:29.640)

That's stock.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:30.640)

Absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:31.640)

Kind of like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:32.640)

Or Road Dog, you could see throwing that in somewhere.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:34.000)

Yeah, why not?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:35.000)

I need to pivot or whatever.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:37.439)

But also it's fucked up to come from Lionel because he also has a ton of videos that he's

Unknown Speaker (01:19:41.279)

put out.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:42.279)

Which you can find on his YouTube channel.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:43.279)

Where he's like, there's no hate crimes.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:44.920)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:45.920)

There we go.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:46.920)

Or hate crime is like a distinction that doesn't deserve to be on the wall.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:50.600)

Yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:19:51.600)

Aren't all crimes crimes?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:53.319)

Don't you hate everybody if you're committing a crime against them?

Unknown Speaker (01:19:55.720)

I don't want to say that he ignores the idea that people of various groups are targeted

Unknown Speaker (01:20:00.119)

for crimes.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:01.119)

Right, right, right.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:02.119)

And he speaks from a position of like, I am a lawyer, like that sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:06.239)

So it's tough to hear him say, like make these videos where it's like, you shouldn't be charging

Unknown Speaker (01:20:11.739)

someone with a hate crime when you're just charging them with a crime.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:15.720)

And then on this open mic set he's doing, he'll be like, hey, anyone charge with a love

Unknown Speaker (01:20:19.720)

crime?

Unknown Speaker (01:20:20.720)

Yikes.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:21.720)

Yikes.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:22.720)

Because there's more, there's more behind that joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:25.439)

Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:26.439)

That's fucked up.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:27.439)

No, that's, so many of these sound like a premise that a friend of the show, Mike Wiley

Unknown Speaker (01:20:31.720)

would throw away.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:33.439)

I would, he wouldn't even put it on one of those note cards in his finder.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:37.319)

No, he would think about it and then be like, no, no, no.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:41.319)

He would have a Twitter draft up and then be like, I think I'm going to delete that

Unknown Speaker (01:20:44.600)

one.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:45.600)

Maybe.

Unknown Speaker (01:20:46.600)

Did Carly ever find out who was so vain?

Unknown Speaker (01:20:59.159)

Did Bruce Springsteen ever find out who was dancing in the dark?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:02.399)

That sounds like home invasion.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:04.079)

Did uh, did Clapton ever figure out who shot the sheriff?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:10.239)

Whose tears were they?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:12.720)

Were they his or are they?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:13.960)

No, they were in heaven.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:14.960)

They were in heaven.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:15.960)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:16.960)

I, okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:17.960)

Did Carly ever find out who was dancing in the dark?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:25.960)

Whoo.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:26.960)

There's, I don't even know.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:28.119)

Whoo boy.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:29.119)

I think you need a page one rewrite on that.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:30.960)

I think you throw that one out.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:34.000)

Also wasn't it uncle Joey?

Unknown Speaker (01:21:35.279)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:36.279)

I do think that there's an interesting type of comic who could pull off that joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:41.159)

Like you would have to be someone who's like deeply absurdist, ridiculously deadpan.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:45.199)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:46.199)

It'd have to be real deadpan.

Unknown Speaker (01:21:47.640)

But I think that joke could work in a certain, uh, like because your character would almost

Unknown Speaker (01:21:53.439)

have to also be like kind of stupid, but it would have to be stupid in a flighty absurd

Unknown Speaker (01:21:59.479)

way.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:00.479)

To be like, did Carly Simon ever figure out who that song was about or something like

Unknown Speaker (01:22:03.920)

that?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:04.920)

Because then the joke is about you.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:06.199)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:07.199)

It's not about what is being said.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:08.199)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:09.199)

Because what's being said is fucking stupid.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:10.439)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:11.439)

And even like that's still a, you know, you want to open strong, you want to close strong.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:15.439)

You put that one in the middle and hope people forget about that.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:18.199)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:19.199)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:20.199)

You want people to let that one go and remember your final five.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:21.279)

You hope they're a signing their check.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:23.159)

Yeah, exactly.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:24.159)

You say that joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:25.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:26.159)

That's a good check drop joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:27.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:28.159)

All right.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:29.159)

I give up.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:30.159)

Tell me exactly what I'm supposed to do to keep a video diary of whatever I'm supposed

Unknown Speaker (01:22:33.520)

to do when I use Activia.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:34.520)

What am I keeping a video of?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:37.239)

That's all I'm going to say.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:39.399)

Whatever happened to Esteban?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:40.399)

Remember the dude with the shades who wanted to teach you the guitar?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:43.720)

That was-

Unknown Speaker (01:22:44.720)

Whatever happened to Blockbuster?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:49.640)

The place where you rented movies?

Unknown Speaker (01:22:51.199)

The Activia thing is, I think he's referring to bowel movements.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:54.279)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:55.279)

Because that was Jamie Lee Curtis doing the whole you'll shit right.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:57.600)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:58.600)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:22:59.600)

I don't care about that.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:00.600)

That's not a great joke, but it is what it is.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:01.600)

It is what it is.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:02.600)

I will say that when I was listening to this, the whatever happened to Esteban is where

Unknown Speaker (01:23:07.159)

it... He got me.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:08.479)

I did laugh.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:09.479)

Whatever happened to Esteban?

Unknown Speaker (01:23:11.479)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:12.479)

But not because I think it's funny, but just because I had... He had broken me.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:22.119)

There was so little funny going on that when he said, what happened to Esteban, it was

Unknown Speaker (01:23:26.680)

just like, I can't fight it anymore.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:28.840)

This is so bad.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:31.039)

You know how if you had an open mic and someone's struggling so poorly and they say something

Unknown Speaker (01:23:35.239)

that's so stupid, you're just like, ha, ha, ha.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:39.000)

That's that moment for me, the Esteban.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:40.760)

And also because he flashes on screen a picture of Esteban and I'm like, he did look silly.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:45.939)

I used to run an open mic in Schomburg and my favorite comedian never got a laugh from

Unknown Speaker (01:23:53.239)

the crowd and I could not stop laughing.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:56.260)

Every time she went up-

Unknown Speaker (01:23:57.260)

That's a different thing, though.

Unknown Speaker (01:23:58.260)

Every time she went up, it was a terrible joke after terrible joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:01.439)

And the crowd would do nothing and then turn and look back at me laughing like, who the

Unknown Speaker (01:24:05.520)

fuck are you?

Unknown Speaker (01:24:06.520)

What are you doing?

Unknown Speaker (01:24:07.760)

That's 100% a different thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:08.800)

Is that a different thing?

Unknown Speaker (01:24:09.800)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:10.800)

Because I find it... I actually enjoy it on that same level right now.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:13.439)

If this wasn't-

Unknown Speaker (01:24:14.439)

Where is Esteban?

Unknown Speaker (01:24:15.560)

That's perfect.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:16.560)

That alone is kind of funny as an observation.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:22.640)

Because now I'm also curious.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:24.720)

I'm not.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:26.760)

You're talking about someone who's very good but isn't connecting with an audience-

Unknown Speaker (01:24:31.760)

Oh, no, no, no.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:32.760)

A complete opposite.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:33.760)

Never mind.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:34.760)

She was the worst.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:35.760)

Fine.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:36.760)

It's the same thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:37.760)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:38.760)

I still don't think you would take any enjoyment in this if it wasn't Lionel.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:39.760)

Oh, no.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:40.760)

Of course not.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:41.760)

Now let's get back in.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:42.760)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:43.760)

Why do they show traffic reports on TV?

Unknown Speaker (01:24:45.760)

By the time you get home in your car, it's all changed.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:48.760)

Doesn't it drive you crazy when you hear a 911 call and the person calling is screaming

Unknown Speaker (01:24:54.720)

frantic, get the cops here.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:56.720)

Get them here now.

Unknown Speaker (01:24:57.720)

And the dispatcher gets hung up with some esoteric question that could wait.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:02.199)

Please, send help.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:04.000)

He's coming at me with a sword.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:06.399)

Are you wearing shoes?

Unknown Speaker (01:25:07.880)

See, now that last one I think is a bit, if you had a better performance, could work.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:13.079)

There could be something there.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:14.560)

No, the structure is right.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:15.800)

The structure is there.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:17.039)

Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:18.039)

No, the structure is right.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:19.039)

In a way that none of these- and that traffic one, that's just hacky 80s comic.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:23.079)

You've heard that a thousand times.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:25.920)

So it doesn't deserve a response.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:28.359)

I think that the 911 call is also kind of hacky, because I think it sounds familiar

Unknown Speaker (01:25:34.520)

in some ways.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:35.520)

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:36.520)

But at the same time, there is the kernel of what you can work with.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:38.880)

You need a better act out.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:40.079)

You need a better question than are you wearing shoes.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:42.039)

Way better question than are you wearing shoes.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:43.640)

The specifics need to be better.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:45.279)

And then you need to flesh it out a little, but there's something there.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:48.039)

Lionel, if you're building a set, start with that one.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:51.359)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:52.359)

Everything here, bring up Esteban at some point.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:55.600)

You work with that one.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:56.920)

Where is- who is so vain?

Unknown Speaker (01:25:58.600)

I'll give you two.

Unknown Speaker (01:25:59.800)

I don't think Lionel can pull that off, though.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:01.560)

No, that's true.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:02.560)

You should sell that to another open mic-

Unknown Speaker (01:26:05.920)

An open mic-er would buy it, too.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:07.960)

Yes, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:08.960)

You know it.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:09.960)

All right, here we go.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:11.800)

When did you last eat?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:14.039)

Was Murray Lionel still really the unknown comic?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:15.960)

I mean, there could have been more than one.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:17.840)

I need to go back, because when did you last eat was still a continuation of the 911 thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:22.560)

Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:23.560)

That wasn't a joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:24.560)

If that was just a complete non-sequitur in the middle of this, that would have been perfect.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:27.279)

I paused it at the wrong time, but it was still just a part of the 911 joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:30.000)

I would give him a million- you don't ask two questions on that joke.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:33.000)

No, I don't think so either.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:34.000)

No, nuh-uh.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:35.000)

I think when did you last eat couldn't be the one you asked to.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:38.039)

Uh-uh.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:39.039)

No, no, no, no.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:40.039)

I mean, it has to work off the sword.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:42.279)

You know, I'm being chased at by a man with a sword, and then you ask, well, is he wearing

Unknown Speaker (01:26:48.300)

a kimono, or something along those lines.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:51.180)

Tie it up in something related to it.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:53.680)

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I actually don't think it can work.

Unknown Speaker (01:26:57.159)

Because if you do that, then, like, what are you doing?

Unknown Speaker (01:26:59.560)

You know, like, if you bring the sword wordplay into it, or whatever, is he wearing a fencing

Unknown Speaker (01:27:04.720)

mask?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:05.720)

There's no punch there or anything like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:07.720)

And then if you ask an unrelated question, like, what's your sign, or something like

Unknown Speaker (01:27:10.960)

that, are you trying to imply that this person's hitting on you?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:14.680)

The shoes, it's supposed to express some sort of concern, I guess, on the 911 operator point,

Unknown Speaker (01:27:20.199)

but like, I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:21.199)

I think it's the sword that has to change, because that can't be the absurd part.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:24.880)

It has to be something normal, and then the absurdity is the response to it.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:28.520)

There's someone in my house, just that.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:30.479)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:31.479)

Just that bland thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:32.479)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:33.479)

Then, yeah, then there's a number of other directions you can go.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:35.920)

Right, right, right.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:36.920)

Man, we're joke doctors.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:37.920)

All right, thank you.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:38.920)

I would hope we would be at least okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:42.279)

Shoes, when did you last eat?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:47.439)

Was Murray Langston really the Unknown Comic?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:49.359)

I mean, there could have been more than one, you know, like Gallagher, for God's sake,

Unknown Speaker (01:27:53.239)

please send the cops!

Unknown Speaker (01:27:55.920)

That actually...

Unknown Speaker (01:27:56.920)

Was that a continuation?

Unknown Speaker (01:27:57.920)

Yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:58.920)

I guess it was.

Unknown Speaker (01:27:59.920)

That was still a continuation?

Unknown Speaker (01:28:00.920)

I didn't realize.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:01.920)

I thought it was another bit.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:02.920)

Yeah, but I guess, I would say that, is that guy the unnamed comic or whatever?

Unknown Speaker (01:28:08.399)

I think you keep that as the third one.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:10.319)

You could keep that as the third one?

Unknown Speaker (01:28:11.319)

I think so.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:12.319)

Are we going rule of threes on this?

Unknown Speaker (01:28:13.319)

Yeah, I mean...

Unknown Speaker (01:28:14.319)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:15.319)

Well, he's going rule of threes.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:16.319)

He just disproved you only need one.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:17.319)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:18.319)

Three is the way to go.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:19.319)

The first two are bad.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:20.720)

You fix those two questions.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:23.039)

You keep the unknown comic as the third one.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:25.119)

Make it a normal, make it a normal, vague thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:29.640)

Actually I think...

Unknown Speaker (01:28:30.640)

Well, humor is in specificity, though, so it should be something really specific that's

Unknown Speaker (01:28:35.640)

going on.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:36.640)

When did you last eat is no good.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:38.640)

That's in the realm of like what the first question should be, because it should be something

Unknown Speaker (01:28:41.920)

close to what a 911 dispatcher would say, like, are your windows locked or something

Unknown Speaker (01:28:46.500)

like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:49.000)

Are you wearing a coat?

Unknown Speaker (01:28:50.000)

You'll catch your death.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:51.000)

Sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:52.000)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:53.000)

Something like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:54.000)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:55.000)

Anyway, we've spent way too much time on this.

Unknown Speaker (01:28:56.000)

Do you ever think at least a hundred times during a debate, why am I watching this?

Unknown Speaker (01:29:00.079)

This is horrible.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:01.079)

I'd rather lick a hospital mop than watch this anymore.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:04.939)

One day I want to see a computer screen that looks like the one that they always show in

Unknown Speaker (01:29:08.319)

the movies.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:09.319)

You know that one?

Unknown Speaker (01:29:10.319)

Is there something that happens to older men who actually think the Andy Rooney, Martin

Unknown Speaker (01:29:14.600)

Scorsese, Spanish Moss eyebrow look is dignified?

Unknown Speaker (01:29:18.420)

What is that age that changes perception to the point of, Hey, this looks good.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:23.600)

57.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:24.600)

And one more thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:26.600)

Comment as you see fit.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:31.479)

I just let that play because I'm tired of deconstructing and critiquing his jokes.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:36.039)

Across the board.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:37.039)

Bad.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:38.039)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:39.039)

Bad.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:40.039)

The comment card would not go well.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:42.020)

You're not getting rebooked by Yogurt.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:43.840)

Who's your favorite comic tonight?

Unknown Speaker (01:29:45.680)

Not Lionel.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:46.680)

Not Lionel.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:47.680)

Not his theme song though.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:48.680)

So that like, that should give you like a sense of when he's trying to be funny because

Unknown Speaker (01:29:52.920)

that's clearly what he's doing.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:54.159)

Oh yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:55.159)

He whiffed on every one of those jokes.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:57.600)

Nothing landed.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:58.600)

Nope.

Unknown Speaker (01:29:59.600)

Not in the room.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:00.600)

Not in this room.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:01.600)

That would never fly.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:02.600)

Uh, anywhere, anywhere, anytime, maybe, maybe a couple of decades back when mime was miming

Unknown Speaker (01:30:10.760)

was King.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:11.760)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:12.760)

He could have pulled that bullshit.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:13.760)

Catskills would have been great.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:14.760)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:15.760)

Maybe.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:16.760)

If you just put on some blackface, he would be the funniest guy in the world.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:20.319)

It's possible.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:21.319)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:22.319)

At that point.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:23.319)

Yes.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:24.319)

At that point.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:25.319)

So it's ironic to me that he just did that boring three minute segment of horrible attempts

Unknown Speaker (01:30:29.680)

at jokes.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:30.680)

Oh, and now he's going to bitch on comics?

Unknown Speaker (01:30:31.880)

No, not necessarily, but I would say that this is equally unacceptable based on that

Unknown Speaker (01:30:36.159)

behavior we just saw.

Unknown Speaker (01:30:43.159)

In my opinion, the worst of human traits is to be boring and I have cobbled together my

Unknown Speaker (01:30:51.720)

nominations for the boring hall of fame, but for those keeping score at home, boring is

Unknown Speaker (01:30:56.319)

defined as lacking any degree of human excitement, entertainment, or interest level whatsoever.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:02.979)

They suck the air out of the room.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:05.840)

Now for our nominees in all particular order, first, his picture is listed in the dictionary

Unknown Speaker (01:31:10.520)

under the word vapid, the paralyzingly insipid NBC political, whatever Chuck Todd, as I've

Unknown Speaker (01:31:18.000)

stated, he could single handedly reverse the rate of teenage pregnancy by explaining the

Unknown Speaker (01:31:23.000)

sex act in detail.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:25.100)

They would lose all interest whatsoever.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:27.840)

That's a little spicy for the Lionel report.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:30.479)

That's a little bit.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:32.340)

That's a little ribald.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:34.960)

Just say the word the sex act.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:38.199)

So Chuck Todd.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:39.199)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:40.199)

Next, a man who barely retained his seat and it was rumored to have died in 1978 Senate

Unknown Speaker (01:31:47.079)

majority leader, Harry Reid, a man devoid of anything resembling vitality.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:51.720)

Next, a man who makes my skin crawl when he speaks in that Quaalude delivery, then he's

Unknown Speaker (01:31:56.859)

not going to toast and criminally boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:31:59.359)

Ben Stein, whose message is something.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:03.760)

He was a Nixon speech writer, uh, may have had some involvement in knowing what happened

Unknown Speaker (01:32:09.239)

in Watergate.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:10.239)

He had a TV show.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:11.239)

He was really funny in a Ferris Bueller's day off and also when Ben Stein's money with

Unknown Speaker (01:32:16.880)

Jimmy Kimmel, he wrote a couple of satirical books that how to destroy your life books.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:21.880)

You know, I mean, he's also be, you know, terrible, terrible right wing pundit all over

Unknown Speaker (01:32:27.560)

television.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:28.560)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:29.560)

He's a monster, but he's not boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:30.560)

Yeah, no, he's very fascinating in terms of the trajectory of his career, like the idea

Unknown Speaker (01:32:34.079)

that he was a speech writer for Nixon and then went to be in Ferris Bueller's day off

Unknown Speaker (01:32:38.960)

and then a beloved, uh, like a game show host.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:44.359)

Very interesting.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:45.359)

Lionel, I don't like Ben Stein, but this is the wrong, what have you done?

Unknown Speaker (01:32:50.399)

I think he's just referring to how monotone Ben Stein is as an affectation, which is dumb.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:56.039)

Yeah, that's kind of purposeful.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:58.199)

There's a, there's a bit of a brand.

Unknown Speaker (01:32:59.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:00.840)

There's a bit of a put upon act to that.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:01.840)

It's an affectation.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:02.840)

Little bit.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:03.840)

He's an entertainer.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:04.840)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:05.840)

Tony, the poster child for mandatory sterilization, this Android who's as funny as stillbirth.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:12.159)

I give you Carrot Top.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:14.199)

I would rather drink bleach or lick a hospital mop before listening to a nanosecond of this

Unknown Speaker (01:33:20.100)

thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:21.100)

What year is this?

Unknown Speaker (01:33:22.640)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:23.640)

Are we, are we still making fun of Carrot Top?

Unknown Speaker (01:33:24.920)

Is Carrot Top at this point, uh, just doing Vegas?

Unknown Speaker (01:33:28.560)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:29.560)

I thought we, I thought we circled around to like a begrudging respect for Carrot Top,

Unknown Speaker (01:33:33.439)

right?

Unknown Speaker (01:33:34.439)

Carrot Top was being made fun of in like Mr. Show.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:36.920)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:37.920)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:38.920)

He was, he was head of the board.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:40.159)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:41.159)

We, we got it.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:42.159)

We got Carrot Top taken care of, man.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:43.560)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:44.560)

Chairman of the board.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:45.560)

Whatever.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:46.560)

How's that board spell?

Unknown Speaker (01:33:47.560)

No McDonald's on Conan.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:49.800)

Next, the secretary of the department of Homeland Security who makes me feel anything but secure

Unknown Speaker (01:33:55.399)

in my Homeland.

Unknown Speaker (01:33:56.960)

This firebrand, Janet Napolitano, who has the pizzazz of a soap dish.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:01.960)

She couldn't lure me out of a burning building.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:04.600)

Now, this next nominee's boring factor is stultifying NBC's ex FBI profiler, Cliff Van

Unknown Speaker (01:34:11.119)

Zandt, who looks like he survived a hanging with his unique head tilt, nicknamed 10 after

Unknown Speaker (01:34:16.899)

six.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:17.899)

Van Zandt will get, get this, he'll profile suspects after they've been arrested and convicted.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:24.920)

Brilliant.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:25.920)

Next, our penultimate nominees, these vapid nobodies, these mind numbing slatterns, the

Unknown Speaker (01:34:31.640)

Kardashians who have never stated anything of worth ever, a complete and total waste

Unknown Speaker (01:34:38.199)

of skin.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:39.420)

And finally, the granddaddy of them all, the big Kahuna, a man who redefines the outer

Unknown Speaker (01:34:44.960)

limits of sheer heart-stopping boring, I give you, Alan Greenspan, ex fed chairman

Unknown Speaker (01:34:51.600)

and Ayn Rand quoting Sax play in heaping massive insipid vacuity, the personality black hole.

Unknown Speaker (01:34:59.479)

And there they are, if I left one out, email me, click, click, click, click, just emailing

Unknown Speaker (01:35:06.319)

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, all caps for a while, you, you, you, you,

Unknown Speaker (01:35:10.840)

you included the Kardashians, one long you, you included the Kardashians and carrot top

Unknown Speaker (01:35:16.560)

in your list of boring people, which is boringly very boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:20.439)

You included Ben Stein, who is categorically not boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:23.420)

You had Harry Reid and Janet Napolitano, like, I don't like who cares, right?

Unknown Speaker (01:35:27.720)

A criminal profiler that I don't know who the fuck you're talking about.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:31.199)

And then at the end, Alan Greenspan, he's the head of the fucking federal reserve and

Unknown Speaker (01:35:36.199)

he plays saxophone.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:37.800)

That is not boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:38.800)

And he sat at the feet of Ayn Rand.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:41.960)

That's still fascinating.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:42.960)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:43.960)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:44.960)

Like, Oh, do you know who else I find boring?

Unknown Speaker (01:35:46.760)

Let's find more irrelevant characters.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:48.680)

I'm going to go right back to Aeschylus.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:50.960)

Get that guy out of my face.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:52.560)

Or Esteban.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:53.560)

Janet Reno.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:54.560)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:55.560)

Actually, he is wondering where Esteban is.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:56.840)

So that's not boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:58.000)

He would like more Esteban.

Unknown Speaker (01:35:59.399)

Man.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:00.399)

It's just like, I think you need to have a conversation with yourself, Lionel, about

Unknown Speaker (01:36:03.640)

what is and is not interesting, because some of these people are not boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:09.239)

Maybe you're saying they don't have a magnetic personality or something like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:12.960)

That shouldn't be held against them in any kind of successful capacity.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:16.319)

Especially when they're not entertainers.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:18.159)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:19.159)

Like someone like Harry Reid or whatever, like him not being entertaining to you is

Unknown Speaker (01:36:24.399)

not his job.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:26.520)

The Kardashians, whether you want to call them vapid and all that stuff, there might

Unknown Speaker (01:36:30.199)

be some coded beliefs in there, possibly, but at the same time, like they're not boring

Unknown Speaker (01:36:36.560)

as entertainers.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:38.560)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:39.560)

I don't.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:40.560)

And I wouldn't even say Carrot Top probably isn't that boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:42.319)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:43.319)

Like I said, I think we circled back to begrudging respect for Carrot Top.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:46.239)

I've never seen him live.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:47.720)

I'm mostly, I guess I've seen some videos of him and I'm not super into them, but I

Unknown Speaker (01:36:53.680)

know the parody of Carrot Top more than I actually know Carrot Top's material.

Unknown Speaker (01:36:57.399)

No, I've seen some people, I know a couple of guys who have opened for Carrot Top and

Unknown Speaker (01:37:04.039)

universally they were like, one, he's the nicest fucking dude and two, he kills from

Unknown Speaker (01:37:10.359)

start to finish and yeah, you get some of the, you get some of the bullshit in there.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:14.319)

Put your toilet on your head and your shit face.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:16.039)

Yeah, but he actually has really good writers who work for him.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:19.079)

He is not, no, he's no longer writing his own bits, guys.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:22.119)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:23.119)

I don't, I don't know how I feel about him.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:24.439)

I'm not going to say I have a begrudging respect, but I have heard similar things too, but I'm

Unknown Speaker (01:37:28.279)

being very nice and generous and doing well in front of actual crowds.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:33.439)

So I mean like whatever you want to say, I mean, I can't take that away from him.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:36.800)

I wouldn't say he's boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:38.399)

I might be bored by one of his performances, but I'm bored by almost everything.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:42.159)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:43.159)

Especially when we're talking about standup.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:44.319)

I have no pulse for anything except for Alex misattributing a quote and making me read

Unknown Speaker (01:37:49.319)

hundreds of pages of a book.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:50.920)

So I'm not a good barometer.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:52.680)

I wouldn't get on PIX 11 and try and yell at people for being boring.

Unknown Speaker (01:37:57.399)

I know that my radar's off and so is yours, Lionel.

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So is yours.

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Everybody thinks they're the hero in their own story, man.

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So a lot of this so far has been what I would describe as meaningless.

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Like a lot- Vapid.

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Boring.

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Tepid.

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Lukewarm.

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There's been a lot of low stakes so far in this, and in this next one Lionel gets a little

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bit political, and you'll hear him sounding, not too surprisingly, a lot like Alex Jones.

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Lionel!

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Turn this off right now.

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Go to another channel because I'm about to talk about something that is the unofficial

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religion of many, and it enrages people beyond anything you could ever imagine when you so

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much as hint that their belief system in this might be motivated, encouraged, promoted,

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and or promulgated by organizations, consortia, covens, cabals, and conclaves for any other

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reason but the sincere and actual and beautiful belief in preventing ecocide.

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For this is global warming, global politics, and the absolute article of faith in an anthropogenic

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causation model for climate change.

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The thought mesmerizes people.

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Just say green.

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Go green.

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Be green.

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Sorry, Kermit.

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It is easy being green.

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And what they want to hear, nothing of, is, and come closer, listen carefully, I don't

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want them to overhear me, Agenda 21.

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Shh.

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What?

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They don't even know what it is.

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What?

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They never heard of it.

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Did we just agenda 21 here?

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They just heard the word sustainability, and that's all they needed to hear.

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They don't know it's a code word, a shibboleth, like a war on terror on 9-11, like a mental

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cognitive green screen that provides a background where you can superimpose lies and distortions

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on a seemingly innocuous veneer of legitimacy.

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These people have not the first clue of what they speak.

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It's like the peace sign, the bumper sticker, drive-by sloganeering.

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And if you're interested, look up Agenda 21.

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It's a UN non-binding plan that's been around since 92, and if you really want to go deeper,

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look at the Club of Rome.

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From their report entitled The First Global Revolution, published in 1991, listen to this

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feature.

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But don't tell your friends.

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Listen.

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In searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up with the idea that pollution, the

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threat of global warming, water shortages, famine, and the like, would fit the bill.

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Here's my big comment.

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Anytime I hear someone bringing up that, first of all, Agenda 21, my first question is, have

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you read it?

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It's like 350 pages.

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I bet you haven't.

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Oh, no, he is not.

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That's my first question.

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And then my second question is when you bring up the Club of Rome, that publication that

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he's talking about.

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Have you read that?

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Because if they say yes, then I know that they're an intentional liar, and if they haven't,

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they don't understand the context of that quote.

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If you use that quote as to say that these people made up the idea of climate change

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as an enemy, then you're either intentionally lying or you don't know what you're talking

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about, because that's not the context that that quote exists in.

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We talked about this a bunch of times.

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That is absolutely like a mark of a propagandist.

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So that's just to demonstrate that he has a lot of the similar, even though we laugh

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a lot, and this is still laughable, I mean, it's stupid, but he does still have a political

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side to him, even back in this PIX11 days.

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Man, all I could think of during that clip is, where is Esteban?

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Who knows?

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Who knows?

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He wanted to teach you guitar.

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So here's a clip from 2010 where Lionel is talking about some of his, you know, pet peeves.

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Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel.

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There are many things that make my skin crawl, that make me wince, that cause my soul to

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chafe mispronunciations, and you know they drive you nuts too.

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Let's start with the granddaddy of them all, shall we?

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Pet bugs.

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Irregardless, the consummate double negative that is known by all except the grammatically

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comatose.

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The next time you hear irregardless, try this sentence.

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Irregarding your misuse of the word or irregarding the matter at hand, they won't get it, but

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so what?

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Welcome to my world.

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They're all here just to amuse me.

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Axe, made famous by President John F. Kennedy in a rough draft of his inaugural address,

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though later corrected.

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Axe not what your country can do for you, axe what you can do for your country.

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Sandwich, the past tense of sandwich.

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There is no vinaigrette, it's vinaigrette, vinaigrette denoting the diminutive form

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of vinegar.

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Denoting theirs, supposedly, that which is able to be supposed, supposedly, like fingernails

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on a chalkboard.

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Ready?

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Yes, you are.

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Ready, Cardi?

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Ready.

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Nucular, a more pertaining to a nucule.

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What's a nucule?

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There's no such thing as a nucule.

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Bush 43 made this word famous.

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When I pointed that out to Bush supporters, their almost unanimous retort was, well, Jimmy

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Carter said it too.

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Oh, well, that changes everything.

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So that's in 2010, right?

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So he's working...

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So he's only six years past when nucular happened.

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He's still mad about it.

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So at this point, he's doing these reports for PIX11, and there's a three-minute time

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frame, basically.

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He has a hard out.

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They're not going to let him take over all this time.

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He gets the Andy Rooney spot, nail it, get it out.

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Now, looking over the course of his YouTube archive...

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Oh, has he ever misspoken?

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No, no, I don't care about that.

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That's not my interest.

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Oh, okay.

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I promise you, I don't give a shit.

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I also don't give a shit about most of the mispronunciations he's talking about.

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What you're saying is, irregardless of his actions.

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You bet.

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Okay.

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So you notice that in 2014, he stops appearing in a studio and starts talking into a webcam.

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And at that time, his videos no longer have a time limit, so he can just go as long as

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he wants.

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Oh, no.

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That's where, you know, I honestly thought, like, as soon as he gets fired or just isn't

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doing these TV reports anymore, that's when he goes crazy.

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Yeah.

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And it turns out it's not.

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He's still...

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Let me just say that this is one of the first videos that he puts out after he leaves the

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studio.

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I love to bitch and moan about mispronounced words.

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It's a hobby of mine, and I think I'm not the only one who shares this incredible delight

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in finding fault with those people who destroy or confuse, mispronounce, misunderstand, misstate

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our mind.

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Or take his thesaurus.

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Or languages evolving.

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Right off the bat, there was a word that was a big, big in the... during the reign of King

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George 43, that was nuclear, nuclear of or pertaining to a nucule.

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King George 43.

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That wasn't exactly, because there is no such thing as a nucule.

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He really thought that was clever.

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Or a nucule, rather.

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But what it was, was it was a kind of a transposition of sorts.

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It was called a Cacoepy, C-A-C-O-E-P-Y.

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And what it was, was an incorrect pronunciation of a word...

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See, this is all the stuff that wouldn't have made it on DIX11, so hold on, hold on.

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...word that was given a name.

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Now why was it just called mispronounced?

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If I pronounced clock, farfignugan, there's no name for that, I've mispronounced the

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word clock.

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Notice I said clock.

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Now, but yet, Cacoepy somehow came to mind, so I used to refer to him as the Cacoepist

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in chief.

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Now, there's another version of this called a metathesis, and metathesis is a strange

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kind of a transposition of letters.

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Foliage, foilage, cavalry, calvary, kind of a weird confusion.

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Mispronunciation, perhaps, if you were talking about the wrong concept, because remember,

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mispronunciation is dependent upon that which you mean.

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Editor.

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Next.

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Editor.

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Realtor versus realtor, jeweler or jewelry versus jewelry.

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Again, little transpositions, you got the word right, basically, a British pedantic,

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perhaps.

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Maybe it was because of my astrological background, after all, I was born under the sign of feces.

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Now, I could care less, not really mispronunciation, but a misspeak, a missconcept.

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I couldn't care less, of course, everybody knows that.

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If you could care less, what's the point?

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I couldn't care less that Germany won the World Cup.

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I could care less, well, why even bother?

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Supposably versus supposedly.

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Supposably, I think, is able to be supposed, which I don't think is what people mean.

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So he does this one every three months or so?

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Oh, my God.

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He just recycles it?

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He needs a new act.

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Man, this is bad.

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So the reason that I played that, and that is painful, is that he does the nuclear bit

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and the supposedly bit, and those aren't the only times he repeats material.

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That's not the only times he's done those bits.

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Oh, man.

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One of the main reasons to keep that clip in is to demonstrate, without a time limit

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and without that theme song, Lionel is fucking painful.

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This is so bad.

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This is bad.

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If he gets to talk as long as he wants, instead of having four synonyms, he's going to do

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12.

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It's just like, what do you know?

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Getting back to the open micers, man, you've got to give him three minutes any more than

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that, and you've ruined the show.

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I always think about, too, the idea that Adam Carolla was great on Love Line, but once he's

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in control of his own thing, he stinks.

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He's just terrible without the push and pull of him and management.

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The idea that there was a program director who was telling him to shut up, he was mad

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about that.

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That created the essential tension where his character is able to be good, or at least

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entertaining and not come off like a complete horrible dick.

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In the same way, the tension of Lionel, the people at the desk not enjoying him, the idea

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that he has this amount of time and he's got to hit his mark and be done, and that theme

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song bringing him on without those trappings, he is a disaster.

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So that explains why I don't think we'll ever cover too much of his post-PIX11 career, but

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I wanted to leave this on a good note, and that is to say Lionel does have some bad ideas,

Unknown Speaker (01:49:05.000)

whether it's about global warming, the project, sorry, the Club of Rome, the Agenda 21 type

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stuff, and he has a lot of really stupid ideas, and he's a QAnon guy now, which is fucking

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stupid as hell, but I would be doing him a disservice if I didn't at least tip my cap

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to him for this.

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Seems that every day there's another story in the news about the transgendered, the T

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in LGBT, and of the four components of that initialism, it's the most fascinating to me,

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and the reasons are veriform and myriad.

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First, it confounds the notion of the immutability of sexuality and gender.

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It destroys the absolutist approach to human sexuality and development and crushes the

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idea of the apodictic nature of necessary and absolute truth and certainty.

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There are no absolutes, it's all gray, and there are more than 50 shades of gray and

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a wider shade of pale.

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First, sexuality.

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If you think the spectrum is gay, straight, and bisexual, you'd better sit down, Sparky,

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because sexual preference is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, communal, and what is

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happening with names and locations.

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What is fucking happening, Dan?

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Just as particle physics shows us there are multiple dimensions to the universe, there

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are multiple layers and levels and strata of sexuality and preference.

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Now, enter gender and sex.

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You want to talk, Mando?

Unknown Speaker (01:50:34.279)

Hang on.

Unknown Speaker (01:50:35.279)

Let's play a thought experiment.

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Assume, arguendo, you went to the doctor and she tells you, I've got news for you, you're

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not a man, you're a woman, or vice versa.

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Now quit.

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Do you think your genital accoutrement will make you a man or a woman?

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Seriously.

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It's who you are, it's what you feel, how you see yourself, what's in your heart, your

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clothing, your hairstyle, even your shoes, your walk, your talk, your date, your style,

Unknown Speaker (01:50:58.439)

your likes, dislikes, your voice, your attitude, your laugh.

Unknown Speaker (01:51:01.199)

Your genitals don't determine that.

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It's your internal gender identity, your head, your brain, the little voice, the homunculus,

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if you will, that gives you the go-ahead to be and act as you see fit.

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I'm not going to give you the homunculus.

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And this is nothing new.

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This has been going on since day one.

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So here's the question.

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If everything is on a continuum, as I most respectfully submit, what is real and the truth

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and actual and certain?

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What are they?

Unknown Speaker (01:51:22.979)

Nothing.

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So long as you are content, there's certainty.

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It's when society at large, when it questions, that's the problem.

Unknown Speaker (01:51:30.079)

It's when folks are not allowed to marry or date or be with whom they want or go to the

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restroom they want or dress the way they want or take to the prom whom they want.

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That's when problems arise.

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It's not their problem.

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They have plenty of certainty.

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It's society who's hung up with the hang up.

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So relax, take it easy, America.

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The world, you've got some serious identity and sexuality and preference and gender issues,

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and yet you pass this on to folks who are quite happy being who they are and aren't.

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So comment as you see fit.

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That's crazy.

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I think I just had an aneurysm.

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What the fuck just happened?

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That's insane.

Unknown Speaker (01:52:05.039)

What the fuck just happened?

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That's so evolved.

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What the fuck just happened?

Unknown Speaker (01:52:09.520)

Lionel is so on the right tip.

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And it's even evolved with him.

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He skipped thesaurus words there and went with characteristics for a long, he went with

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a long line of characteristics, all of which are mutable.

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This is fantastic.

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It's crazy.

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What just happened?

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If that was all I heard of him, I'd be like, Lionel is a pretty great guy.

Unknown Speaker (01:52:26.979)

It's pretty wild to think that this was like in 2010 on like New York television that he's

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up there espousing this viewpoint, which is like, that's great.

Unknown Speaker (01:52:37.000)

That's way in advance of most progressive people.

Unknown Speaker (01:52:41.279)

I wonder if- Not most progressive people, but you know.

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I wonder if he still believes this or like this is still something that he carries.

Unknown Speaker (01:52:49.539)

Because like it seems anti to a lot of the Alex Jones and QAnon world, like this tolerant,

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not even tolerance.

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This is advocacy to a certain, this is allyship that he's expressing.

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The idea too, that it's like, these people don't have a problem.

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You do.

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What society does if you have a problem with them being who they are.

Unknown Speaker (01:53:13.000)

That's something, I can't imagine that being still a part of it, but like you look back

Unknown Speaker (01:53:18.920)

and he's on a real good trend, even way back then in terms of these sorts of issues, homosexual

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rights, all over the spectrum of LGBT rights.

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He's pretty consistently in support.

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It's weird.

Unknown Speaker (01:53:37.439)

It's really weird to have this guy who you just assume wouldn't believe these things,

Unknown Speaker (01:53:44.479)

but he does.

Unknown Speaker (01:53:45.479)

Well, it's because it's like, if you do get that part, then you also should have to realize

Unknown Speaker (01:53:53.079)

how interconnected that is with so many of the things that you believe in the wrong way.

Unknown Speaker (01:53:59.239)

Maybe.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:00.239)

Like there's, you can't, that's cognitively dissonant in, I mean, how can you, ah.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:06.079)

Maybe.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:07.079)

It's still weird.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:08.079)

Maybe it's not though to him.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:09.359)

There's a lot of things that I see a pretty interesting consistency in him, or at least

Unknown Speaker (01:54:14.039)

an internal consistency.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:16.039)

He has a lot of videos about, talking about how you shouldn't punish people for bullying,

Unknown Speaker (01:54:21.520)

that sort of thing, but also he has videos about how horrible bullies are.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:25.279)

The idea of, you shouldn't make it illegal to insult somebody or something like that,

Unknown Speaker (01:54:31.520)

but then at the same time has videos of how horrible these people are that would do that

Unknown Speaker (01:54:35.619)

to another person.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:36.619)

Right, right, right.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:37.619)

So there's a consistency to that with his ideas about free speech and that sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:43.720)

You would want him to advocate for rules against bullying, but you kind of see where he's coming

Unknown Speaker (01:54:48.720)

from, and he clearly doesn't let people who bully off the hook.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:52.079)

It's weird.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:53.079)

He's a weird cat.

Unknown Speaker (01:54:54.279)

And I think that he's even weirder when you add the wrinkle of his later career into it.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:00.079)

But he's weird enough, even if you just look at the PIX11 days.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:03.760)

Yeah, that's crazy.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:05.760)

And you can't have both transgender rights and QAnon beliefs, can you?

Unknown Speaker (01:55:13.880)

I think that you could probably find a way to make it work, just because Q's so vague

Unknown Speaker (01:55:19.119)

and stuff like that.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:20.119)

That's true.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:21.119)

But I do think that the culture of it is very much on the right.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:25.720)

It's very conservative.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:29.800)

If it's the sort of thing that accepts Trump's banning of trans people being in the military,

Unknown Speaker (01:55:35.319)

then I don't know how you square that.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:36.880)

Yeah, I can't imagine.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:37.880)

But I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:38.880)

I don't know enough to say.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:39.880)

I've watched some of his newer videos.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:42.479)

They're so fucking boring, and that theme song isn't in it, so it really hurts.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:46.640)

They must own the theme song.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:47.920)

Some of them are like two to three hours long.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:50.199)

No.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:51.199)

Like Lionel just rambling in front of a webcam.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:53.359)

Wow.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:54.359)

So I don't know what to do with that.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:55.359)

Man, sometimes we struggle to entertain people for two or three hours long.

Unknown Speaker (01:55:58.600)

We don't even have thesauruses.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:00.319)

Exactly.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:01.319)

Thesauri.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:02.319)

Thesauris?

Unknown Speaker (01:56:03.319)

That's how it's supposed to be mispronounced, multiple thesauruses as thesauri.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:06.800)

Supposedly that's how it's supposed to be pronounced.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:08.079)

I suppose it's supposed to be so.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:10.920)

So I supposedly have to bring this to the end, but before we do, just for fucking, to

Unknown Speaker (01:56:16.479)

get the taste, not out of our mouths, I guess, to celebrate Lionel's progressive stance back

Unknown Speaker (01:56:22.199)

in the past.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:23.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:24.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:25.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:26.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:27.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:28.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:29.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:30.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:31.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:32.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:33.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:34.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:35.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:36.199)

Lionel!

Unknown Speaker (01:56:37.199)

I salute you, Lionel, for having at least some decent positions.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:38.199)

Wow.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:39.199)

So Jordan, this brings us to the end.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:40.199)

Have a great vacation.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:41.199)

Oh, Dan.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:42.199)

Have a good time in Mexico.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:43.199)

And like I told you, what happens down in Mexico stays in Mexico.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:46.640)

So don't bite off more than you can chew.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:48.680)

There's things down there that even the devil wouldn't do.

Unknown Speaker (01:56:51.760)

So just remember, Jordan, when you let it all go, put up and down in Mexico, stay in

Unknown Speaker (01:56:59.000)

Mexico.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:00.000)

Trumpets!

Unknown Speaker (01:57:01.000)

I'm just going to go around looking for Esteban.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:03.399)

I assume that's where he's from.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:04.520)

Oh, he's got to be down there.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:05.520)

He's trying to teach people how to play guitar down in Mexico.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:09.000)

The video for Toby Keith's What Happens Down in Mexico Stays in Mexico that I was just

Unknown Speaker (01:57:13.319)

singing a little bit of, it's basically about these two people who are on vacation down

Unknown Speaker (01:57:17.880)

in Mexico.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:18.880)

I believe they're both married and they end up fucking a bunch.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:21.279)

Okay.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:22.279)

Good for them.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:23.279)

They commit infidelity while down in Mexico.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:25.359)

And I just always love the idea that Toby Keith is singing in the chorus.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:29.560)

There's things down here the devil wouldn't do and the video is just about people having

Unknown Speaker (01:57:33.840)

sex outside of marriage.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:35.279)

I'm like, the devil would do that.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:36.960)

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:37.960)

The devil would be all about that.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:38.960)

I think the devil's pretty cool with it.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:39.960)

I think that's even too tame for the devil.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:41.680)

Yeah, he'd be like, pfft.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:42.680)

Yeah, he'd be like, come on, get out of here with this shit.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:44.439)

He really should have done something fucked up for that video.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:47.880)

Just a man getting fucked by a donkey.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:51.220)

The devil would do that too, though.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:52.840)

That's true.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:53.840)

He's really backed himself into a corner.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:54.840)

Yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:55.840)

I'm like, what wouldn't the devil do?

Unknown Speaker (01:57:57.680)

I mean, good things.

Unknown Speaker (01:57:59.479)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:00.479)

Positive things.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:01.479)

Right.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:02.479)

That kind of ruins the point of the song.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:03.479)

There are things that the devil wouldn't do down there, which is provide food and health

Unknown Speaker (01:58:07.199)

care for the poor.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:08.199)

Yeah, but see, that doesn't work with a video and the theme of it.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:12.399)

Because you wouldn't want that to stay in Mexico.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:14.800)

You'd want to tell people about providing food for the poor.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:18.399)

Yeah, I really, I mean, I guess it's probably artistic license.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:21.239)

Yeah, sure.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:22.239)

Maybe I should ask Lionel to make a video about how it bothers me that Toby Keith's

Unknown Speaker (01:58:26.680)

video isn't a macabre version of eldritch horrors.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:33.920)

That would have been a great song to play over Hostel, I think, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:37.180)

But the devil would do that too.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:38.840)

You can't outevil the devil.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:40.079)

I really kind of think you can.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:41.840)

He's gotten really tamed lately.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:43.039)

The fucking idea of this guy banging someone who's not his wife and the devil being like,

Unknown Speaker (01:58:47.800)

whoa, I wouldn't do that.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:50.800)

Fuck out of here, Toby Keith.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:52.359)

Anyway, have a good trip.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:54.199)

Thank you very much, Dan.

Unknown Speaker (01:58:55.819)

We will see you back next Monday, but the show will be back before then.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:00.159)

Absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:01.159)

But we have a website, knowledgefight.com.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:02.159)

We do have a website.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:03.760)

We have a Twitter account, I believe.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:06.079)

Knowledge underscore fight.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:07.079)

I'm at go to bed Jordan.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:09.880)

What else do we have?

Unknown Speaker (01:59:10.880)

We're on Facebook.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:11.880)

We are on Facebook.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:12.880)

Do we have a Facebook group?

Unknown Speaker (01:59:13.880)

We do.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:14.880)

We do.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:15.880)

It's called go home and tell your mother you're brilliant.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:17.880)

iTunes.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:18.880)

You have to leave a review, rate, subscribe.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:20.840)

Do the whole thing.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:22.939)

But for now, I mean, like in honor of his progressive stance, we got to tip our hat

Unknown Speaker (01:59:27.079)

to Lionel.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:28.079)

I got to tip my hat to him.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:29.079)

Now, granted by disseminating the Q stuff, like it really does feel like this is leading

Unknown Speaker (01:59:33.439)

to deaths.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:34.439)

I would say on the net is a negative.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:36.479)

I would say he's a net negative.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:38.539)

I don't know.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:39.539)

I feel like it's a dangerous trend that you see and Lionel is a part of perpetuating that

Unknown Speaker (01:59:45.680)

trend.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:46.680)

But at the same time, I don't want to give him sole ownership of any deaths that might

Unknown Speaker (01:59:50.600)

come out of Q or not.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:52.159)

But in honor of his progressive stance and his fucking hacky comedy, I must say that

Unknown Speaker (01:59:57.239)

Lionel has never killed anybody.

Unknown Speaker (01:59:59.680)

But one guy who technically has is Alex Jones.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:02.720)

Andy in Kansas.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:03.720)

You're on the air.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:04.720)

Thanks for holding.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:05.720)

Hello, Alex.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:06.720)

I'm a first time caller.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:07.720)

I'm a huge fan.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:08.720)

I love your work.

Unknown Speaker (02:00:09.720)

I love you.